Our scene opens with the wWo hanging out at a club. The music plays loudly, and the colored lights flash everywhere. Toby has just come back from the bar with drinks for everyone.
Raptor: Okay, there are 2 things wrong with this
picture. One, how the hell did you get into this club Toby? And number two, how
the hell did you just buy drinks for everyone?!!!
Toby: *takes a sip of his Vodka/Sherry/Black label whisky mix* Aww, easy dad- Fake ID- Former Prez Mike
gave it to me as a present.
Raptor: Oh, how nice of him. Oh well, I suppose
that’s alright then
Toby: *drunk already* Hiccup! Excuse me!!!! *He walks
off to go hit on some chicks*
Raptor: Well, what a week it’s been- tomorrow
we’ll show those BWO punks…
Hobo: Yeah man, but I dunno if I want to
anymore…
Wasabi: Why would you say that man? You’ve
probably been the most excited out of all of us for this match!
Hobo: Yeah, I just dread the day I have to be
face to face with Uglee Ashlee! Haha!!! *They all high-five Hobo*
Rachel: Yeah well, I think this lockdown is
going to be awesome! Just look at the possibilities! Raptor is going to beat
Primetime, Toby is going to whoop Gillberg and Kiel’s asses, E and C are sooooo
totally going to defeat those reekazoids Pain and Suffering, and we, the wWo,
together, are finally going to put the BWO to rest!
Wasabi: I feel a prank coming on!
Edge: Yeah well, as long as it’s not another
Prank phone call, man, Badd Boy knew it was you!
Christian: And “you are crap” isn’t that insulting,
I’m sorry.
Wasabi: But he is crap!
Raptor: Yeah, but you’ve gotta spice it up a
bit. You can’t just say he is crap!
Rachel: You make it creative
Edge: For example- when Badd Boy answers the
phone, try saying this- Christian, if you please?
Christian: Badd Boy? Is that you? Hi, how are you,
you stinky pile of pig mucus? I’ve seen dog shit that had a prettier face than
you’re girlfriend you ugly retarded felcher!
Hobo: Impressive!
Wasabi: What’s a felcher?
Toby: *returning* Oh, that’s easy. That’s when you *Raptor gags him with his hand*
Raptor: Don’t ruin Wasabi’s innocence!
Wasabi: Well, as long as it’s not as bad as
that story you told me with Ashlee playing soggy biscuit, then it’s ok.
Toby: ASHLEE CAN PLAY SOGGY BISCUIT?!!!! *Vomits*
Raptor: Okay, I think you’ve had enough for a
couple of months there, Tobes… Time to go home.
Toby: No way! I’m just getting started!
Christian: Dude, you’re fucked up the wall.
Edge: Go home Tobes, you’re completely off your face.
Wasabi: Actually, I think I’ll probably go
home. I feel like a good (Censored)
Hobo: Oh man, keep it to yourself, please?
Wasabi: Why? What’s wrong with talking aboot (Censored) in public? I mean, everyone has (Censored) one time or another? I (Censored) every
night!
Raptor: Hehe, just like Toby here- you can hear
him through our walls!
The wWo all
laugh, except for Toby, who has gone bright red.
Toby: Yeah well, maybe if you let me get laid once in a while I
wouldn’t have to do that stuff!
Raptor: Just be appreciative that you can get
laid- Think of how Ashlee feels?
Toby: Yeah well, I’m pretty sure she/he (Censored) too!
The wWo all
puke and decide to leave.
The next day, the guys have all arrived at the arena for their Prez duties- Running a federation isn’t just fun and games, you know… Once they finish, they start walking to their locker room. Outside the door, waiting, is Michael Cole.
Cole: Hi guys, I was wondering if I could get
an interview?
Wasabi: Yeah, sure thing.
Cole: Cool- Right, first I’ll interview Toby,
then each different member, k? Toby, how do you feel about the whole Stable War
match? What if the stable you joined a week ago collapses?
Toby: It’s not going to happen, Michael, simple
as that. I have complete faith with the guys. I’ll be at ringside with the
team, as will Edge and Christian, and I tell you, it’ll be fantastic. I’ve
promised not to interfere, as have E and C, but we’ll be there for support.
