Carmen weaved her way through the crowded and ever-increasingly
stick floor. She tried the door to the backstage.
Locked.
And her lock picking equipment was in her coat.
"So improvise Sandiego!" chirped an annoying voice in the back
of her mind. "Use the brains god gave you."
She racked her fingers through her long dark hair until they
caught on a stray bobby pin. She jammed it into the lock and after some
jiggling the door swung open. She ducked inside and hid in the shadows.
She caught a glimpse of Ivy struggling in the arms of the mini-
barneys. They set Ivy down in a corner with a bunch of props. She managed
to knock down a significant number of them before they bolted the chair to
the floor and put a straight jacket on her.
"How did PBS get the funding to by a straight jacket for a kids
show?" Carmen wondered. "Maybe they brought it from home...."
The crowd of mini-barneys died down and they left Ivy under the
supervision of a single guard who cheerfully pointed a large and very nasty
gun in Ivy’s general direction whenever she moved.
Ivy slowly looked down at her feet pathetically. Carmen wished
that Ivy would look up and see that help was here, but she knew that if
she made too much noise it could draw a lot of unwanted attention.
On stage Barney and his minions had started singing something
about how taking baths could be fun.
Carmen shuddered. Hygiene was not exactly the best kids topic.
She looked around desperately for something, anything that would help.
Spying the stairs to the catwalk Carmen smiled. This was going to be fun.
***
Ivy looked at her lap miserably. How could this have happened?
She had been so careful after the Martha Stewart incident. Now she and
Zack might never be able to...
Suddenly there was a large -wump- sound and the guard mysteriously
disappeared. Confused, Ivy looked around her. Then she looked down and saw the
guard smashed under a sand bag.
"Ivy!" loudly whispered a very familiar voice.
She looked up and nearly cried in relief.
"Carmen! I thought you’d never get here! GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
"Shh! Keep it down! Barney may be loud and dense but he’s
not deaf!"
"Sorry. Please hurry up! I can’t stand that green and purple moron
any longer!" she said in a considerably softer voice.
"Hang on, I’m coming down." Carmen descended the ladder as quickly
and quietly as possible, and keeping to the shadows of the backstage crept
to where Ivy was tied. Untying the strait jacket proved to be a difficult
task, but after a few minutes, Ivy was free.
Carmen looked out onto the stage. Zack was singing ‘This Old Man’
with Barney and his minions.
She shuttered. "If we get out of this alive you’re going to owe
me a vacation!"she quipped to Ivy.
"I’ll agree to that!" Ivy shot back, "But only if you take Zack
and me with you!"
"Fine! But let’s concentrate on getting your dozen-short little
bro out of here first."
"I think he’s lost a lot more than a dozen glazed doughnuts...."
Ivy quipped as she looked on stage where Zack was sing about pretending.
"I see what you mean...," Carmen trailed off. A brilliant Idea
suddenly occurred to her. She grabbed Ivy’s hand and yanked her into the
costume wardrobe.
A few minutes later they emerged form wardrobe and made their way
to the fuse box.
On stage Barney was in the middle of pretending to be a dragon by
holding a paper plate up in front of his face.
"I don’t think this will work Carmen."
"Why not?" asked Carmen as she opened the fuse box and did some
creative rewiring.
"Well...I’ve only seen this done once....and even then it was
under much different circumstances. Besides, I look ridiculous!"
"You look fine! Besides, isn’t it more important that we get your
brother and get out of here?"
"Yes, ...but do we have enough sandbags in the rafters?"
"I think so. And if not we’ll always improvise during the
instrumental. There. That should do it."
The lights on-stage went dead. Barney stopped dead in his tracks.
This wasn’t part of the show schedule. A spotlight turned on and played
about the audience.
It suddenly focused on stage, just as Carmen and Ivy stepped on
stage, waving.
Carmen and Ivy were both wearing highly sequenced dresses A La
Diana Ross and the Supremes. (Carmen’s was red Ivy’s was green) Carmen was
dragging a rope that was connected somewhere off stage in the rafters. Ivy
was clutching a cordless mike.
"Ladies and Gentlemen. Please welcome to the show Ms. Carmen
Sandiego and her friend Ms. Ivy-"
"Hey, friendly friends!" Barney interrupted, "What are you gee
golly doing?"
"Barney, we have to talk," Carmen told the wobbling mass of
purple felt.
"Gee, Carmen what about?"
"Well Barney, I think that your new guests would like to leave
now," Carmen explained slowly. "They have other things to do today, and
well, they can’t appreciate you they way some of your other friends do. I
think it’s time for Zack to join his sister and go home and take a nice
long nap."
She and Ivy slowly maneuvered to Zack’s side. They each took an
arm, and pulled him up out of the tiny chair he had been placed in. When
they moved towards the door, however, they heard the unmistakable sound of
large nasty weapons loading under the suits of the mini-Barneys.
"Aw gee-ums Carmen I’d like to, but I think Zack wants to stay
here and play for a little while longer!" He smiled even wider than normally.
It didn’t look pretty.
"Well Barney, I’m his sister, and it looks like he wants to go
home and take a nap."
"Hi diddle ho Ivy! It’s so nice to see you up and at ‘em again!"
He said as he moved in Ivy’s direction in a manner that seemed as menacing
as he would ever get.
"Still on Prozac Barney?" Ivy muttered under her breath so the
little kids wouldn’t hear her. Barney was at a loss for words.
