Raptor is seen lying asleep on a couch in Hobo’s mansion. As he wakes, he groans, and just lies there, groggy. Slowly he gets up and looks around. It is broad daylight, and there is a pool of garbage and junk after last night’s party. He wriggles his jaw, moaning, and Hobo enters from another room.

Hobo: Man, you’re awake!! He cut off your air supply for well over 2 minutes, then socked you one right in the jaw… Nasty. But eh, I’ve heard all the stories about Phantom… Wasabi is a chatty fellow. (He looks around) It’s pretty filthy in here isn’t it?

Raptor: Dude… Who are you?

Hobo: Man, he must of hit you hard… Im the fantastic, all important, totally loaded Hobo!!! We met last night!

Raptor: You’re THE hobo??? Pleasure to meet you

Hobo: Ahh yeah well, I’d still be a Hobo were it not for Wasabi…

Raptor: Yeah well he seems pretty cool. A little weird though… Wait a sec… Aren’t you still a ho--

Hobo: I don’t know how Rachel can put up with it! But, whatta ya gonna do? Listen man, can you do me a favor?

Raptor: Ummm.. Okay…. If that’s what you want… What is it?

Hobo: Can you stand up quickly, I think you’re lying on top of my cousin

(Raptor stands up and there we see, indented into the couch, a hobo, squashed into the leather couch.. He squeezes out from between the cushions and rambles on, screaming in Raptors face…)

Raptor: Sorry… If I’d had a little more consciousness last night I could of avoided it…

Hobo: its not that big a deal, he’s constantly drunk (he does that to avoid hangovers) and he probably didn’t feel anything.. You’ve got other things to worry about right? Say a psychopathic swamp freak and an egotistical rock headed moron!

Raptor: What??? Phantom and Wasabi? What do I have to worry about Wasabi for?

Hobo: No dude… Kelly!!! Geez, not the brightest star in the sky today are we?

Raptor: Its Timmay dude. Yeah well, he knows what’s coming for him… He’s got a big mouth. And nobody cares abo….

Hobo: Well, “The man, the munchkin, the echidna” is goin down this Saturday!

Raptor: Hell yeah!! (they high five) Hey I’m just gonna go back to my apartment to get some stuff, I’ll see you at the arena?

Hobo: Nah man! I’ve got a party to run tonight!!! I have parties every night you see… But don’t worry, I’ll be rooting for you from here! “the hardcore nun” is going to get it tonight, I can feel it!

(Raptor walks out, and hops in to his convertible. What he doesn’t realize, is that the Jessica chick from last night is asleep in his back seat)

Jessica: Whoa!!! Where the hell? Hey! You’re that raptor guy!!!

Raptor: Yeah, good to see you’re awake!

Jessica: Good to see last night wasn’t a one night stand….

Raptor: Huh? We didn’t???

Jessica: Oh yes we did… I’ll have to ring my parents you know, so you can meet them, and so I can let them know I’m moving in with you.

Raptor: What?! Moving In!? I never said—

Jessica: I’ll have to get my pet hamster, my pet cobra, oh, and I can’t forget my llama… His name is Luigi.

Raptor (confused and slightly disturbed): Maybe you should get out now…

Jessica: Nah, no way! I’m gonna give you some tips on Timmay… He’s my ex you know, I’ve got the dirt on him…

Raptor: No way!!! I don’t believe you… Prove it…

Jessica: Well, first of all, he sleeps with a teddy bear named Edgar… Also, he used to be a regular at these Hobo parties, but Hobo kicked him out because he got caught playing “soggy biscuit” with himself

Raptor: Awww…YUCK!!!! I didn’t need to know that!

Jessica: Yeah well, that’s just the start of it… His mum isn’t a crazy drunk like he says, but his mum is actually a hermaphrodite, and thus, “Hardcore Timmay” as he calls himself, is actually “Inbred Timmay”

Raptor: Eww….. Yuck! That’s really disgusting. Is there anything about this guy that isn’t fucked up?

Jessica: Well, he named himself “Hardcore Timmay” because he used to be a porn star. The only reason he isn’t still in those movies is because his agent went bust, and “Hardcore Timmay” decided that the name “hardcore” also worked for wrestling… That’s the only reason he wrestles… In the hopes he can raise enough money to once again be the nudist within.

Now come inside, I wanna see my new house. Its time I told you the REALLY disgusting things about Timmay…

(Raptor and Jessica walk into the apartment, and sit down, talking over a hot cup of coffee)

Raptor: Why did you even go out with him if he’s that screwed up?

Jessica: Well, I dumped him after ½ an hour. Listen; his weakness is not is “ego” because that’s just a front. Really, he’s just an insecure little boy. A sick, twisted freak of one, but still, an insecure little boy

Raptor: Cool. Actually, I think I feel a promo coming on. Wanna grab the handycam?

Jessica: Sure thing, but only if you promise we can have a good (censored) afterwards

Raptor: No prob, just as long as you promise you never, ever did anything that would exchange bodily fluids with Timmay..

Jessica: No way!! Do you think I WANT genital herpes? I didn’t even touch the guy!

Raptor: Cool, lets roll! (she grabs the camera and turns it on)

So the truth is revealed Hardcore Timmay. I now know why you have to resort to your “ego”. It’s a front. The true “you” hides behind your “ego” The true Timmay. The Timmay that is a sad, twisted, confused little sicko, who likes eating biscuits. And on them, his own-- on second thoughts, forget that last sentence.

I look forward to beating you down Timmay. I look forward to showing you that I am not just some rookie. You may think I’m out of your league, and that’s fine. Why would anyone want to be in your league? If you beat An Arkie, It would be an Upset. And you say you’re wasting your so-called “talent” on me? Gimme a break! What talent? This Saturday, get ready, the Raptor is on the Rampage. Hope you are getting prepared, getting pumped as much as I am. Its going to be an awesome match. Don’t let me down Timmay, I don’t want Saturday to be boring.

Jessica: Nice! Okay that’s good. (she stops the camera) I’ll send this in to the EMF for screening, and I’ll send one to Timmay for good measure. Now, lets go!!! Yipee!!!

(they run into the bedroom, laughing, slamming the door behind them)