This is too an important match to screw with. But as I said, I have complete
faith in the guys, I know they can do it, and I know that if Ashlee comes near
me, I won’t have any problem pulling out a tazer and zapping her hairy ass.
Cole: Eww, gross. Aight, Toby, what about if
you guys in the wWo win? Will you continue to run the EMF forever?
Toby: What do you mean, what if? You know it
will happen, I just explained that. And yeah, the EMF is ours now! We’ll run
it, just as fairly and un-biased as Ex-Prez Mike would have. Of course, we have
to give ourselves matches every now and then too, though. But the wWo will win,
it’s already set to happen. Dad, Wasabi, Hobo and Rachel are going to kick some
major Uglee BWO hairy ass. They’re ready to strike, they’re prepared like no
one has ever prepared before. All week, all these thoughts have been running
through our minds. They all have been wondering whether this has been the right
choice, whether plan B was a good idea. But now, I would have to say, it’s been
fantastic. The entire Federation knows who we are. Everyone knows who the wWo
are and who they stand for, and it has put us on the map, like we wanted. Now,
all we need to do is finish it, and show the BWO that what we say, goes. That
we back our words up. As Kid Rock puts it- “It Ain’t Braggin Mother Fucka if
you back it up” And that would have to be the wWo’s motto. When you know you’re
gonna pull it off, it ain’t bragging. And this isn’t bragging, it’s just a
fact: The BWO are finished. They’re through, kaput, whammo, bye bye Ashlee. Of
course, I’m sure this won’t separate Badd Boy and Ashlee. I’m sure they’ll have
their boring middle aged family adventures for many years to come, and I’m sure
they’ll both be around to whine and complain for many many more years, but, wes
and CaRnAgE will have to fuck off. It will mean, they can no longer help each
other, they can no longer Tag, Hang out, Chill together, hell, if they’re seen
in public together, that’s it, they’re job is gone. Guarunteed, wWo seal of
approval.
Cole: Okay, any last points?
Toby: Yeah, once the dust settles for lockdown,
it’ll be a new era in the EMF. The wWo era. I’ll be Attitude Internet Champ,
Raptor will have regained his Extreme title, and the wWo will forever be etched
in the minds of EMF fans worldwide. The storm is brewing, and it’s going to be
a hell-hole when it arrives.
Cole: Right, onto our next interview I
suppose- Edge and Christian.
Edge: Sup Coleslaw?
Christian: Hehe, you’re such a geek Cole!
Cole: Um.. Right. Well, onto your thoughts on
the Stable War match-
Edge: The stable war match? As Toby said, a storm
is brewing. And when this match hits the screens of thousands of EMF fans everywhere,
the shit is going to hit the fan. All hell is going to break loose, because
both sides are gonna be desperate. But the wWo do have an unfair advantage-
They don’t have Ashlee tagging along. Poor BWO guys, I can see why they are so
flat and boring all the time- Having Ashlee around must be such a drag.
Christian: She’s so Uglee. But hey, all stables
have their ugly member, just look at Wasabi. It’s not quite as Vomit inducing,
but hey, it’s still there. We will be at ringside with the Gang, and I tell
you, it’ll be insane. I can’t wait. I can imagine the crowd already, totally
alive. Screaming, yelling, chanting for the wWo. People are sick of the BWO.
It’s getting old, while the wWo is still new, in it’s prime. You’ve got wackos
in the BWO like wes… Poor wes, what a fucked up name.
Edge: Ah well, poor him, I’m sure he’ll be much
better off without Whinee and Bogg Boy.
Christian: Ahaha! Good one man!
Cole: Right. Well, how do you feel aboot the
rumours?
Edge: What rumors?
Cole: The rumors aboot Ex-Prez Mike, aboot to
fly back from Iraq?
Chrisitan: Not going to happen, sorry. That crate
was Industrial quality. If anyone breaks out of it, they would officially be
considered “God II”
Edge: Anyway, back to the topic of the Match, If
Ashlee, Or Uglee, Or Whinee, or whatever you want to call her does anything
stupid like coming near us, or parading her hairy backside around, we won’t
hesitate to pull out our Tazer’s either. I’m quite happy to stun the bitch, as
long as I don’t have to touch her!
