Raptor’s theme music:

Did hippies smoke dope? Did they? Click for "Doperide" by Saliva

Upcoming Match	Other People Used	People Mentioned	Titles Held	Record
Def Metal vs. Raptor	Toby, Hobo	Scott Mann, Def Metal, TAW	Extreme (1) Attitude World (1)	6-4-0

Role-play Background: Guess who’s baaaaaack!?!!?! Raptor- He’s found himself again. He has become the good ol’ Raptor we know, love, and watch. Or so we think. And he intends to prove it to the world, by beginning a second winning streak, starting with Def Metal and his Resurrected TAW buddies. And yes, what a needed winning streak it will be. It’s time for Raptor to get back in the game, and he’s gonna do it in style, becoming a 2 time *Looks at his hand, Booker T style* 2 time, EMF Attitude World Champion. And, after Def Metal decided to taunt Raptor and his new ways of spiritual enlightenment, Raptor has decided to rebut with his new talent- But in a new, fresh, more spiritually enlightened way…

Setting the Scene: Oh No! Raptor has gone all hippy on us! Our scene opens with Raptor, sitting in a dark, really messy room. We hear weird Indian sitar music in the background. He is wearing a rainbow beanie, and his shirt looks like it hasn’t been washed in 3 days- Oh, and he’s not wearing any pants. We see him stretching, doing Yoga and Tai Chi, and we see burning incense in the corner of the Room. He tries to put his legs over his head, but he falls over, and thumps his head on the ground. He gets up, shakes it off, lights up a bong, labeled “HCT Brand Bongs, Only the finest”. Soon, Toby bursts in the room, and opens the blinds, much to Raptor’s dismay…

Raptor: *In a really hippy-ish stoned voice* Hey maaannn… Why are you ruin my fab vibes maannn? I was like, totally rulin in my tai-chi maaaaannn..

Toby: Okay… Maaaaan- Wassup with this wak hippy thing?

Raptor: Well maaaaan… I thought I would like… Totally follow Def Metal’s advice and become spiritually enlightened, maaann… Wanna play some Hackisack with me?

Toby: No! No changing the subject! Now, why are you listening to that gothic Exceptional Metal dude?

Raptor: Because maaaan… He’s like… Totally the attitude world champ! I could always like… Use advice from my dude friends.

Toby: He’s not your friend… Aww jesus! What’s that smell!!!

Raptor: Sorry, I had hippy beans and tofu burgers for breakfast. Like maaan, maybe I can beat Def Metal with my new spiritual ways… But on with other things… I spoke to my dead grandma last night, and she had a message for you… *Thinks for a second* It was…. *Closes his eyes* Waaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Toby: Hey??? Nah man, you probably spoke to Angelus, after he disappeared from the EMF, I heard Alucard had to eat him after their plane crashed. Come on, drop the Hippy thing.

Raptor: Well Toby, my brother… I have to go to a Health Food Store now, we’re out of Tofu and Wheatgrass Juice after my Kumbaya meeting last night.

Raptor starts walking out as Toby continues pleading with him…

Toby: Please dad! Lost the guru thing! Please?! Well… At least put some pants on!

Raptor: No! I believe in personal freedom, and I believe in the beauty of the human body *Puts on a tie-dyed rainbow sarong and old leather sandals that are falling apart, and a red nose, cause he feels like it*

Later That Day, Maaaannn….

We see Raptor and Toby, pulling up in Raptor’s all new, “Hippy Shaggin-Wagon”- An old Volkswagen with love hearts and rainbows painted on the side. They hop out, and Raptor’s sarong falls off. He puts it back on, and they walk into the Hippy Health Food store, to find a creepy old hipster, dancing to Martha Stewart behind the counter. The dynamic duo ignore it, and start searching for Tofu on the shelves, but out of the corner of his eye, Toby spots someone familiar. He creeps away from his dad, and walks over to….

Hobo: Christ!? Is that your dad’s car?!

Hobo and Toby sneak a look over the cans of crushed tomato and tofu cakes, to see Raptor, Dancing with the Hippy shopkeeper. They sneak back down, and whisper to eachother.

Toby: Yes! Oh my god, you have to help me de-hippify him!!!

Hobo: What pushed him over the edge?

Toby: A combination of DDP and Def Metal.

