By: A group of 5 MSTies
(MST Theme song)
(Fade in to the SOL bridge where Carmen is tinkering with an invention. Crow enters a moment later.)
Crow: Hi Carmen.
Carmen: Hi Crow.
Crow: Whatcha got there?
Carmen: I'm working on a new invention to get us off this Satellite for good.
Crow: Um Carmen? Not to totally diss your escaping abilities here...but....well...you've been trapped on this Satellite for an awfully long time now and....um....
Carmen: I understand Crow. It's just that this is a more difficult escape than from a typical prison. I can get us off the ship itself rather easily. It's the arriving safely on Earth part I've been having a problem with.
Crow: Can't you build some kind of a escape pod?
Carmen: I thought of that, but there really isn't anywhere we could build one. And besides...where can I find enough extra heat shields, and rocket fuel around here?
Crow: Good point.
(Enter Tom)
Tom: So do you finally have something that will get us off this ship?
Carmen: I believe so. This is is much more modified transport device. I've been working on it for quite some time now and it should be finished very shortly.
Tom and Crow: Yea!!!!
(Enter Mike)
Mike: What's the cheering for?
Tom: Carmen said she's very close to finishing an escape device.
Mike: Hey! That IS good news!
(Commercial lights flash)
Mike: We'll be right back.
(Fade out for commercial, fade back in after break)
Crow: You know something Carmen....
Carmen: Yes Crow?
Crow: I'll bet that Pearl is gonna...
(Mad lights flash)
Tom: Quick hide it! Hide it!
(Carmen places her device under the desk. Mike then hits the Mad lights.)
Mike: What's going on Pearl?
(Castle Forrester)
Pearl: You know what time it is, don't you?
(SOL)
Mike: (checks his watch) About 5:02 pm.
(Castle Forrester)
Pearl: (growls) No Nelson! It's time for me to send you all your experiment....but you see....
Bobo: (laughing off screen)
(Enter Brain Guy)
Pearl: What is he doing?
Brain Guy: He's...uh...
Pearl: You let him back online didn't you?
Brain Guy: Well, I, er...
Pearl: After everything we went through when he ordered the five million "Get Smart" lunch boxes on eBay...
Brain Guy: No, no! I blocked his access to e-commerce sites. He was looking at some fan-fic page last I saw...
Bobo: (OS laughs even louder. A moment later, he comes in with a ream of paper.)
Bobo: Lawgiver, you have to see this! It's BRILLIANT!
Pearl: What?
Brain Guy: (taking the top page) The Many "Deaths" of Carmen Sandiego...a fanfic by Globie Leung...Hmmm... (He takes the ream from Bobo, and flips through the pages rapidly, with the appropriate sound effects...) My...God...that's Awful! I'm glad I don't have a body otherwise I'd be vomiting right about now...
Pearl: Awful? What's awful?
Brain Guy: This fanfic creation...Here, let me show you...
(He sticks his fingers in Pearls ears, SFX, Pearl
gives a goofy expression as the fic is "downloaded" into her brain.
Brain Guy takes his fingers out of her ears,
and she slaps him hard.)
Pearl: DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN! (pauses to regain herself) But! It's PERFECT! If this doesn't break that little hussy NOTHING will! NELSON! SANDIEGO! Get ready for the worst of the worst...
(SOL)
Carmen: Oh God...what episode have you dragged up this time? You've already done the really bad ones.
(Castle Forrester)
Pearl: No episode this time, Ms. Master Thief. This time, it's fanfic!
(SOL)
SOL Crew: FANFIC?!
Mike: Um, call me kooky Pearl, but how are we going to watch fanfic in the theater?
Crow: What? We gonna read the thing to you and make comments?
(Castle Forrester)
Brain Guy: Oh! I can use my otherworldly powers
to extrapolate the fic into film format and project it to the
theater!
(SOL)
The 'bots; Oh DAMN!
Mike: Guys, think we should be scared?
(Castle Forrester)
Pearl: Let's put it this way...the author writes a fic that goes nowhere, puts himself into it and makes himself God.
(SOL)
Mike: Okay, that's clear it up...we should be very scared indeed...
(Castle Forrester)
Pearl: Right! So, get ready for the worst Carmen fanfic of all time. "A fic by Globie Leung...
(SOL)
Carmen: (going pale) Oh God...
(Castle Forrester)
Pearl: A LOOOONG fic by Globie Leung...
(SOL)
Carmen: (Staring in shock) Oh GOD...
Tom: Oh HELLL....
Crow: I think Tom's got it right there....
(Castle Forrester)
Pearl: "The Many 'Deaths' of Carmen Sandiego!" Put the hurt on 'em Brainy.
(SOL)
Mike and the Bots: HUH?!
Crow: We you certainly look healthy for a repeatedly dead woman...
(siren)
Mike: WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIIIIGN!
Tom: Wait! Wait! Hold it...
(the siren cuts out)
Tom: Mike, there's no movie this time.
Mike: But that's what we ALWAYS say when the siren goes off...
Crow: Yeah, but this is a fanfic, Mike, not a movie.
Mike: Oh, okay..uh, Pearl? Could you start the siren again, please?
(Castle Forrester)
Pearl: Oh for the love of...you and your stupid rituals, Nelson...
(SOL)
(siren)
All: WE GOT FANFIC SIIIIIGN!
(All run off screen. Theater doors sequence follows then Mike, 'bots and Carmen take their respective theater seats. Fic then "fades" in.)
Maelstrom's Little Gig
Tom: (Maelstrom) I would now like to perform "Little Brown Jug."
Part One (The Many Deaths of Carmen, Part 3)
Cast:
- Carmen Sandiego, Master thief
- Globie, Super Master Detective
Crow: Hey! Carmen's a Master Thief and Globie's a Super master detective (To Carmen) I wouldn't stand for that.
Carmen: Neither would I. But remember the rule of these kinds of fan-fic.
Crow: What?
Carmen: For some reason, we must hail the all -mighty insert character.
Mike and the ‘bots: ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY INSERT CHARACTER!
- Zack and Ivy, Master Detectives
Tom: Who here isn't a 'master' something or other?
Crow: (kung-fu student) My detective skills are superior!
- Ann Tickwitee, ACME Empires Specialist/Good Guide
- Herman Nootix, ACME U Professor/Good Guide
- Kim Yoonity, UCLA Social Science Prof./Good Guide
- Dee Plomassy, ACME Ambassador/Good Guide
- Ivan Idea, Teen whiz kid/Good Guide
- Laurie, CBC ACME Correspondent and Master Detective
- Jaci, NBC ACME Correspondent and Detective
Carmen: I think the Manor's founder should sue for defamation of character, don't you?
Crow: As should Jaci!
- The Chief (From the FOX show.)
- Sara Bellum, mad Carmen-like thief
Crow: SAY WHAT?
Carmen: My response exactly.
