Copyright HRC & LC (co Authors) , Characters courtesy of Alliance, to be returned, in tact, asap!!
Characters : OFM - Our Favourite Mountie -Constable Benton Fraser RCMP
TDL - The Dragon Lady - Inspector Margaret (Meg) Thatcher
OFDM - Our Favourite Dead Mountie - Benton Frasers 'ghost' Father
Constable Reinfeld Turnbull RCMP
Diefenbaker - The half wolf pet of Benton Fraser
Holly
Emily
Joe (Holly's husband)
Bill, Freddie and Magnus - Holly and Joe's 3 young boys.
Ray Vecchio - OFM's partner.
The Sweat Lodge. (Part 2)
Episode 16
OFM follows Holly into the hallway and takes
the clothes from her.
OFM:<Holding garments to Dief's nose>: Find them boy.
They leave through the door Holly opens for them.
Holly: Hey, just a minute.
OFM:<turning> Yes?
Holly: Well, can I come with you? They are my kids after all.
OFM: Of course.
The walk briskly off together following Dief who is sniffing the
ground in a professional manner.
TDL and Emily watch through the window.
TDL: <Sighing> Are you sure your friend can be trusted?
Emily<sitting down on the couch and twirling the video in her
fingers (it's a knack, takes a lot of practice)> Yep, sure.
She's got a husband. Somewhere.
TDL<as if Emily has not spoken> It's just that I don't like
the way she was looking at him.
Emily: Don't all women look at him like that? I mean he's, well
he's gorgeous. You got to admit.
TDL:<sitting opposite and looking through the window> I've
never noticed.
Emily <suppressing a snort of laughter >: Oh, really? But
you work with him don't you? You kissed him once did you not?
TDL: <standing and fidgeting with her purse> I need the
bathroom. Where is it please?
Emily: Oh no, you don't get away that easily. Come on let's talk
woman to woman. You fancy him, he fancies you. So what you going
to do about it?
TDL<sitting back down on the chair, purse falling from her
grasp> It's so.........so difficult. You wouldn't understand.
Emily: Try me <In sympathetic voice> I can be very
understanding, you know, and i am a very good listener, really.
All my friends tell me I am. <Crosses fingers > You can
trust me implicitly with any secret and I will not tell. Not even
under torture. Not even if someone were to pull out my toe nails
one by one. Honest. Cross my heart etc.
Emily has assumed her most earnest expression. It looks to her
like TDL may be convinced.
Meanwhile at the park Turnbull is pushing all three boys in turn
on swings whilst Dief gambols around his ankles.
OFM: Good boy, Diefenbaker, you found them Holly: < flinging
her arms around the Mountie and giving him a very long kiss>:
Holly: Thankyou....oh thankyou.......oh thankyou<kiss>
Fraser reddens quite severely.
Episode 17
OFM: <looking awkwardly away from Holly
& turning towards Turnbull and the children playing on
the swings> <slight cough> We really should be heading
back. I believe Inspector Thatcher will be waiting for us to
return. <calls out> Constable Turnbull?
Holly: <sighing> Yes, I suppose you are right. <she
leans forward and kisses his cheek once more> Thank you
- again. You really are a special person Fraser. One in a
million, a one off, a true gentleman, well I mean Mountie
<realising she is babbling, quickly turns and starts to walk
towards the children>
OFM rubbing his thumb over his eyebrow turns to follow.
Holly: Come on, Magnus, leave your brother alone, it's time to go
home. <Magnus - sulking, grabs OFM's hand and decides to walk
with him>
OFM: <smiling> They seem to like me I think?
Holly: Yes I do believe so. Unlike Constable Turnbull <Holly
chuckles as she turns to see him caught up in the chains on
the swings>.
OFM, Holly and the 3 boys proceed to walk home, chatting amongst
themselves as they go.
Meanwhile back at the Holly's residence:
TDL: <flustered> Please, just tell me where the
bathroom is?
Emily: <beginning to feel sorry for TDL> Look, I understand
what you feel - hey, hundreds of women would like to be in your
position - trust me, I know these things. There's no need to go
getting all flustered.
TDL: <even more flustered> I am NOT flustered, I just need
the bathroom - please?
Emily: <sympathetically> OK, look if there's one thing you
definately need right now it's a good relaxing session in a Sweat
Lodge, and guess what?
There's one right here and nobody is using it at the moment. Why
don't you nip up there and take half an hour to come to?