Chrisitan: Eww…. Don’t go there!
Cole: Right. Thank you very much guys. Hobo?
Hobo: Yo Coley! Before we start, can I just say
how much I love your work?
Cole: Really!?
Hobo: hehe, no!
Cole: Right. That’s it, I quit!!!
Kevin: Hi hobo.
Hobo: Hi Hermie.
Kevin: Don’t go there, please. Anyway, how do
you think you’re stable will fare come tommorow?
Hobo: Well, unlike the other two interviews, I don’t
feel the need to blabber on for ages. So let me say this. We’re the wWo. How do
you think we’ll fare???
He starts to walk away, but Wasabi stops him and asks him to blabber on, because Blabbering seems to be the popular thing to do these days…
Hobo: Right, I’ll do my share of blabbering,
allright? The BWO are a pack of dogs, let me put it that way. CaRnAgE? A big
chunky freak who likes eating little children. You gotta beware of that guy, or
he’ll eat your grandma and have your 4 wheel drive for desert. He’s a chunk,
but a really stupid, slow chunk. He may have big biceps, but his brain is the
size of a walnut- He comes from the dinosaur age, and we all know that
dinosaurs are really stupid.
Raptor: Hey!
Hobo: Well, I’m sorry, but they are. Wes, the
lanky, whiney nerd of a little brother… Even his voice sounds geeky. His entire
image, including his name, just reeks of kindergarten. The guy’s name is Wes- I
mean, come on! Look at him! My god, take some steroids or something Wes,
because with a body like that, you couldn’t wrestle a fly. Your whole geeky
look really is a put off. I can’t stand it, it just stinks so bad that I wanna
kick your ass and send you to a sewage farm to think about what you’ve done.
Then we come to Badd Boy, the leader of the pack. The guy just stinks of
effort- Look at him. He tries so hard, and it shows. Phrases like “have a Badd
day” and “that’s just too Badd” are so incredibly lame that it torments me for
weeks on end every time I hear it. I mean, he is such an @@$. I can’t stand his
F()K!NG @n@ly retentive censor$hip of words like d@mn and @$$. It $#!T’S me up
the F()K!NG wall!!!! The whole guy just tries $oo h@rd to look cool, to be the
top dog, but really, he come$ off @s @ loser.
Kevin: You’ve still got the $#!tty Censorship
machine on…
Hobo: Oh, $orry! *turns it off* That’s better. The entire BWO just tries
too hard, and they all come off as either complete losers, try hards, or
stinkin morons. Frickin Idiots, as Dr. Evil would put it. I’m surprised they
haven’t broken up allready. How can they stand each other? It doesn’t make any
sense! I don’t see why they don’t all just scream “FUCK OFF” and break up.
We’ll be doing them a favor tommorow, that’s for sure.
Kevin: Thanks for your time, Hobo, and now,
Rachel!
Rachel: Thanks Kevin. I don’t know how much I
can say actually, because the other 4 have really put it in perspective. I
mean, there’s been lots of vomiting over Uglee Ashlee, there’s been nerd talk
about Wes, and jokes about Bogg Boy and Whinee. I couldn’t of said it better
myself, but I’ll try anyway. Over the past 6 months, the BWO and the wWo have
definitely had their run ins. Ashlee and I have fought many a time, and the
Womens title has gone back and forward throughout the time I’ve been around.
We’ve got our history, now we have to end this immense feud once and for all.
It’s time to settle it, to finish it. And if we had to take drastic measures to
do it, then yeah, we will. We’ve already proved what lengths we’ll go to by
sending our good friend Mike away. We’ll go the yards, we’ll roll with it for
as long as we can, which is definitely longer than anything you’ve got Bogg
Boy! *She holds up her
little finger, making the small penis reference* I know it’s a bit of a personal
reference, but you should of known it would come up in the proceedings this
week. This is the wWo’s federation now, so how could it not come up???
