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Raptor’s theme music: |
Upcoming Match |
Other People Used |
People Mentioned |
Titles Held |
Record |
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Def Metal vs. Raptor 4 |
The wWo, Store Attendant |
Def
Metal, Prez Mike
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Attitude World (2 and Last Ever) Extreme (1) |
9-5-1 |
Role-play Background: Well, after a confusing week for the wWo, it turned out that
Raptor was playing one big trick on Prez Mike, and got him good in the head
with a steel chair… But, unfortunately for Raptor, that pissed the Prez off,
and now Raptor has to defend his No 1 contendership in a rematch with his
archrival, your damn hero, Def Metal. The same Def Metal who crushed Raptor’s
hand… Yet Raptor and Defy, with their not-so-friendly history, have seemed to
make peace, Raptor helping Defy ward off the Other World when Def returned. But
that might not hold up when the number 1 contendership is on the line… So get
ready for… Raptor vs “Your Damn Hero” Def Metal… Number 4!
Setting the
Scene: “Our damn
scene” opens with Raptor and Hobo outside a glove store, shopping for… Gloves!
(Whoa, surprise!) Raptor kicks down the door to the store, and they walk up to
the counter to see a female attendant.
Store
Attendant: Hello sirs,
may I help you?
Raptor: Um, yes… yes you can. I’m looking for
gloves, thank you.
Store
Attendant: Well, you’ve
come to the right place! What type are you looking for? We have many types-
Woolen gloves, for warmth. Hobo gloves, with the fingers cut out.
Hobo: I’ll take those!
Store
Attendant: Ok sir. And
you sir, we also have Leather Gloves, perfect for bondage. Edward Scissorhands
gloves, Multi-purpose rubber gloves, and Rainbow gloves for those festive
occasions.
Hobo: Festively queer occasions…
Raptor: Umm… I’m looking for something with
protection.
Store
Attendant: Ahh, I see.
We have Biker gloves, they’ll protect those hands from the harsh windy
conditions on the roads.
Raptor: No, I’ll need a lot more protection
than that.
Store
Attendant: Oh, I see…
What about these padded gloves? They’ll protect your hands from bumps and
bruises around the house or workplace.
Raptor: No, I need even more protection than
that….
Store
Attendant: Hmm…. What
is it exactly you need protection from?
Raptor: Umm…. A sledgehammer.
Store
Attendant: Oooh, got a
match with Def Metal?
Hobo: Huh?! How did you know?
Store Attendant:
Oh, we’ve had hundreds
of people in here looking for gloves to protect them from Def. Everyone saw his
attack on your hand with that sledgehammer- you two had a pretty big match, you
know? He’s been very creative with his hand destruction, too. Of course, Scott
Mann was in here a while ago, looking for something that can stop a nail gun.
Another man’s hand was dipped in acid, while another man had his hand swallowed
by the rolls of fat on Rikishi’s ass the other day. All thanks to Def Metal.
Raptor and Hobo put their hands in their pockets, frightened.
Raptor: Well, what’s the best protection you
have?
Store
Attendant: This is the
newest model- The Ironfist2000
She reaches under the store counter and
pulls out a big massive glove, made of steel. Raptor and Hobo spot it and their
eyes light up with glee.
Raptor: Whoooa, baby! That’s what I’m talkin’
bout!
Store
Attendant: This is
modeled after the big suits of armor the knights wore back in the middle ages- Not
only will it protect you from sledgehammers, but it’ll also do 10 times the
damage of brass knuckles in your match, too. Perfect for the wrestler/dinosaur.
She giggles at her little joke as Raptor
puts on the glove and smashes her over the head with it… He leans over her
unconscious body, angrily…
Raptor: I’m NOT a FREAKING DINOSAUR!!!!
He storms out of the shop, with the pair
of metal gloves. Hobo runs over to check the lady.
Hobo: Lady?! Are you allright!? Lady? *Reads her name tag* …Mrs. Perfect!?!? Ewwww!!!!
He runs after Raptor, disgusted. He
catches up, and they jump in a limo, all the while, Raptor is fiddling with his
new ironfist2000s.
Hobo: Where we off to now?
Raptor: Ahh, you’ll see… I’ve done a lot when
it comes to Def Metal, Hobo. I’ve wrestled him, I’ve taunted him, made fun of
him, investigated his background, stalked him, destroyed his car, broken and
entered into his house, but I’ve never EVER done this…
Hobo: What?
Raptor: Ahh, you’ll have to watch and see… Come
on! This is my best idea YET!
The limo rolls to a stop in front of a familiar house, and the two guys get out.
Hobo: Def Metal’s house? What for?
Raptor: My best idea yet…
He walks up to the door with Hobo, and stands there, quietly, working up the courage to do his task.
Raptor: You ready?
Hobo: Sure am.
Raptor: Ding… Dong… *he rings the doorbell* DITCH!!!
He jumps behind a bush next to the
doorway, as Hobo stands there, dumbfounded.
Raptor: Quick!!! HIDE!!!!
Hobo quickly jumps behind a bush too, as
Def answers the door. He looks around, mumbles something like, “stupid kids”
and goes back inside…
Hobo: *Gives Raptor that “what the hell?” look* That was your brilliant plan?
Raptor: Yep! Wasn’t it cool? *giggles*
Hobo: Your greatest idea ever was Ding Dong
Ditch?!
Raptor: Well, when you put it that way…
Hobo: Ding Dong DITCH!?
Raptor: Okay okay… I guess maybe it was lame.
Hobo: Maybe?!
Raptor leaves some burning dog shit in a paper
bag on Def Metal’s doorstep and rings the doorbell again. They run to the limo
and drive off before Defy can see them.
