Raptor’s theme music: No,
I don’t ride dope, nor do I smoke it- Click here for Saliva- “Doperide” |
Upcoming Match |
Other People Used |
People Mentioned |
Titles Held |
Record |
Def Metal vs Raptor |
Agents Sculder and Mully, Fred, Sleazy Woman |
Scott
Mann, Def Metal, TAW
|
Extreme (1) Attitude World (1) |
6-4-0 |
Role-play Background: Ugh. It’s been a bad few weeks for Raptor, to say the least.
Though he did have the pleasure of getting rid of those crud loving, fed
clogging, trout felching bastards the BWO, he lost his title, the EMF Attitude
World Title, straight away, to the ambiguously gay duo of Def Metal and Scott
Mannnnn. And while many nay-sayers are calling Raptor a try-hard, saying that
he is not ready, Raptor is ready to prove all the non-believers wrong- Even
though he hasn’t really been in a hurry… Raptor hasn’t been seen since he lost
his title. After Losing his Title, Raptor was distraught. Sick of being
followed by the Media, and Jonathon Coachman, that stalker, He went into a
session of deep mediation, trying to figure out how he could get back to his
winning ways. Eventually though, there was only one thing he could do. Only one
man that could help Raptor get back to his winning ways…
Setting the scene: Our
scene opens with Raptor and DDP sitting on a hilltop, meditating. They have
their humming mantra going, and are sitting, cross-legged, with their eyes
closed.
DDP: mmm….
Good. You meditate well, Raptor. I’m proud. I forsee you becoming a great Jedi…
Errr… Wrestler, sorry. Wrong student. I always get you and Anakin confused.
DDP: Now say it with me. I’m not a loser- I’m a
winner.
Raptor: I’m a winner. A winner. Not a loser.
I’m a winner. A winner. Yes… A winner. I’m a winner, damn it. A winner. Yes… A
winner.
DDP: I only meant once- You’re repeating
yourself almost as much as Jamie Knoble!
We see Jamie Knoble running past on a
distant hill in the background, yelling “Don’t your forget it boy, Jamie
Knoble, Yeeeehaw! Yeah boy, Jamie Knoble… Yeeehaw! Jamie Knoble Yeeeeeee…” and
it fades out as he runs off.
DDP: Yes, some people say Jamie Knoble still
haunts these hilltops today. But he was a loser. While you are a winner. Now
Raptor- Why do you think you were losing?
Raptor: Because I was becoming un-original and
boring?
DDP: That’s a good start! Now, what are you
going to do to change this?
Raptor: I’m going to be original and funny
again damn it! What happened to the good old days? What happened to my winning
ways!?
DDP: They will come back with time and work.
Now… Go my desciple. Go to your destiny. Go destroy the Green Goblin!!!!!!
Raptor: I’m Not Spiderman DDP.
DDP: Oh yeah…Err… Go… Do… um… something good
then. Make it original and funny though! No beating up cars- it’s so unoriginal
Raptor bows to his master, then walks
off, quietly in deep thought.
We see Raptor sitting in his house. It is
dark, and all the lights are off. He is sitting on the couch, talking to
himself, BWO style.
Raptor: Hmm… Get back to my winning ways. Well,
I guess a good way to start is to study some Def Metal matches- That could
help! Hmm… How aboot… I know, I’ve got every single EMF match on file. There
were definite advantages to being Prez. Hmm… Lets have a look… Destroyer…
Dragon, Matt… DarkRebel… Dreg Head… Darrien, Lance… Degenerate…
There’s
nothing there! What?!
He seems aghast at the apparent lack of History on Def Metal’s part, and he picks up the phone and dials a number…
Raptor: Hiya, Sculder? Yeah, it’s me. I need to
call in that favor you owe me. Meet me at my place in 20 minutes. No, I don’t
care if you live next door, 20 minutes, no sooner, for briefing. Okay. See you
then. Bring the others. Okay… Bye.
21 minutes later, we hear a doorbell ring, and Raptor goes up to answer the door.
