Raptor’s theme music:

No, I don’t ride dope, nor do I smoke it- Click here for Saliva- “Doperide”

Upcoming Match	Other People Used	People Mentioned	Titles Held	Record
Def Metal vs Raptor	Agents Sculder and Mully, Fred, Sleazy Woman	Scott Mann, Def Metal, TAW	Extreme (1) Attitude World (1)	6-4-0

Role-play Background: Ugh. It’s been a bad few weeks for Raptor, to say the least. Though he did have the pleasure of getting rid of those crud loving, fed clogging, trout felching bastards the BWO, he lost his title, the EMF Attitude World Title, straight away, to the ambiguously gay duo of Def Metal and Scott Mannnnn. And while many nay-sayers are calling Raptor a try-hard, saying that he is not ready, Raptor is ready to prove all the non-believers wrong- Even though he hasn’t really been in a hurry… Raptor hasn’t been seen since he lost his title. After Losing his Title, Raptor was distraught. Sick of being followed by the Media, and Jonathon Coachman, that stalker, He went into a session of deep mediation, trying to figure out how he could get back to his winning ways. Eventually though, there was only one thing he could do. Only one man that could help Raptor get back to his winning ways…

Setting the scene: Our scene opens with Raptor and DDP sitting on a hilltop, meditating. They have their humming mantra going, and are sitting, cross-legged, with their eyes closed.

DDP: mmm…. Good. You meditate well, Raptor. I’m proud. I forsee you becoming a great Jedi… Errr… Wrestler, sorry. Wrong student. I always get you and Anakin confused.

Raptor: That’s okay.

DDP: Now say it with me. I’m not a loser- I’m a winner.

Raptor: I’m a winner. A winner. Not a loser. I’m a winner. A winner. Yes… A winner. I’m a winner, damn it. A winner. Yes… A winner.

DDP: I only meant once- You’re repeating yourself almost as much as Jamie Knoble!

We see Jamie Knoble running past on a distant hill in the background, yelling “Don’t your forget it boy, Jamie Knoble, Yeeeehaw! Yeah boy, Jamie Knoble… Yeeehaw! Jamie Knoble Yeeeeeee…” and it fades out as he runs off.

DDP: Yes, some people say Jamie Knoble still haunts these hilltops today. But he was a loser. While you are a winner. Now Raptor- Why do you think you were losing?

Raptor: Because I was becoming un-original and boring?

DDP: That’s a good start! Now, what are you going to do to change this?

Raptor: I’m going to be original and funny again damn it! What happened to the good old days? What happened to my winning ways!?

DDP: They will come back with time and work. Now… Go my desciple. Go to your destiny. Go destroy the Green Goblin!!!!!!

Raptor: I’m Not Spiderman DDP.

DDP: Oh yeah…Err… Go… Do… um… something good then. Make it original and funny though! No beating up cars- it’s so unoriginal

Raptor bows to his master, then walks off, quietly in deep thought.

Later on…

We see Raptor sitting in his house. It is dark, and all the lights are off. He is sitting on the couch, talking to himself, BWO style.

Raptor: Hmm… Get back to my winning ways. Well, I guess a good way to start is to study some Def Metal matches- That could help! Hmm… How aboot… I know, I’ve got every single EMF match on file. There were definite advantages to being Prez. Hmm… Lets have a look… Destroyer… Dragon, Matt… DarkRebel… Dreg Head… Darrien, Lance… Degenerate…

There’s nothing there! What?!

He seems aghast at the apparent lack of History on Def Metal’s part, and he picks up the phone and dials a number…

Raptor: Hiya, Sculder? Yeah, it’s me. I need to call in that favor you owe me. Meet me at my place in 20 minutes. No, I don’t care if you live next door, 20 minutes, no sooner, for briefing. Okay. See you then. Bring the others. Okay… Bye.

21 minutes later, we hear a doorbell ring, and Raptor goes up to answer the door.