- Lars Vegas, VILE Henchman
- Medeva, Carmen's right hand woman
- Dr. Belljar, mad scientist
Carmen: So now we have cast members from "Earth,"
"Time," and the latest
edition of the "World" computer game...I need
to rethink my staffing
levels.
One
All: (sing) …is the loneliest number…
Location: Moe's Diner, Chicago, Illinois
Mike: (Moe Sizlack) Moe's Diner, where the elite meet to puke.
Time: May 16, 1999 - 2:00 AM
Jaci: Globie!
Globie: What?
Crow: You suck!
Jaci: Listen to this!
Radio: This morning, the infamous Carmen Sandiego has disappeared
from her
jail cell at the Fort Saskatchewan Penitentiary in Alberta,
Canada.
Radio: Sources say that an explosion of some sort ripped through
the cell,
killing Carmen instantly.
Tom: Okay, so we have a radio that speaks twice for starters.....
Crow: And secondly, (turns to Carmen) You're DEAD?!
Carmen: Just shut up and watch…. Wait...do we have to?!
Jaci: Uh-oh...
Globie: Uh-oh is right!
Location: ACME HQ, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Time: May 15, 1999 - 12:15 AM
Chief: Ann!
Ann: Yes, Chief!
Chief: Close Carmen's file.
Ann: Why?
Mike: (Mouseketeer) Because we love you…
Carmen and the ‘bots: (sing) M-O-U-S-E.
Herman: Is Carmen...
Kim: Dead?
Ivan: No!
Chief: Her cell at the Ft. Saskatchewan was torn apart by an explosion.
Tom: THE Ft. Saskatchewan?
Ann: Okay.
Mike: 'Okay.' Saddled with that news, all you can say is, "OKAY?!"
*** Ann settles into computer, closes Carmen's file ***
*** Computer flashes CASE CLOSED ***
*** Static fills the screen ***
*** C-5 portal opens ***
Jaci: Hey, guys. Whoa! It's Carmen!
Tom: (to Carmen) PLEASE tell me she isn't that
air headed in real
life.
Carmen: Zack, if you're closing this file, something bad must
have
happened to me. But I had one final caper. Good Luck.
Carmen: AGAIN?! Thanks Globie for ripping off 'Follow My Footprints."
Zack:
Ivy: I dunno, Zack.
Two
All: (sing) Can be just as lonely as one…
*** Continuation of last act ***
*** Computer prints out a sheet of clues ***
Herman: A list of words. Here's number one: Mars.
Kim: Is it the Mauna Loa Observatory?
Jaci: I think so.
Mike: (Pseudo Holmes voice) Of course! Mars..Mauna Loa, it all makes perfect sense!
Globie: I'll C-5 to Mauna Loa. I'll keep you updated.
*** Globie transports off to Hawaii ***
Herman: Word number two: Craigellachie.
Zack: The Canadian Pacific's Promontory!
Crow: Is that your FINAL answer?
*** Zack transports to Eagle Pass, BC ***
Herman: Number three: Mare Tranquilium.
Kim: The moon!
Herman: Number four: Front Street
Mike: Salt Lake City!
Ann: Toronto!
Mike: Oh, THAT Front Street.
*** Kim transports to Kennedy Space Center, Florida ***
*** Ann transports to Toronto ***
Laurie: What will we do?
Carmen: (as Ivan) Get the hell out of this fic...
Ivan: Let's solve the other clues.
Dee: Good idea.
Chief: Here's number five: North Cape.
Ivy: Isn't that the battle where the German battleship Scharnhorst
was sunk?
Ivan: I'll go.
Tom: (Ivy) You didn't answer my question.
**** Ivan heads for North Cape ****
Location: VILE HQ, Buenos Aires, Argentina
Time: May 16, 1999 - 11:30 AM
Sara Bellum: People, I have to break this to you, but...
Lars Vegas: Did Carmen die again?
Medeva: Oh, not again.
Carmen: How would you know? YOU WEREN'T THERE!
Dr. Belljar: She left a note in a secret file. Here it is.
Sara Bellum: It's a list of words that describes her last caper.
If
we hurry, we can catch those wretched ACME agents before they
get
the list of words!
Crow: And then we'll get that annoying leprechaun's Lucky Charms!
Dr. Belljar: I'll get the equipment.
Medeva: Let's hit the road,
All: (sing) Jack and don't you come back no more no more no more….
people. It's time to decide who will lead VILE!
Lars Vegas: And we don't want ACME running us, don't we?
Carmen: Double negative.
All: NO!
Three
Tom: ‘s a crowd.
Location: North Cape, Norway
Time: May 16, 1999 - 2:30 PM
Ivan: The wreck of the Scharnhorst! I better get a few photos while I'm here.
Tom: Wait, this is Norway, not Denmark.
Sara Bellum: The only thing you're taking with you is nothing! Ha ha!
All (look at each other)
Tom: Are you as confused as I am?
Ivan: Sara Bellum! You aren't gonna get far with the Scharnhorst with me around.
Sara Bellum: Don't bet on it, Good Guide.
Crow: Because I have a goofier hairstyle than you!
**** Helicopter arrives with Lars Vegas and the others ****
Lars Vegas: Here I come,
Mike and the 'bots: (a la Mighty Mouse) To steal the Scharnhorst!...
Sara!
**** C-5 portal opens, Jaci appears ****
Jaci: Ivan! I got here by the BabbleChronoCyberCom 3000's C-5 system
as soon as I heard you were in trouble!
(NOTE: The ACME BabbleChronoCyberCom 3000 has a C-5 system, but I
had
neglected to mention that. In the past, I had called it the Transport
system)
Crow: And we're to believe this new Acme gizmo came from.....where?
Dr. Maelstrom: I'll take the Scharnhorst with me now, if you don't mind.
Carmen: I do mind. You weren't even listed in the cast for this fic!
Jaci: Maelstrom! I thought you were in prison!
Dr. Maelstrom: I busted out, OK? Now, move over.
Mike: (George Thorogood) Move it on over...
**** Maelstrom fixes platoon charges on the hull ****
**** Maelstrom laughs an evil laugh ****
Ivan: Not so fast!
Tom: I missed my cue!
**** Ivan destroys the platoon charges ****
Crow: With WHAT? His backpack?
Jaci: You're under arrest, Sara...
Ivan: She's gone, Jaci.
Mike: Duh!
Tom: I KNOW she can't be this air headed! It's like Charlie's Angels in here!
Jaci: Let's go home.
Tom: Wait wait....where did Sara go? And why don't they arrest Maelstrom? And-
Carmen: Don't stress over it Tom...it's a lousy fic.
**** Jaci and Ivan heads back to Tromso ****
Ivan: I've been thinking. How did Maelstrom find the list of words
and how did he break out?
Jaci: I dunno.
Tom: (as Jaci) It's a Globie Leung fic.
Ivan: I know he can't break into our network.
Jaci: You can never be too sure.
Ivan: You're right.