Agent Sculder: Hi, raptor
I’m Agent Sculder, FBI. This is Agent Mully, and ugh… Um… Oh yeah, that’s Agent
Fred. *He points to a run down
old guy who looks astoundingly like Mr. Perfect*
Raptor: I said 20
minutes! You’re late. Now come in, I’ll brief you on the situation!
The scene fades to
black. Later on, it fades back in again, to see all the men, with their ties
undone, chatting.
Raptor: …so you see, it’s our mission to find
out why this man doesn’t have a past. It’s our mission to find out why I have
no tapes.
Agent Mully: Hmm… Yes. This is definitely a Def File
Fred: Agreed
Raptor: A what?!
Agent Sculder: Don’t worry
Raptor. We’ll find out all the Paranormal facts and conspiracies that Def Metal
is involved in. It’s time for….
Creepy paranormal music plays in the
background
Raptor: Where is that creepy paranormal music
coming from?
Agent
Sculder: Oh, sorry! *She turns off Raptor’s CD player*
Agent Mully: Right- That’s it. Let’s jump in the
And We’ll track
down the source of these missing…
Fred: Agreed!
They all run off and jump in the
To find the missing
Later that day…
We see Raptor hop out of the car while
the Agents… oh, and Fred, wait for him. He walks into the big warehouse to find
a noisy, hot, sweaty hive of Metal Workers. They are all wearing Hard Hats and
Ear Muffs for protection, with the exception of one man, the manager, who is
wearing nothing but a pair of Jigglypuff boxer shorts. Raptor walks up,
curious, hoping to find some answers aboot the missing
Raptor: Hey man, wassup?
Metal Man: What?
Raptor: I said sup!?
Metal Man: WHAT?!
Raptor: *Getting a look of
realization* Hehe, whatta ya know… It’s a deaf metal worker!!!!
Raptor then leaves the Metal center,
because that was the only lame and cheap gag he could get out of it. He meets
the Agents… oh… and Fred, in the
And they drive off.
They all jump out of the
And approach the shady vehicle. Agents
Sculder and Mully pull out their pistols, while Fred pulls out a banana, and
starts eating it.
Agent Mully: Is this it?
Raptor: Yes… This is the former office of the
pathetic federation Scott Mann once loved.
Agent Sculder:
Maybe we’ll find some
clues in here!
Fred: Agreed.
Raptor: Let’s go. I think this might be a good
place to look.
Fred: Agreed.
They walk into the building, and are greeted by a woman in a skimpy top and a g-string.
Woman: *Sleazily*
May I help
you?
Agent
Sculder: Agents
sculder and mully- FBI… Oh yeah, and that’s Fred.
Fred: Agreed.
Agent Mully: We’re here to inquire aboot the company
that used to be in this building? Do you know anything aboot them?
Woman: Oh, the Attitude Tornado Wreckstling
majocity people??
Raptor: Total Attitude Wrestling?
Woman: That’s the one! Well, after they went
bust, the Prez skipped town to avoid the mafia- He left all his files here. We
keep them in the women’s toilets, no one uses them here.
They walk into the toilets, and there we
see 2 sheets of paper.
Raptor: What? Is that it? I thought you said
they had files!
Fred: AGREED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woman: Why do you think they went bust!?
Wasn’t a very well run company!
Agent Mully: Wait- This could be useful. Look at this-
It has Def Metal’s home address. We can go and interview the man himself.
Fred: Agreed.
They thank the lady, and run to the
and drive off.
Stupid typewriter!!! *Kicks the
typewriter, mumbling aboot technology these days*
We see the
pull up outside of Def Metal’s Friendly
Child Por… Err.. House. Out hop the Agents, and Raptor. Oh yeah… And Fred.
Agent Mully: Okay, be prepared. He could be hostile.
Agent
Sculder: Yes… Def is
infamous for his hatred of…
Fred: Agreed!
Raptor: Right. You guys back me up with your
guns and banana. I’m going in!
