Copyright HRC - characters to be returned in tact (hopefully!), asap!
Pooh gets serious "Oh bother"!
"Bugger" exclaimed Pooh as one of the pellets to his air gun became stuck in his fur. He tugged at it with the other sticky, honey, covered paw. "Bloody sticky honey gets right in my fur" he exclaimed, shaking his paw furiously to try to dislodge the pellet. The air rifle waved about carelessly in the dusty air of the tree house. Pooh had only managed to load 1 pellet so far.
Piglet looked up from the book of reference that he was reading. He had decided that if he and Pooh were to go into battle together, that he should be well informed in art of military nuclear power. He hadn’t heard Pooh use such language before, and waited for the usual "Oh bother" to follow on from the previous statement. However, Pooh just continued to shake his paw around, and suddenly, quite by accident, the air rifle was fired. The pellet flew across the room. It pinged as it hit and chipped a glass vase that stood on the oak chest of drawers to the left of where Piglet was seated.
Piglet, alarmed by the flying ammunition, dived for cover under his book, pages of notes scattering into the air. The bullet ricocheted from the vase and buried itself into the wooden floor of the tree house. "Oh my gosh" exclaimed Piglet as he emerged, slightly forlorn, from underneath his now disorganised book and, so carefully written notes.
Then it came – "Oh bother", said Pooh as he licked the honey from his fur. "Let me try something different". Piglet, alarmed by this thought, declared that maybe it would be a little safer if Pooh didn’t try anything else that day that involved bullets. After all, thought Piglet, he was the one who was reading up on nuclear warhead missiles – Pooh was messing around with silly little air rifle pellets. "Perhaps", thought Piglet, "Pooh thinks that Rome was built in a day?"
The sky was beginning to darken, sunset seemed like hours ago. Donald walked in his usual happy waddling way along the bank of the river. Being a duck, Donald loved his time on the water – he would often take Huey, Luey and Duey down to the water. He turned to watch them all walking in a line behind him. "Fine boys, fine" he thought to himself as he smiled. They were fine ducklings that would all, one day, achieve great things – of this Donald was quite sure. The wind ruffled his feathers, so he drew his blue sailor jacket around his waist. Suddenly he heard a loud whistling. He ventured forward to the old oak tree where the sound seemed to be coming from. He knew this was where Pooh and Piglet lived, so he approached quite easily. Almost in the same moment that Donald was about to knock on the door, it flew open and Piglet came running outside, with Pooh in hot pursuit behind him. Donald was bowled off his feet and was left flapping, regaining his composure as the whistling grew louder.
"Come on, quickly" cried Piglet, he had never run so fast in his life. Pooh, lagging badly, gasped for breath, "I’m trying, Piglet" he said in a puff! Donald, armed with wings, flapped himself out of his bowled over frenzy, and instinctively began to fly after his two friends. "Wait up, wait up" he shouted.
Piglet heard his two friends behind him, but didn’t stop running – the whistling now coming to a height! Suddenly – "BOOM" – a huge puff of black smoke billowed out of the tree house. Pooh was sent flying past Piglet, who had hidden inside a hollowed out tree trunk for safety. He landed upside down in the reeds by the river – he was safe! Donald, feathers blackened by the blast was sent flailing, in a tumble through the air and landed bang on top of Pooh! Huey, Luey and Duey watched in amazement from the edge of the river, and then all collapsed into a fit of giggles. Donald squawked as he got back to his feet.
"Donald? Piglet?" said Pooh. Piglet was the first to answer, as Donald was far to wrapped up in his own attitude to even consider his two friends. "Here Pooh, over here, are you ok?"
Of course they were all fine. Shocked and shaken, but fine. "Piglet" exclaimed Pooh, "You know I really do think that if I cannot master the skills of loading and firing and air rifle, safely, then you, of all animals, should not be dabbling in the art of nuclear science – especially in MY tree house! Oh, all my honey – gone – melted away! " Pooh began to sob quietly. "Oh bother" he said.
Slowly the three friends walked back in the direction of the tree house. They knew it was not habitable any more, and were lost for somewhere to stay for the next few days – until battle commenced. Mrs Tiggywinkle only came in to do the cleaning on Tuesdays and Thursdays, she wouldn’t be in for days! "I know", said Donald, let’s go stay with Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. They’ve got loads of room there for us! So, off they went, deeper into the forest where lie a small cottage, which was deceivingly large inside. 10 bedrooms infact! Once inside, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, along with Donald, Pooh, and Piglet all sat down around the huge dining table to discuss strategy. Meanwhile, Huey, Luey and Duey stayed outside in the dusky light playing among the trees.
