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Raptor’s theme music: |
Upcoming Match
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Other People Used |
People Mentioned |
Titles Held
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Record
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Raptor v Def Metal v Jarred v Primetime [C] |
Toby, a pair of doctors. |
Jarred,
Defy, Primetime, Wasabi
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World (1), Intercontinental (1) Extreme (1), Tag (1, Current) |
14-6-3 |
First Blood.
No, it’s not talking about menstruation,
that would be disgusting. It’s talking about bleeding after a grueling war. After
a huge battle of epic proportions. And that’s why it’s so appropriate that
First Blood is the name of this Sunday’s Pay Per View. There will be a huge
battle. Egos will be deflated. Voices will be put to rest. Men will be
destroyed. Because Def Metal, Jarred, and Primetime are set to taste…
The Raptor Experience…
You like that? *girlish giggle* I thought of it myself. In other words, they’re
gonna get one hell of a wake up call. Thinking they can beat Raptor! HA! What do
they know. Get Set, ladies and gents. First Blood (the pay per view) is coming.
Our scene opens with
Toby, lying in bed, awake. He tosses (not in that way) and turns, unable to get
to sleep, because of a noise. A mumbling noise. He covers his ears with a
pillow, but still. Till eventually, he snaps and jumps up, marches out of the
Bedroom, and opens the door to Raptor’s bedroom, to find the source of the
mumbling.
Raptor: z…z…z… it’s
mine… z…z…z… MINE!!! …z… z… z… My Precious… z…z…z…He stole it from us… and now
we wants it back…
Toby: Dad… wake up…
Raptor: z…z…z… my
title… my precious…z…z…z…
Toby: WAKE UP!
Raptor: *Jumps up and falls out
of bed* WHOA! WHO’S THERE!?!!?!
Toby: JUST ME! It’s just me, ok! Toby…
Just me…
Raptor: Jesus Christ!
Toby: No, not him, it’s Toby!
Raptor: No I mean,
Jesus Toby, you scared the shit out of me! What do you want?!
Toby: You were talking in your sleep
about the world title and keeping me awake.
Raptor: Hah… *Has a quick chuckle* that’s pretty funny… wow, guess
the match is getting to me. Oh well, sorry. Go back to bed.
Toby: You’re obsessed!
Raptor: No I’m not.
Now go to bed.
Toby: No you’re not?
*Raptor nods* Bullshit you’re not! Look dad! Look! On your
bedside table- Your jar of title polish. Next to it- A photo of you holding the
title… and for god’s sake. YOU SLEEP WITH A FUCKING REPLICA OF THE THING! How
are you NOT OBSESSED?!
Raptor stands
there, speechless for a second, before mumbling out his response…
Raptor: I just… love
my work. That’s all. Now go to bed.
Toby: You need to fix this. *Walks out of the room*
Raptor: *mumbling* I’m not
obsessed. I’m NOT! I’m not obsessed… *Looks at his replica,
picks it up to put it away, but stops* It’s so shiny… and beautiful…
look at the leather, so smooth, what texture! And the gold, so bright… It makes
you mean something, Raptor.
*Slaps himself* WAKE UP! You
ARE obsessed!
No I’m not! I’m not obsessed. I’m just looking forward to the match.
Yes you are… look at yourself, Toby’s right. It’s all you think about.
The title… your precious. You’re even thinking about it now.
*Holding back tears* I’m not. I’m
not thinking about it. You’re making me think about it. GO AWAY!!! I want to go
to sleep!
*Getting angry* I don’t want
to leave. Look at it. Isn’t it pretty? Look at precious. Look at the
title…
*Crying* No! No I don’t
want to! NO!!! I won’t look! LEAVE ME ALO-
Toby: *who had been listening
for a while* WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!
Raptor: *Snapping up into shape*
NOTHING! Nothing, I’m fine… *Nervous Giggle*
I’m fine. Fine. Finefinefinefinefine. Absolutely fine.
Toby: No you’re not, you’re a fucking
headcase. I’m calling a doctor.
He marches out of the
room, and Raptor nervously follows trying to convince him otherwise.
Raptor: Please Toby,
look!!! LOOK! I’m OK now, it’s really not necessary- See, I’m OK now.
Toby: I’m calling a doctor and you can’t
stop me! *Picks up the phone receiver*
Raptor: NO! *Slams down the phone
receiver, looking threatening*
Toby: Raptor! LOOK! *points outside* Is that Primetime? Holding the world
title?!
Raptor: WHERE?!
