In Obsurity

  They strutted away in their too tight jeans, leaving me with my mouth agape. Lauren and Tammy, my best friends, had cast me aside like a dirty rag, forsaking me for the world of popularity. What had I seen in them, those selfish, stuck up traitors? They were always taking whatever they wanted, living in their own perfect world. Lauren possessed an ability to see only what she wanted and Tammy was always striving to get her way. How many times had I been the odd one out; the one left behind on paths only meant for two?
  Who was I kidding? I loved them. We had survived elementary school as a trio, the Three Musketeers, together through everything. I didn't understand. How could they crush my feelings in such a brutal way, shutting me out only three months after starting high school?
  I sank to the muddy floor, stunned. They had left me with nothing. I had no lifeline to throw out. My friendship with Lauren and Tammy had left no room to make other friends. I attempted to block out the waves of despair that threatened to overwhelm me. What could I do? There was no way out. My eyes clouded. The waves subsided; the tsunami hit. I was alone, a pitiful wreck in a dangerous world. There was no one to talk to and share my secrets, hopes and dreams, no one to make the kind comments that make all the difference in the world. I didn't want to start from scratch. I wanted my old life back.
  The bell for the class snapped me out of my dark thoughts. I stumbled through the rest of the day, all the school talk flying straight over my head. I collapsed on my bed the instant I reached home. Shock still governed my actions. I opened my usual solace, a book, sweet escape from the complications of reality. My sorrows were temporarily swept away in the river of words. I remained in my room the whole evening, returning to the world only to gulp down my portion of dinner.
  In the morning, the teensy sliver of hope that Lauren and Tammy would return to me was dashed to pieces the instant I saw them giggling in a group of boys. They wanted to become attractive and a plain girl like me would definitely get in the way. My bushy, dirty blonde hair, short stature and quiet attitude were significant drawbacks in the social life they wanted to lead. Their straight hair, trendy fashion sense and flirting would get them anywhere. I wonder why I didn't anticipate them ditching me.
  In limbo, that would be the best way to describe how the rest of my week proceeded. I ached to simply join in a conversation with my classmates, but an invisible force field thrust me away. I seeped into my consoling world of fiction. The world of prose was my constant companion, replacing my undiscovered best friend. I no longer passed the time admiring the novelties of this school in contrast to my dingy old elementary school. What was the green of metal lockers set against the emerald of an unpolluted open grass field, the white dry wall compared to the stones of a castle? I was slipping away to fantasyland, hoping to never return.
  I immediately quelled all thoughts of relationships by diving back into a book. I deemed myself a hopeless case, doomed to an eternity of loneliness. I often recalled times where I had had the option to participate in other classmates' activities, the ones that I had denied so that I could play with my old best friends. I kicked myself now, but who could have foreseen the future? I made no effort to involve myself in the world around me.
  Lunch time was the most painful punishment at my prison. I sat inside my locker, attempting to drown out the sounds of the students grouped several lockers away. Their voices rattled in my head like echoes in a tin can. I would often skip eating so that I could ignore the laughing by concentrating on my story. The behaviour of one of the girls bewildered me; she occasionally glanced in my direction with a set expression on her face. I was even more astounded when she spoke to me, "What are you reading?"
  I took it as teasing about how much I read, however I answered anyway, "The Blue Girl."
   "Hey, that's by Charles de Lint isn't it? I've just finished reading Medicine Road. That's by him too."
  The light at the end of the tunnel shone before me as I left school that day and it wasn't an omen of death. I saw a fresh beginning.