After a time, it became clear to Pooh and Piglet that they needed more troops. They were never going to win this war with just a few dwarfs, and a duck to help them. "I’ve got it" squealed Piglet, thumping his trotter onto the table. Startled, everyone looked straight at him in anticipation of his great plan……….
Looking down at the map of the forest that they had laid out on the table top, Piglet demonstrated his defence initiative. It was such a clever plan, and all began with Itzy and Bitzy the spiders, and their good friend Captain Pugwash.
The Plan
Captain Pugwash was their main lookout. He could position himself upstream of the ensuing army and give them an early warning signal. Meanwhile, Itzy and Bitzy would have a huge web that would be strung between the two old oak trees that stood opposite each other on the riverbank. This was when Jeremy Fisher would come into play. As soon as Itzy and Bitzy received the signal from Captain Pugwash, they would then signal to Jeremy Fisher to scoot across the water on his lily pad boat and cut the ties that held the net in place – dropping it directly onto the enemy. This, it was hoped, would take care of the vast majority of them. The few that managed to escape the web would then be faced with Jemima Puddleduck and Donald, with Huey, Luey and Duey hidden in the reeds. Jemima, since the incident with the fox had become quite invincible. Indeed, it took her quite some time to believe that Basil Brush was indeed a kind gentlemanly fox, not the kind that would try to steal her eggs from her. So, Donald and Jemima would cause quite a stir to the few enemy stragglers that remained.
Piglet thought he had just about covered everything, but one thing still had him stumped! How would they stop the leader of the enemy party – he was just so clever and strong. The plan so far was indeed, quite ingenious, but not good enough to stop Macbeth alone. He could outwit the cleverest of the animals, and with Hamlet by his side they were quite a force to be reckoned with.
"We need a master of disguise" said Pooh. "Someone who can penetrate the enemy line and go completely unnoticed at the same time". They all sat, thinking whom on earth they could find to fill such an important role. The dwarfs came up with several suggestions, from Bagpuss to Emu, but alas, none of their ideas would fit the bill. "I’ve got it" pouted Snow White. "Just the man! Mr Ben".
"Hurrah" quacked Donald, followed in chorus by his 3 sons all flapping their wings. The battle was as good as won.
That night, and the following day, Pooh, Piglet, Donald and the seven dwarfs set about recruiting their army. Each was successful, and to their surprise, they even gathered a few extras along the way. The Clangers offered their services quite willingly, as did the Flumps and Fingermouse, although, to be fair, Pooh was a little uncertain what use Fingermouse would actually be in winning the fight. Anyway, they were grateful for his help and accepted his offer graciously.
The scene was set, now, all they could do, was wait.
The Enemy Advances
The enemy was primed and ready to go. Macbeth gave a nod to Windy Miller who made sure that the engine on their miniature German tank was purring like a kitten. It was – they were set to commence battle. Hamlet gave the word to advance along the riverbank, to conquer, what seemed like an invisible defence from Pooh and Piglet. Macbeth had made his allowances for this – he knew that inside that dumb, yellow, exterior of Pooh’s was an extremely intellingent, highly skilled bear. Macbeth turned his head and looked back – the reinforcements were in place, should they be needed.
Captain Pugwash stood uneasily on his boat, rocking gently back and forth with the current of the river. It was early afternoon and the ripples on the surface of the water were beginning to worry him. He had seen the river run wild on many occasions, but this was different. A sudden hush fell across the water, everything seemed to be still for a moment. Then, without any warning, Captain Pugwash’s boat was overturned and began to sink. The Captain was left stranded in the water, desperately scrambling to find his feet in the shallow depths. He had to get the signal to Itzy and Bitzy to drop the net. Never in their wildest dreams had any of the animals imagined that Macbeth and Hamlet would have hired a German tank from Windy Miller. This was truly disastrous!
Itzy and Bitzy heard the commotion below them. They both sat quite high up, on opposite sides of the bank in the old oak trees. Hearing the sudden immense noise beneath them, they spun into action and quickly lowered themselves down to the ground, whereby, giving the signal to Jeremy Fisher, who was in position down stream. Jeremy slashed one of the ties that held the web in place. Then, he dipped his rod down into the river, found the bed and pushed down hard. He skimmed across the surface of the water to cut the tie on the opposite bank, and leapt off of his lily pad boat into the safety of the reeds. Alas, the fragile spiders web was no great feat for the miniature tank. Stopped for a mere few seconds, while Windy Miller struggled to remove the web from the gun turret, he then proceeded along the river.
