The scene opens with Raptor standing in a bondage shop. He looks at all the leather whips and knee high boots with disgust. He turns around to see a gothic lady in fish net stockings staring at his face.

Checkovina: Hello, My name is Checkovina Strapslosky Whipya Spankalot! Welcome to your 1 stop bondage shop!

Raptor: Ummm *Obviously Embarrassed* Yeah, I’m here to… ehhh… buy some.. I dunno, stuff.

Checkovina: Oh, that’s nice. Bondage Stuff?

Raptor: As a matter of fact, yes.

Checkovina: Ahhh, I see. And, is this gear for you?

Raptor: NO! No no no no! No way! Nope! Not a chance! Do I really look like a bondage freak!?

Checkovina: WELL! If THAT’S the way you feel about Middle Aged S&M lovers!

Raptor: Look, do you want my business or not? It’s a present for someone I know.

Checkovina: Well, what are they into? Whips, Straps? We have many more erotic toys that can’t be mentioned in this promo due to the EMF’s PG13 rating.

Raptor: Well, I’m buying it for a man who really LOVES pain. And I mean loves. I mean, he gets off on it. Like, he sprogs off when he gets a tetanus injection.

Checkovina: Oh really? Sensitive guy eh? Well, if he can get off his rocks from a Tetanus Shot, then maybe he’ll like our all new “Torture 2000? Complete with cock rings and used Hep B infected syringes?

Raptor: Sweet. Can you send it to my friend for me?

Checkovina: Certainly Sir. What’s his name?

Raptor: “The slayer of life”

Checkovina: Oh, yes sir. Do you have his address?

Raptor: Ahhh, no, sorry. Can you check in the yellow pages for me? Or past customers?

Checkovina: No sir, sorry, “the slayer of life” isn’t coming up.

Raptor: Oh, ok. Umm… Try, “the painted face of death” then

Checkovina: Ahahahah! Oh man, that’s classic… are you serious? What is he in 4^th grade or something?

Raptor: Just do it… Wait, I don’t want to be sued… Change that last phrase to, Just look it up.

Checkovina: no, sorry sir.

Raptor: Ok, Angelus Archer then…

Checkovina: Are you serious? Angelus Archer? He’s my favourite customer… Wait a sec… Are you Raptor?

Raptor: Maybe… Why?

Checkovina: He hates you!!! Why on earth would you send him a present? This is a serious store, we don’t appreciate pranks!!!!!

She screams out a war cry in some strange bondage language and many many gothic bondage freaks, many of them with “painted faces of death” sticking their tounges out, run out. She points and says something in klingon and Raptor runs. They chase after him, and for a good 15 minutes we see them running through the streets, before he jumps in his corvette and drives away, the bondage face painters shaking their fists in the air at him!

Raptor: That was lucky, I’ve got another appointment anyway. But first, I may as well take some notes.

He pulls out a small tape recorder and starts talking.

Raptor: Note to self- Never go back to the bondage shop on the corner of Whiplot road and Pokemenow st.

More notes to self- Angelus is a well known bondage freak, and I think maybe some of his clown troop were hiding out back of the shop waiting for me. Be more careful next time.

He rewinds the tape for a bit, checking what was before the message

Raptor *from tape player*- Note to self… 3:00 appointment with Wes Borland about Timmay’s theme music.

Raptor *real one now!*- Oh crap! I forgot!

He starts speeding for a bit, and soon the blue and red lights are flashing behind him. He pulls over, and up walks a cop.

Cop *looking remarkably like John Goodman*: License and Registration please?

Raptor: Uhh, sorry man, I lost them after 30 or so face painting bondage freaks chased me out of their S&M store for pulling a prank on an inactive vicious psycho killer who also paints his face. Phew… That was a long sentence.

Cop: Yeah, and I’m John Goodman! Well, actually my name is Bustyo Assboy Try pulling the other one. Wait a sec… Are you Raptor?

Raptor: Umm, yeah, that’s me… Hold on, did you just say your last name was Assboy?

Bustyo Assboy: Oh, now I get it… You’re Raptor! You see, the cops have a saying… When you pull over a member of the wWo, any excuse could be true.

Raptor: I know, the stuff we get up to these days. Listen man, are you gonna give me a ticket or what? I’m kinda running late…

Bustyo Assboy: Well, I really shouldn’t but…. Okay, only on one condition…

Raptor: Ummm…. Allright… I suppose, what?

Bustyo Assboy *putting on puppy dog eyes*: Take me with you???? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

Raptor: yeah sure, but first, your pants are on fire…

Bustyo Assboy: What? Oh my god! *He drops to the ground and starts rolling around while Raptor speeds off* DAMN IT! How does he do that?!

Raptor drives away, thankful that he learnt how to make people spontaneously combust in Home Economics this week. Later on, he arrives at a horse racing track, to see Wes Borland waiting out front.

Wes: Hi Raptor!!!!!

Raptor: Hey yo! Sup wit you midgie?

Wes: We prefer to be called people, thank you very much…

Raptor: Dude, what are you doing at a racing course?

Wes: Ahh, I race in my spare time… My record company- Helium Records- Hasn’t been so great lately, so I just chill most of the time here. My dad is racing now!

A horse races by with someone hanging from one foothold, screaming for dear life

Wes: Thatta boy dad!

Raptor: So why did you let Timmay use your music as a theme? Doesn’t it take some dignity away from your work?

Wes: Look at me… I’m 2 feet tall, I have a helium addiction, and I sing about turning down the treble. I hang out all alone at Horse Racing Tracks and my only big breaks are when some stoners want to look even stupider than they already do look. So, what dignity were you talking about?

Raptor *after inhaling some helium*: Ahhh, good point! Squeak! Hehe!

Wes: Shut up dude, you will never truly be High Pitched…

Raptor *the helium is obviously running out*: Dude, Chill out! I don’t want ANY trouble!

Just then, all Angelus’ bondage buddies come running through the gate, yelling something that would fit quite easily in Star Trek, or maybe one of Angelus’ baby films.

Raptor: Ooooh Shit!

He runs and jumps in his convertible again. There he sees the cop chasing him too, his pants still on fire. He drives off hastily to the local EMF affiliate to quickly cut a promo for his match.

Studio guy: Hi, my name is Cam Erafilmalota. Okay raptor, I’m very sorry, but we have to make this a short Promo because of limited budgets.

Raptor: Too late man, this promo has already hit 1,143 words.

Cam Erafilmalota: What?

Raptor: Nothing man. Okay ready?

Cam Erafilmalota: Allrighty, on air in 3, 2, 1

Raptor: Well, here I am. Sitting here in the EMF studios about to collapse after a hard days work being chased by Bondage Queens with Painted Faces of Death, A cop who’s last name is Assboy and his pants were on fire, and last of all I pissed off a midget with a bad attitude and a Career that was over before it began. And you know why I did all this stuff?

*Pauses for effect*

No, really,

do you? Because I’m really not sure what point the exercise had…

But I do know this. The extreme title is coming with me, back into the hands of the wWo. Because, damn man, after that effort, I deserve it. And I want to say this. Hardcore Timmay, if you ever… EVER… Have anything to do with me meeting with a creepy foot high man again…

Suddenly, a very pissed off Wes Borland runs into the studio. So does Assboy with his pants on fire, and 30 painted faces of death, who now have assorted bondage toys attached to various cleavage. Raptor runs away screaming, while the camera man looks away in disgust as one bondage lady starts sticking her whip in places that weren’t intended to hold whips.