Jaci: How's 'bout a calzone* when we get to back to that café
in
Tromso?
Crow: How 'bout we forget the problem at hand and go out for lunch?
(NOTE: Calzones are like pizza pockets, but they're Californian style.)
Carmen: Italian, you dunce.
Four
All: (golfer) FORE!!!!
Location: Union Station, Front St. Toronto
Time: May 16, 1998 - 2:30 PM
Ann: Sara Bellum!
Sara Bellum: I'm here to take Toronto's Union Station, Good Guide. So make like a train and chug out of the station!
Ann: Not so fast!
Lars Vegas: Wanna bet, girlie?
Jaci: You leave her alone, Lars.
Ann: Let's get'em!
Ivan: (With his mouth full) What did I miss?
Medeva: Not much.
Mike: Just a major plot hole.
**** Medeva casts spell to send Ivan flying ****
Ann: Take this, Medeva!
**** Ann KO's Medeva ****
Tom: With WHAT?
Medeva: Oh, yeah?
Mike: Pretty articulate for being K’Oed.
**** Sara KO's Ann ****
Tom: Again, with WHAT?
Lars Vegas: Hey, geek! Come over here and fight like a man!
Carmen: Or a reasonable facsimile.
Ivan: That does it!
**** Ivan pulls out a compressed walking stick ****
Crow: Is that what he calls his-
Carmen: CROW!
Ivan: Bye-bye.
**** Ivan pushes the release button, Lars sent flying ****
All: HUH?!
**** Lars runs into Union Station ****
Dr. Belljar: I'm outta here.
Medeva: Come on.
Sara Bellum: All Aboard, Good Guides!
**** All runs onto platform 4 ****
Carmen: 'All "run" onto platform 4'. Grammar check, please!
Jaci: Fare Evasion!
Crow: Forget the fact their wanted criminals, THEY HOPPED THE TURNSTILE!
Ann: Let's go!
**** VILE boards a VIA Train ****
Tom: Very Important Ass?
Ivan: Follow those villains!
Mike: While I use my handy book of heroic movie clichés again!
**** Train pulls out of station, then out of sight ****
Jaci: We missed them!
Tom: Once again, DUH!
Ann: There's always next time.
Crow: (Dr. Claw) Next time Gadget…next time….
Five
All: (sing) ...golden rings!
Location: Mauna Loa Observatory, Hawaii
Time: May 16, 1999 - 3:30 PM
Globie: Give yourself up, all VILE villains!
Laurie: It's only me.
Globie: Oh, sorry.
Crow: (Laurie) You should be for putting me into this fic.
Sara Bellum: You're not the only ones here, Globie.
Tom: So she got here in an hour?
Both: (Laurie and Globie) Sara Bellum!
Medeva: Let's get the telescope and let's get outta here!
Dr. Belljar: Hurry it up with the forklift, Lars.
Lars Vegas: I'm hurrying.
Medeva: Never mind. Chicken's feet and duck eggs too, make this thing rise, or else!
Tom: The HELL?!
Crow: Magic words by Mrs. Johnson's kindergarten class.
**** Telescope rises magically ****
Globie: Not so fast!
**** Globie KO's Lars ****
**** Laurie KO's Sara and Medeva ****
Dr. Belljar: Forgot someone?
Tom: Where did he...oh never mind....
**** Dr. Belljar zaps Globie unconscious ****
Crow: Hey, thanks lousy fic!
Laurie: Dr. Belljar!
Maelstrom: Not so fast, ACME and VILE.
Chief: OKAY, MAELSTROM AND BELLJAR! YOU'RE ALL UNDER ARREST!
Maelstrom: Not exactly.
**** Maelstrom KO's both Belljar and Laurie ****
Sara Bellum: No way, Maelstrom!
Laurie: Ugh...
Crow: Me heap Big Chief Don'twannabeinthiscrappyfic.
**** Laurie KO's Maelstrom ****
Medeva: Let's get outta here!
**** Maelstrom escapes ****
**** VILE runs out of the door ****
Chief: Laurie? Globie?
Tom: Chief?
Crow: MCCLOUD!
**** No reply ****
Chief: AAAAAAA! Someone call an ambulance! My two best agents are out! HELP!
Six
Location: Pearl Harbor Memorial Hospital, Honolulu, Hawaii
Time: May 16, 1999 - 6:30 PM
Chief: Globie?
**** No reply ****
Ann: Chief!
Crow: MCCLOUD!
We got here as soon as we got your message.
Mike: (Ann) Globie fic. Tough break...
Chief: Globie and Laurie...
Ann: They're wounded in action, right?
Mike: No, they're in a GLOBIE FIC!
Carmen: There's a difference?
Chief: Yea, and Maelstrom got away!
Ann: Maelstrom!
Laurie: Ooh...
Chief: Laurie's coming to.
Laurie: Chief...
Crow: MCCLOUD!
Chief: OK, Laurie, How are you feeling?
Laurie: Not too good.
Crow: Neither do I....Mike, I'm ready to vomit all over this fic.
Ann: Here, I got you something from the café downstairs.
Mike: Arsenic. This'll help. Thank you Amsterdam branch.
Laurie: Thanks.
**** C-5 portal opens, Jaci appears ****
Jaci: Where's Globie?
Tom: Man that guy really screwed up major..
Ann: Right behind you.
Tom: What? Hey! Globie! Buuddy!
Globie: Ooh...
Chief: Globie?
Globie: Chief?
Crow: MCCLOUD!
Carmen: All right all ready!
Mike: Too late Carmen, there's no stopping them.
Carmen: Where's the Vulcan neck pinch when you need it?
Chief: You OK?
Globie: Not exactly.
Tom: There's Hertz and then there's "not exactly."
Chief: Why?
Globie: I'm not feeling so good right now.
Chief: I'd better help Zack at Craigellachie.
Ann: I'll stay with Globie and Laurie
Jaci: I'd better go too.
Ann: You're gonna be okay.
Laurie: I hope so, Ann.
Crow: (Laurie) :All I can hope is that this thing ends soon...
Globie: I'd better go too.
Ann: No, Globie! You have a bad condition...
Mike: Yeah, just look at this fic so far!
Globie: Never mind that.
**** Globie C-5's out of Hawaii ****
Seven
Crow: ..of Nine is HOT!
Location: Canadian Pacific's Last Spike, Craigellachie, BC
Time: May 16, 1999 - 8:45 PM
**** Globie arrives by C-5 ****
Chief: What are you doing here, Globie?
Ivy: You're ill!
Tom: No G, we be chillin' yo!
Zack: Never mind.
**** Westbound train stops ****
Sara Bellum: Where's the Last Spike, ACME?
Dr. Belljar: Yeah. Where is it?
Globie: You'll get the last spike over my dead body!
Carmen: (to Mike and the 'bots) No, we can't be THAT lucky.
Zack: You'll die if you stay in this Interior BC weather any longer.
Crow: Just as we will if exposed to this fic much longer.