Agent Sculder: Hi, raptor I’m Agent Sculder, FBI. This is Agent Mully, and ugh… Um… Oh yeah, that’s Agent Fred. *He points to a run down old guy who looks astoundingly like Mr. Perfect*

Raptor: I said 20 minutes! You’re late. Now come in, I’ll brief you on the situation!

The scene fades to black. Later on, it fades back in again, to see all the men, with their ties undone, chatting.

Raptor: …so you see, it’s our mission to find out why this man doesn’t have a past. It’s our mission to find out why I have no tapes.

Agent Mully: Hmm… Yes. This is definitely a Def File

Fred: Agreed

Raptor: A what?!

Agent Sculder: Don’t worry Raptor. We’ll find out all the Paranormal facts and conspiracies that Def Metal is involved in. It’s time for….

Creepy paranormal music plays in the background

Raptor: Where is that creepy paranormal music coming from?

Agent Sculder: Oh, sorry! *She turns off Raptor’s CD player*

Agent Mully: Right- That’s it. Let’s jump in the

And We’ll track down the source of these missing…

Fred: Agreed!

They all run off and jump in the

To find the missing

Later that day…

We see Raptor hop out of the car while the Agents… oh, and Fred, wait for him. He walks into the big warehouse to find a noisy, hot, sweaty hive of Metal Workers. They are all wearing Hard Hats and Ear Muffs for protection, with the exception of one man, the manager, who is wearing nothing but a pair of Jigglypuff boxer shorts. Raptor walks up, curious, hoping to find some answers aboot the missing

Raptor: Hey man, wassup?

Metal Man: What?

Raptor: I said sup!?

Metal Man: WHAT?!

Raptor: *Getting a look of realization* Hehe, whatta ya know… It’s a deaf metal worker!!!!

Raptor then leaves the Metal center, because that was the only lame and cheap gag he could get out of it. He meets the Agents… oh… and Fred, in the

And they drive off.

They all jump out of the

And approach the shady vehicle. Agents Sculder and Mully pull out their pistols, while Fred pulls out a banana, and starts eating it.

Agent Mully: Is this it?

Raptor: Yes… This is the former office of the pathetic federation Scott Mann once loved.

Agent Sculder: Maybe we’ll find some clues in here!

Fred: Agreed.

Raptor: Let’s go. I think this might be a good place to look.

Fred: Agreed.

They walk into the building, and are greeted by a woman in a skimpy top and a g-string.

Woman: *Sleazily* May I help you?

Agent Sculder: Agents sculder and mully- FBI… Oh yeah, and that’s Fred.

Fred: Agreed.

Agent Mully: We’re here to inquire aboot the company that used to be in this building? Do you know anything aboot them?

Woman: Oh, the Attitude Tornado Wreckstling majocity people??

Raptor: Total Attitude Wrestling?

Woman: That’s the one! Well, after they went bust, the Prez skipped town to avoid the mafia- He left all his files here. We keep them in the women’s toilets, no one uses them here.

They walk into the toilets, and there we see 2 sheets of paper.

Raptor: What? Is that it? I thought you said they had files!

Fred: AGREED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woman: Why do you think they went bust!? Wasn’t a very well run company!

Agent Mully: Wait- This could be useful. Look at this- It has Def Metal’s home address. We can go and interview the man himself.

Fred: Agreed.

They thank the lady, and run to the

and drive off.

Stupid typewriter!!! *Kicks the typewriter, mumbling aboot technology these days*

We see the

pull up outside of Def Metal’s Friendly Child Por… Err.. House. Out hop the Agents, and Raptor. Oh yeah… And Fred.

Agent Mully: Okay, be prepared. He could be hostile.

Agent Sculder: Yes… Def is infamous for his hatred of…

Fred: Agreed!

Raptor: Right. You guys back me up with your guns and banana. I’m going in!

