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Primetime vs Raptor 3

Toby, Hobo, Michael Cole, Primetime’s Butler

Primetime, The BWO, An Arkie

Extreme Title (1)

5-2-0

 

After losing to primetime twice, Raptor is feeling a little aggravated, to say the least. The lockdown has begun, and he has made himself a rematch to regain his extreme title. After spending a long day at Hobo’s casino working out the card with the rest of the wWo, he and Toby decide to go home and get some TV dinners.

 

Toby: Okay man, spill the beans, why another match with Primetime?

 

Raptor: You wanna know why Tobes? I’ll tell you why. That was my title. I held that for 4 months, and nobody. NOBODY could take it from me. And it makes me angry, that I have to lose to a nobody like Primetime, that’s why. The guy just waltzes back in to the federation, yelling “hey, sorry for not showing up for 6 months, but hey, can I still have my job?” and then decides, I feel like an Extreme title shot. That doesn’t work for me. I never granted him a match, he just decided he wanted one. Where in the rule book does it say that?

 

Toby: *reading the rulebook* Hehe, right here, page 11- Primetime can have any match he wants, and the wWo can do whatever they damn well feel like. I’ve been studying this thing for my match against Kiel Hardy and Gillberg. But dad, come on, tell me, I know it’s getting to you, you’re not yourself.

 

Raptor: But that’s where you’re wrong, my padawan!!!!

 

Toby: Dad, don’t quote star wars, it’s really not you.

 

Raptor: Quiet or I’ll flajabble you with my lightsaber thingy.

 

Toby: What the hell does flajabble mean?

 

Raptor: Never mind. You were wrong, when you said I haven’t been myself. I have a plan, my padawan…

 

Toby: Quit it with the Padawan thing!

 

Raptor: Okay, okay. Listen, I want to send a message to primetime. He should know more than anyone about sending messages! Ha! Not. He thinks that sqashing a sandwhich named after me is threatening? Okay, so explain this to me. If I got a hot dog, and named it Toby, then ran over it in my car, would you find that threatening?

 

Toby: No, it’d just think you were a retard.

 

Raptor: Exactly my point! Exactly! How does squashing a sandwich make primetime feel powerful? Does he have a fetish or something? And besides, he named a sandwich after me. Flattering, but somebody is just ASKING to be sued.

 

Toby: You’re right man, this guy is a bit of a try hard!

 

Raptor: More than that! He is not only try hard, but he’s stupid, slow, up himself, and un-creative. What sort of guy threatens you with a SANDWICH!??!?! Come on!

 

Toby: Look, I agree dad, the sandwich thing was wak. But give it a rest, I get the point!

 

Raptor: Yeah, well, I’m just proving another point by repeating myself. Did you notice, that primetime’s promo went for 45 minutes, and all he did was repeat himself in as many different possible ways? I will beat you Raptor, Raptor I will beat you, Beat you I will raptor? It is annoying as hell that he could waste so much TV time, for his so called “jobber” Why is that. Why, if I am such a lowly jobber, did he have to yab on about me for so long. It’s so detrimental! It’s so pathetically stupid and hypocritical, it just eats away at me. He flaps his gums about how much of a jobber I am, then puts in a marathon promo, against a jobber? If I was a jobber, he would have done a real short promo, and still beaten me. You see, that’s where the Paradox lies. He knows I can defeat him, and he is trying to screw with my head by calling me a Jobber. But I tell you this, I am no jobber, I know that just as well as everybody. I was undefeated, until that bastard came along. So I made this match to prove to the world. I can beat him, I want to beat him, and I will beat him! But anyway, back onto my plan. He wants to send a message through a sandwich? Let him. We’ll be a little more drastic.

 

Raptor starts whispering into Toby’s ear, and they both run off.

 

Later that night, we see them outside a big mansion, holding some bags. The moon is high, and we see a couple of lights on in the house.

 

Raptor: See, I told you being Prez would have it’s advantages- This is Primetimes house, I got the address from his contract. Do you think he’s home?

 

Toby: Well, I know that on Saturday’s after shockwave, he heads over to Gay Nightclubs all the time, it’s his little post-match ritual. But nah, I would say he is home tonight. See the car?

 

The camera spins around to see a Car with “Prime” as the number plate. It’s a Ferrari 7000 series and the roof is open.

 

Raptor: Okay man, You take the house, I’ll take the Car.

