"How about cross-dressing vixens find out their man is cheating on them
with their twin brothers?"
"Ben... last Thursday"
"Oh yeah."
"Look, Ben I know that the show's been getting a stale lately but we're
still the most outrageous talk show on the tube."
"Yeah but the fights are starting to look like they've been punched out
of the video tape by a cookie cutter! I mean we've had the same extras
on three times this week alone!"
"Ah c'mon, with all the real life weirdos we've had on the show repeating
extras are small potatoes. Besides we did change their costumes each
time, who's going to know? And speaking of the extras we'd better pay
them and soon. Some of them have gone to the press."
Ben cradled his head in his hands. "Don't remind me"
Andy walked in with a wide smile on his face "Gentlemen our problems
are over!"
"Andy, who let you back in the building?" Ben asked him, "You are
this-close to being fired and you..."
"This is different!" he said psuedo- magicly producing a videotape. "Is
that VCR working?"
"Yes, but Andy if you want to get really and truly fired there are
easier ways to do it..."
"Just watch!" he slipped the tape in and started it up. Suddenly a
woman in a red trenchcoat was staring them in the face. Smiling, she
tipped her hat cordially to them and jumped off a nearby ledge. As
she fell backwards two teenagers ran into the shot and picked up a
gold-colored metal piece she had left behind. Simultaneously wings
sprouted out of her back and the teenagers fitted the metal piece with
another one to form a metal globe of the earth.
"The Lady's a disgruntled police chick from an old San-Fran based
detective agency, started when she was a pre-teen and left when she
twenty-one for mysterious reasons. Nowadays she national monuments
for a living."
"She steals national monuments?" Ben asked in disbelief "Like the Statue
of Liberty, The Eiffel Tower?"
"Two of her bigger jobs actually. And even though she spends several
million just to plan each heist, each one by the way almost always fails,
she prospers. Forbes clocked her wealth at 25 billion last year alone.
And that's not the weirdest part. She leaves clues to where she's going
to be next. Seriously. And she's only been caught two.. three times tops
in her criminal career."
"What about the kids?" his friend asked.
"Even weirder. The Girls a martial Arts expert with a short temper, her
brother is a genius with a 170 IQ and a knack for languages and computers.
But here's the kicker: they're both under 19."
Ben whistled low. "You might actually have something there."
"I've got more than just 'something'. I've got relatives who think the
kids should quit the agency...Cons and ex-cons the Chiquita locked away
when she was a detective. This thing's a keg or powder ready to blow."
"Woah, woah, Andy... is that who I think it is?"
"Yup. That's Carmen Sandiego.... At least FOX's version."
"Wait a minute! Guys, I know the show is known for... Well.. you know!
But Carmen Sandiego! She's a star of a kids show!"
"And what better way to get the younger generation involved? Besides
Jerry, have you SEEN that kids show? It's got more twists and turns
than most Soap Operas! They had a trilogy about Carmen finding her
long-lost-father!"
"I don't care! 'The Jerry Springer Show' isn't know for it's children
friendly programming!" Jerry exclaimed as he tossed up his hands
"Jerry."
"What, Andy?"
"We've already pre-sold the show in twenty countries and ten states."
There was a pause "...Wait ...so we're already making money on the show?"
"That's right."
"Well... it's not like this is the worse thing we've done!"
Jerry rationalized
"Too true!" Ben exclaimed
"So where do we start?"
Evil Incarnate 3: The Final Thought
Carmen lay back in the lounge chair and rubbed some more suntan lotion
on her arm. The last six months had been long ones. First assaulted by
a deranged Martha Stewart then by an equally deranged Barney and Minions
Carmen had almost reached her breaking point. Fortunately with a spur of
the moment promise made to the detectives in the dusty air ducts of the
PBS headquarters she had been forced to take them all on a much needed
vacation. Now Zack and Ivy were boogie boarding in the light blue
Caribbean Sea and she was lying alone on her private beachfront bathed
in tropical sunlight.
Life was good.
She had run out of suntan lotion so she wrapped up in a beach robe and
headed for the house. The only thing that would make life perfect would
be a game of chess with the Chief. She hadn't seen him since that day at
the hospital, which was completely unusual for her. Despite the distance
placed between them she tried to visit the Chief at least once a week.
Yes a game of chess would be just the thing to make the day perfect...
Zack and Ivy were having a great time too. After an hour or so of surfing
they had built a huge sand castle and gotten into a nasty sand fight
before heading back to the house.
" This is great!" Zack said when they were in view of the house.
"Yeah, remind me if I ever have the cash to try to get a private island"
"It was nice of Carmen to let us use her island wasn't it?"
"Zack! Please don't imply anything else, your irony is smothering me! Carmen is just…doing us a favor for us saving her life... "
"Didn't SHE save US last time?"
Carmen came out of the house fully clothed up to the siblings.
"Ivy...Zack.. Thank God. Something... something's come up."
"What is it Carmen?" Ivy asked as Carmen bundled them into the house's
huge Mainframe room.