He walks up to the door, cautiously, as the Agents back him up… Oh, and Fred, with his banana. Raptor knocks on the door, but no answer. He tries again… But no answer. Finally, he just pulls his old Raptor trick of kicking the door down.

Raptor: Well, he is known as Deaf Metal!

Fred: Haha! Agreed!

They walk in, holding their guns and bananas at eye level, cautiously going around the corners. Till, eventually, we see a grandma, sitting on a bed, in a full body leather cat suit, holding a whip. The window is open, and we see a naked man running down the street…

Agent Mully: Mom! I told you to close this bondage parlour of doom!

Agent Sculder: Mrs. Mully! When did you move in here!!!

Old Mrs. Mully: As soon as the TAW closed, Def Metal left, and I needed a new place to run the business. And I’ll ask you to knock next time! You scared my client away!!!

Raptor: Oh, well that just fucks up my plan, doesn’t it?

Old Mrs. Mully: Come on Raptor, you look like you could use a good spanking!

He runs off as the grandma tries to whip him. They all leave, disappointed. They jump in the

and Drive off…

The

Pulls up outside Raptor’s Shagging pad, and out hop the quadruple. The all walk inside, disappointed, and sit down on a couch. Suddenly, a light bulb appears above Sculder’s head, as he has an idea!

Agent Sculder: Well, all our other leads have led us nowhere… So Raptor. It’s up to you know. We want to interview you, maybe you’ll have some answers!

Raptor: What?! Are you saying I’m a suspect!?

Agent Mully: Yes! We think you hid those tapes just so we could lighten up your dark, boring promoing style you’ve had lately!

Fred: Agreed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Raptor: I did not hide those tapes! Well, if I have to be interviewed, I’ll use it as the boring monologue bit for my promo too- I’ll kill two birds with one stone! Yes! Fire away, chief!

Agent Sculder: So, Raptor… *Mully turns off all the lights except for one desk lamp, which she holds above Raptor’s head, interrogation style* Why did you do it?

Raptor: I didn’t! Honest! I want to find these tapes. I want to know more aboot Def Metal. I wanna beat that bastard!

Agent Mully: Are you stalking Def Metal? Is that why you want more information? Tell us!

Raptor: No, Honest, I didn’t. I have to face him in a match, and I want to know why he has no recorded history!! I just want to know aboot this strange man. Why he and his ambiguously gay partner Scott Mann are so obsessed with TAW. Why they find it necessary to bring it back, and take the EMF back a step instead of forward! Because that’s what he and all the old guys here are doing! They are taking the EMF back to the past, not moving it forward, keeping with the times. They are trying to kill the company, by boring the fans. Because fans want to see new faces, fresh talent. Not the same old, same old happening over and over. That’s what the wWo are here for. To entertain, to be original, to give people things they haven’t seen before!

Agent Mully: So you’re saying that Scott Mann and Def Metal are taking the EMF in the wrong direction?

Raptor: Yes! That’s why I have to defeat him! If he keeps that title, the more TV time he’ll have. And that’s not what the people want. The people want new. Not old. That’s why I have to defeat him. That’s why I needed to know his past. That’s why the Raptor, will go on the Rampage, to take down those old farts the nWo! To defeat the leaders of a resurrected-yet-still-boring TAW! To defeat anyone who stands in my way!

Agent Sculder: Right. So… Where were you on the night of Monday the 10^th of Jumy… I mean July, stupid typewriter.

Raptor: You know where I’ve been. I’ve been searching with you guys! Searching for the truth. To find the truth behind this government conspiracy to rid the world of pro-wrestling! I’ve been with you through the paranormal- Like old bondage grandmas, and through the lies and deceit. And all to find the truth behind the evil they call Def Metal. To find the truth, Sculder. Isn’t that you’re job? Isn’t that the job of all who serve the people? Myself. The wWo… We serve the people. Not ourselves. Unlike the nWo, the fearless, the TAW, the bWo… Unlike all those try-hard imitation stables, the wWo value the fans and their opinions. We are the only friendly people in the EMF right now. We are the only fan-favorites. And we plan on serving our people with such great leadership as the great Fred Durst once displayed!