Kevin: Thanks Rachel!
Rachel: But I’m not finish-
Kevin: Thank you Rachel, I’m hoping to keep
this promo under 3000 words. Now, onto the eminent Prez Raptor.
Prez Raptor:
Hey yo
Kevin: Are you allowed to say that?
Prez Raptor:
Eh, Scott Hall’s been
fired, so yeah. The BWO is a pimple on the ass of life. It’s the wart on a
beautiful lady. They are a disgrace to the EMF, and I cannot stand it any
longer. They need to disband, quite frankly, because I think they are the cause
of the low ratings!
Kevin: Well, that’s pretty funny, because we
have had the highest ratings in quite some time…
Prez Raptor:
Yeah, that’s cause of
us, the wWo. And the fact that people can’t change the channel when they fall
asleep during a monotonous BWO promo. But hey, that’s okay. Falling asleep in a
BWO promo is quite justified. In fact, Toby and I usually watch their promo’s
right before bed- It’s sort of like a nice warm glass of milk- It helps you get
a good nights sleep. Also, the mono-tone that CaRnAgE talks in is pretty good
when you want to meditate- It’s almost like the humming of a cow. And wes
whiney voice is pretty good at scaring feral animals away from your garbage,
too. So, in one way, the BWO’s promos are good for household application, but
in another way, they tarnish everything the EMF stands for. And I can’t sit
back and let it happen anymore. I can’t let you ruin the federation that greats
like X-Cold and Alex Salvatore worked so hard to build. The wWo’s federation
now. I won’t let it be wrecked by a bunch of yuppie family geeks who find
monopoly exciting! I’m sick of their nerdy ways, their shitty censorship, their
ugly faces, and their boring promos that seem to last an eternity. It drives
half of the northern hemisphere insane, every week. Hell, I’ve visited people
who are in the insane asylum, thanks to the BWO. And some drugs too, but that’s
besides the point. My point is this- What is happening needs to happen. The BWO
being separated is what the EMF needs. And come Saturday, the wWo will be on
the map. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, this match will
show the wWo to the world. It’s make or break time, and it’s definitely going
to go in the make direction.
Kevin: Well Raptor, tell me, how does it feel
to have led the wWo to such great heights over the last few months with Wasabi?
Prez Raptor:
Well, first of all,
I’m not really the leader- I mean, the stable is named after Wasabi. But hey…
You could call me the VP of the wWo. Sort of like Ashlee is the VP of the
Transvestites Lawn Bowls club. But yeah, I’m proud of the guys. All they’ve
accomplished, all they’ve done, it’s great to see. To be honest, we’re just a
bunch of friends who wrestle together. We hang out, we have a good time, and we
support each other. Some people have accused me of being title obsessed lately,
and I admit, maybe the gold has got to my head. But I’ve realized- it’s aboot
fun. Which is where the BWO have their little problem. Every loss is a big
loss. It’s never aboot fun anymore, it’s about winning. That’s why they are so
monotonous and slow- they never have fun with life, with wrestling. And I tell
you, as I’ve learnt lately, the best motto is stress less- when you don’t care,
people like you more. Life should be about fun, not complaining and whining.
That’s why the BWO need a break from each other. That’s why we’ll be splitting
them up tomorrow- Because maybe when they’re on their own they’ll realize that
too- That’s it’s not just about winning. If you were undefeatable, there would
be no-one willing to face you, would there? But back to your question, yeah,
I’m am incredibly proud of the wWo, and if we do disband tommorow, they’ll be
not one ounce of regret in my existence. I know this lockdown was the right
thing to do, I know this match is the right thing to do, and if we lose, so be
it, goodbye wWo. But I hope we don’t. I don’t think we will lose, but you never
know. If the BWO pull some miracle out of Ashlee’s hairy pimply ass, then I’ll
be cool, it won’t be that big a deal.
Kevin: And how do you feel aboot your son,
Toby, wrestling at Lockdown, then accompanying you to the ring?
Prez Raptor:
The kid’s got a gift, what
can I say. He gets it off me. I know he’ll do his best at lockdown- And I know
he’ll be on his best behavior at ringside.