Donald and Jemima were ready! They new that something was up – Fingermouse had come in very useful! Having seen the commotion he had scuttled along the riverbank and warned them of the ensuing danger. The two ducks were not perturbed! As the tank approached they launched themselves into the air and both flew straight for Windy Miller. Windy, taken aback by the sudden invasion, let go of the controls and the tank veered dangerously out of control and towards the far bank of the river. Macbeth was thrown from the tank and landed in the cold water. Hamlet, followed close behind. Windy, scrambled to try and regain control of the machine but by now, all was lost. The tank sliced through the reeds, Jeremy Fisher leaping out of the way just in time! Donald and Jemima flew up instinctively to avoid being caught in the crash. As they rose above the tank, they gave each other a "winged high five" – mission accomplished! The enemy was defeated!
Piglet lay down his custom made missile launcher on the grass beside him and whooped with delight! "Hurrah" he cheered, "We did it Pooh, our friends, we ‘all’ did it". Pooh beamed one of his "I need some honey" smiles. However, all was not as it seemed.
In the distance, a call of "Atten-tion!" was carried down the river by the gentle summer breeze. Pooh leant out across the river, holding onto a reed for safety. "Oh bother" he said. "Trumpton"!!!!
Unbeknown to any of the animals, Macbeth had a backup plan. He had visited the lads at Trumpton during the day leading up to the battle. He had bribed them with the promise of a brand new fire engine, if they would be his ‘backup plan’ and help him to conquer the forest. Sadly – they were all in agreement. They could certainly do with a new fire engine, it was decades since the BBC had treated them to a new one. So, the dastardly deed was done and Trumpton, one of the most highly trained and skilled group of cartoon folk you could ever come across – had joined the ‘Dark Side’.
However, all was not lost. Piglet picked up his custom made missile launcher. He gave the nod to Morph who promptly formed himself into a missle shape and loaded himself into the launcher. Piglet rested it on his shoulder and peered through the magnifying eye piece, he aimed about 6ft infront of the Trumpton firemen and was about to shout "Stand Clear – Fire", when he noticed that one of the firemen was not who he appeared to be. It was Mr Ben! Piglet squealed with delight and proudly announced that the day was saved, and Mr Ben had indeed penetrated the enemies defence initiative! Unfortunately, Piglet did not notice the blank expression on Mr Ben’s face – he, like the entire Trumpton brigade had been hypnotised by Macbeth prior to going to into battle. What would the animals do now?
The Cavalry
Jamie with his Magic Torch would be the hero of day. He was unaware of the chaos that was happening in the forest, and as usual, at about midday on a Friday, he began to get ready for his weekly television appearance. The opening credits to his show had just begun to roll, so Jamie picked up his magic torch and turned the handle and flashed the light to check everything was working as it should do. He began sliding down the rainbow lit tunnel expecting to land somewhere mystifying and exciting. However, when Jamie entered the forest this time, he landed right in the middle of a battle! Shocked at the site before him, Jamie accidentally let go of his magic torch and threw it into the air. The beam waved around and shone straight into the eyes of Mr. Ben, and along the line of the Trumpton Brigade. One by one, the firemen began to snap out of their trance, as did Mr. Ben. They dropped their weaponry into the river, and all looked at each other in amazement. Of course, none of them could remember how they had got to the river in the first place, let alone get involved in a war! Slowly they marched to the river bank and began to clamber out, through the reeds and onto the grass, all looking rather inquisitively at the German tank that had crashed just infront of them, and Mr Ben, showing concern as he caught a glimpse of Piglet, helped by Pooh, trying to hide the custom made missle launcher behind a nearby tree. Everyone cheered their hero Jamie.
By this time, a soaked through Macbeth and Hamlet had surrendered to the animals of the forest. They soon faced court charges, and Judge Bagpuss passed a verdict of guilty on all counts – indeed, it was the overwhelming evidence from Paddington Bear who had, some years ago, foiled another plot by Macbeth to invade the forest that clinched it for the jury of Flumps and Woofits.
The forest was safe again. Pooh and Piglet were indebted to all their friends forever, and one day, that debt might just be called in…………