He walks up to the door, cautiously, as
the Agents back him up… Oh, and Fred, with his banana. Raptor knocks on the
door, but no answer. He tries again… But no answer. Finally, he just pulls his
old Raptor trick of kicking the door down.
Raptor: Well, he is known as Deaf Metal!
Fred: Haha! Agreed!
They walk in, holding their guns and
bananas at eye level, cautiously going around the corners. Till, eventually, we
see a grandma, sitting on a bed, in a full body leather cat suit, holding a
whip. The window is open, and we see a naked man running down the street…
Agent Mully: Mom! I told you to close this bondage
parlour of doom!
Agent
Sculder: Mrs. Mully!
When did you move in here!!!
Old Mrs.
Mully: As soon as the
TAW closed, Def Metal left, and I needed a new place to run the business. And
I’ll ask you to knock next time! You scared my client away!!!
Raptor: Oh, well that just fucks up my plan,
doesn’t it?
Old Mrs.
Mully: Come on Raptor,
you look like you could use a good spanking!
He runs off as the grandma tries to whip him. They all leave, disappointed. They jump in the
and Drive off…
The
Pulls up outside
Raptor’s Shagging pad, and out hop the quadruple. The all walk inside, disappointed,
and sit down on a couch. Suddenly, a light bulb appears above Sculder’s head,
as he has an idea!
Agent Sculder: Well, all our
other leads have led us nowhere… So Raptor. It’s up to you know. We want to interview
you, maybe you’ll have some answers!
Raptor: What?! Are
you saying I’m a suspect!?
Agent Mully: Yes! We think you
hid those tapes just so we could lighten up your dark, boring promoing style
you’ve had lately!
Fred: Agreed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Raptor: I did not
hide those tapes! Well, if I have to be interviewed, I’ll use it as the boring
monologue bit for my promo too- I’ll kill two birds with one stone! Yes! Fire
away, chief!
Agent Sculder: So, Raptor… *Mully turns off all the lights except for one desk lamp, which she
holds above Raptor’s head, interrogation style* Why did you
do it?
Raptor: I didn’t!
Honest! I want to find these tapes. I want to know more aboot Def Metal. I
wanna beat that bastard!
Agent Mully: Are you stalking
Def Metal? Is that why you want more information? Tell us!
Raptor: No, Honest, I
didn’t. I have to face him in a match, and I want to know why he has no
recorded history!! I just want to know aboot this strange man. Why he and his
ambiguously gay partner Scott Mann are so obsessed with TAW. Why they find it
necessary to bring it back, and take the EMF back a step instead of forward!
Because that’s what he and all the old guys here are doing! They are taking the
EMF back to the past, not moving it forward, keeping with the times. They are
trying to kill the company, by boring the fans. Because fans want to see new
faces, fresh talent. Not the same old, same old happening over and over. That’s
what the wWo are here for. To entertain, to be original, to give people things
they haven’t seen before!
Agent Mully: So you’re saying
that Scott Mann and Def Metal are taking the EMF in the wrong direction?
Raptor: Yes! That’s
why I have to defeat him! If he keeps that title, the more TV time he’ll have.
And that’s not what the people want. The people want new. Not old. That’s why I
have to defeat him. That’s why I needed to know his past. That’s why the
Raptor, will go on the Rampage, to take down those old farts the nWo! To defeat
the leaders of a resurrected-yet-still-boring TAW! To defeat anyone who stands
in my way!
Agent Sculder: Right. So…
Where were you on the night of Monday the 10th of Jumy… I mean July,
stupid typewriter.
Raptor: You know
where I’ve been. I’ve been searching with you guys! Searching for the truth. To
find the truth behind this government conspiracy to rid the world of
pro-wrestling! I’ve been with you through the paranormal- Like old bondage
grandmas, and through the lies and deceit. And all to find the truth behind the
evil they call Def Metal. To find the truth, Sculder. Isn’t that you’re job?
Isn’t that the job of all who serve the people? Myself. The wWo… We serve the
people. Not ourselves. Unlike the nWo, the fearless, the TAW, the bWo… Unlike
all those try-hard imitation stables, the wWo value the fans and their opinions.
