"The Real Lee Jordan" by Carmine May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Lee Jordan please stand up? I repeat, will the real Lee Jordan please stand up? We're gonna have a problem here... Y'all act like you've never seen Acme turned bad before Jaws all over the floor like Acme agents swarm through the door And start arresting people in sight They started out with Carmen, then moved on with the next two It's the return of the... "Oh wait, no way, you're kidding You just didn't get hired by Acme, did you?" And the Chief said... Nothing you idiots! The Chief's been unplugged He's shut off from his computer at Acme! All my fans love Lee J. "(Ivy)Lee Jordan, I'm sick of him, Look at him, walking around, ripping us off Ticking off Carmen Sandiego, thinks he's so cute." Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose But no worse is what's going on behind Acme's closed doors Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't But it's cool for Maelstrom to break out of Folsom I ripped off Carmen's words of advice And if I'm lucky, you might as well deal with it And that's the message I deliver to little kids And expect them not to know where I got my training Of course they're gonna know where I got it By the time they hit fourth grade Their parents' got the CNN Channel don't they? We ain't nothing but thieves at heart Well, some of us more destructive Who blow up airports and leave X-marks-the-spot clues But if Carmen and Hannah can escape from jail Then there's no reason why I can't fail But if you feel like I've got the antidote Throw away your Acme badges, sing the chorus and here it goes! I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up Please stand up, please stand up 'Cause I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up Please stand up, please stand up Carmen doesn't need force in her raps to steal things Well I do, so call me extra insane or whatever you say You think I give a thought about Acme? Half of you agents can't even stomach me, let alone stand me "But Lee, what if you came back? Wouldn't that be weird?" Why? So you guys could just lie to get me back And arrest me next to Maelstrom and Sara Bellum Shoot, Carmen Sandiego better switch me chairs So I can sit next to Acme detectives Zack and Ivy And hear them argue who got Carmen S. first Little twits sent me to the slammer "This guy's incredibly amazing!" So? I should download Acme's computer system And infect it with a virus I'm sick of you Acme agents All you do is take Carmen's side So I have been sent here to wipe all of you guys out And there's a million of us just like me Who think like me; who just don't give a thought like me Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me And it might be the next best thing but not quite me! I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up Please stand up, please stand up 'Cause I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up Please stand up, please stand up I'm like a head trip to listen 'cause I'm only giving you Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room The only difference is I've got the nerves to steal In front of y'all and I don't have to steal for the challenge of it I just get on national TV and spit and whether you like to admit it I just spat out better than 90 percent of all you thieves out there Then you wonder how could Acme go so wrong despite high IQs It's funny 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm fifty I'll be the only one who steal for the money of it Beating Carmen off at her own league when I'm making off or stealin' Said I'm STEALIN' but all these trips to court isn't working And every single person is a Lee Jordan lurking They could be working at Townhall Cafe spitting on your glazed donuts Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I'm the best, Carmen sucks!" With their windows down and their systems up So will the real Lee Jordan please stand up? And put one of those fingers on each hand up? And be proud to be out of your mind and out of control And one more time, loud as you can, how's it go? I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up Please stand up, please stand up 'Cause I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up Please stand up, please stand up I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up Please stand up, please stand up 'Cause I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up Please stand up, please stand up Ha ha Guess there's a Lee Jordan in all of us Forget you, let's all stand up