TDL: <considers this> I think you could be right. I need to
be alone for a while.
Emily: <her plan now coming together, ushers TDL up the stairs
and shows her to the Sweat Lodge> There, now I'll leave you to
it - and don't worry everything will be just fine.
TDL: <gently smiling> Thank you.
Emily checks to make sure TDL is in the Sweat Lodge and rushes
down the stairs to see OFM, Turnbull, Holly and the boys arriving
home. She throws open the front door pushes by Holly <who
looks most displeased> grabs OFM and continues with her quest.
Emily: <all motherely to OFM> Oh dear - you look so so so
exhausted. What a day you have had Benton. Please be our guest
and have a few more minutes in the Sweat Lodge before you go. It
will clear you mind ready for when you return to the Consulate?
You can be all alone and gather yourself together after
such an interesting day?
OFM: <scratching his eyebrow again> Thank you kindly. That
is most generous of you, and I will accept your offer. <He
proceeds to climb the stairs to the attic>
Emily then shoves a vileda mop into Turnbulls hand and asks him
if he would mind cleaning the kitchen. Turnbull, not being one to
decline - gladly accepts the challenge. Holly then puts the
Playstation on to keep the boys amused and drags Emily to one
side for an explanation.
Holly: <rather to the point> What ARE you doing? Where's
Thatcher - more to the point why have you sent Fraser to the
Sweat Lodge alone?
Emily: <beaming with an accomplished smile> He's not alone
- guess where Thatcher is?
Episode 18
Episode 20
Joe: <wrapping a towel around his middle
and looking sheepish>: You never told me you were getting one
of these, Holly. And you never told me you were having a party.
This couple <indicates OFM and TDL> were telling me how
hospitable you are and what a strange friend you have. Emily, is
that right?
Holly<embarrassed> Yeh. She's uh, a friend, she gave me all
this. What er, what were you doing?
Joe: <Enjoying the sweatlodge>, what do you think? I always
wanted a go in one. Margaret was showing me exactly how it
operates.
Holly: <snarls> Oh she was, was she? Margaret eh?
Stephen: and her friend< indicates Fraser> Fraser.
OFM:< seeing a potentially explosive situation and moving to
defuse it> Yes, we both were, that is Margaret and I. And
thanks to the efforts of yourself and your friend, Emily<Emily
smiles ingratiatingly and Holly kicks her subtly> We have
discovered that our feelings for each other are mutual.
Emily: Oh yeah and what does that mean?
OFM: We are in love and intend to get married.
TDL, Emily, and Holly stare at him open mouthed.
Episode 21
Episode 22
Silence reigns in the attic.
TDL: Good. Now gentlemen, ladies, don't you agree that it is time
to insert a bit of rationality here? I see that I am the ranking
officer amongst us all< she peers scarily round at everyone.
Emily and Holly look abashed. OFM looks approvingly at her.
TDL:That means what I say goes, understood? <Her targets nod
meekly>
TDL: I'm pleased we have sorted that out. Now it seems that the
situation has got a little out of hand and that you two <fixes
her piercing gaze on H and E> have entirely misunderstood the
ahem, relationship between myself and my subordinate. I am his
boss and as such must observe protocol. At this moment a
marriage, with or without an Inuit elder, it out of the question.
Emily: Aw, but-
Holly: No you can't just-
<Fraser reddens. TDL lifts up a hand in remonstrance>
TDL: Hear me out. < She clasps her hands behind her back in a
Fraser like manner>
TDL: We have just received orders from Ottawa telling us to take
the next available flight to Toronto in order to attend a very
important RCMP debriefing session in Niagara Falls Ontario.
Perhaps one of you wouls be kind enough to call us a cab.
Joe: < rather too quickly and with obvious relief> I will,
got my mobile phone right here.
TDL: Thank you kindly.
Episode 23
A few moments later, a mini bus pulls up outside the house.
Steve : <with relief> Oh, the taxi is here. <with
anxiety> Er, no, wait a minute - they send a mini bus!!!
Emily: <rushing to the window> Wow, that's great! Now we
can 'all' go to the airport with you to see you off safely.
<beams a smug smile at Holly, and then at TDL>
Holly: <taking the bate> Yes, I guess we could. They boys
would love it.
