Raptor’s theme music:

I'm pissed off. Because Saliva sold out, and "Back Into Your System" is TEENYBOPPER! SCREW THEM! Every Six Seconds will live forever as the last true Saliva album. Click for "Doperide" by Saliva

 

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Jarred vs. Raptor[C]
EMF World Championship,
Intercontinental Championship

The wWo

Jarred, Primetime, Tazz
(The nWo for short)

World (1, Current)
Attitude World (2+Last Ever)

Extreme (1)

10-5-3

 

 

Well, I detailed the Jarred/Raptor feud in the last promo, but the gist of it is Raptor and Jarred getting annoyed and hurting each other, you know, the standard feud-ish stuff.

 

And now, after his big day of torture (or training, as Jericho called it), Raptor is set to get back to doing what he does best:

 

Take the shit out of his opponents and party down!

 

 


The wWo are on their very own themed wWo party bus! It has lots of pics of the wWo’s greatest moments, like the guys after they defeated the BWO, Raptor’s big win(s) over Defy and Matt Dragon, and Jericho joining, Wasabi with the world title, ect. Their theme music plays as they bask in their own glory. Wasabi and Raptor are sitting in bean bags at the back of the bus, while Jericho, Angelica, Hobo and Toby play twister. They are in the bus, on a road trip for no reason…

 

Wasabi: Hey man… what’s up with the Harlem Globetrotters?

 

Raptor: That’s a good question Wasabi… I’ve got no idea!

 

Over at the twister board, Hobo pushes Jericho over.

 

Jericho: GODDAMN IT HOBO!

 

Hobo: I AM THE KING OF TWISTER!!!!!

 

Jericho walks over to Raptor and Wasabi

 

Jericho: So Rapy, ready for the big day tomorrow?

 

Raptor: *looking confused* Big… day?

 

Jericho: Yeah… cold day in hell? Raptor vs Jarred for the World and IC championships?

 

Raptor: OH SHIT! I completely forgot!!!!

 

Wasabi: You FORGOT!? How can you forget something like that?

 

Raptor: Meh, so sue me! ANYTHING that involves Jarred is forgettable.

 

Wasabi: Ahh yeah. Like that thing I had with him… you know… with the sex brand things… for the… title… thing?

 

Raptor: And when he joined that… stable… You know… the new planet guys… un… yeah.

 

Jericho: Stop getting sidetracked!!! You gotta promo! There’s about 15 minutes to the deadline!

 

Raptor jumps up, and starts to think…

 

Raptor: Okay then… promo… yes… promo… let me see… Hobo?

Hobo: *yelling from the twister board* Yeah what is it, I’m kinda busy here.

 

Raptor: Do we have the handicam with us?

 

Hobo: Nah man, I forgot to bring it!

 

Wasabi: Fuck! Umm… I’ve got a mobile phone, you could always send a voice promo…

 

Raptor: Hmm… *A light globe explodes above Raptor’s head* Aha! That’s it. Here, pass the phone! EVERYBODY QUIET, I’M ABOUT TO PROMO!

 

He dials in a phone number, talks softly for a bit, then hangs up, after about 30 seconds.

 

Raptor: Okay, done. CONTINUE PARTYING!

 

Jericho: That’s…. it?

 

Raptor: Yeah… what’s your problem?

 

Wasabi: If you wanna beat Jarred you’re gonna have to send in more than a 30 second promo…

 

Raptor: Hahah! That’s what YOU think! You’ll see what my promo’s like. Just you wait and see. Now let’s play twister while we wait.

 

Jericho: Wait for what?!

 

Raptor: I said you’ll have to wait and SEE!

 

They go off and play twister for an hour or two, and then we cut back to see the wWo sitting around the wWo party bus computer screen. Raptor is standing infront of them.

 

Raptor: Ladies and Gents… It’s now time to find out how I can promo in 30 seconds and win a match!!! Right now, the Couch is sending me my promo through satellite feed. 30 seconds of explaining my promo to the Couch, and my promo is done. I had a revelation, folks…

 

Toby: Oh god, this should be interesting!

 

Raptor: Yes, ladies and gents, I have had a revelation! I realized, that soooo many people hate Jarred JUST as much as I do, so why not let THEM do some trash talking for me!!! That’s right, the fans will do a promo for me! Check this out!

