Monday, February 4th, 2002
I have a problem.
Mainly, my problem is that I think that I'm smart. As such, I have convinced myself that even if I write something out at the last second, it will still be just as (or even more!) brilliant than what would have taken others weeks to prepare. And so I often leave until the last second very important essays. Essays that could make or break my scholastic future, by determining if I get the 75% I need to enter Higher English next year. This is my problem.
I am Lord Byron, saying that all my brilliance comes straight out of my head, unchanged.
Except, unlike Lord Byron, I'm not lying. I actually think that this is possible, that this is what happens.
So as you may have guessed, I haven't finished my essay. I am skipping classes to write it out. I fear I may be coming down with McGillitis. This is not good. I have four hours.
In other news, I am in love with Leah McLaren of the Globe and Mail. At home, I would read her articles every Saturday in the Style section. Today, I looked her up on the G&M website, and I found this and this. To the first article, I say, "Hey! I could so be one of those people!" To the second, I say, "Mmm... Salmon..."
[Also, please note that the "bower" I refer to in my title is, in fact, a legitimate use of the word, as there are papers scattered all over my room. While this may not be the original meaning of the word, I consider it close enough. And wasn't it just so clever?]
4:53pm
I took a remarkably accurate quiz. Now I feel ill. Here it is:
Your Existing Situation:
Avoids excessive effort and needs roots, security, and peaceful companionship. May be physically unwell, in need of gentle handling and considerate treatment.
Your Stress Sources:
Distressed by the apparent hostility of the environment. Feels coerced and subjected to intolerable pressure. Is rebellious and resentful of what she regards as unreasonable demands on her. but feels powerless to control the situation and unable to protect herself.
Your Restrained Characteristics:
Conditions are such that she will not let herself become intimately involved without making mental reservations.
Your Desired Objective:
Needs a way of escape from all that oppresses her and is clinging to vague and illusory hopes.
Your Actual Problem:
Agitation, unpredictability, and irritation accompanying depleted vitality and intolerance of further demands have all placed her in a position in which she feels menaced by her circumstances. Feeling powerless to remedy this by any action of her own, she is desperately hoping that some solution will provide a way of escape.
Your Actual Problem #2:
The tensions induced by trying to cope with conditions which are really beyond her capabilities, or reserves of strength, have led to considerable anxiety and a sense of personal (but unadmitted) inadequacy. She reacts by seeking outside confirmation of her ability and value in order to bolster her self-esteem. Inclined to blame others so that she may shift the blame from herself. Anxiously searching for solutions and prone to compulsive inhibitions and compulsive desires.
So there you go. That's me. I am that. Kind of depressing, isn't it?
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