*We return to the Who Wants To Be An EXECUTION! Victim set. Lee is still trussed up in the hot seat, and Erin is in the host's seat...*

And we're back. Sorry about the delay, but someone was tampering with our transmitter causing us to be knocked out for longer than we intended...anyway, on with the show.

Here's how it works, Lee. In the interest of time, we've decided to amend the rules a bit. You only have to answer five questions to get out of here with all parts of your anatomy intact. However, miss one and you'll be hit with the penalty. These start out minor, but get progressively worse as we go on...and if you blow the last question, weeeeel, we'll just wait and see if that happens. Ready to play?

Lee: YOU'RE A *BLEEP*ING PSYCHOPATH!

Okay, he's ready! So Let's play 'Who Wants To Be An EXECUTION! Victim!'

*music sting*

Question 1, Lee. If you blow this, the lovely Jaci will drop her pet rabid tasmanian devil, Algernon, down your pants. You should be very familiar with the feeling, I'm sure. Ready?

Lee: I'M GONNA RIP YOUR LUNGS OUT YOU--

I'm sorry, did you just say 'Erin, please kill me in the messiest and most painful way possible, please?'

Lee: *gulp* no...

Okay then. Question 1: In which of the following fictional locations would you find the characters Rincewind the Wizzard and Susan Sto-Helit?

a. Middle Earth
b. Krynn
c. Discworld
d. Callahan's Crosstime Saloon

Lee: Uh, uhh...

*Cut to Jaci giving an evil grin, and gently stroking Algernon. She shows her teeth and does an over exaggerated bite with an audible 'click.' Lee sweats profusely.*

Lee: Ummm....Discworld! Yeah, I remember seeing the wizard's name on the front of a harcover Discworld book. Discworld!

Is that your final answer?

Lee: Yeah! Yeah!

.....He's right! Discworld it is! Okay four more questions to go and you're out of here Lee. The penalty is now upped. Get this one wrong and Jaci will drop Algernon, PLUS his entire extended family dow n your pants. How are the little nippers, Jaci?

*Cut to Jaci, with a whole cage full of rabid tasmanian devils*

Jaci: Ravenous, Erin. They're looking forward to a tender Rump du Jordan tonight.

Wonderful. Okay Lee, here's question 2:

Which of the following characters is NOT a Sailor Senshi?

a. Sailor Jupiter
b. Sailor Uranus
c. Sailor Star Voyager
d. Sailor Star Maker

Lee: Damn...*gulp*...I never watch Sailor Moon, how the hell am I supposed to know that?!

Calm, Lee. Take a guess if your not sure.

Lee: Don't I even get a lifeline or something?

What? You think we WANT you to win?

Lee: All right you *BLEEP*...Sailor Star Voyager.

Final Answer?

Lee: YES, DAMMIT!

..........................He's right! And he gets to go on to the next question. How you feeling Lee?

Lee: I JUST WANT OUT OF HERE! ASK THE QUESTION ALREADY!!!

Boy, he is enthusastic, isn't he folks? Okay Lee, moving the penalty up a notch. Here's where it starts to get nasty. In addition to Algernon and his family in your shorts, you will also be choking down the contents of this 10 pound bag of salt!

*Cut to the aforementioned bag of salt haing from the rafters*

Nyuck! Okay, here we go. Question 3:

Which of the following pinball machines features 'Captain B. Zarr?'

a. The Party Zone
b. No Fear
c. Dr. Dude and his Excellent Ray
d. Lifeforce

Lee: Okay, I know this! I know this! I was San Francisco's regional pinball champ before I joined Acme.

That would explain where you got your detective skills from then...

*laughter*

Lee: Okay, Lifeforce and No Fear don't have a comedy theme to them...and Dr. Dude was from the same creators but Captain B. Zarr made his appearance in The Party Zone.

The Party Zone. Final Answer?

Lee: Yes!

..........................................He's right! Well done, Lee.

Lee: Yeah, yeah, let's go!

Boy, even though you risk permanent injury if you blow it, you're really getting into this aren't you? Okay, upping the ante again...this time, you'll get the rabid tasmanian devils, plus 100 paper cuts on your arms and legs, and then the salt gets dumped into the wounds. Ready?

Lee: COME ON!

Okay then...Question 4:

What does the 'SN' in SNAFU stand for?

a. Silly Nimrod
b. Situation Normal
c. Standing Neutral
d. Stable Now

Lee: Lessee...SNAFU...Situation Normal, All *BLEEP*ed Up. It's B!

