Our scene opens with
Raptor lying down on a physiatrists couch. He has his hands on his head and is
crying. The camera zooms out, and there we see Hobo, with glasses on, legs
crossed, holding a clipboard and leaning in on his knee. Hobo just gently
reassures Raptor by saying mm hmm. Yep. Mm Hmm the whole time, while Raptor
rambles.
Raptor: … And then Timmay said
last week that I cheated… Did I cheat Hobo? You saw the tape… Did I cheat?
Hobo: Mmmm Hmm. Of COURSE you
didn’t cheat! You’ve got 2 victories over the guy, he’s just feeling a little
sour. After all, don’t all loners feel sad?
Raptor: Like Phantom?
Hobo: mmm hmmm. Exactly. And
Angelus is just some creep to tries to scare people… Hey, I met the actor he
hired to pull that “on screen” murder thing a couple of weeks ago… Remember
when he said he had dismantled someone’s brain and mailed it to his family?
Yeah, that was an actor… And the brain was fish guts… You know how realistic
they can look.
Raptor: That liar! I’m going
to make HIM look like fish guts…
Hobo: mmm hmmm. That’s nice
Raptor, but please, save all the cheesy and non-threatening calls for a
non-title match some other week. You have to say good stuff, this is an extreme
title match…
Raptor: I just feel so
pressured, and I don’t think I have any way of releasing all my inner thoughts.
Hobo: mmm hmm. Wait a sec… What
was that? I think that means a promo coming on…
Raptor: It was nothing… I don’t
want to promo…
Hobo: mmm hmm. Yes you do! I
can see it in your eyes…
Raptor: *singing My Way by
Limp Bizkit* I can see it when you laugh at me, look down on me, and walk
around on me…
Hobo: mmm hmmm. STOP CHANGING
THE SUBJECT!!! NOW get down there and gimmie at 1000 word promo, or I’m going
to max out your credit card!
Raptor: But, you’re the worlds
richest man-
Hobo: mmm hmmm. Shut up and get
out there! I’ve got the tape you made.
“Feel so numb” by Rob Zombie hits the PA system as the newest
member of the wWo comes out, Raptor! He holds a microphone, and half dances, half
prances, half jiggles his way out… (Don’t ask me how 3 halves make a whole)
Raptor: Hey Yo.
*Unnecessary Pause*
Today, I feel the need, once again, to
vent my thoughts to the world… I just noticed how often I do it… Every time I
have a match actually… Oh well. I’m here to talk about my extreme title match
up… For the third time this week.
Timmay, I still haven’t heard from you…
It’s rather unusual to say the least. Feeling a little down and out? Cheer up,
It’s only going to get worse. Angelus? You’re going to be in heaven this Sunday.
Pain is love, right? And then you’ll wake up and realize you’re in hell.
Anyway, I’m out here to make a point.
My home economics course is going great, and now, after I graduated with honors
in the spontaneous combustion with your mind section, I’m learning how to put
together nice video highlight packages. So, we’ve all heard how angelus LOVES
pain… How he gets HIGH from pain… Man, I can’t wait to our match, he’ll be so
fucked up that he probably won’t be able to stand. Anyway, lets take a look at
what this match will be like for angelus…
Raptor: Sorry, wrong video… HOBO! THE OTHER
TAPE!
Raptor: NO! That’s Phantom and a “True
Juggalo”. Try again.
Thank
you. Pain is his pleasure, so this is
how trippy Angelus will be feeling this Sunday.
Raptor: Yes, notice the slight
yellow tint to Angelus, the other “True Juggalo”. I don’t know why I did that.
The last time I felt like this was when I was facing Hardcore Timmay, man; you go
near that guy and you get stoned he smokes so much shit!
Yes, Angelus
will be high as hell this match, in fact, I’m kinda worried I’ll win from a
TKO, I mean, will he be able to stand? Or will he be too worried about covering
the wet patch in his pants? Who knows.
All I know is
that if he loves pain that much, I’ll fucking marry him to it.
And Timmay, I’ll
get the 3 count over you. Again.
So, after
Angelus is engaged in holy matrimony with his best friend pain, and Timmay is
so screwed up he collapses and is taken into intensive care, I will hold the
extreme title. And that means, every single member of the wWo will hold gold! *Has a huge smiley face* And finally, we will get the respect we
deserve… Because we are dignified!
Raptor: No, we really are!
Hobo: You’re only up to 400 words. I’m still
unimpressed…
Raptor: 410 now thanks to you, and 417 thanks
to that last sentence. And now 424!
Hobo: Shut up! I’m trying to stop your
persistent off-topic Rping… Its really random!
Raptor *Bouncing
up and down on a trampoline*: You see, I thought I’d hire these guys to show the EMF’s
resident juggalos- Jake and Angelus, how to perform. Now that is how you
juggle. SO! Angelus… Once you’ve finished getting high from kitchen knives and
swallowing cleaning bleaches, how’s about you come out and give us a promo, no?
I’m getting really bored… Same goes for Timmay… Though I can already see it
being low quality… Jay leno… I beat him up when I was 5! But anyway, I’m off to
the Gimmicks r Us shop… I’m going to get my sister a good gimmick for her
birthday. Call me if anything interesting happens.
He starts walking up the ramp, and he
meets Hobo half way… But suddenly Angelus’ theme music hits the PA system, and
out runs 30 to 40 painted faces of death… Raptor and Hobo run like hell, as the
bondage freaks chase them… Behind the ladies, Wes Borland and Bustyo Assboy.