Hobo: Two ingredients that should never be mixed… Right. This is going to take some work. Toby- Come with me- I’ll help you de-program your dad.

They quickly sneak up behind Raptor, commando style, and grab him by the arms and legs. Toby unfortunately, gets the legs, and, since Raptor is wearing only a sarong, gets to see more than he should. They drag Raptor away as he cries “this is sooo totally against my freedom and space maaaaaannn” They quickly dump him in the boot of Hobo’s drag racer, and Toby and Hobo jump in the front, as they speed off.

Later That Day Again, Duuuude….

The Anti-Hippy Wagon pulls up in front of Hobo’s patented, all new, Anti-Hippy center. Two men in white coats run out, as Hobo pops the boot. They pick up Raptor, who is singing Kumbaya to himself, and drag him inside, as Toby and Hobo follow. They pass many anti-hippy deprogramming rooms, even spotting Jamie Knoble, repeating his name, while strapped down in a chair. Eventually, they reach a room, to see Raptor again, strapped down to a chair, in a completely white interrogation room.

Raptor: This room is such a draaaag, mann! You should like… Totally have some colors maaaan!

Hobo: You need to drop the hippy thing, Raptor…

Raptor: NO!!!!!!! FLOWER POWER FOREVER! Like, totally peace for all maaaannn…

Toby: This is going to take some work…

Raptor: ha! You’ll never make me change! In fact- I’ll like… Take your vibes, and bet you! If you de-hippify me, I’ll take you anywhere you like!

Toby: Anywhere?

Raptor: Yes… Anywhere.

Toby: Anywhere? Like Tokyo, or Disneyland?

Raptor: Anywhere- But it’s not going to happen- So HA! SAVE THE OZONE LAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!

The camera keeps fading back and forth, as the hours pass. Finally, we cut back to the lads, 4 and ½ hours later, and Raptor has chained himself to the chair in protest.

Hobo: I don’t think we’re getting through to him…

Raptor: Like, save the whales maaaannn!

Toby: We have to de-hippify him- I wanna keep that bet with him!

Hobo: I think it’s time!

Toby: *Aghast* No… That’s a last resort…

Raptor: Like, Totally stop logging maaannn!

Hobo: No… Nurse! Pass it to me!

Hobo grabs a vase, and runs at Raptor… Raptor spots it, and his eyes light up in fear, as Hobo yells…

Hobo: TAKE THIS HIPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Upon impact, the vase smashes on Raptor’s hippy skull. Instantly, Raptor’s face changes. After the contortions from pain, it changes to a look of surprise…. And, the move has finally de-hippified Raptor. He stands up, and shreds his hippy clothing, as Toby and Hobo look away from his nude body in disgust. He puts back on his normal Raptor gear, and he, Hobo, and Toby start walking out to the carpark…

Hobo: Another case solved by the Hippy Hating Hobo!!!

Toby: Haha! Triple H!

Raptor: Awsine

Hobo: Yes… Awsome

Raptor: No… Awsine.

Hobo: Yes, I said Awsome…

Raptor: NO, YOU SAY AWSINE!!!

Hobo: *Shrugs* Whatever Man…

Toby: So, Dad… Aboot this bet we made… You said anywhere… Right? *Toby shows an evil glare at the camera*

Later Still, Square….

Our scene fades to Raptor and Toby waiting in line somewhere. They are obviously bickering, as all good father-son pairs do, over something still unknown. But there might be a clue, because Toby is wearing a big Mickey Mouse hat, and Raptor is wearing an oversized novelty flower on his head.

Raptor: Toby, please… This takes away from any credibility I once had…

Toby: No! I wanna ride the cups- so if you wanna cut a promo, it’s on the cups!

Raptor: I don’t believe I’m doing this.

Toby: Well, the cameraman is here, so you may as well cut a promo now!

The camera spins around, to see Raptor and Toby are waiting in line, at Disneyland, to ride on the Mad Hatter’s tea cups. Raptor and Toby jump in a big pink cup with nice pretty flowers on the side, and Raptor starts to cut a promo over that ever so annoying “A very merry unbirthday” song they sing in Alice in Wonderland.

Raptor: *Sigh* Well Def… I’m glad you respect me. I deserve respect…

The guy dressed as the Mad Hatter comes into their tea cup, and the big pink cup starts spinning around to that old classic Disney song- So Raptor has to keep turning his head to look at the camera.

