RAPTOR

Pot and pain.
The things people get high from these days.

 

Our scene opens with Raptor lying down on a physiatrists couch. He has his hands on his head and is crying. The camera zooms out, and there we see Hobo, with glasses on, legs crossed, holding a clipboard and leaning in on his knee. Hobo just gently reassures Raptor by saying mm hmm. Yep. Mm Hmm the whole time, while Raptor rambles.

 

Raptor: … And then Timmay said last week that I cheated… Did I cheat Hobo? You saw the tape… Did I cheat?

 

Hobo: Mmmm Hmm. Of COURSE you didn’t cheat! You’ve got 2 victories over the guy, he’s just feeling a little sour. After all, don’t all loners feel sad?

 

Raptor: Like Phantom?

 

Hobo: mmm hmmm. Exactly. And Angelus is just some creep to tries to scare people… Hey, I met the actor he hired to pull that “on screen” murder thing a couple of weeks ago… Remember when he said he had dismantled someone’s brain and mailed it to his family? Yeah, that was an actor… And the brain was fish guts… You know how realistic they can look.

 

Raptor: That liar! I’m going to make HIM look like fish guts…

 

Hobo: mmm hmmm. That’s nice Raptor, but please, save all the cheesy and non-threatening calls for a non-title match some other week. You have to say good stuff, this is an extreme title match…

 

Raptor: I just feel so pressured, and I don’t think I have any way of releasing all my inner thoughts.

 

Hobo: mmm hmm. Wait a sec… What was that? I think that means a promo coming on…

 

Raptor: It was nothing… I don’t want to promo…

 

Hobo: mmm hmm. Yes you do! I can see it in your eyes…

 

Raptor: *singing My Way by Limp Bizkit* I can see it when you laugh at me, look down on me, and walk around on me…

 

Hobo: mmm hmmm. STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT!!! NOW get down there and gimmie at 1000 word promo, or I’m going to max out your credit card!

 

Raptor: But, you’re the worlds richest man-

 

Hobo: mmm hmmm. Shut up and get out there! I’ve got the tape you made.

 

“Feel so numb” by Rob Zombie hits the PA system as the newest member of the wWo comes out, Raptor! He holds a microphone, and half dances, half prances, half jiggles his way out… (Don’t ask me how 3 halves make a whole)

 

Raptor: Hey Yo.

 

*Unnecessary Pause*

 

Today, I feel the need, once again, to vent my thoughts to the world… I just noticed how often I do it… Every time I have a match actually… Oh well. I’m here to talk about my extreme title match up… For the third time this week.

 

Timmay, I still haven’t heard from you… It’s rather unusual to say the least. Feeling a little down and out? Cheer up, It’s only going to get worse. Angelus? You’re going to be in heaven this Sunday. Pain is love, right? And then you’ll wake up and realize you’re in hell. 

 

Anyway, I’m out here to make a point. My home economics course is going great, and now, after I graduated with honors in the spontaneous combustion with your mind section, I’m learning how to put together nice video highlight packages. So, we’ve all heard how angelus LOVES pain… How he gets HIGH from pain… Man, I can’t wait to our match, he’ll be so fucked up that he probably won’t be able to stand. Anyway, lets take a look at what this match will be like for angelus…

 

 

Raptor: Sorry, wrong video… HOBO! THE OTHER TAPE!

 

 

Raptor: NO! That’s Phantom and a “True Juggalo”. Try again.

 

Thank you.  Pain is his pleasure, so this is how trippy Angelus will be feeling this Sunday.

 

 

Raptor: Yes, notice the slight yellow tint to Angelus, the other “True Juggalo”. I don’t know why I did that. The last time I felt like this was when I was facing Hardcore Timmay, man; you go near that guy and you get stoned he smokes so much shit!

 

Yes, Angelus will be high as hell this match, in fact, I’m kinda worried I’ll win from a TKO, I mean, will he be able to stand? Or will he be too worried about covering the wet patch in his pants? Who knows.

All I know is that if he loves pain that much, I’ll fucking marry him to it.

And Timmay, I’ll get the 3 count over you. Again.

 

So, after Angelus is engaged in holy matrimony with his best friend pain, and Timmay is so screwed up he collapses and is taken into intensive care, I will hold the extreme title. And that means, every single member of the wWo will hold gold! *Has a huge smiley face* And finally, we will get the respect we deserve… Because we are dignified!

 

He trips over

 

Raptor: No, we really are!

 

Just then, “Here comes the Money” hits the PA system and out walks the one, the only, the man, the myth, the Hobo!

 

Hobo: You’re only up to 400 words. I’m still unimpressed…

 

Raptor: 410 now thanks to you, and 417 thanks to that last sentence. And now 424!

 

Hobo: Shut up! I’m trying to stop your persistent off-topic Rping… Its really random!

 

All of a sudden, cirque de soliel run down and do a performance… (OOC: That is random!)

 

Raptor *Bouncing up and down on a trampoline*: You see, I thought I’d hire these guys to show the EMF’s resident juggalos- Jake and Angelus, how to perform. Now that is how you juggle. SO! Angelus… Once you’ve finished getting high from kitchen knives and swallowing cleaning bleaches, how’s about you come out and give us a promo, no? I’m getting really bored… Same goes for Timmay… Though I can already see it being low quality… Jay leno… I beat him up when I was 5! But anyway, I’m off to the Gimmicks r Us shop… I’m going to get my sister a good gimmick for her birthday. Call me if anything interesting happens.

 

He starts walking up the ramp, and he meets Hobo half way… But suddenly Angelus’ theme music hits the PA system, and out runs 30 to 40 painted faces of death… Raptor and Hobo run like hell, as the bondage freaks chase them… Behind the ladies, Wes Borland and Bustyo Assboy.