 

He presses a button on a remote, and the screen comes to life!

 

*Start video here*

 

A screen pops up that looks like:

 

 

Couch: Hi there, Couch here! Yes that’s right folks, the premiere episode of “Street Talk” with your host, ME! The show where I go around the streets and talk to random people, hoping to get a decent response, and editing out the ones I don’t like! And today’s topic…

 

A drum-roll plays until another screen comes up:

 

 

 

We cut to couch, who is with his first common man

 

Couch: That’s right, today’s topic is “What the hell is up with that freakboy Jarred?” And here I am with our first guest… Hi there, what do you think of Jarred?

 

Dude: Jarred?! JARRED?! I can’t stand the fucking moron! He said he was the king of the death cell, yet he lost to Wasabi in the cell. He said he was going to save the EMF from the nWo, then he joined them, instead of killing them. Now he says he’s going to take Raptor’s title… *He yells to the crowd behind him* HANDS UP IF ANYONE BELIEVES HIM?!

 

One guy out of about a hundred puts his hand up, then when he realizes he’s the only one slowly puts it down again…

 

Dude: My point exactly! He says all this shit he never actually backs up! Raptor’s gonna kick his ass!

 

We cut to an old woman…

 

Couch: Hi I’m the couch from Street Talk. What do YOU think is up with Jarred?

 

Old Crabby Woman: Huh? Jarred? Isn’t he that guy that sings that song? You know the one: “Don’t matter if your black or white”? He’s always grabbing his crotch and moonwalking. Plus he was accused of pedophilia a while back, wasn’t he? I think he’s a freak!

 

Couch: Yeah, I think a lot of people agree with you.

 

Couch walks up to someone wearing an “I LOVE JARRED CARTHALLION” T-shirt

 

Couch:  Sir!!! SIR! What do YOU think of Jarred Carthallion?

 

Sir Smelly: Who?!

 

Couch: You’re wearing an “I love Jarred” shirt, you must know who he is!

 

Sir Smelly: huh? Oh, this old thing? Nah pal, I found it in a dumpster behind the local McDonalds… I’m a city sewage worker, so I need something I can get human shit all over…

 

Couch: *Cracks up laughing* Good choice of shirt, there pal. 

 

We cut to Couch walking up to some little children, who are prancing around, giggling…

 

Couch: Hey there little kiddies! What do you think of that big nasty Jarred?

 

The three little children just start to cry and one runs away screaming “THE END IS NEAR, MUMMY!!!!”. Couch just shoots the camera a weird look…

 

Couch: Hmm… Well folks, there you have it! What the world thinks of Jarred Carthallion! That’s it for today’s edition of “Street Talk”. Tune in next week to find out what your fellow man thinks when we ask you “What is up with the Harlem Globetrotters?”

 

*End Video Here*

 

Raptor turns it off and pulls it out of the VCR, with a smile, beaming on his face…

 

Raptor: Well guys? What do you think!? Hah!? Isn’t it great? I don’t have to promo, I just let the EMF fans promo for me! It’s great!!!

 

Wasabi: Yeah man, well it may be great, but it’s fucking lazy!

 

Toby: I think you still need to promo.

 

Angelica: Hmm… Hang on… Hey DRIVER, pull over!

 

She runs out of the bus, and walks back in, holding Raptor’s handicam…

 

Angelica: Guys… we haven’t left yet, there’s no driver. Look out the window. You’re house is there…

 

Raptor: Oh shit.

 

Wasabi: Oh well, promo time. Chop chop! Quick!

 

Wasabi starts to film for Raptor.

 

Raptor: Well, here I am again. Talking to a fucking camera. It doesn’t feel right, you know. I’d much rather prefer to be saying this to Satan’s granddaughter’s face, but hey, I’ll have to make do with what I can.

 

Tomorrow another one of those matches for me. Another one of the “biggest matches in my career” match. I’ve had a few of them. wWo Lockdown… the stable war match. That one will forever be in my mind. Survival of the Fittest… against Def Metal in an Iron Man match. Then again last month at Legacy of Blood. Matt Dragon and Def Metal.