Raptor: Yes- I deserve respect! I do! I control every situation I’m in- I strategically threaten my opponents. Woah… I’m feeling a little dizzy…. Ugh… I still can’t believe I’m doing this. *Toby yells with elatedness from the exciting ride *cough* not *cough* You see, I’m a man on the re-bound. And this time, I’ve got nothing to lose. It’s been a while since I’ve had a singes win. I’ll admit that. But I was on an undefeated streak before that- Don’t you forget it. But I’m not one to dwell on the past- Unlike Scott Mann, who is completely obsessed with his dead federation. Well Mann, Metal- You will find out the meaning of Raptor on Saturday- A vicious, intelligent animal. But I promise you, it won’t be a true Raptor- No, I won’t be hunting in a pack. It’ll be you and me- And I hope that’s what you and you’re TAW buddies are planning- Because if you’re little resurrected club even think of interfering, the wWo will have no problem coming out and whipping your ass. I don’t want a Stable War for the Attitude World title. No- I want it one on one- a clean match. No Mr. Whippy matches. No TAW bullshit. Just you, that title, and me. This is my chance to become a respected competitor again.

The Mad Hatter looks at the camera and waves, as the ride finally comes to a stop. Raptor and Toby hop out of the pink oversized tea cup, and go to the exit. Raptor walks up to the camera. The Unbirthday song stops and up starts a song from the little mermaid, as Ariel and the Crab from the film come along and stand next to Raptor as he promos, beside the ride.

Raptor: Oh, thank god that’s over. Def, I wanna beat you bad. Can’t you tell? I’m a desperate man, I’ve got nothing to lose- Except for my pride, and what little dignity I have left after that ride. I just need to… Wait?! Mickey?! Mickey Mouse!!!? Oh my god… Hold on Def!!!!

Raptor runs over like a little school girl and shakes Mickey’s hand. He puts on a huge cheesy grin, they take a photo, and he comes back, pretending to be a bad-ass again.

Raptor: Where was I? Oh yes. Um… Def, yes- That Metal guy. Amen to that little kid you met in your promo. Def? Who the fuck is Def?! Some guy. It’s a travesty to have you as a World Champion. It is. And I refuse to let this tragedy continue. I need to put a stop to it, and I will. That is my ultimate goal. But there is one other issue to do with you I want to address.

Fear me or find me. Fear me or find me… Do you say anything else!? I mean, is there a more repeated catch-phrase?! I’m not gonna fear you, oh hell no. And I’m not going to bother finding you, because you’ll end up coming to me, on shockwave. So, where does that leave your stupid little catch-phrase? It’s one big pile of shit. Fear you or find you… *He snickers and snorts like a cross between a little schoolgirl and Scott Mannnnnn* Ah man, I’ve heard better catchphrases come from AN ARKIE- I’ll take you to the deepest of hell! Ahahah! Oh man, those were the days.

So, when I become the 2 time attitude world champ, is it going to surprise you? Hopefully not. When I beat your body, will it shock you? No, you’ll be to wrecked to think aboot it. When I pin you to the mat, will you be in disbelief? Nope- You’ll be unconscious. The Raptor is on the Rampage again Def- The new Raptor is here- and the new Raptor is ready.

And remember. Amen to the kid… D-E-F? Who the fuck is Def?

The camera gets turned off, and out from behind the camera, walks the kid from Def Metal’s promo

Raptor: Good work kiddo, here, that’s two fifties. *He hands the kid some money and the guy high fives Toby and runs off* Hehe, the Gothic Avenger- I didn’t even tell him to say that.

Toby: Yeah, Tom’s good like that, he always comes up with good stuff.

Raptor: Well man, I’ve had enough of Disneyland, I’m gonna explore the city. You wanna hang here and I’ll meet you at the hotel?

Toby: Sounds good, I’m gonna go on the fairy ride next!

Raptor: Oh, please… Spare me.

Raptor walks off, shaking his head, wondering where he went wrong raising his son. Then he realizes, he really didn’t raise his son, so it must be his mother’s fault. Yes… Always blame it on women.

Click to find out the history, and read all the hilarious old promos of the EMF’s greatest stable…