He runs outside as
Raptor quickly rings up the emergency services. The number is 911 for any
little kiddies reading. Or 000 if you live in Australia. Anyway, when he
realizes that Toby was distracting him, Raptor runs back in, and Toby is
sitting on the couch, quietly. He takes little notice, and goes back to his
bedroom.
10 minutes later, the
men in white storm into Raptor’s bedroom, to find him affectionately stroking
his world title replica. He looks shocked to see them, but before he can do
anything, they grab him and force him into a straight jacket. He starts
kicking, waving his arms around wildly…
Raptor: *Reaching for the title
replica* DON’T MAKE ME LEAVE MY PRECIOUS!!!
One of the doctors
injects him with tranquilizer to stop his squeaming. They carry him to the
wacky-mobile, and lock him in the back. Toby jumps in the front with the men in
white, as they drive off.
Toby: …so anyway, there he is, sitting on
his bed, having an argument with himself! And one minute he’s crying, then he’s
like a completely different person, angry at the other version. Honest to god,
I could swear it was two people.
Doctor Wacko: Yes…yes. I’ve
seen this before. Advanced dillusionary schizophrenia with involuntary
narcissistic rage.
Doctor Jacko: Hmmm… what was
he arguing with himself about?
Toby: The EMF world championship belt.
Doctor Jacko: Ahh, a wrestler.
Now it all makes sense.
Toby: *outraged* What’s that
supposed to mean!?
Doctor Wacko: Nothing! Nothing,
we meant nothing by it. Ahh, here we are now.
They pull up outside a
dark building. It’s surrounded by big, dark storm clouds, and there is lightning
all around. The rain pours down, creating massive puddles, and causing the
building’s electric fence to spark. The barbed wire on top of the fence is
twisted, sharp, and rusted. In the middle of the building, right in front of
the old, decrepit building, is a sign, that says “Dark Circle Asylum”. Behind
the sign, we see Phantom and Chris Boswell playing keepings off. Phantom is it,
and Chris Boswell is trying to throw the ball to himself, while keeping the
ball of Phantom.
Toby: No No NO guys! I specifically
stated on the medical form that I DIDN’T want the evil psychopathic insane
asylum. I just wanted the normal insane asylum.
Doctor Wacko: Oh well you could have TOLD US!
Doctor Jacko: Oh goddamnit!
The other hospital is 50 miles in the other direction.
Doctor Wacko: Are you SURE you
don’t want to put him in this one?
Toby: YES! Yes I’m sure!
Doctor Jacko: Ugh. *sigh* Fine. Let’s go.
And so the drive off to
the insane asylum. When they arrive, they check Raptor in to the premium cell.
(the only way for a celebrity to be incarcerated is to be incarcerated in
STYLE!). It has the luxury of a padded television and a padded toilet. They
drag Raptor to his cell as they call Jericho to come and pick up Toby from the
asylum.
1 day later…
We see the door to
Raptor’s cell open, and in walks… Is that? The couch?! He’s disguised, wearing
a fake mustache and wearing a wig that gives him a mullet. He walks in, in a
big trench coat.
Raptor 1: Is that the
Couch? Please tell me that’s the couch.
Raptor 2: Yes, it’s him.
Raptor 1: Yay, he’s
here, he’s here, he’s HERE!
Couch: Howdy Rapy!
Yes it’s me! Look what I brought!
He opens his trench
coat, and out walks a midget cameraman, holding a camera.
Couch: I went to a
lot of trouble for this interview, Raptor.
Raptor: We thank you,
Couch, for answering our request.
Couch: Umm… *looks
at Raptor weird* Anyway, let’s get this over with. So… Raptor. How
are you feeling right now?
Raptor: How are we
feeling? We’re feeling great, thank you, Coach.
Couch: WE’re?
Raptor: Yes WE. Do you
have a problem with the BOTH of us taking part in this interview?
Couch: Umm… No. No. *mumbling* Last time I ever interview a skitzo!
Raptor: What?
Couch: Oh, um… I
said it’s almost time to interview Fritzo. One of the doctors here.
Raptor: THERE’S NO
DOCTOR FRITZO HERE!
Couch: Umm… I swear,
there really is a Doctor Fritzo! Anyway, Raptor. You’re opponent and co-tag
champion Def Metal promoed during the week, and he seems to have taken a more
serious approach to the match. What are your thoughts on his changed mindset?
Raptor: He’s PROMOED?!
Wow… We’d better watch that. Has he really changed his mindset?
Couch: Yes, quite considerably.
Raptor: Hmm… We’d
better check it out.
Couch: Oh well. How
do you feel about the fact that Primetime has kept quiet this week?