"Well if we can’t take Zack home," Carmen stepped in taking
advantage of Barney’s temporary loss of tongue, "can we sing him a little
song? I’m sure he’ll like it."
"Well that would be swell! Huhuhuhooo!" Barney said as he danced
about the stage ushering the mini-barneys to the side lines.
Carmen cringed but gave the cue to start the music. The beginning
strains of ‘Stand By Me’ came up. Ivy smiled maliciously, took the rope
Carmen had been holding and handed her the microphone.
Carmen began to sing:
When the night/
Has come/
And the land is dark/
And the moon/
Is the only light we see/
Ivy took up the rest of the verse
I won’t/
be afraid/
No I won’t/
be afraid/
just as long/
as you stand/
stand by me/
Suddenly as Barney stood dumbly giggling, an acorn fell from the
rafters and struck him dead between the eyes.
"Huh hu hooo..."
Carmen took up the chorus:
So Barney/
Barney/
Stand/
Suddenly a sandbag dropped out of the sky and beamed Barney
exactly when the acorn had.
By me/
Oh , Stand/
Two more sandbags followed the first.
By me/
Oh stand/
Three more sandbags followed the first three.
Stand by me/
One more sandbag came down.
Stand by me/
Ivy and Carmen switched places, Carmen manning the cord for the
sandbags and Ivy holding the mike. Ivy dramatically waltzed across the stage
and picked her brother up out of the chair he had fallen back into.
If the sky/
That we look upon/
She dipped Zack with an elegant gesture.
Should tumble and fall/
or the mountains/
They should crumble/
To the sea/
As she waltzed Zack about the stage she could Barney
fighting his way out of the many sandbags that had buried him. She
looked at Carmen concerned, but Carmen gestured that she was ready.
I won’t cry/
I won’t cry/
no I won’t/
shed a tear/
she sang as she slapped her brothers face in tempo to the music
trying to get him to snap out of it.
She turned and saw that Barney was free! And if looks could
kill.... She turned her back to the advancing purple terror. She’d better
hurry up.
Just as long /
As you stand/
Stand by me/
She could feel the force as the sandbag found it’s mark on
Barney’s head. That had been to close for comfort. She and Carmen changed
places again, and Carmen picked up the chorus.
So Barney/
Barney/
Stand/
again a sandbag found it’s mark
By me/
Oh Stand/
two more followed the first
By me/
Oh stand/
Three more came barreling down on Barney’s head
Stand by me/
One more smashed Barney’s factory made head
Stand by me/
Barney, although suffering from several apparent concussions got
to his feet and, while trying to be his cheerful self advanced towards Ivy
and the still brainwashed Zack.
"He’s not slowing down!" Ivy yelled to Carmen.
"Don’t worry!" Carmen yelled back as she climbed the ladder to
the catwalk. "We’re in the instrumental part! Just keep him in one place and
keep pulling the chord!"
Ivy shifted Zack’s dead weight to her other shoulder and pulled
the chord.
A prop anvil smooshed Barney’s head.
‘Not bad’ thought Ivy. ‘A little too ‘Animaniacs’ for me, but not
bad!’
She tried again.
A live Elephant dropped.
"Where are you getting this stuff?" she yelled up to Carmen.
"Prop storage! There’s a ton of this stuff up here! Keep pulling!"
Ivy pulled the chord seven times in succession and two semi-trucks
a whale, and several pounds of avocados embedded themselves into Barney’s
skull. But each time he got up groggily and tried to walk towards Ivy and
her brother.
"Carmen it’s not working! Do you have anything else up there?"
Carmen appeared beside her. "Look, let me have Zack. You go up
there and throw down whatever you think will stop him."
Ivy was off like a bolt.
Carmen picked Zack up and checked on how Barney was doing. The
mini-Barneys had pulled him free of the avalanche of sandbags and were
feverly checking to see if he was all right. He shrugged them off and began,
now evidently angry, towards Carmen and Zack.
"I’ve got it! Pull on the chord and keep it down!" yelled Ivy’s
voice high above in the rafters.
Carmen did so and 20 bowling balls, a stunned Rush Limbaugh and a
NASA satellite squished the annoying dino.
A rope fell down from the ceiling and Ivy, now wearing her
regular coat over the sequenced gown, slid down carrying another length of
rope attached at one end to the ceiling with her.
"What is the rope for?" Carmen asked as soon as Ivy had touched
down on the floor.
"It’s the grand finale. Something we’ll need if we can’t exit
quietly. Let’s try to wrap this up."
Carmen and Ivy sung together:
So Barney/
Barney/
Stand/
By me/
Oh Stand/
By me/
Oh stand/
Stand by me/
Stand by me./
They could both hear Barney summoning the last of his strength.
Ivy twirled to the rope she had brought down. She yanked it as hard as she
could, and a large kitchen sink landed on Barney’s head. Barney fell and
didn’t get back up.
At that exact instant the music stopped.
There was silence for a brief moment, then the audience exploded
into clapping and cheering wildly.
They all took bows, then hastily exited stage right.
"Well, never let it be said that I didn’t throw everything but
the kitchen sink at that moron!" Ivy joked.
"Let’s just get out of here," Carmen said as Ivy tried to
prevent her brother from walking repeatedly into a wall.
"I couldn’t have said it better! Could you take his other arm..."
"Freeze!" yelled a voice from the other side of the backstage.
Carmen and Ivy realized then that they weren’t going to get away
that easily...
To Be Continued.....
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