"I tried to break into ACME to talk to the Chief and I found this:" she
hit 'play' on a video file. A familiar wordless jingle came up and the
blackness slowly dissolved into a familiar face.
"Hi, I'm Jerry Springer. Y'know your probably asking yourself several
questions right now. You may be wondering why your CHIEF unit is missing.
You may be wondering why I'm talking now and what I want. Well a few years
ago I helped create a show. A show that heals the untellable social
problems, one that brings deeply hidden lives to the surface so those
living them can receive closure.
Now normally I don't bring guests here with force but hey, in my show
there's always a first time to break some eggs to make an omelet. I'm
looking to contact Ms. Sandiego, and quite frankly this is the only way
I know how to do it. I have been in contact with several people who feel
that they must confront her and express their feelings to find closure.
That coupled with the fact that our ratings have been drooping a fraction
of a point of a percent presents a perfect chance to get two birds with
one stone from the road of life that frankly has never been a crystal
stair. That is hoping that the two birds don't eat the omelet. So Ms.
Sandiego, if you're watching this, come down to the following co-
ordinances if you ever want to see the Chief again. Bring Zack and Ivy
with you if you could, it'll save me a trip."
"Well.. until the time I meet you to decide everyone's fate.. Take care
of yourself--and each other."
The image faded out to the tinny familiar tune.
The two detectives stood spell bound for a brief instant before
Zack broke the silence:
"Not again!"
"Jeez! Do we have Eau De Psycho on or what? How to these people find us?"
Ivy commented as she turned to Carmen. She noticed the thief's face was
drawn and pale.
"I suspect that you won't be to insulted if I take you home early?"
"What.. you're not going to.."
"Carmen, no! This is suicide! Do you think we're really going to let you
walk back into the grasp of danger and possible dismemberment and without
so much as a how-do-you-do?" Ivy asked
"I can't let you two go with me. Look at what happened to the last time
Zack! I can't put anymore lives besides myself at risk this time."
"But he said he needed all of us to bring some people 'closure'. Jerry
rarely lets a possible guest slip out of his fingers unless they're
giving birth or fatally ill! And I've seen a few shows where they were
both and still on stage! He could kidnap us or force us to sign who-knows
what! Carmen we have to come with you."
"Yeah... Sort of a 'United we stand and divided we fall' kinda thing."
Ivy elaborated.
Carmen took a deep breath and looked at the two siblings. "All right.
But let's be careful."
+++++
"She'll never come!" The Chief Screeched at Andy for the fifth time in
an hour "You'll never get Carmen Sandiego within five thousand miles of
this set! She's smarter than most Mensa Missionaries making mud in Mecca!
She's the Cream of the Crop, the Eye of the Tiger!"
"Yes, but that's the beauty of it! She would never be on the show for
anything except you! We're going to chew up and spit out a true
intellectual, puff up our trailer-home range in the Nelsons. And you
wouldn't think that the two kids.. what's their faces..."
"Zack and Ivy?" the Chief warily offered
"Yeah, that's it. You don't think Zack and Ivy would let her come alone
after the incident with Barney would you?"
"Well no but.. hey! How do you know about the thing with Barney?"
"I have a few Ill friends in PBS... and one in CBS programming" he added
purposefully.
The Chief realized that this wasn't going to be any ordinary show.
++++++
"Where do we go?"
"I have no Idea. This is the area though."
"Great. So we just hang out on a barrier reef until a psycho comes to
take our pictures! Wonderful!"
"You were the one who wanted to come Ivy." Carmen pointed out.
Ivy was about to answer her when they heard the buzzing sound of a motor
boat in the distance. A speedboat decked out in 'Jerry!' décor was coming
towards them at a highly illegal speed. Several muscular guys in Jerry
tee shirts were aboard.
"This looks like our ride." Zack commented.
The boat had thankfully slowed down to a putter by the time it had reached
the reef. The muscular guys easily lifted the trio into the boat and nicely
told them to put lifejackets on.
"Yeah, you wouldn't want to damage us until you got us into the set."
Zack joked.
A very bald guy laughed. "Yeah, well you should probably say 'Until we get
ON the set' kid. The suits went all out for you."
"How nice. I always wanted an expensive funeral." Carmen commented
The guy laughed again. "Don't worry Ms. Sandiego. I personally guarinty
you'll leave the set alive."
"Well that's nice to know at least Mr..."
"Call me Steve." He said simply and he shook Carmen's outstretched hand.
"Steve? You're THE Steve?"
"THE Steve Zack?" Ivy asked
"Yeah, as in: 'Steve! Steve! Steve!' He's the head of security."
"Oh. How are you Steve?"
"Good Miss, just got off work."
"Work?"
"He's a Off-duty policeman Ivy."
"What?!?"
"Yep. Pretty unbelievable huh?.. Dan is that?.. Yeah.. O.K. we're here."
"Where's 'here'?" Ivy asked
'Here' was a huge floating platform packed with technical equipment
a separate floating stage and a huge studio audience.
"Well, I'll say this much" Ivy quipped "the man's dramatic!"
+++++
to be cont'd...
(
geocities.com/empressleonine5)