I never knew I could be that strong. At the same time, I never thought I could be that weak.

A princess is supposed to be able to withstand everything. A princess can’t give up like I did. It was a failure on my part. But I simply couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted to do it from the moment you left. It’s amazing I held off as long as I did.

I’m glad that Alielle and Nanami are getting along. They’re such nice girls. Nanami really cared about you, too. Maybe as much as I did. She’s a marvel. She’s stronger than I could ever be...then I ever could have been...she’ll always be stronger. There’s no way she couldn’t be. After all, she didn’t give up.

Miz and Mr. Fugisawa are doing well, too. The kingdom is at peace...the Bugrom haven’t tried anything in forever. El Hazard is at rest.

I never was. I’ve been in turmoil ever since you left. Vanishes, back to you world...they can say what they want, I was there. I know what happened. You’re dead. Nothing can change that.

That’s probably why I did it. I cant change what happened to you, but I could change what happened to me.

The forest behind the castle was always so beautiful, but never so much as when we were there together. Everything was so perfect then. I wish it could’ve stayed that way. I wish I had been weak before now...too weak to help you reach the Eye of God in the sky and stop the destruction of El Hazard. You’d still be with me then.

Or maybe not. If El Hazard ended, so would you. Either way, you’d be gone. But I never forgave myself for letting you do that. I may have saved my kingdom, my world-but I lost the person that made my life worthwhile for the very end of it.

So I spent all my time in the forest behind the castle, trying to recreate those days, waiting for you to return. And when you never did, I knew I had been right. You were gone, and couldn’t come back. If you could return, you would have by then. I don’t think Nanami or Mr. Fugisawa ever gave up hope that you’d return, but they weren’t there. I tried to be strong, if only for their sakes. Who knows if they realize now that you can’t return, now that I’m no longer there to wait for you. But I couldn’t be that strong. I lasted longer that I thought was possible. I held out until I wasn’t even thinking any more.

The room. The place where I told you I loved you. It happened there.

That staircase was always so steep, the platform so high...I don’t think I forgot that. I think I was counting on it. What I did forget was that you were gone. Or maybe I didn’t forget. I’m not sure. I wasn’t thinking when I did it. I just threw myself at that barrier, trying to get to the side you were always on...and it burned, it hurt so much...

And then I was through.

I don’t know how I did it. Maybe it knew what I was going to do. But when I was finally on the other side, and you weren’t there...I couldn’t take it any longer. I screamed for you, ran to look for you...

Over the edge of the platform, hitting the ground. The feeling, like falling from the sky, then hitting a thousand knife edges as my ribs broke as I hit the ground...and yet it still didn’t hurt as much as living without you. I pulled myself up, and stared at the blood on the floor. I was alive. I still had time to find help, say it was an accident, stop the blood and the pain coursing through me.

Instead, I dragged myself back up those steps, each moment putting me in more agony, broken bones piercing my lungs every time I breathed. I got to the top. I sat there, breathing hard, hoping my screams would bring you.

It hurt so much. Not the pain, not my injuries. The fact that you didn’t come when I called to you. And I was tired...so very tired...so I let my eyes close just for a moment, barely realizing how much blood there was.

The flare behind me woke me. The pain was gone. And I knew what it meant. Someone was here.

The blood was no longer on the floor, or the steps...not anywhere. I felt fine, but didn’t notice. I ran, ran to where I first met you. I knew it couldn’t be you...and yet I hoped so very much that it would be...

And then I saw you, and realized what had really happened.

I was horrified. The joy of seeing you couldn’t compare to my horror at what I’d done. It may not have been wholly thought out, but I’d still done it-I’d thrown myself off the platform and let myself die. There was no other way...you’re dead, there was no way you could be standing before me like you were right then.

Shadowless, soundless...I cast no shadow, too. Your eyes told me everything I needed to know, that one nod of the head confirming my fears. And I ran to you, crying silently, unable to speak, wishing it weren’t true. You were supposed to come for me. I wasn’t supposed to have to come to you...not this way!

But I remembered, as I clung to you, begging silently for none of it to be true. I saw you disappear. I knew you couldn’t return. And that’s why, no matter how much I cried it was an accident, I did what I did.

It wasn’t an accident. I may not have known at the time what I was doing, but I knew. And so I sobbed, holding you, as those feathers enveloped me in a warmth and oblivion that I had opened myself to.

Your wings. Your warmth. You.

And me.