 

With that, they drop the bags, and open them. Toby pulls out heaps of toilet paper, and starts throwing it all over the house. Raptor walks up to the car, and starts smashing the windows. Then, he spraypaints “wWo- Extreme forever” on the side of the car. Toby picks up some rocks and starts throwing them through the windows of the house, as the sound of shattering glass echoes through the courtyard of the mansion. Soon, he finishes with the House, and has started to help Raptor with the car. They both unzip their pants and proceed to take a leak in Primetime’s car. Raptor walks around the front of the car, after opening the bonnet. He starts ripping out cords and soon the engine catches on fire. Raptor grabs the hose and puts it out, luckily, before any explosions. But all the noise has attracted some attention. The front door of the mansion opens, and out walks a middle aged man, with a bit of a limp…

 

Raptor: Is that him? *Yelling* Is that you primetime you old fart????!

 

Toby: No, he looks under 55, which would effectively rule him out from being primetime. I would say it’s his butler.

 

Raptor: That would have to be a first, a butler who is younger than his patron?

 

Butler: *shining his torch around* Hello? Who’s there?

 

Raptor: Where’s Primetime???? Tell me where that bastard is!

 

Butler: Who the hell is that? Get the hell of this property, or I’ll call the police!

 

Raptor: *shouting* I’m not going till I get to Primetime!

 

Butler: Master Edgar you mean? Oh, yes, that’s right, you people know his as Primetime. No, Primetime is out. Now Get off this property before I call the police!!!!!

 

Raptor: Give Primetime this for me… Tell him it’s from “his legendary end”

 

Toby: Do you intentionally rip off people?

 

We look at the card Raptor is giving the butler. It has a picture of Primetime, bloodied, and beaten. On the back, it has a note from raptor, saying “wish you were here” The butler takes it and threatens them again, so Raptor and Toby leave. They head over to Hobo’s house, where Hobo and Wasabi are hanging out.

 

Wasabi: Dude, we saw what you guys just did… That was pretty drastic!

 

Hobo: Haha! A hell of a lot more drastic then squashing a sandwhich!

 

Wasabi: Still, you’d be lucky if you’re not arrested.

 

Hobo: Actually, funny you should mention that! Some cops were here before, looking for you. Seems you busted up Notprez Mick’s car pretty bad, and now they want you from Primetime’s house and Car. I just payed them off, and they said, “hey, this never happened, just like the Crimes never happened” and went off. So, you’re off the hook man, congrats!

 

Raptor: I just wish I could of gotten to that Old fuck allready. I want my title back!

 

Toby: Patience, my master. The dark side, I sense I you.

 

Raptor: Shut up! You didn’t like me referring to star wars!

 

Toby: Yeah well, have a cry. I’m cool, so I’m allowed to.

 

Hobo: So man, you think you’ll beat Primetime?

 

Raptor: Hell yeah I’ll beat him, Hobo! How could I not? The guy has arthritis, he’s so damn past his prime. He says 3 months ago he was kicking ass? Ha! That’s laughable- 3 months ago he was taking amphetamines to ease his Alzheimer’s and painkillers for his busted hip that he broke while gardening in his mansion. He may put on all that crap whenever he’s in public, but ya gotta see through that, which is what I do. I can see straight to the soul of the guy, and believe me, he’s aching. He’s old and withered, and I just wouldn’t feel right letting him have that title. His poor fragile old body couldn’t handle the pressures of the Extreme title, and I don’t think he deserves it in the first place. He screwed me out of that title, Hobo, that’s why I’m getting the Rematch- To prove to the world I can do it, to show everyone that that title is mine for a reason. Because I am extreme, and I am the best there is, and the best there ever will be. He can squash as many damn sandwiches as he wants, he can cry, whine, complain and repeat himself for as long as he wants, but when it comes to crunch time, when that bell rings, it’ll be me over his prone useless old frail body. That title will be mine, I will prove I am the best, and when it comes down to it, the world will know my name, more than his.

 

Hobo: Right, well, I’ve got Michael Cole in his cage, next to the promoing room- You wanna use him for an interview?

 

Raptor: Yeah, sure thing.

 

The scene cuts to Raptor, standing in the Promoing room. In the background, we see a big “wWo lockdown” poster. Soon, Michael Cole is walked in by his trainers, on a leash. They release him and hand him a mic, but his keepers stand by ready with Stun Guns and Tranquilizers, incase he goes Rabid again.

 

Cole: Hello there Raptor. This week has been Huge so far for you. After your big announcement about the Stable War match and Lockdown, to the revealing of the Card. And after all of that, you have 3 matches at lockdown! wWo vs An Arkie, Raptor vs Primetime, and the Stable Wars- How do you feel about that?

