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Raptor’s theme music: |
Upcoming Match
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Other People Used |
People Mentioned |
Titles Held
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Record
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Jarred vs. Raptor[C] |
The wWo |
Jarred, Primetime, Tazz
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World (1, Current) Extreme (1) |
10-5-3 |
Well, I detailed the Jarred/Raptor feud
in the last promo, but the gist of it is Raptor and Jarred getting annoyed and
hurting each other, you know, the standard feud-ish stuff.
And now, after his big day of torture (or
training, as Jericho called it), Raptor is set to get back to doing what he does
best:
Take the shit out of his opponents and
party down!
The wWo are on their very own themed wWo party bus! It has lots of pics of the
wWo’s greatest moments, like the guys after they defeated the BWO, Raptor’s big
win(s) over Defy and Matt Dragon, and Jericho joining, Wasabi with the world
title, ect. Their theme music plays as they bask in their own glory. Wasabi and
Raptor are sitting in bean bags at the back of the bus, while Jericho,
Angelica, Hobo and Toby play twister. They are in the bus, on a road trip for
no reason…
Wasabi: Hey man… what’s up with the Harlem
Globetrotters?
Raptor: That’s a good question Wasabi… I’ve got
no idea!
Over at the twister board, Hobo pushes Jericho over.
Jericho: GODDAMN IT HOBO!
Hobo: I AM THE KING OF TWISTER!!!!!
Jericho walks over to Raptor and Wasabi
Jericho: So Rapy, ready for the big day
tomorrow?
Raptor: *looking confused* Big… day?
Jericho: Yeah… cold day in hell? Raptor vs
Jarred for the World and IC championships?
Raptor: OH SHIT! I completely forgot!!!!
Wasabi: You FORGOT!? How can you forget
something like that?
Raptor: Meh, so sue me! ANYTHING that involves
Jarred is forgettable.
Wasabi: Ahh yeah. Like that thing I had with him…
you know… with the sex brand things… for the… title… thing?
Raptor: And when he joined that… stable… You
know… the new planet guys… un… yeah.
Jericho: Stop getting sidetracked!!! You gotta
promo! There’s about 15 minutes to the deadline!
Raptor jumps up, and starts to think…
Raptor: Okay then… promo… yes… promo… let me
see… Hobo?
Hobo: *yelling from the twister board* Yeah what is it, I’m kinda busy here.
Raptor: Do we have the handicam with us?
Hobo: Nah man, I forgot to bring it!
Wasabi: Fuck! Umm… I’ve got a mobile phone, you
could always send a voice promo…
Raptor: Hmm… *A light globe explodes above Raptor’s
head* Aha! That’s
it. Here, pass the phone! EVERYBODY QUIET, I’M ABOUT TO PROMO!
He dials in a phone number, talks softly
for a bit, then hangs up, after about 30 seconds.
Raptor: Okay, done. CONTINUE PARTYING!
Jericho: That’s…. it?
Raptor: Yeah… what’s your problem?
Wasabi: If you wanna beat Jarred you’re gonna
have to send in more than a 30 second promo…
Raptor: Hahah! That’s what YOU think! You’ll see
what my promo’s like. Just you wait and see. Now let’s play twister while we
wait.
Jericho: Wait for what?!
Raptor: I said you’ll have to wait and SEE!
They go off and play twister for an hour or two, and then we
cut back to see the wWo sitting around the wWo party bus computer screen.
Raptor is standing infront of them.
Raptor: Ladies and Gents… It’s now time to find
out how I can promo in 30 seconds and win a match!!! Right now, the Couch is
sending me my promo through satellite feed. 30 seconds of explaining my promo
to the Couch, and my promo is done. I had a revelation, folks…
Toby: Oh god, this should be interesting!
Raptor: Yes, ladies and gents, I have had a
revelation! I realized, that soooo many people hate Jarred JUST as much as I
do, so why not let THEM do some trash talking for me!!! That’s right, the fans
will do a promo for me! Check this out!
He presses a button on a remote, and the
screen comes to life!