Ivy: CHARGE!
Tom: (bugle sound effect)
Maelstrom: Not so fast, ACME.
**** Maelstrom captures the Chief in a computer disk ****
Ivy: CHIEF!
Crow: MCCLOUD!
Chief:
Mike: Wait a minute... How can he talk if the voice software is back in the comp?
Zack: Hyah!
Tom: Zima!
Mike: Surge!
Carmen: Sega!
**** Maelstrom KO's Zack ****
Ivy: Maelstrom! You're going down!
Maelstrom: How so, Ivy?
**** Ivy wrestles Maelstrom to the ground ****
Tom: Extreeeeeeme Crimefighting!
**** Ivy, then Globie KO'd by Maelstrom ****
Carmen: No...Ivy's a black belt. I doubt she'd be that easily "KO'd."
Sara Bellum: Get the last spike, Medeva.
Medeva: On my way,
Mike: to San Jose…
Sara.
Herman: Ah, ah, ah!
**** Herman pulls out a grotesque sized book ****
Tom: Well at least he doesn't hear a Who.
Crow: That's Horton Bubble gum brain!
Medeva: AAAAAAA!
**** Herman opens then closes the book ****
Dr. Belljar: Let's get outta here!
**** Medeva squeezes out of the book ****
Sara: VILE, retreat!
**** Train departs ****
Maelstrom: I'll be back to get the rest of you!
Ivy and Zack: CHIEF!
Crow: MCCLOUD!
**** All collapse except Herman ****
Tom: (50's short narrator) Herman doesn't play well with others...
Eight
Mike: ..is Enough.
Location: Foothills Hospital, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 17, 1999 - 1:00 AM
Herman: Where's Kim?
Kim: Here I am!
Crow: (sings) So alone / and there's nothing in this world I can do...
Herman: Where have you been?
**** Globie appears, looks dizzy ****
Tom (Globie):Ug.. shouldn't have pounded quarter pitchers with the guys last night...
Kim: Globie!
Globie: Ivy! Zack!
Carmen: Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky! Uh!
Ann: We're here, Globie! You'd better come with me.
Laurie: I don't feel so good.
Kim: I wanna see Ivy!
All: (look at each other)
Ann: Take that bandanna off your head, Globie.
Mike: You're WHITE for God's sake!
**** Globie take it off, reveals head cast ****
Ann: Never mind.
**** Cut to Ivy and Zack's location ****
Ivy: Ooh...
Herman: Important message from ACME's HQ in Miami! Sara Bellum is on the moon!
Globie: I'll go.
**** Ivan arrives ****
Ivan: Globie! What's with your head?
Globie: Nothing two blows to the head won't do.
Tom: Anyone got a baseball bat?
**** Globie C-5's to Cape Canaveral ****
Ivan: I'm going with him.
All: (sing) I will follow hiiimmm.... Follow him wherever he may gooo...
Ivy: Globie...
Ann: This is crazy! I'm coming too.
Herman: I'm going to come too.
Kim: You stay here.
**** Ivan and Ann C-5's off to Florida ****
Zack: Ooh...
Ivy: Zack...
Tom: They're siblings, right?
Kim: No, Ivy. Stay here.
Laurie: You'll be just fine.
Zack: I...hope...so...
Crow: Hey! He got out of the fic! Cheater!
Nine
Location: Kennedy Space Center, Orlando, Florida
Time: May 17, 1999 - 3:30 AM
Ivan: NASA says that their computers can be hooked up to ours, so
we can C-5 to the moon.
Ann: This is ridiculous.
Mike: Yes, but we've gotten this far into the fic, we might as well finish it...
Ivan: You only have 5 minutes to capture Sara Bellum until I have to bring you back here to Florida.
Carmen: As opposed to draining Acme's resources for a 60 second junket the like first time we did this.
Globie: I'm ready for anything.
Ann: Let's rock.
Tom: …this town.
**** Portal from Ivan's BabbleChronoCyberCom opens ****
Crow (to Carmen) Did all those devices have such silly names when you were there?
Carmen: No, and they never will.
Crow: Except in Globie-land.
Mike: (Garrison Keiler): Where all the female detectives are mud wrestlers and Carmen loves to get into hand cuffs.
Ivan: Good luck, fellas.
Ann: This is ridicul...Whoa!
Ivan: Have a nice trip!
**** C-5 portal closes ****
Ivan: They're doomed.
Mike: Ivan IS C-3po.
Location: The Moon
Time: Oops! My watch malfunctioned. Sorry!
Tom: STONE HIM! STONE HIM! CHEATER! CHEATER!
Carmen (Monty Python): Now see here! No one stones any one, until I blow this whistle! Even if they do say Jehovah!
**** C-5 portal opens ****
Ann: Look!
Globie: There's Sara Bellum!
Mike: And the Mormon Tabernacle Choir!
Tom: Oh sweet delta lady am I/ Am I.....
Crow: Noo! Not again! Make him stop!
Sara: Too late, ACME.
Ann: That's what you say, Sara Bellum.
**** C-5 portal opens again ****
Zack: Hyah!
Sara: Oof!
Zack: Look! She's got Neil Armstrong's footprint!
Carmen: And Globie's got a lawsuit for AGAIN ripping off "Footprints!"
Ann: Stop that thing!
**** Ann deactivates machine ****
Mike: The HELL? Just like that?
Tom: Deactivate the theater! (pauses, notices it didn't work) Damn.
Sara: No!
Zack: Now what's she up to?
Carmen: About 5' 10" if her file is accurate.
Sara: I've still got the Lunar Rover and the plaque.
Ann: Not for long.
**** Globie knocks plaque away from Sara ****
Crow:(Globie): It's MY plaque! You can't play with it!
**** Communicators beep ****
Ivan: Time's up.
Zack: Sara's getting away!
Ivan: She's got nothing anyway.
Carmen: ANYTHING! SHE DOESN’T HAVE ANYTHING!
Tom: (Igor): I.. ain't got not grammar...
**** Sara escapes ****
**** C-5 portal opens, then closes ****
Ten
Location: ACME HQ Cafeteria, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 17, 1999 - 10:30 AM
Ivan: So, how are we gonna rescue the Chief?
Ann: I dunno.
Kim: Beats me.
Mike: So let's have lunch.
Herman: Maybe we'll set a trap...
Laurie: I gotta go back to work.
Carmen: (Laurie) My boss gave me a bunch of stuff to scan.
**** Laurie leaves ****
Jaci: I dunno.
Tom: (Jaci) Globie made me an airhead.
Ivan: Don't look at me.
Mike: I'm not even supposed to be in this scene.
Dee: Can't we solve this diplomatically?
Carmen: Sure, like Israel and the PLO.
Globie: I have to rest. Doc's orders, you know.
Tom: Yeah, you can't trust Dopey to give orders.
**** Globie leaves ****
Ivy: Let's just bust in, and rescue the Chief.