Agent Sculder: Fred Durst?!

Raptor: Oh, sorry, did I say Fred Durst?! I meant George Washington! Damn, I always get those two confused! No, my friends. The wWo must stand up, above the crowd, and display courage in this, our darkest hour. We are being attacked from all sides. From 4 different stables. Well, we can stand up to them all, I say. The wWo will live on, and we will let the EMF live on with us!

Agent Mully: Well, why else wouldn’t Def Metal have any recorded history? If it wasn’t you… who was it?

Raptor: No one! It’s Because he has had only 3 matches known to man! And 2 of those 3 were so forgettable, no one knows where they are. The only match we remember, Is with me, and it’s only memorable because I was in it! Sure, he says he’s had more matches. They were accidentally forgotten… Yeah. What an accident. You just “forgot” aboot them because you didn’t want to count the losses on your record!! But of course… He’s officially, he’s had 3 wins. And that’s it!

Agent Sculder: Oh, well… Um… It all makes sense now. That’s another one of the…

closed. Now, Fred, Mully. Lets go find out if Scott Mann and Def Metal actually do what the rumors say they do together!

Fred: Agreeed!!!!!!!! *Gets a really sleazy voyerish look in his eyes*

Agent Mully: Right. Thank you Raptor. Thank you. And now, it’s time for yet another installment of….

we shall meet again, my spidey-friend!

Raptor: I am not spiderman!!!

The duo of Sculder, Mully oh.. and Fred leave, as creepy paranormal music plays in the background. Raptor seems a bit lonely after their adventure, but happy, all the same. He feels like cutting more promo bits, so he grabs the Sony Handicam, and starts recording…

Raptor: Well… Def. I found out a lot aboot you and Scott Mann’s old federation. The TAW you love and nurture the memories of so much. I know your style. I know your history. And I know why you love those memories so much. But, Scott… Def… They are memories. *Puts on a sympathetic face* Let it go, Scott… It’s time to make new, more exciting memories. We don’t want the TAW back around here, Scott. Nobody does. The EMF is practically in the middle of a time warp right now. With all the old people, re-living their dreams…. If it weren’t for the wWo, people would think we were still in the year 2000! Well, my friends… That time is gone, and, the wWo are here to move the EMF forward. To carry the EMF with us. And were here to do it in STYLE, BABY!

I haven’t been my self lately. The fans have said it… My friends, the wWo have said it… My promos have been unfunny, and unoriginal… I mean, beating up a car! I’m sure that hasn’t been done before. But I’ve been thinking… You know, ever since lockdown, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Why did we not see the nWo coming? Why do I keep losing? A lot of whys…

And you know what?

I learnt not too think too much aboot it. If you let it, it will come. Promo ideas flow when you let them. If you try too hard, it’ll show. I found myself again, this last week. I became the good old Raptor I was once before! And to prove it to the fans… To the boys, and to the wWo. I’ll go back to my undefeated streak. Because I am a new man. I am no longer the car smashing, passé, unoriginal Raptor who goes on for ages talking aboot jack shit! Oh no! I am a new man, with a new style! An original style! And I’m here to bring something new to the EMF, I’m here to show you all something you’ve never seen before. And, Def Metal… I’ll show you a side of me you’ve never seen before. And that’s a brutal side. A compelled side. A competitive side.

I’m back in the game, Def. And if you don’t like it… That’s just too Mann!!!

What?! It works for Badd Boy!

Def, I’m unstoppable. That title is comin home, baby! Once I get rollin, there’s no stopping me! Because the Raptor… Is on the Rampage!!!!!!

“Doperide” by Saliva plays for a little bit, but the CD player jams, and creepy paranormal music plays. We also hear an evil laugh for effect…