Ensuring everyone is now fully clothed, and after a scramble down
the stairs, they form an orderly queue in the hallway. Fraser
opens the front door, TDL the first to make her exit, with
everyone else close behind. In the mini bus attempting to get
seats :
Emily: <shoving an elbow into Holly> Um' my seat I think
Holly?
Holly: OK, look, Benton, would you care to sit between us - that
way Steven can look after the boys, and her, I mean Inspector
Thatcher and Constable Turnbull can take the double seat at the
back of the bus. <points to seating>
Fraser: <obligingly as ever> Of course.
The ride to the airport is a quiet one. Not much is spoken but
plenty of cursed looks are thrown between the women, while
Turnbull stares in amazement out of the window hoping to catch a
glimpse of the Queen. The mini bus pulls up at Terminal 3,
Heathrow, and everyone enters the airport - all save Joe and the
boys who have decided to head to the roof of the car park to
watch the planes taking off and landing.
Check-In desk: TDL, and Turnbull check-in while OFM heads off to
make sure that Dief is ok and being 'crated' up ready to fly,
Holly and Emily in hot pursuit, careful not to lose him in the
crowds. Suddenly something distracts him - raised voices at
customs ' Nothing To Declare'. He walks over to the lady customs
officer, his two female shadows following.
Fraser: <oh so politely> Excuse me, I wonder, could I be of
any assistance here?
Customs Officer : <amazed and in love at first site> Why,
yes, I think perhaps you might just be able to help <noticing
the RCMP uniform>. This gentleman <pointing at the
offender> tells me that this dream whatsit thing, er,
dreamcar.....
Fraser: Dreamcatcher?
Customs Officer: Yes, yes, dreamcatcher, is genuine, authentic,
Canadian, Inuit Elder property and that he does not have to
declare it!
Holly: <pushing to the front> Did I hear someone say 'Inuit
Elder'?
Fraser: <rabbit in the headlights look> Oh dear.........
Episode 24
Inuit Elder is clutching a very large
Dreamcatcher made of genuine Eagle feathers and other objects
previously worn by exotic Arctic fauna. OFM is studying it
admiringly.
OFM: This is a very fine artefact, sir. I tried to make one
once for my partner, Stanley Kowalski, however it was far
inferior to this. May I say what superb workmanship it
shows?
Inuit Elder smiles and mutters something in Inuktitut.
Fraser answers in kind. Emily makes an obvious show of
yawning.
Holly: Emily don't be so rude.
Emily: It's them that are rude, talking gibberish like that so we
can't understand them.
C.O. is still studying Fraser admiringly. Holly nudges
Emily. Both women scowl at C.O.
Customs Officer: < sighing> So, sir-
Fraser: <weakly> Constable, actually. Constable
Fraser RCMP and these are my er
Emily: Friends...very GOOD friends.
OFM: Um yes, friends, Holly and Emily
Holly: How do you do. He's taken. There is another
Mountie I think you will like more, he is called Turnbull.
OFM: and my senior officer, Inspector Thatcher is over
there...over there being grabbed by-er turtles- excuse me I must
go, my help is needed.
Customs Officer and Inuit Elder watch dumbfounded as OFM vaults
over a conveyor belt, sidesteps several tourists dragging wheelie
cases, picks up an air stewardess' hat and replaces it on her
head, rounds the bend...(you get the picture) till he finally
draws up at the base of some escalators where Turnbull is
prostrate on the floor. OFM looks round anxiously for any
sign of TDL. The concourse is crowded, his face falls as he
realises there is no sign of her. Holly and Emily arrive,
stop by Turnbull and cling onto each other while they catch their
breaths. Turnbull is lying ominously still.
Emily:< finally recovered> How could you see that she
was being kidnapped from round the corner?
Fraser< to H and E>: That was only a ruse, I did not think
she really had been kidnapped. I just wanted to get away from the
Inuit Elder.
Holly: Well you know what they say...be creful what you wish for.
Fraser crouches down beside Turnbull and
prods him gently
OFM: Turnbull.
No answer
OFM: <prods harder> Turnbull
Turnbull mutters something that sounds like "get off me
mother"
OFM: <sternly> Constable Turnbull stand to attention
immediately.
Much to the surprise of the huge crowd that has now gathered
Turnbull does so. Turnbull salutes OFM the keels over into
his arms. OFM collapses under the force of a six foot dead
weight Mountie hitting him like a bowling pin.
E and H: Oh dear.
Emily: Is there a doctor in the...airport?
Episode 26