Zack: Ivy, you know that wouldn't work.
Dee: Let's just get our old Chief back.
Carmen: You mean Lynne Thigpen?
Ivy: But...
**** Net falls on all ****
Crow: It was bound to happen... dotcom companies are dropping like flies.
All: Hey!
Maelstrom: Ha! I've got you now, ACME agents.
Tom: For my kung fu is superior!
All: HELP!
Carmen, Mike and ‘bots: (sing) I need somebody!
Location: VILE HQ, Buenos Aires, Argentina
Time: May 17, 1999 - 4:30 PM
Sara Bellum: I cannot believe that we cannot steal one thing without ACME stopping us!
Medeva: I dunno.
**** Net falls ****
Tom: Stocks plummet, film at 11.
Lars: Help!
Maelstrom: Ha! I've got you, VILE!
Carmen: All god-knows how many members and branches? Even I'm impressed!
Crow (Leia): The tighter you squeeze Maelstrom, the more Vile Henchmen will slip through your fingers...
Sara: If Carmen were here, she would have nabbed you in a second.
Carmen: Well actually I would have sat back with a bag of popcorn for a few minutes, but that's beside the point...
Maelstrom: Don't bet on it.
**** Maelstrom escapes with Sara and Co.****
Mike: Yes, Maelstrom, Sara, and Co, since 1908.
Eleven
Crow: (sings) ...Twelve doo doo doot doot doot….
Location: ACME HQ, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 17, 1999 - 12:35 PM
Tom: Dateline! The entire Acme Detective agency goes to stand in line for Star Wars: Episode One tickets!
Laurie: Globie?
Globie: Come in.
Laurie: Seen Kim?
Tom: (Globie) Well she was looking at nude pics of Ivy on the internet last time I saw her...
Globie: I haven't seen anyone since breakfast!
Laurie: Are you sure?
Mike: (Laurie) Because you leave such huge plot holes lying around...
Globie: Positive.
**** Screen fills with static ****
All: We're free! Free!
Maelstrom: Globie!
All: Aw DAMN!
Laurie: What do you want, Maelstrom?
Maelstrom: I want to tell you...
Mike: That I'm not Tim Curry.
Laurie: What? You've going insane, so you're calling to annoy us?
Crow: That's Globie's Job!
Maelstrom: No!
Globie: Okay, then. What is it?
Maelstrom: I have your fellow ACME agents and Good Guides. And not to mention the VILE villains and...
Tom: ...they can all be yours for only $19.95!
Globie: CARMEN!
Laurie: I cannot believe it!
Carmen: Neither can I.
Carmen: Help, detectives!
Globie: If I have to have an another concussion, I'll get you, Maelstrom!
Crow: (Wicked witch of the West) ...and your little dog too!
Zack: Globster! HELP!
Chief: Bust me out, Laurie!
Carmen: (Laurie) Are you kidding? I can't even bust myself out!
Maelstrom: Ah ha ha ha ha!
Mike: Does ANYONE know what's going on at this point?
**** Static fills screen once more ****
Laurie: No.
Crow: I think Laurie just answered your question.
Globie: That double crossing...
Laurie: This is your fault, Globie.
All: Hell ya!
Globie: Me? Oh, sure. Play the blame game now.
Laurie: Admit it, Globie. It's your fault.
Globie: Y.U...
Tom (Scientist): Wait! The creature is trying to speak!
Laurie: Hmmph.
Globie: Why don't you just make like a tree and leave?
Carmen: Excellent suggestion!
Laurie: Fine!
**** Laurie leaves ****
Globie: What have I done?
Crow: Enough damage for a lifetime!
------ To Be Continued ------
Tom: There's MORE? DEAR GOD NOOOOOOO!
Mike: It's OK honey...
Maelstrom's Little Gig
Part Two (The Many Deaths of Carmen, Part 4)
Brief Recap of Part One:
Tom: Just in case you missed it.
- Carmen dies in an explosion in her cell
- ACME, VILE and Dr. Maelstrom all try to foil each other in
Carmen's last caper
- ACME wins, but Globie and Laurie wounded in action vs.
VILE
- Chief is captured by Maelstrom
- Maelstrom then captures all characters except Laurie and
Globie
Mike: Oh that clears up…um…yeah.
*** We now join an argument between Laurie and Globie ***
Tom: Also known as Bitch Slap Fight XVIII.
Twelve
Crow: (sings) ... Twelll lll leve!)
Location: ACME HQ Cafeteria, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 17, 1999 - 5:35 PM
Laurie: Jaci...
Globie: Chief...Zack...Ivy...
Laurie: Shut up!
Mike: Excellent advice.
Globie: If it weren't for your pigheadedness, we wouldn't be at this stage in the first place!
Tom: Hey, if you hadn't written the fic NONE of us would be in this mess!
Laurie: Y.U...
Crow: Yutz University?
Globie: Hmmph.
Laurie: Globie, listen to me: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE.
Carmen: You WILL be tried by a jury of your peers!
Globie: Oh yeah, little missy?
Laurie: Care to repeat that?
Globie: LITTLE MISSY.
Laurie: That does it!
Tom: So, Laurie gets ticked off by kindergartener level insults?
*** Globie and Laurie fighting ***
Globie: We can't go on like this!
Carmen: No, but my heart will.
Laurie: You've given me an another concussion!
Globie: You'll give me a broken leg if you don't let it go.
Tom: Laurie, don't let go then!
Laurie and Globie: OW!
*** Sounds of ambulances ***
Crow: (hums ER theme)
Location: Peter Lougheed Medical Center, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 17, 1999 - 7:30 PM
Globie: Oh, great. This might be an another 3 weeks off the job. I wonder what the doc is doing with Laurie?
Tom: He's-
Mike: Don't even go there.
Laurie: Globie...
Globie: Laurie!
Laurie: Globie, we can go home now, can we?
Globie: OK. I'll take you back to my place for dinner first.
Tom: (Laurie) Like HELL, dickweed!
Laurie: I'm not hungry.
*** Globie drops 1 crutch, falls over ***
All: Hurray!
Crow: Instant Replay!
Globie: Come on, you have to have something.
Tom:: The date rape drug I bought is non refundable!
Laurie: I'm not hungry.
Carmen: (Laurie) Now shut up before I break your other leg and file for sexual harrassment.
Globie: Fine.
Crow: (narrator) Because, remember "no" mean "no."
Thirteen
Mike: (Ray Romano) ...Final Answer, let's MOVE IT!
Location: Lougheed Hospital, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 17, 1999 - 8:35 PM
Globie: Laurie, have my ice cream.
Laurie: I'm not hungry.
Globie: Come on. You have to have something before I take you home.
Tom: (Laurie) Do the words "piss off" mean anything to you?!
Laurie: I'm not hungry.
Crow: That's the forth time she's said that!
Chief: Globie! Laurie! What happened to you?
Globie: Chief! I thought you were captured.
Laurie: How'd you escape?