 

Raptor: Well first of all Michael, let me get this straight. I could have a thousand matches, and still, I would win all of them. That’s my thing Cole, winning is my gimmick, it runs in my blood. An Arkie is a jobber. A true jobber, unlike primetime’s definition of Jobber, which is a little fucked up. So An Arkie is not a worry- In a 6 vs 1 match, I don’t think I really have a problem. But while the Primetime match is big, the Stable Wars is more important. The history of the wWo and the EMF has been altered the last week, to include this huge event, and I know it’s not going to be the final chapter of the wWo. And Primetime. Primetime is my little side match. Something to entertain me before the real thing. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking the guy lightly- oh no! I have to beat this guy. This is my match to prove something to the world, this is my time. So while An Arkie is for some light jokes and entertainment, and the Stable Wars is to prove the wWo- this match is to prove that I am what I say I am, and that is a upcoming legend of this federation. That one day, I will enter the hall of fame with the greats, and there you will see- Raptor. I want people to remember my name for years to come- Like X-Cold or Counterfeit. Everyone who’s anyone knows those names. And one day it will be X-Cold, Counterfeit, and the wWo- Wasabi, Raptor and the Gang. We will not be forgotten, this PPV is our chance to make our mark on the EMF. To keep our images sketched in the annals of time. All these titles that are on the line, all have been held by great men. Men like hunter hearst helmsley. People like Alex Salvatore. And all of them mean something. So, while the Extreme title may be low compared to the rest, it is still huge to me.

 

Cole: Right. So, let me get this straight- with these 3 matches, you hope to become an EMF great, a Hall of Famer?

 

Raptor: Yes, and no. I don’t expect to get in the Hall of Fame straight after I win my Extreme title back and then disband the BWO. But I know it will help. My career is taking a rise this week, I’m moving up in the ranks. I’m taking on Primetime, for the Extreme title, and then in the Main Event, I’m looking for the Chance to become a world champion- To accomplish my life long dream. Isn’t that a great story? Isn’t it uplifting? But there are certain people who stand before me, trying to block my way. Hurdles, in the race of my life. Primetime, and the BWO. Both are great competitors, and both are not to be taken lightly. But both are cocky, egomaniacal old people. Both think they should be king of the world. Both want to hold the rest of the roster down, so they can extend their flailing careers. Let me tell you this. I will not be held down, I will not be stopped. I will not let Primetime or the BWO stand in my way of becoming a great. This is my time, and they are in no way going to hold me back. As rob zombie put it, “Never gonna stop me”

 

Cole: Okay. So Raptor, the BWO and Primetime are a threat to your goals, but, putting aside the Stable War match, how do you plan to defeat one of those hurdles, Primetime?

 

Raptor: Well, really, it’s quite simple Michael. They’ll be no run ins, I’ve already decided that. I’ve told the guys that I’ve gotta do this on my own. They’ll be no cheating, no sliming my way into a win. They’ll only be one thing. A truly great match. One where both men are pushed to the limits, one where both take as much pain as possible. And I am prepared to take it. But I am also ready to deal it, as much as humanly possible. Primetime will find out why I was undefeated for so long. He will find out why I am nowhere near the “jobber” he imagines. It’s time to teach primetime that he isn’t always right in his assumptions, that he was wrong when he assumed I was a jobber. And how wrong he was. As JR says “when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me” Sure, it’s a lame joke, but it’s true. When you assume, and get it wrong, you look like a jackass. And that’s what primetime is going to look like come Lockdown. Because lockdown is MY pay per view, the wWo’s pay per view, and he’ll learn that when you mess with the Prez, you’ll pay.

 

Cole: Speaking of messing with the Prez- You messed with the EMF’s former Prez Mike- Does that mean you’ll pay?

 

Raptor: Only if he comes back from Iraq, which I doubt. If he can get back from there in a week I will be truly impressed.

 

Cole: Onto another topic- An Arkie.

 

Raptor: An Arkie is finally going to be shown the power of the wWo- 6 vs 1? I don’t like his chances.

 

Cole: Neither do I. Thank you for the interview, any closing comments on Primetime?

 

Raptor: Damn straight I have closing comments. I’ve pulled a bit of a Primetime myself this promo. I know I’ve repeated myself on more than one occasion. But there is a difference between me and him- I do it with style. I can pull it off, quite well, in fact, compared to Primetime, where the world decides to go take a leak and get a hot dog- Quite like an An Arkie promo. I know you’re watching, Primetime- I know your probably fuming about your house, and your car. But remember the card I sent you, it’s a preview of lockdown… Remember it…

 

He holds the card up again- the picture of Primetime, unconscious, bloodied and beaten, with the words down the bottom, saying “Wish you were here”