We are the only friendly people in the EMF right now. We are the only
fan-favorites. And we plan on serving our people with such great leadership as
the great Fred Durst once displayed!
Agent Sculder: Fred Durst?!
Raptor: Oh, sorry,
did I say Fred Durst?! I meant George Washington! Damn, I always get those two
confused! No, my friends. The wWo must stand up, above the crowd, and display
courage in this, our darkest hour. We are being attacked from all sides. From 4
different stables. Well, we can stand up to them all, I say. The wWo will live
on, and we will let the EMF live on with us!
Agent Mully: Well, why else
wouldn’t Def Metal have any recorded history? If it wasn’t you… who was it?
Raptor: No one! It’s Because
he has had only 3 matches known to man! And 2 of those 3 were so forgettable,
no one knows where they are. The only match we remember, Is with me, and it’s
only memorable because I was in it! Sure, he says he’s had more matches. They
were accidentally forgotten… Yeah. What an accident. You just “forgot” aboot
them because you didn’t want to count the losses on your record!! But of course…
He’s officially, he’s had 3 wins. And that’s it!
Agent Sculder: Oh, well… Um…
It all makes sense now. That’s another one of the…
closed. Now,
Fred, Mully. Lets go find out if Scott Mann and Def Metal actually do what the
rumors say they do together!
Fred: Agreeed!!!!!!!! *Gets a really sleazy voyerish look in
his eyes*
Agent Mully: Right. Thank you Raptor. Thank you. And
now, it’s time for yet another installment of….
we shall meet
again, my spidey-friend!
Raptor: I am not spiderman!!!
The duo of Sculder, Mully oh.. and Fred
leave, as creepy paranormal music plays in the background. Raptor seems a bit
lonely after their adventure, but happy, all the same. He feels like cutting
more promo bits, so he grabs the Sony Handicam, and starts recording…
Raptor: Well… Def. I found out a lot aboot you
and Scott Mann’s old federation. The TAW you love and nurture the memories of
so much. I know your style. I know your history. And I know why you love those memories
so much. But, Scott… Def… They are memories. *Puts on a sympathetic face* Let it go, Scott… It’s time to make
new, more exciting memories. We don’t want the TAW back around here, Scott.
Nobody does. The EMF is practically in the middle of a time warp right now.
With all the old people, re-living their dreams…. If it weren’t for the wWo,
people would think we were still in the year 2000! Well, my friends… That time
is gone, and, the wWo are here to move the EMF forward. To carry the EMF with
us. And were here to do it in STYLE, BABY!
I haven’t been
my self lately. The fans have said it… My friends, the wWo have said it… My
promos have been unfunny, and unoriginal… I mean, beating up a car! I’m sure
that hasn’t been done before. But I’ve been thinking… You know, ever since
lockdown, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Why did we not see the nWo coming?
Why do I keep losing? A lot of whys…
And you know
what?
I learnt not
too think too much aboot it. If you let it, it will come. Promo ideas flow when
you let them. If you try too hard, it’ll show. I found myself again, this last
week. I became the good old Raptor I was once before! And to prove it to the
fans… To the boys, and to the wWo. I’ll go back to my undefeated streak.
Because I am a new man. I am no longer the car smashing, passé, unoriginal
Raptor who goes on for ages talking aboot jack shit! Oh no! I am a new man,
with a new style! An original style! And I’m here to bring something new to the
EMF, I’m here to show you all something you’ve never seen before. And, Def
Metal… I’ll show you a side of me you’ve never seen before. And that’s a brutal
side. A compelled side. A competitive side.
I’m back in
the game, Def. And if you don’t like it… That’s just too Mann!!!
What?! It
works for Badd Boy!
Def, I’m
unstoppable. That title is comin home, baby! Once I get rollin, there’s no
stopping me! Because the Raptor… Is on the Rampage!!!!!!
“Doperide” by Saliva
plays for a little bit, but the CD player jams, and creepy paranormal music
plays. We also hear an evil laugh for effect…