Chief: Simple. Hacking into Maelstrom's system was a piece of cake.
Too bad I couldn't bust all the ACME agents out.
The C-5 can't go in there.
Laurie: We'll hafta go and save them.
Globie: Sure. Oh, Laurie, here's a message from Jaci.
Jaci: (Recording) Laurie, can you please water my plants while I'm trapped here with Maelstrom?
Mike: (Jaci) 'Cause I'm such an airhead thanks to Globie and I forgot they were plastic.
Globie: Let's go!
Chief: No way! Uh-uh! I don't think so! No banana!
All: (sing) Yes, you have no bananas, you have no bananas..today!
<
Laurie: Chief!
Crow: MCCLOUD!
Chief: OK, but be real careful.
Globie: What did Maelstrom say that he'd be next?
Carmen: His usual freaky sailor self. What else?
Chief: Something about the Rossiya.
Laurie: Isn't that a Trans Siberian Railway Train thatruns all the way from Moscow to Vladivostok?
Chief: Correct!
Tom: (Chief) Tell her what she has won, Jim.
Crow: ( Jim) She has won another scene in this dumbass fic.
Globie: Then let's use the C-5. Chief, set coordinates
for the Rossiya, wherever it is.
Chief: It's stopped in Irtusk, Russia right now.
Laurie: Then let's go!
Chief: Here's an invention that Ivan Idea left for you.
Laurie: A car.
Chief: A C-5 car, actually.
Globie: I'll drive.
Tom: ..off a cliff.
Laurie: I'll drive.
Chief and Globie: Not in that condition you're not.
Globie: Let's GO!
Fourteen
Location: Rossiya, Irtusk, Russia
Time: May 18, 1999 - 11:00 AM
Globie: Look! It's Maelstrom!
Maelstrom: Too late, ACME. I've got the Rossiya!
Chief: No way, Maelstrom!
Globie: Chief!
Crow: MCCLOUD!
Laurie: I'm going after them.
Globie: No. You go back home.
Tom: You woman you!
*** Globie C-5's Laurie back to Calgary ***
Laurie: Nooooo!
Globie: Hyah...Ouch!
Chief: Globie! Get up!
Crow: (Mrs. Fletcher) But I've fallen...and I CAN'T GET UP!
Globie: Pain...
Carmen: Not enough, obviously; he can still talk.
Chief: Hyah!
*** Maelstrom stops Rossiya, runs out of cab ***
Globie: I'm OK, Chief. Maelstrom's getting away!
Chief: OK, Globster. Let's get busy!
Tom: May I ask how?
Carmen: TOM....
Globie: How are we going to catch Maelstrom?
Chief: A railway speeder.
Globie: Let's go!
Chief: Whee!
Maelstrom: You'll never get me, you pesky ACME agent!
Mike: For I have a whole BAGFUL of melodrama villain type clichés!
Globie: Don't bet on it, Maelstrom.
Chief: Cease and desist! Whoa! Awooogah! AAAAA! Globie...! Stop! EEEEYAH!
Globie: Oh, no! A stub end!
Crow: A WHAT?!
Mike: Oh c'mon! Now they're just yelling random stuff and hoping that it makes sense!
Maelstrom: Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Globie: You'll never get away with this, Maelstrom.
Maelstrom: Bye bye!
Carmen: (quickly) I call-- no 'N Sync jokes!
Chief: AAAA!
Globie: Before we die, Chief...
Chief: Yeah, Globie?
Tom: (Blues Brothers Nazi) I've always loved you.
*** Brakes screech ***
Fifteen
*** Continuation of last act ***
Both: Laurie!
Laurie: You just can't get rid of me, can'tcha?
Globie: Laurie, you look ill.
Laurie: I do not! I feel fi...
Chief: Laurie!
Tom: (Laurie) That's my name. Don't wear it out.
Laurie: Ooh...
Chief: Incoming message from Maelstrom!
Maelstrom: Look for me at Berri-UQAM, Globie!
Globie: That's a metro station in Montreal.
Chief: Let's go!
Carmen: (flatly) ...team...let's go...
*** C-5 scene to Montreal ***
Location: Berri-UQAM Metro Station, Montreal, Quebec
Time: May 17, 1999 - Midnight
*** Longueil train arrives ***
*** C-5 port opens ***
Chief: Where's Laurie?
Tom: She’s in a galaxy.. far... far.. away.
Globie: I sent her home and told her to stay there.
Crow: Cuz she’s just a WOMAN, Chief.
Maelstrom: Catch me if you can, ACME.
Tom: I get it! I understand it now! This fic a mobius strip! It keeps going over and over the same baddly writen scenes forever! We'll be doing this for years!.... Wah! Mommy! mommy!
*** Maelstrom runs ***
Chief: Let's get'em!
*** Montreal Police and Globie chase after Maelstrom ***
Globie: Up ahead! Anyone have rotten food bits? (Repeats in French)
*** Everyone pulls out rotten food ***
Crow: So the Montreal Police don't bother with guns then?
Chief: OK, folks, ready...
Crow: Look out, the Frenchies are going to pull out the catapults... flying cows!
Mike and Carmen: (make a gun with their index finger and thumb)
Globie: Un...
Chief: Aim... (Points to Maelstrom)
Mike and Carmen: (bring their finger gun to eye level)
Globie: Deux...
Chief: Fire!
Mike and Carmen: (make gunshot noises)
Globie: Trois!
*** Everyone pelts rotten food at Maelstrom ***
Maelstrom: AAAAA!
Chief: Get him! He running onto the...what platform?
Mike: If the author doesn't even know, how do we?
Globie: You mean Direction Angrignon, don'tcha?
Chief: Yeah!
Tom: What he said.
Sixteen
Crow: (sings) ...Candles...
*** Continuation of last act ***
All: (scream)
*** Angrignon train arrives ***
Globie: Hurry, Chief!
*** PA announces St-Laurent as next stop ***
Maelstrom: You meet your doom in this car, Globie.
Crow: For the love of GOD, yes yes yes PLEASE!!!!!
Globie: Police! Seal off this car.
*** Police seals off train car ***
*** Maelstrom draws 1st blood, punches Globie ***
Tom: Rambo, First Blood.
Globie: Eat this, Maelstrom!
Mike: My mother's meatloaf!
Chief: Hyah!
*** Maelstrom falls ***
Tom & Crow: Malestrom dies...the end. Can we go now, Mike?
*** Train arrives at St-Laurent ***
<<< Little while later... >>>
*** PA Announces arrival at Guy-Concordia **
Maelstrom: Ugh!
Mike: Me Chief Whyamiincrappyfic.
*** Globie falls to the ground ***
All: HUZZAH!
<<< Later >>>
Crow: ..the same day….
*** Train announces arrival at Lionel-Groulx ***
Maelstrom: Gotta run!
Tom: (Tigger) TTFN!
Globie: Over my dead body!
Crow: I wish.