*Start
video here*
A screen pops up that looks like:
Couch: Hi there, Couch here! Yes that’s right
folks, the premiere episode of “Street Talk” with your host, ME! The show where
I go around the streets and talk to random people, hoping to get a decent
response, and editing out the ones I don’t like! And today’s topic…
A drum-roll plays until another screen
comes up:
We cut to couch, who is with his first
common man
Couch: That’s right, today’s topic is “What the
hell is up with that freakboy Jarred?” And here I am with our first guest… Hi
there, what do you think of Jarred?
Dude: Jarred?! JARRED?! I can’t stand the fucking
moron! He said he was the king of the death cell, yet he lost to Wasabi in the
cell. He said he was going to save the EMF from the nWo, then he joined them,
instead of killing them. Now he says he’s going to take Raptor’s title… *He yells to the crowd behind him* HANDS UP IF ANYONE BELIEVES HIM?!
One guy out of about a hundred puts his hand up, then when he realizes he’s the only one slowly puts it down again…
Dude: My point exactly! He says all this shit he
never actually backs up! Raptor’s gonna kick his ass!
We cut to an old woman…
Couch: Hi I’m the couch
from Street Talk. What do YOU think is up with Jarred?
Old Crabby Woman: Huh? Jarred?
Isn’t he that guy that sings that song? You know the one: “Don’t matter if your
black or white”? He’s always grabbing his crotch and moonwalking. Plus he was
accused of pedophilia a while back, wasn’t he? I think he’s a freak!
Couch: Yeah, I think
a lot of people agree with you.
Couch walks up to someone wearing
an “I LOVE JARRED CARTHALLION” T-shirt
Couch: Sir!!! SIR! What do YOU think of Jarred
Carthallion?
Sir Smelly: Who?!
Couch: You’re wearing
an “I love Jarred” shirt, you must know who he is!
Sir Smelly: huh? Oh, this
old thing? Nah pal, I found it in a dumpster behind the local McDonalds… I’m a city
sewage worker, so I need something I can get human shit all over…
Couch: *Cracks up laughing* Good choice of
shirt, there pal.
We cut to Couch walking up to some little children, who are prancing around, giggling…
Couch: Hey there little kiddies! What do you think of that big nasty Jarred?
The three little children just start to cry and one runs away screaming “THE END IS NEAR, MUMMY!!!!”. Couch just shoots the camera a weird look…
Couch: Hmm… Well folks, there you have it! What the world
thinks of Jarred Carthallion! That’s it for today’s edition of “Street Talk”.
Tune in next week to find out what your fellow man thinks when we ask you “What
is up with the Harlem Globetrotters?”
*End Video Here*
Raptor turns it off and pulls it out of the VCR, with a smile, beaming on his face…
Raptor: Well guys? What do you think!? Hah!? Isn’t it great?
I don’t have to promo, I just let the EMF fans promo for me! It’s great!!!
Wasabi: Yeah man, well it may be great, but it’s
fucking lazy!
Toby: I think you still need to promo.
Angelica: Hmm… Hang on… Hey DRIVER, pull over!
She runs out of the bus, and walks back in, holding Raptor’s handicam…
Angelica: Guys… we haven’t left yet, there’s no driver. Look out
the window. You’re house is there…
Raptor: Oh shit.
Wasabi: Oh well, promo time. Chop chop! Quick!
Wasabi starts to film for Raptor.
Raptor: Well, here I am again. Talking to a fucking camera. It
doesn’t feel right, you know. I’d much rather prefer to be saying this to Satan’s
granddaughter’s face, but hey, I’ll have to make do with what I can.
Tomorrow another one of those
matches for me. Another one of the “biggest matches in my career” match. I’ve
had a few of them. wWo Lockdown… the stable war match. That one will forever be
in my mind. Survival of the Fittest… against Def Metal in an Iron Man match. Then
again last month at Legacy of Blood. Matt Dragon and Def Metal.
My point is Jarred, you may have been on the world title scene longer than I have,
but that don’t mean jack shit this Sunday. I’ve learned something from all
these matches, Jarred… And that’s what pressure is about. How long has it been
since you’ve been under this sort of pressure? How long has it been since you’ve
gone for the world title? Wasn’t it… march?
