Upstairs, the entire studio was bustling. Trills and arias floated through the air, mingling with the twangs of instruments and they ran backwards to be detuned for the trip. The air vibrated with music almost more than with voices; the space was filled with leaps, whirls, and dance more than people.

In the chaos, Tory felt her silent stillness made her seem even more obvious.

A chorus of male voices rose above the din, crescendoing, singing “Jezebel” in ringing tones that deafened the room with awe. Tory leaned against the wall, arms crossed, hiding in the now still shadows and letting herself float away with the song.

With any luck, I’ll completely float away. I’ll just fade away with the voices in the air.

The baritone spotted her through the shadows, and winked flirtatiously at her. Tory raised an eyebrow in recognition, but dared not move any further lest she attract more attention. As the tenor solo began, he gently inclined his head. Come on.

Tory looked down and frowned. Not now.

His eyebrows rose and his eyes flickered to the side, a corner opposite the room. Over there, later?

She forced a smile. Sure.

He winked and went back to the quartet. Tory closed her eyes.

Disappear. I want to disappear. Let me...

Applause exploded as the group let the final notes wail through the room. Tory cracked open an eye, seeing through the blurry curtain of her lashes. A trio of girls stepped up next to the boys and launched into a haunting rendition of “My Luve’s Like A Red, Red Rose,” and were joined by a new set of male voices.

“As fair art thou my bonny lass, so deep in luve am I...”

The room blurred more and Tory hastily blinked back tears. She made her away across the room to where the singer had indicated, moving slowly to keep in the shadows.

The lack of attention didn’t last. Tory’s arm was grabbed, and she found herself being yanked roughly into the corner, causing her to emit a squeak of surprise. The hand released her, and Tory angrily raked her hair from her eyes to see who it was. “Cripes, Adam, you scared me! I was coming over, you didn’t have to molest me!”

Her anger did nothing to dim the bright smile of her friend’s face. When he spoke, the same music of the song earlier rang through his voice. “I couldn’t molest you now even if I wanted to.”

“Is that so,” Tory spat dryly. “So glad to hear it. You creep.”

“Come on, Tory, smile!” Adam clasped her hands in his, beaming. “Be happy for me! Everything’s wonderful now! Nothing could possibly go wrong for me! Be happy!”

Tory sighed, and wiped her face of anything but curiosity. “All right, I’ll give. Why are you so cheery today?”

Adam’s blue violet heartbreaker eyes sparkled, and he released her hands. “You didn’t notice, did you?”

“Obviously. What is it?”

He held up his left hand, palm towards him, and wiggled his ring finger. “Well?”

Jeez, is everyone lovesick now? Tory blinked, genuinely caught off guard by the simple silver band her friend now wore. “Holy...when did you get that?”

He grinned slyly. “This weekend. I finally decided to ask, and the answer was yes.”

Tory’s chest felt tight. She took a slow breath through her nose. ‘That’s great, Adam!”

I wish I dared do the same...

Adam gave her a squeeze. “Thanks, Tory. I haven’t told anyone yet but you.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” She pushed him away, hiding her honest discomfort with a mocking grin. “Don’t get all mushy on me, lover boy! So when do I get to meet the lucky girl?”

Adam’s smile faltered, grew false. “My fiancé...wow, I can actually say that now...well, my fiancé isn’t very comfortable with strangers. You’ll all meet at the ceremony, I hope.”

Tory rolled her eyes jokingly. “Yeah, yeah. Someday we’ll meet. Shall we say ten years?”

Adam laughed, the nerves leaving his voice. “Yeah, well. Maybe I’m just worried you all won’t approve of the love of my life.”

“Romantic.”

“Banshee.”

Tory stuck out her tongue and Adam gestured rudely at her before squeezing her arm. “Hey, have fun. We might not see much of each other ont he trip.”

“Sure we will...”

He shook his head. “Nah. You’re guaranteed the drama top spot, so you’ll be in rehearsal, and I’ll be visiting an old friend of mine during my free time. His family has a cabin and he’s staying there along this season while they visit family around the country. So we’ll only see each other occasionally.”

Tory flipped her hand. “We’ll see.”

“Tory.” Adam held her back as she turned to go. “I want to ask you something.”

His brow creased. “When I first told you I was seeing someone, you said you wished you could fall in love like that someday.”

Tory wondered if her heartbeat was as loud to his ears as her own. “Yeah, so?”

“You’ve been distracted lately. Today, too. Did you find someone?”

Tory stared into Adam’s lovely, open face framed by dark golden hair, his huge, beautiful eyes staring intensely into hers. And knew she couldn’t tell him.

“Not yet, Adam,” she answered, and vowed to keep up her character better next time.

Tory didn’t have many friends.

Oh, the other studio majors said hi every morning and were friendly enough, but Tory doubted any of them truly liked her. Out of her class, she was the only student to get in when she was still a small child in grade school. The rest hadn’t made it into the select studio until well into junior high. By the time she was in classes with students her own age, Tory was an expert at the school and a veteran performer. She wouldn’t have been surprised to learn if most students still held that against her to this day.

Tory had been the only eight year old they admitted that year as a full time student. She took classes with other children during the afternoons and weekends-children with interest and some ability who wanted more training. During the mornings, she worked with private instructors and attended larger classes, the ones where all the students merged together regardless of age and experience, caring only about ability. The roles she took on in those classes, usually as younger sisters and such, were the biggest part of her education. She wasn’t a prodigy there, just a smaller actress.