*** Maelstrom runs up to Cote-Vertu platform ***
Chief: The platform's that way!
Carmen: (English Teacher) Mr. Globie, that last line is very vague.
Maelstrom: Train's coming, Globie. Catch me if you can!
Globie: Uh-huh!
Mike: Nuh-uh!
*** Cote-Vertu train pulls up ***
Globie: I got in!
All: So nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah!
Maelstrom: Hyah!
*** Maelstrom hits a window ***
Chief: Ha!
Globie: This ends here. NOW!
Crow: Again, I wish.
Chief: There's nowhere to run, Maelstrom. Give up!
Maelstrom: Not until the Pacific dries up!
Globie: So be it, Maelstrom!
Tom: ‘So be it?’ Who is he trying to be, King Triton?
Seventeen
Carmen: ...magazine.
Location: Between Vendome & Snowdon, Montreal Metro, PQ
Time: May 18, 1999 - 12:20 AM
Maelstrom: Here we are, alone in this metro car, ready
to begin the fight card!
Mike: They’re going to play Pokemon?
Chief: Ding! Round one!
Carmen: We've gone this far and it's only round one?!?!
Globie: CHIEF!
Crow: MCCLOUD!
Carmen: You say that one more time, Crow, and you won't live to regret it.
Maelstrom: AAARRGGHH!
Globie: Hyah!
*** Maelstrom and Globie run toward each other ***
*** Maelstrom hit ***
Mike: ... a brick wall, repeatedly, with his head.
Tom: Explaining only some parts of this fic...
Maelstrom: ARGH!
Globie: Uh-oh.
*** Globie hit ***
Chief: Get up, Globie!
All: No! Stay down! For the love of God!
*** C-5 portal opens ***
Laurie: What did I miss?
Crow: Yet another badly written fight scene.
Maelstrom: EAT THIS, LAURIE!
Laurie ARRRGGGHHHH!
*** Laurie and Maelstrom rush toward each other ***
*** Maelstrom hit ***
*** PA announces arrival at Snowdon station ***
Maelstrom: This is my stop!
All: (doing the "Daria" theme) Got to get off...
Laurie: Not if I have something to say about it!
Maelstrom: Like what?
*** Laurie kayos Maelstrom ***
*** Maelstrom runs ***
Tom: ...like a girl.
Laurie: Globie?
Globie: Let's go!
Laurie: Look!=20
Crow: Bad HTML coding!
Globie: St-Michel Direction. That way!
Laurie: Are you sure?
Tom: No.
Globie: I know this place like the back of my hand.
Carmen: (as Globie, examining the back of right hand) See...OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
Laurie: Maelstrom at 12 o'clock!
Globie: I've got him dead in my sights.
Mike: And JUST as many bad clichés!
Eighteen
Crow: When you're old enough to vote!
Location: Snowdon Station, Montreal Metro, Montreal, PQ
Time: May 18, 1999 - 12:55 AM
Maelstrom: Good-bye and good riddance, ACME!
Laurie: Hyah!
*** St-Michel train arrives at platform ***
Maelstrom: You'll never take me alive!
Globie: Laurie, I'm coming!
Tom: I didn’t need to hear that.
Hyah!
*** Globie kayos Maelstrom ***
Globie: He's going into the train!
Laurie: Drop the crutch, Globster. You don't need it.
Globie: You're right.
Mike: I am INVINCIBLE!
Laurie: Let's get in.
Maelstrom: Hyah!
Laurie: How can he fight for so long?
Globie: Beats me.
Crow: Um, it's HIS fic, shouldn't HE know?
Maelstrom: Hyah!
*** Maelstrom misses, hits door ***
Carmen: Next time, try opening it first!
Tom: D'oh!
Globie: Police! ACME personnel! Seal off this train=20
car to passengers!
Crow: Train =20 car?
Laurie: Let's dance again, Maelstrom.
Globie: Look out, Laurie! He's gonna knock you...
Chief: ...out.
Mike: (sings) Cuz Mamma said knock you out!
Zack: Hyah!
Tom: WHERE THE HELL DID HE COME FROM?!
Chief: ZACK!
Maelstrom: Oof!
<<< Later>>>
*** PA announces arrival at St-Michel ***
Maelstrom: Bye!
Crow: Guess he's out of clichés.
Globie: We'll never catch him!
Carmen: That hasn't stopped you before.
Maelstrom: Find me in Ipanema, ACME!
Zack: Globster! Laurie! You shouldn't be here in this condition!
Globie: We should send Laurie back!
Tom: YEAH! No girls in the clubhouse!
*** Zack throws Laurie into C-5 portal ***
Chief: All ACME agents on South America have been notified that Rio de Janeiro is Maelstrom's next stop.
Zack: Let's go!
All: (clap and shout) Let's go!
Nineteen
Location: Maelstrom's HQ, Spitzbergen, Norway
Time: May 18, 1999 - 7:25 AM
Jaci: Move over, Ivy!
Mike: (George Thorogood) Move it on over…
Ivy: So, now what do we do?
Crow: Grind and gnash our teeth.
Carmen: How's about getting out of here?
Carmen: I'm much more articulate than that!
All ACME agents: CARMEN!
Ivan: How'd you get in that cage?
Tom: There’s a cage?
Kim: Who did this?
Herman: Maelstrom!
Ann: No duh!
Dee: What's this all about?
Crow: Um...well....I'm guessing here but it's something about Carmen dying but not and Maelstrom saying alot of clichés.
Carmen: I wanted to find an another replacement toVILE if something
happened to me. When I faked my death,
Maelstrom rushed in and grabbed me, and here I am!
Carmen: Sounding like a stunned gerbil.
Ivy: We're your replacements, Carmen. Remember?
Mike: Must... do... Replacement Killers.. gag... too... weak....
Carmen: Yes, Ivy. I remember that time you and Zack arrested all my VILE villains, proving yourself worthy of my helm.
Sara: You were out of your mind, Carmen.
Tom: Oh, look whose calling the kettle black!
Dr. Belljar: Really, Sara? I never thought so.
Medeva: Never mind all of that. HOW DO WE GET OUT?
Lars: I dunno. I've run out.
Crow: Of dialogue.
Jaci: You're all under arrest.
Mike: (as Lars) And you are an airhead.
Lars: You coppers can't do much arresting inside that cage of yours.
Jaci: Oh, yeah?
Ann: Silver woman to blue base, over.
Carmen: Release the secret foundation and mascara...
Zack: Hey, Ann, what's up?
All: WHASSSSSSSSSUUUUUUPPPPPPP!
Ann: We've located Carmen!
Zack: And?
Tom: She's sitting right here. (gestures towards Carmen)
Ann: We can't arrest her.
Zack: Why?
Ann: We're still in a cage...
All: (sing) Despite all my rage.. I am still... just a rat in a cage...
Ivy: With no hope of getting out!
Kim: We're doomed!
Mike: Now Kim IS C-3PO.