Do you remember how to handle
being in the big leagues? Come on, Jarred? These last few months you’ve been in
B class matches and you’ve lost nearly all of them. And now, you expect me to
take you and your Demon shit seriously? What have you been smoking, BOY?
Jarred, my boy. It’s unfortunate the way you’re career has gone.
Which way is that, you ask? Think,
Jarred. Think to yourself, where is my Career right now? You wanna know where
it is? I’ve got it by the neck, and I’m about to flush it straight down the
toilet.
Man, I’ve played a lot of games
with you. From that night where I kept taunting you, to when I crushed your
puny little skull between the steel of the stage and the gold of my belt. Well I’ve
got news for you.
Jarred, man. The time is now. No
more games. No more jokes. No more satanic ghosts or murders or street talk or
Demon Chraptor. It’s time for you and me to get serious man. If your watching,
which I know you are… Look into my eyes…
You see them? These are the eyes
of a desperate man.
That’s right. I’m desperate.
Desperate to keep this title. Desperate to win the IC title, and put you
through 3 stages of pure Hell… You may be the grandson of Satan, Jarred, but I’m
gonna teach you what hell is really like tomorrow. Hell beyond all means and
barriers. Everything is legal in that cage, Jarred. Everything is legal when it’s
hardcore, Jarred. Don’t expect me to take it easy on you, boy, because I don’t
know the meaning of the word easy. I’ve been fighting Def Metal for the past 2
months, Jarred. Just ask him, taking me on isn’t a walk in the park.
And of course, I know taking you
on isn’t easy either. But, whereas Def Metal concentrated on the match, you’ve
been going around seeing ghosts and marrying Amy and screwing with Jarred and
interfering in nearly every match last shockwave. Are you truly focused on the
task at hand?
You know, you’re running 2 wars at
once, here. Obviously just me wasn’t enough, Jarred, or you wouldn’t have
started with Wes. Am I not good enough, Jarred, you two timing bastard? You
know, I’ll beat Wes down if he interferes in our match. I don’t care if he’s
trying to help me, I’m going it alone tomorrow. I don’t need help from no-one!
And while you’ve been busy worrying about Wes and your dead brother and your granddad
Ashlee, I’ve been focusing on the match. And nothing BUT the match. You seem
very distracted, Jarred. You’re mind is all over the place, and it’s not a
pretty sight.
Wasabi: Yeah man, but remember Jarred is never a
pretty sight!
Raptor: Yeah, well, of course. Jarred, you’re gonna be a
WHOLE lot uglier after I take you to hell and back. As I said… that scar ain’t
the last scar I’ll be giving you.
What did it feel like, Jarred? When your face was pushed up against that cold,
hard steel? With the big, heavy belt being pressed into your head? You know, I noticed
something. When you were lying there, you had an imprint of the world title
belt on your face.
You know what it said on you’re
cheek?
It had the big word “RAPTOR” glowing
red on your face, Jarred. The nameplate of my belt branded you. And I laughed.
I laughed harder then I have in a long time. You were truly my bitch. My play
toy, an animal, and you would do anything I wanted.
Take what I did that day, times it by 10 and realize that 3 stages of hell will
be worse than anything your granddaddy could do to you. You’ve played right
into my hands. That day, when you beat primetime… it’s because I wanted you to.
And now, here we are. Right where I expected to be. Everything has happened as I
wanted it to. And that’s not going to change tomorrow night. It’ll go just like
I want it to.
Jarred… do you remember what I said
to you last shockwave? Some people have said that hell will freeze over before I
beat you. You’d better tell you’re granddaddy to have his thermal blanket
ready, because tomorrow, hell WILL freeze over. Tomorrow, I will win, and it will
be one DAMN COLD DAY IN HELL!
What will happen tomorrow at Cold Day in Hell? Does Raptor have something up his Sleeve? Will the nWo or the wWo interfere? Tune in to EMF Cold Day in Hell to find out!
The EMF’s most unstable stable…