She was a studio expert within two years. It wasn’t until she was eleven that more students her age were admitted full-time, enough so that they could start her into group courses with her own class.

Tory knew she was the prime actress in her class, and also knew she still wasn’t good enough. The students were nice, but it was generally thought that she was too serious, too weird, too dramatic, and that her drama major was perfect for her in more ways than one.

She ignored it, or pretended to do so. She was a professional. So she only made a few friends.

Jennifer came a surprise, and her cousin as an even bigger one. Tory wouldn’t have been shocked to learn that many of Nell’s friends considered her one of theirs, and that at least six of the singers did, too. She had acquaintances, but very few real friends-really only Jennifer, Jasmine, Adam, Lexi, Elizabeth, and Marcus.

And Nell, Tory hoped.

There’s not much tying me down. I need to get out of here as soon as I can. This damn overly perfect nuclear neighborhood...and now...I can’t stay here and risk them finding out. I have so few friends. I can’t loose the ones I have. I can’t loose Nell.

Until a few weeks ago, acting had been her life. Then she’d found herself spending more time around Nell than practicing. Once she realized why, it became more important than ever to be the best...but acting was no long her whole world.

I can’t slip up, Tory thought as she loaded her suitcases and trunks onto the truck, eyes never leaving the red gold glint int he crowd. I can’t slip up, because I can’t live without her.

Jasmine and Lexi were already seated on the bus. Nell would naturally sit with her friends, and Adam and Marcus always sat together on trips. Tory assumed she’d sit alone again as she found a seat on the bus and pulled out her discman. She rested her head against the window.

The glass was cold against skin that felt feverishly hot, and too tight. Tory let her eyes flutter closed and her face relaxed into an expression of pure unhappiness. The voices in the background were muffled by the music, yet even the songs seemed far away. Music carefully selected to distract from her mood failed to do so, yet...

The glass is transparent. Am I?

Her shoes were too heavy. Tory slipped her feet out and kicked the shoes aside. Everything was heavy. It hurt keeping her head up. The weight of it all pulled her lips into an unhappy frown, and her hair stuck to the glass as she slumped further into her seat.

Cold. It’s so cold. Freeze me, freeze this fire in me whenever I see her, please leave me cold. Please, I beg you, whoever or whatever you are.

The music crashed gently in her ears. “Kiss shinning, hitomi ni kuchizukete...”

Don’t make me shinning. I’m too obvious already. Maybe it’s me. Don’t make me shinning.

“Hey Tory!”

Tory opened here yes as Jennifer dropped gracelessly into the seat beside her. “Can I sit with you?”

Tory blinked in surprise. “I...sure, go ahead.”

“Cool.” Jennifer shoved her bag under the seat and gave Tory a strange look. “Are you all right?”

Belatedly, Tory wiped the unhappy look from her face. “Just tired. Really tired.”

“Oh, okay.” Her friend tapped the CD player. “Whatcha listening to?”

“Um...’Shinning Collection.’ From Gravitation. You know, Nittle Grasper.”

“Ooo!” Jennifer squealed. “The one with the yummy boys kissing each other!”

Tory flushed. “So what? Chill, Jennifer.”

“What?” The dancer shrugged. “That show’s cute.”

“Whatever.”

Jennifer frowned. “You still look a bit weird. It’s a three hour drive, you know. I won’t mind if you sleep on the way.”

Tory closed her eyes again. “Mmm. Thanks.”

“No problem. I’ll just be reading.”

Tory nodded and pretended to sleep. She had no intention of actually slumbering, just in case she talked in her sleep.

This time, her intentions had no say in her actions. Exhaustion descended, and Tory dropped into a real sleep.

She awoke to Everclear and loud cheers. Jennifer stopped shaking her shoulder. “Tory, we’re here.”

“We are?” Tory rubbed a hand over her face and blinked. “Already?”

“Yep! Come on, let’s go. I’m tired of sitting on this bus!”

Tory stood slowly, gathering her bag into her arms, cradling it protectively to her chest

You can’t hurt me, I have a baby!

as half formed defenses danced in her mind. She wrapped herself within herself, stepping off the bus into daylight-into the blue. The dirt crunched beneath her feet, loud as gunshots to her ears. She tried to ignore it.

Off to one side, Trevor was joking around with a group of other boys...the six “desirables.” Travis the heroic actor, Christian the killer tenor, Mik the Russian bass, Ian the sax player, Xander the performance poet, and Charlie the piano ingenue.

Of them all, Tory figured that Charlie was the only decent human being in the bunch.

So many people...

There were about one hundred ten students in the studio. All would graduate this year. Only the best would be students strictly int heir fields. Tory was one.

It was a small class, all things considered, but with all of them there in one place, at that moment, there were so many.

Her eyes still went straight to Nell.

So many people. But she’s the only one.

Somewhere in the noise someone called out which cabins everyone was in. her stomach jumped, danced-she tingled all over. There was a flash in her mind of pale legs, unbound red blonde hair, dipped waist, white flesh

No!

that she quickly thrust from her mind. Still clutching her bag to her chest, Tory made her way slowly and reluctantly towards her cabin.

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