Herman: Look on the bright side, Kim. Globie will come...
Carmen: And that's a GOOD thing?
Twenty
Location: Ipanema, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Time: May 18, 1999 - 3:28 AM
Zack: It's over, Maelstrom!
Maelstrom: Not in a million years!
Carmen: Yes, you too can learn to use clichés like this in only three easy lessons.
Tom: Just three easy payments of 19.95
Zack: Oh, yeah?
Globie: Hurry!
Chief: Hey! People are sleeping right now!
Crow: (snoring)
Mike (nudges Crow)
Crow: Huh? What?
Maelstrom: Wake up!
Crow: Ok, ok, I'm up!
Globie: Oh, no!
*** People waking up from racket ***
Zack: Run!
*** C-5 portal opens ***
Laurie: Hello!
Crow: (Laurie) I'm here to drag Globie to Sensetivity Training.
Chief: Let's use the Techno-Boards!
Globie: What?
Laurie: Ivan's been working on them.
*** 3 boards appear from C-5 portal ***
Zack: Awesome!
Globie: Maelstrom, meet your worst nightmare!
Laurie: ACME Away!
*** Maelstrom continues running ***
Chief: End of the line, Maelstrom!
Maelstrom: No!
*** Maelstrom hits a wall ***
Laurie: You're under arrest!
Tom: That's an anime title, if I'm not mistaken....
Globie: So, Maelstrom, I guess you're stuck in the middle with no one helping you!
All: (sing) Stuck in the middle with you…
Maelstrom: You win, ACME.
Mike:Your mastery of clichés is superior to mine.
Chief: We did it!
Zack: All right!
Carmen (slowly, hopeful) Does this mean we can leave?
Laurie: All there is to do is arrest the 4 VILE villains and rescue the ACME Good Guides.
Zack: Guys...
Globie: What?
Zack: We'll have to arrest Carmen too.
Laurie: She's dead!
Zack: Nope.
Crow: Because she's alive, RIGHT HERE!
Globie: Let's go!
Twenty One
Mike: NBC’s failed game show.
Location: Maelstrom HQ, Spitzbergen, Norway
Time: May 18, 1999 - 7:40 AM
Jaci: I wonder if Globie will ever come.
('Bots snicker)
Ann: Jaci!
Kim: What?
Ann: I got the door open!
Jaci: OK!
Herman: On three, we bust out.
Mike: Aren't you trying to 'Bust in'?
Sara: What are you guys doing?
Jaci: Nothing, Sara.
Tom: …Cuz the plot won’t let us.
Herman: Three!
Carmen: AAAA!
Carmen: Funny, I'm feeling much the same way.
*** Sounds of struggle, Carmen being arrested ***
All VILE: NOOOOO!
Tom: How'd you get so much unity in your employees?
Carmen: Good medical.
Jaci: We did it!
Zack: Jaci?
Jaci: We hear ya, Zack.
Zack: Status.
Crow: Say what you want about "Dawson's Creek" but at least those characters use polysylablic dialogue.
Ann: We broke out of our cell, and now we have also broken Carmen out...
Zack: You WHAT?
Dee: Don't worry! We've arrested her already!
Globie: Jaci, Laurie's watered your plants already.
(‘Bots snicker)
Herman: Quick! Maelstrom's coming!
Chief: How? We just busted him in Rio de Janeiro!
Sara: No time. Let's all get into your cage.
Tom: (Sara) Like good little monk--what am I saying? Detectives.
Ivan: Good.
<<< Moments later >>>
Maelstrom: Ah, my dear fellows. I hope you are having a nice time.=20
Mike: A nice time=20?
Ivan: Not really.
Crow: Which one of us said that?
Maelstrom: I hope you enjoy your stay, 'cause your friends will never figure out where I'll strike next!
Crow: I'm guessing Denton.
Tom: Home of Happiness!
Carmen: Only if he's got Shiwan Khan to back him up...
Ann: They'll figure it out, Maelstrom. You just wait and see!
Twenty Two
*** Continuation of last act ***
All: Second verse! Same as the first! A little bit louder and a whole lot worse!
Kim: What will you steal?
Maelstrom: I hope you're sitting down, because you'll never believe it!
Ivy: Oh, no, not ACME HQ again.
Maelstrom: Oh, no, Ivy. It's bigger than that. I, Dr. Maelstrom, will steal everything from TVB Hong Kong 32nd Anniversary Celebration!
Kim: That's ridiculous! No one can steal all the prizes, props, and the big huge cake!
Maelstrom: Oh, no, Kim. I'm not gonna steal the stuff. Carmen Sandiego will!
Carmen: Me?
Maelstrom: If I disguise myself as you, the Hong Kong police will
think that Carmen Sandiego stole TVB's 32nd
Anniversary Celebration, not Dr. Maelstrom!
Carmen: He's a crossdresser? THAT never made it into his file...
Tom: He's just a sweet transvestite...
Sara: That's outrageous!
Medeva: Preposterous!
Lars: Crazy!
Dr, Belljar: Technically impossible.
Crow: And besides that, it won't work.
Maelstrom: Haw!
Ivy: You'll never get away with it, Maelstrom!
Maelstrom: Adios, losers.
Carmen: (Maelstrom) I'm tired of trading clichés with you.
Location: ACME HQ, Calgary, Alberta
Time: May 18, 1999 - 12:40 AM
Zack: Here's the clue Maelstrom left in the cell, Laurie.
Laurie:
Tom: It means you can't have your cake and eat it too.
Chief: There's the Sugar Loaf in Rio de Janeiro.
Zack: Wait a second, guys. Watch this clip from Hong Kong.
Globie: I remember! That cake is from TVB Hong Kong's 31st Anniversary! Chief! Alert all ACME agents in Southeast Asia to head to Clearwater Bay in Hong Kong in November!
Laurie: Are you sure?
Carmen: (Kala) Yes, there were no others.
Globie: Look in this diagram from TVB archives. About 1/10 of the cake is real, the rest is fake! I think that what Maelstrom means.
Crow: When you're straange.. Faces come out of the rain....
Tom: Huh?
Crow: I just felt like singing that.
Carmen: I don't think we're going to have any trouble unless someone drops the cake in the rain...
Chief: OK, I'll fire up the C-5.
Zack: You mean the Chronoskimmer.
Tom: WHY?!
Laurie: Then let's get going, team.
Zack: Chief! Chronoskim us to Television City, Clearwater Bay, Hong Kong in November of this year. We'll nab Maelstrom for good this time!
*** Chronoskimmer portal opens, sucks all in ***
Crow: Sucks....let's go with that word, fic.
Chief: OK, Maelstrom. HERE WE GO!
--- To Be Continued ---
Tom: How much more of this thing is there?
Carmen: Ten more chapters I believe...
Mike and the 'Bots: NOOOOOO!
All: (exit the theater)
And we MSTies hate to do this, but we also have to say, "To be continued..."