Kevin: Thank you Raptor. And now, the final
interview with the leader of the wWo, Wasabi.
Prez Wasabi:
How you doin today
Hermie?
Kevin: Don’t go there. How are you doing today
Wasabi?
Prez Wasabi:
Oh dear god. How do I
feel? I feel nervous, excited, scared, proud, courageous, and a little
flatulent. *He farts* Don’t say I didn’t warn you, I had
beans for breakfast. Tomorrow is going to be the biggest day of my career man,
It’ll be great- Not only do I have a title shot, and the chance to put my arch
rivals the BWO out of business, but I also have the opportunity to put the wWo
in the history books with the greats of this business. We have the chance to
leave our mark, tomorrow night- And I’m not talking a small mark like a
scratch- no no no! I’m talking a fucking crater! It’s going to be one of the
biggest nights in EMF history, and it’s going to shake up a lot of egos, pride
and tears. It’s going to make heroes tomorrow night, and the superior stable
will be known, once and for all. It’s a match of epic proportions, and when the
two forces of the Stable collide, all hell will break loose in the MCG, in
Melbourne, Australia. And as the dust settles, and the people go home, only one
stable will remain. And that stable will be the wWo. Because it’s our fate. And
nobody screws with fate, except for maybe Planet Stasiak, man, he is one scary
beatch! *he farts
again* Listen,
sorry Kelly, but it happens- I ate beans, so sue me. *Kevin faints from the smell* Okay,
so maybe you can sue me now. Um… But don’t, K? *he turns to the camera*
Wasabi: Well Badd Boy, Ashlee, and all your
other gimp friends, this’ll probably be the last chance I get to talk to you
before the Lockdown- And it’ll also be the last time I can refer to you as the
BWO. Because tomorrow, a new era of the EMF will begin. A transformation. By
Monday, we’ll know who the superior stable is, and we can finally end this,
once and for all. And when it’s all said and done, the wWo will come out on
top. Because you’re holding each other down, over there in your camp. Here,
there’s no bickering. We don’t have members fighting from jealousy, we don’t
have the huge ego’s or the whiney voices you guys do over there- We’re still as
innocent and as young as the day we were rookies- Hell, one of us is still a
rookie- Toby joined the EMF last week! We don’t have the huge egos, the self
love. I know you don’t like hearing any of this. I know you’re probably fuming-
There’s probably steam coming out your ears right now as you hear this- But
hell, what needs to be said needs to be said. The day I let you disband the wWo
is the day we all die. The day I let you dominate is the day hell freezes over.
And the day I lose to you is the day I die from exhaustion in the ring. The day
I let Ashlee boast about how she defeated me is the day I go to an insane
asylum. Losing to Ashlee is more disgraceful than losing to An Arkie in our 6
vs 1 match- I wouldn’t believe it. And CaRnAgE, that oompa loompa, or wes, the
proverbial chiwawa of the BWO. All 4 of you guys, you all have your faults-
Just like the wWo. But whereas you guys flaunt your faults around for the world
to see, we keep ours off camera- for the good of the nation- With the rare
exception of Raptor and Toby, who fight all the time like rabbits going after
the same female. I’m prepared for tomorrow- All of us are. We’ve all been
training all week, and when it’s all said and done, when it’s crunch time, and the
pressures on, only 1 stable can win. And the wWo, are going to lockdown on you,
tomorrow. When it’s all said and done- The wWo will be the only stable left.
And it’ll be for your own damn good. And finally… I noticed something. I
reviewed a tape of your promo on Timmay, and it struck me… You say that there
has been a Curse on the world title- Everyone loses it on its first defense,
right? Well, let me tell you this. The only curse on the world title, is you,
and it’s one I intend to break. And if I have to split up the BWO to do it,
then so be it… I’ll do it quite happily. But when it comes down to it, when the
match becomes a 1 on 1 affair… I hope its you and me, 1 on 1. Because it would
do me a world of good, to batter and break your scrawny weak body, and to tear
you in half, just like the wWo will do to your pathetic, weak little stable!!!!