Hobo: I’ve seen you do a lot of things man, but
that would have to be the lamest one ever.
Raptor: Hey!!! It wasn’t that bad!
Hobo: Yes it was.
Raptor: Okay, it was… But hey, I’ve got an
excuse- I’ve done so much to Defy… what the hell else was I supposed to do?
I’ve run out of ideas! It’s not my fault, I’ve faced Defy too many times, and
I’ve used up all my good material! Anyways, here we are at your place, come on.
The limo rolls up to see a barrage of
Press Reporters standing on Hobo’s lawn. Light globes go off left right and
center as Raptor gets out of the Limo, and the Press all start screaming over
each other in the typical Press way…
Reporter 1: Raptor!? Raptor!!! What do you say to the
allegations that you assaulted poor Mrs. Perfect after kicking her door down this
morning?
Reporter 2: Raptor? What about the reports of you
Ding Dong Ditching in the suburbs this afternoon?
Reporter 3:
What about the rumors
that you were seen in front of a gay nightclub?
Kevin Kelly: Raptor? Why do you hate me?
Raptor: Because i demand SATISFACTION. I challenge you... TO A DUEL!!!
Raptor smashes Kevin Kelly over the head
with his new IronFist2000s, steps over his limp, twitching corpse, then stands in front of the crowd, and puts on his
promoing voice…
Raptor: I deny all those allegations… Except
the first two, they’re true. But you know, while you’re here, I’d like to talk
to you about my match with Def Metal this week of EMF Saturday Shockwave…
There is a collective groan from the
crowd as they sense a monologue bit.
Raptor: You know, Def Metal and I sure have
history, don’t we? We sure have been there, done that… We’ve been in 4 or 5
matches together… We’ve hurt each other… Bloodied, bruised. We’ve taunted each
other, and disrespected each other. But if there’s one thing I’ve learnt from
it, it’s to semi-respect your opponent…
Reporter 1: Semi-Respect?
Raptor: yeah well, I’m a member of the wWo, as
if I’ll totally respect ANYBODY.
Reporter 2: He makes a good point. But what about
the news that you haven’t bothered to prepare for this match?
Raptor: *Shocked* Haven’t BOTHERED!? Look! *holds up his IronFist2000* Why I aught to! This is to protect me
from Def and his hand crushing sickness. And if you mean I haven’t bothered to
research Def’s past, it’s because I’ve been there, done that. I’ve researched
him heaps, I’ve faced him heaps of times, I know the guy backwards!
The entire crowd bursts out with screaming laughter
Reporter 2: Hah! Backwards eh? *drops to the floor and holds his stomach,
rolling around from laughter*
Raptor: NOT THAT WAY, you sick bastards! What I
meant to say, is that Def and I, well… I know every inch of him!
Reporter 3: *Dies from laughter* … EVERY… inch? *Continues
to die from laughter*
Raptor: UGH! Get your minds out of the gutter!
I meant I know every single move he uses in the ring…
Reporter 2: *Suddenly stops laughing* Oh… um… Well… I can’t think of anything
dirty about that one.
Reporter 3: *Quietly* Yeah, me neither.
Raptor: Last time I faced Def Metal, I lost a
number 1 contendership to the world title. But now I have the chance to regain
it. If I win this match, which I will, so WHEN I win this match, I get a shot
at Matt Dragon, Mr. CEO and resident grandpa of the EMF. And trust me, after I defeat
Def Metal, I will go on to win the EMF heavyweight championship… It’s certain…
My psychic told me so… Didn’t you Hobo?
Hobo: Sure did! *Flashes his pearly white grin*
Raptor: Def Metal is no longer a worry for me. I
know him well, I know how to handle him… *they start laughing again* err… I know how to deal with him in the
ring. He’s just a stepping stone, so to speak, on my path to the gold. But a
damn big stepping stone. I’m not gonna take him too lightly… I mean, it’s gonna
be hard to beat him, after all, he’s Def Metal, my arch rival… but damn, I’m
still gonna win- I’ll give you a 3 year guarantee of that! The gold is on the
line, and last time Def won it was a fluke. There will be NO flukes this time.
No cheap wins… Only 2 men fighting for the gold. It’s time to even the score
with Def Metal, it’s time for Raptor to regain his Rampage.
We’ve got a
history, for sure. He’s got a 2 wins, while I’ve only got 1… now it’s time to
even the score… Not just even the score when it comes to wins, though… No no no…
Even the score for what he did to my hand… He mangled it. Crushed it. With a
sledgehammer. You know, he slowed me down with those shots to my hand. I haven’t
wrestled, with the exception of last week, in just over 2 months… Because of
him… that’s why I’ve got the gloves! *holds it up and shows them* He’s not gonna do it again. He’s not
gonna beat me again, he’s not gonna injure me again. He’s gonna fall to my strength.
The Raptor is on the Rampage, kicking down doors once again. I’m back to being
me, for the 2nd time, and Def’s gonna be the first to fall. Then
Dragon… Def, Dragon, maybe Dreg Head, then any other damn person with a name
starting with D. Ladies and Gentlemen, I thank you for your time, make sure to
tune in to EMF Saturday Shockwave, Live, on Saturday, to see Raptor keep his no
1 contendership- It’ll be a doozy of a match, Def Metal and Raptor never disappoint.
The Raptor’s on the Rampage, boys and girls, be prepared. And Defy… If your
watching… Know this.
It’s time to
get even!!!!!
He spits out his gum and goes inside with
Hobo as the promo fades to black…
The
EMF’s most unstable stable…