Raptor: Well, quite
frankly, we feel a little disappointed. We were hoping for a huge match, a
match where we can finally prove we are worthy of defeating Primetime at his
best. But unfortunately, he’s kept quiet. Maybe he’ll show. Maybe he won’t. We
can’t predict the future. But what we know, is he has something we want.
Something we want badly. He has precious.
Couch: Precious?
Raptor: The world
title! My Precious!!!!
Couch: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.
And how do you feel about Mr. Gothic Demon Guy, Jarred Carthallion.
Raptor: He’s the one
that should be here in this asylum. Not us! I’ve said it a million times, he’s
the wacko. It’s interesting, from his promos last week in the tag title match,
he seemed, almost… different. Wow, you say Def Metal has changed… We say Jarred
has changed (again). All you need is for Primetime to change and we’ll have a
complete set of changed opponents for us. So we’ll have some adjusting to do,
come First Blood. It’s going to be a hell of a match. We’re going to do
EVERYTHING in our power to bring Precious home. Because if we don’t… *Whispers to couch* I’m afraid Raptor could get a little
violent with me.
Raptor 2: I’m not
violent! SHUT UP!
Raptor: Sorry! Sorry!
Couch: *Getting really weirded
out* Wow, look at the time. I really should go. *Starts to back away
slowly*
Raptor: *Suddenly scared* NO! NO! Don’t go! Please don’t go! *Starting to cry*
Raptor 2: *Angry* You go, and I WILL kill you.
Couch runs out of the
room, freaked out by Raptor, abruptly ending the interview.
Another 2 days later…
The door to Raptor’s
cell opens, and Toby and Jericho walk in, to see Raptor, wearing his “I hate AN
ARKIE” straight jacket, sitting watching the Def Metal’s promo on the
television, having a conversation with himself.
Raptor 2: That was
INTENSE!
Raptor 1: Wow, something
must have snapped in his head.
Raptor 2: Hmm… You know,
that phrase sounds somehow… familiar.
Suddenly, Raptor
spasms as he has a horrible flashback…
Raptor 1: Oh GOD! I hope Def doesn’t go Commando
Style our asses!
Jericho: *mumbling to Toby* Hah! Him complaining about something
snapping in someone ELSES head!
Toby: Hey dad!
Raptor: *Switching off the TV and standing up in
his straight jacket* Oh,
hey guys!
Toby: How are you going?
Raptor: Oh, we’re all right. Today. Yesterday we
was terrible after all the tests they did on me. Ugh, that was a painful day.
And if we scream to loud they inject us with tranquilizers, so don’t tickle us
or nothing.
Suddenly the door opens, and in walks the
head doctor, and everyone’s favorite wWo promo regular, Doctor Fleshwound!
Doctor
Fleshwound: Ahh,
gentlemen. Good news. Raptor, we can release you.
Raptor: Oh thank god, I was starting to think I
really was insane.
Raptor 2: Yeah, so was I.
Doctor
Fleshwound: On a couple of
provisos. 1. You have to take this medication, 5 times a day, with water.
Raptor: Okay, we can do that.
Doctor
Fleshwound: *Looking
at Raptor weirdly then signaling to Jericho the crazy thing, by waving his
finger around next to his head* err… yes, anyway. Also, Jericho and Toby have to go back to your
house, and completely clear it of anything to do with the world title.
Raptor: Oh, is this permanent, Doctor!? We don’t
think we can go long without our precious!
Doctor
Fleshwound: Here, take
this.
Hands the Raptor(s?) a pill, and suddenly
Raptor’s face transforms back to normal, instead of the twisted insane Raptor
face.
Doctor
Fleshwound: Well, I think
the only cure could be for you to win the world title on Sunday at… what’s it
called?
Toby: First Blood.
Doctor Fleshwound:
Yes. First Blood.
Hopefully another title reign will help you get back to normal again. But I’m
afraid if you lose at First Blood, we’ll have to bring you back in here for
re-evaluation.
Raptor: So I have to win?
Doctor
Fleshwound: It’s extremely
important, yes…
Toby: You said I!!!! You used I instead of WE!
Raptor: No I didn’t!
Jericho: Yes you did!
Doctor
Fleshwound: Ahh, he’s
responding fast to the medication. Also, before we let you go, there is one
thing we need you to do. There’s one more test.
Raptor: Yes?
Doctor
Fleshwound: We want you
to… umm… what do you wrestling people call it? Talk? You know… when you ramble
for ages about your opponents… umm…
Raptor: Promo?