B. Situation Normal. Is that your final answer?

Lee: That is. *gulp*

......................................................................................He's right!

Okay Lee, here it is, you get this last question right and you walk out of here. Get it wrong, and well...the final penalty means we'll h ave to scrape you off the studio floor with a spatula. *points up*

*Lee looks up to see a HUGE 16-ton weight (labled '16 Tons') hanging above him. He sweats profusely.*


All right, Lee. For all the marbles...

Which of the following alien species is NOT a carbon based life form?

a. Predators
b. Vulcans
c. Aliens
d. Triffids

Lee: I..I...*looks up at the weight* I'm...I...I...

Time's running out, Lee.

Lee: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!

Oh, didn't I mention the 30 second time limit on the last question?

Lee: Oh *BLEEP*! I DON'T KNOW!

Better guess then...

Lee: TRIFFIDS! TRIFFIDS! THAT'S MY FINAL ANSWER!

Triffids..........................................................................................................................................................................Sorry sucker, you BLEW it! Jaci, if you'd do the honors...

Jack walks over to a BIG red lever and readys herself to pull it...









...when theres and explosion and a mass of black clad figures burst into the studion, knock over the chairs, unties Lee and begins to hustle him out. *

What the--?!

*Out of the smoke comes a familiar voice*

Voice: Sorry, Erin, not this time!

ANIE?! What are you doing here?!

*Anie, in black commando gear, comes out of the smoke* Anie: I sabotaged your transmitter earlier. I don't mind a little light hearted torture, but I'm not going to let you kill Lee! he doesn't deserve it.

Jaci: Anie, he's a weasel faced, lying, cheating, slimeball!

Anie: That doesn't make him a bad person!

Jaci: Okay...I think that means you've lost all your donuts and are going to the DDS ward.

Anie: NEVER! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME BACK THERE! I'M LEAVING AND I'M TAKING LEE WITH ME AND WE'LL LIVE HAPPILY IN A LITTLE WHITE SPLIT LEVEL WITH TWO ADORABLE CHILDREN AND A DOG NAMED REX, AND WE'LL SING SONGS AND DANCE AND BARBECUE...

And trip off happily into the sunset as night falls over Albequerque, right? Sorry sister, ain't happening. Now, Globie!

*From up in the rafters, Globie nods and activates the C-6, and the entire front four of the Denver Broncos charges across the studio floor, plowing into Anie's Lee-gion of Lee Rescuers. Lee is jarred from the Lee-gion and slides across the floor. Jaci pulls the lever and the 16-ton weight drops...


...right through the floor with no one under it. Lee scrabbles to his feet and makes a dash for the exit, but Erin gets to his feet at the last minute and trips him up, sending Lee sprawling and sliding across the floor, where he stops a Jaci's feet. He looks up and groans.*

Jaci: Oh, you BETCHA!

*With that, she drops the whole pack of rabid tasmanian devils down Lee's pants and Lee jumps ten feet straight up and begins doing a mid air lambada.

Lenore, up in the control booth, and never one to miss a joke puts on Ricky Martin's 'Livin' La Vida Loca' and Lee gyrates in time to the music in a comedically appropriate manner.*

Meanwhile, Globie and the front four, along with more security guards manage to subdue the Lee-gionaires, and get Anie slapped into a straitjacket. Seldavia arrives driving a DDS Ambulance.

Anie: NO, I WON'T GO BACK! I WILL SAVE LEE. HE'S AN ENDANGERED SPECIES WHERE YOU PEOPLE ARE! WE SHALL SAVE THE LEE! SAVE THE LEE! SAVE THE--

*The doors of the ambulance are closed. Jaci gives Erin a thumbs up and gets into the passenger's seat. The ambulance roars into life and leaves the studio, while the Lee-gionares are escorted out.*

Well, things didn't quite turn out like we thought. But I guess one can't go wrong with tasmanian devils in the trousers, can they?

In case you were wondering, the only one of the four alien species that was not a carbon based life forms were the Aliens. They were a silicon based life form.

So nce again, justice has been served, a little more messy but who cares? There's the justice, that's the game. Tune in next time for more...

Audience: EXECUTION!

Yes! I'm Erin Mills, good night everybody!


----

EXECUTION! is a Shallow 15 Production

All portrayals of the Forum members were done in the spirit of good-natured parody. No insults or derogatory commentary was meant and we hope those parodied will take it as the joke it was meant to be.

---Erin