My point is Jarred, you may have been on the world title scene longer than I have, but that don’t mean jack shit this Sunday. I’ve learned something from all these matches, Jarred… And that’s what pressure is about. How long has it been since you’ve been under this sort of pressure? How long has it been since you’ve gone for the world title? Wasn’t it… march?

 

Do you remember how to handle being in the big leagues? Come on, Jarred? These last few months you’ve been in B class matches and you’ve lost nearly all of them. And now, you expect me to take you and your Demon shit seriously? What have you been smoking, BOY? Jarred, my boy. It’s unfortunate the way you’re career has gone.

 

Which way is that, you ask? Think, Jarred. Think to yourself, where is my Career right now? You wanna know where it is? I’ve got it by the neck, and I’m about to flush it straight down the toilet.

 

Man, I’ve played a lot of games with you. From that night where I kept taunting you, to when I crushed your puny little skull between the steel of the stage and the gold of my belt. Well I’ve got news for you.

 

Jarred, man. The time is now. No more games. No more jokes. No more satanic ghosts or murders or street talk or Demon Chraptor. It’s time for you and me to get serious man. If your watching, which I know you are… Look into my eyes…

 

You see them? These are the eyes of a desperate man.

 

That’s right. I’m desperate. Desperate to keep this title. Desperate to win the IC title, and put you through 3 stages of pure Hell… You may be the grandson of Satan, Jarred, but I’m gonna teach you what hell is really like tomorrow. Hell beyond all means and barriers. Everything is legal in that cage, Jarred. Everything is legal when it’s hardcore, Jarred. Don’t expect me to take it easy on you, boy, because I don’t know the meaning of the word easy. I’ve been fighting Def Metal for the past 2 months, Jarred. Just ask him, taking me on isn’t a walk in the park.

 

And of course, I know taking you on isn’t easy either. But, whereas Def Metal concentrated on the match, you’ve been going around seeing ghosts and marrying Amy and screwing with Jarred and interfering in nearly every match last shockwave. Are you truly focused on the task at hand?

 

You know, you’re running 2 wars at once, here. Obviously just me wasn’t enough, Jarred, or you wouldn’t have started with Wes. Am I not good enough, Jarred, you two timing bastard? You know, I’ll beat Wes down if he interferes in our match. I don’t care if he’s trying to help me, I’m going it alone tomorrow. I don’t need help from no-one! And while you’ve been busy worrying about Wes and your dead brother and your granddad Ashlee, I’ve been focusing on the match. And nothing BUT the match. You seem very distracted, Jarred. You’re mind is all over the place, and it’s not a pretty sight.

 

Wasabi: Yeah man, but remember Jarred is never a pretty sight!

 

Raptor: Yeah, well, of course. Jarred, you’re gonna be a WHOLE lot uglier after I take you to hell and back. As I said… that scar ain’t the last scar I’ll be giving you.

What did it feel like, Jarred? When your face was pushed up against that cold, hard steel? With the big, heavy belt being pressed into your head? You know, I noticed something. When you were lying there, you had an imprint of the world title belt on your face.

 

You know what it said on you’re cheek?

 

It had the big word “RAPTOR” glowing red on your face, Jarred. The nameplate of my belt branded you. And I laughed. I laughed harder then I have in a long time. You were truly my bitch. My play toy, an animal, and you would do anything I wanted.


Take what I did that day, times it by 10 and realize that 3 stages of hell will be worse than anything your granddaddy could do to you. You’ve played right into my hands. That day, when you beat primetime… it’s because I wanted you to. And now, here we are. Right where I expected to be. Everything has happened as I wanted it to. And that’s not going to change tomorrow night. It’ll go just like I want it to.  

 

Jarred… do you remember what I said to you last shockwave? Some people have said that hell will freeze over before I beat you. You’d better tell you’re granddaddy to have his thermal blanket ready, because tomorrow, hell WILL freeze over. Tomorrow, I will win, and it will be one DAMN COLD DAY IN HELL!

 

What will happen tomorrow at Cold Day in Hell? Does Raptor have something up his Sleeve? Will the nWo or the wWo interfere? Tune in to EMF Cold Day in Hell to find out!

 

The EMF’s most unstable stable…