RAPTOR

The claw is mightier than the bong

 

 

 

Our scene opens with Raptor and Wasabi still on Hobo’s Party bus. They are sitting down, watching Phantom on TV bagging Wasabi, the wWo, and Raptor. Raptor is aggravated, while Wasabi gets that all too common confused look.

Raptor: Dude! He thinks I’m another follower! What a prick!

 

Wasabi: Chill out, I think he just worked out why I get so confused all the time! *gets a confused look on his face* It’s all those missed Hang-Times!

 

Raptor: That was totally not cool! And Timmay is just some stoner prick, I’ve beaten him already- For an extreme title shot!!!!!!

 

They high-five each other

 

Raptor: it just shits me, that’s all. They’re both taking us WAY too lightly.

 

Wasabi: Yeah!

Wait!

Hold on- We’re preparing for our match on a party bus!!!

 

Raptor: We still take them seriously though, don’t we?

 

They both start giggling. Then they toast to a drink, still laughing, and begin chatting again.

 

Raptor: Ahhh, you’re right. No big deal. A stoner with some guy addicted to helium singing his theme, and a creepy loner.

 

Wasabi: That’s why Phantom doesn’t like the wWo, because he doesn’t socialize.

 

All of a sudden, the bus screeches to a halt, and the engine makes grinding noises.

 

Raptor: AHHH! Crap. Hobo? What’s happening?

 

Hobo: Dunno homay! Gimmie two seconds, ill check it out.

 

Wasabi: Sweet! Well I hope we get to the arena on time.

 

Hobo (entering the bus again): Got it! My cousin was stuck in the fuel tanks. *dragging in a fuel soaked hobo onto the bus, then yelling:* Okay! Everyone do me a favour- No fire!

 

Raptor: Right. So what are we going to do about this whole HCT and Phantom thing

 

Wasabi: What? Hairy Circus Tentpeg? EEEEHHH, who cares?

 

Raptor: Wasabi… Mate, you really have to quit it with the HCT thing. Its over used.

 

Wasabi (with one tear running down his face): Right then.

 

Raptor: I think I’ll cut a promo. Where’s the handycam?

 

Hobo: Billy and Chuck are using it in the toilets again.

 

Raptor: Again? Damn it! They’re like rabbits I tell ya *there are groaning and moaning noises in the background* You know what? I think I’ll cut this promo outside. Ahh, does anyone have a spare camera?

 

Hobo: Nooo, but we have a radio broadcaster, you could always send a promo to the EMF with that.

 

Raptor: Cool! Give it to me.

 

Hobo: You didn’t say the magic words.

 

Raptor: Sorry. Hobo rules.

 

Hobo: That’s better. Here you go.

 

He takes the radio outside, and starts trying to contact the EMF.

 

Raptor: EMF, EMF come in… This is Raptor, Come in?

 

Unknown: So, when do you think we should bomb Australia? Over.

 

Raptor: AAAhh, that’s not it. EMF, Come in!

 

Unknown 2: Lech huck. Micha chawa de pasa.

 

Raptor: Jabba, I told you, I’m not a star wars fan. (searching again)

 

Unknown, but very familiar: Oh yeah! That’s the stuff…

 

Raptor: BILLY!?

 

Unknown but very familiar: Sorry, got to go!

 

Raptor: This is getting frustrating. EMF, come in!

 

EMF: Yeah, this is the EMF receiving.

 

Raptor: Cool, I’m gonna cut a promo, tape it for me.

 

Phantom, I betrayed you for a good reason. I betrayed you because you’re an anti-social, ugly, smelly freak, and who wants to hang around someone like you? Frankly, I think the thrashing I gave you was justified. Timmay, MY ASS I cheated. I won, fair and square. I pinned your ass 123 for the Extreme title #1 contendership, to which my shot is coming up soon. And no one, not you, not phantom, not cobra, No one can stop me from getting my grubby paws on that title. Phantom, you know what the sharpclaw impaler feels like… Get ready to taste your own blood again. And Timmay, this weekend, you will fall victim to the hunt. For the claw is mightier than the bong.

 

EMF guy: Okay, I just found a tape.

 

Raptor: AAAAAAAAAAhhh crap! Okay, repeated….

 

Scene Fades to black