Doctor
Fleshwound: Yes. That’s
it. We’ve got a camera and a backdrop ready in the next cell.
He walks into the next cell, to see the
mad hatter’s tea party from Alice in wonderland.
Doctor
Fleshwound: Yeah, sorry
about the backdrop, it’s recycled from the Asylum play we did.
Raptor: The mad hatter’s tea party? How appropriate.
Doctor
Fleshwound: Anyway, time
to promo for us.
Raptor: Right. Ahem…
First Blood.
The grandest stage of all time. I’ve said this a thousand times this week…
there couldn’t be a finer show to win the world title on. I can’t wait to do
it. I need that world title. I crave that world title. I need it, I need my fix
of the EMF world title.
And on Sunday, I’ll
be getting it.
It’s not going
to be easy. I’ll be facing the 3 best competitors the EMF has to offer today.
The newly returned Def Metal. I know what this man can do. I’ve been in the
ring with him many a time, he’s a powerful foe. When he needs to, he pulls it
out, and he really is a world champion in the making. Then there’s Jarred. And
as much as I love to insult him, and remind him of his losing streak, he’s no
push over. I know this is the first time I’ve really admitted this, and I’m
telling the truth, ever time I face Jarred, it’s always a close call. No matter
how much I say he’s a push over, I still have to work as hard as I possibly can
to defeat him. And then there’s Primetime. The man I’ve never beaten. The man
that no matter how hard I’ve tried in the past, I just couldn’t pull out that all-important
victory. And now he holds what was once mine. That title. My title. MY
PRECIOUS! *Gets a injection
from Dr. Fleshwound* Anyway,
I want that title badly, and what I’m trying to say is I’m ready for anything
my opponents throw at me. I’m ready to be pushed to the edge, hell, even to be
pushed over the edge. I’m going to do whatever it takes to gain that title.
You see, I’m
prepared for my opponents. I know all 3 of you well. Def- You and I have had
some grueling battles. We’ve faced each other so many times I can’t remember
them all. I’ve promoed on you so many times that I can’t count it on my
fingers. I know you’re every move. I know your style. We’ve gone through it
together. And now this. Last time I won the world title, it was after defeating
you, as well. I guess I’ll have to do it again. So be it, Def Metal. So be it.
Jarred… The
leader of the Dark Circle. The CEO of the EMF. Don’t think I take you as
lightly as I seem to. As I said before, I may fool around when I face you… But
deep down, I know, just like you know, that you’ve got potential. That you can
gain that 3rd world title if you really want. And I’m sure, someday,
you will become a 3 time world champion. But not on Sunday. No, not when I’m in
the ring with you. You see Jarred, as much as you have potential, I don’t think
you’ve realized it yet. You haven’t been able to beat me. At all. There is not
one time that I’ve faced you and lost to you. I’ve faced you many a time. And I’ve
beaten you every single time. Sorry to say Jarred, but this week isn’t going to
be any different. You’re the same Jarred. I’m the same Raptor. And when there’s
a world title on the line, and you and me are in the ring together. Raptor
always comes out on top. You know it as well as I do.
And Primetime…
Primetime… *laughs* It’s time… Champ. It’s time for that
title to come back to me. It’s time for me to finally pin you for the 1…2…3… I
faced you many a time too. Even though I try not to remember those matches. I
couldn’t beat you. You know I couldn’t. There’s no point me denying it
happened. Or not mentioning it. Because everyone remembers. I lost, what, 3
times in a row to you? Man, that’s almost as bad as Jarred’s losing to me! But
finally, it’s time. We’re on even ground, and I’m going to come out ahead of
you. With that world title around my waist. I’m going to become a 2 time EMF
world champion, at your expense. Finally… Think of it this way. As much as I’ve
been craving the world title, I’ve been craving pinning you. Showing the world
that I CAN beat Primetime.
Those 3 men,
together, in the ring with me. It’s bound to be a great match. And it’s bound
to be a war. A war of muscle, strength, fitness, intelligence, and egos. 4 men
will clash, and only 1 will remain standing afterwards. And after the brutal
battle, after first blood is spilt and 3 men are pinned, I’ll stand up on the
turnbuckle, and I’ll wave my newly won world title to the fans.
The Rampage has
begun. Primetime, Def, and Jarred… Get out of my way, I’m coming through.
The doctor comes in, pats Raptor on the back, and tells him he can go. As Toby, Jericho and Raptor leave the center, a doctor waves to Raptor…
Doctor Fritzo: Seeya Rapy!
Raptor: Later Dr.
Fritzo… *Gets a confused look*
The EMF’s most unstable
stable…