1

“So who all will be at this party?”

Jennifer didn’t look up from braiding her hair. “Um, well, I thought about inviting Adam-”

The hisses and boos from Jasmine and Nell overwhelmed her response. Tory pretended disgust and turned away to avoid staring at the strawberry blonde actress. Jennifer’s voice cut through the protest. “All right, all right! He couldn’t come anyway, he’s meeting that friend of his that’s up here this year. Anyway, so far it’s you two, Claire, Elizabeth, Carol, and Terise.”

She raised her voice, looking pointedly at Tory’s back. “And if she can tear herself away from her fascinating subliminal messages in those CDs of hers, Tory’s even invited!”

Tory turned over halfway and made a face. “Ha ha. It is to laugh.”

“Well,” Jennifer demanded in that aristocratic way of hers, “are you coming or not?”

“Yes, I’m coming. Sheesh, you guys can be really unprofessional sometimes.” Even if it’d be a bad idea. I should be avoiding Nell, not doing everything I can to be closer to her. I can’t break away/

“Oh, we’ve been insulted.” Jennifer fell back onto her bed dramatically, clutching her heart. “Unprofessional! From the most professional person in this place! Oh, la, I feel I shall faint…”

Nell giggled, then wiped her expression clear. “Well, she really is though. I wish I could act half as well as you do, Tory.”

She turned and smiled at her, and Tory told herself she was imagining the flush of heat to her face. “You just need practice.”

“No, you’re a natural pro. That’s why you got the drama spot. I can’t believe we’re doing As You Like It, that’s one of my favorite Shakespeare plays!” Nell’s gaze darkened. “I wish I could play Rosalind half as well as you do.”

Tory’s stomach plummeted, but she managed to smile with her next words. “I’m sure you’ll be a wonderful Phoebe, Nell.”

She glanced at herself, curled lankily on her side on the bed. This may be the one time in my life I’m glad I’m not pretty and girly. Everyone’s so used to me playing either sex now, they don’t even think about it. Oh, but I wish I were pretty…pretty enough for her to notice.

“Oh, Tory, Adam came by earlier,” Jennifer interjected. “He said something about meeting him up at his friend’s cabin this afternoon, since you haven’t seen much of each other…”

“Really?” Jasmine’s face broke into a suggestive grin. “Hey, Tory, have you two ever thought about dating?”

The question caught Tory off guard, but thankfully, it was meant to. She couldn’t have hid her surprise anyway. “What?”

Nell grinned and clapped her hands. “Oh, yeah! You two would make such a cute couple! And it’s obvious he really likes you, he doesn’t pay any attention to any of the other girls in the studio except for you, Tory!”

Tory couldn’t hide the blush creeping into her pale cheeks at having Nell admit to having paid enough attention to notice that. She hoped that everyone would assume it was embarrassment at the discussion. “Oh, it’s nothing, Nell. He’s not into me.”

“Yes he is! Tory, he never takes his eyes off of you!”

And I never take mine of you. I’m just very, very careful that you don’t notice. “Adam and I are just friends. He’s engaged to that girl he’s been dating for a couple years.”

“Really?” Jennifer titled her head. “I hadn’t heard he had a girlfriend.”

“Well, he’s definitely got one. They’re engaged. He told me. He even showed me the ring.”

“Oh.” Nell sounded disappointed, and Jasmine looked positively crestfallen. “Too bad. You two would be a good match.”

Tory managed to smile. “Nah. We’re both too egotistical.” Hastily, she turned the topic back to its source. “Where did he say to meet him?”

Jennifer frowned thoughtfully. “He said the cabin’s just a little way around the lake. You know the dock that you can see to the east from the sundecker? That one. You could probably even row over…”

“I’ll walk, thanks.” Without another word, Tory stood and headed towards the door, relief coursing through her at this excuse to get away from everyone.

“Hey, Tory!”

She turned. Jennifer had crossed her arms. “So you’ll be there tomorrow for the party?”

She nodded, and closed the door behind her.

The afternoon was crisp and tangy with the chill. Tory shivered and buttoned up her black pea coat. It had been cool in the cabin, too, but the fait buffer of the walls seemed much thicker now that she was outside. Still, she headed in the direction of the lake paths. If she was walking, she was less likely to be noticed until she was too far into the woods for anyone to see her anyway.

What am I going to do? I keep trying to get away from Nell, to pull away, push her away, do anything to free myself, and instead, we seem to be getting closer. I can’t do this, I can’t! I sound like an angsting goth poetry cliché, but…I truly can’t do this. I want to pull away and I can’t, but I’m in so much danger if I get too close…and so is she. Oh God, what if Trevor thinks she’s…like me? He’ll hurt me, he’ll do everything he can to break me, but he’d kill her in a second!

Without noticing, her pace had quickened till she was nearly jogging, the anxiety of her thoughts speeding her steps as well. She was nearly into the forested paths. Nell…I have to get over this now. I won’t put you in any danger. I want to protect you from everything I can. I don’t ever want to know I did something to make you cry…to hurt you.

Tory glanced back to make sure no one was following closely enough to see her…then broke into a run.

The trees blurred as Tory’s long, limber legs devoured the ground. Branches and bushes scratched at her, but she didn’t notice. For the first time in a very long time, she was completely alone. There was no one to return to the cabin to find her, no one to drag her to class, no one to call her to dinner, no one playing music that invaded her head. She was utterly alone…and she gave in to panic.

Tory’s foot slapped onto a flat stone, slid off, and she tumbled to the ground. For a moment, she cried out, thinking someone had found her…then she lay there, staring at the dirt her face was scraped in, tears running down her cheeks, silent, unmoving.

She scrubbed at her eyes with one arm, and tried to stop the flow of tears. After a few long moments, they did. Tory sat up, wincing, rubbing the dirt from her face as best she could. Her left leg hurt…really hurt. She pulled herself on to the rock that had caused her fall, and rolled up her filthy, too big jeans. The red scratches combined with the egg-sized bump already purpling with the future bruise told her why. Tory rubbed her shin for a moment, trying to massage away the pain, and rolled down her jeans.

Her face was cold, now, the wetness of her tears chilling her cheeks, but her nose still felt hot and swollen, and her eyes itched terribly.

Tory sighed, and sniffed. I’d better get to that cabin. Adam can row me back later. And his friend probably has a first aid kit.

Not that she really cared. If the scratches and cuts festered and turned gangrenous, she didn’t care in the least. But Jennifer and Jasmine were noticing hw often she “hurt” herself nowadays. If she didn’t get cleaned up before going back, they’d start suspecting again.

Tory limped the rest of the way to the eastern dock. The distances between the docks weren’t very far, and she’d always been a fast runner because of her height and long legs. It took her almost as long to walk the remaining distance as it had to run the majority of it because of her fall…the sky was turning a dusky rose when she started up the path to the guest lodges.

Tory scowled at the multiple cabins peeking between the trees along the path. She sighed. I guess I’ll just have to see if Adam’s outside or something. Maybe I’ll be able to see through the windows or something.

“May I help you?”

Tory turned, and stared silently at the elderly man standing behind her. He smiled, eyes concerned. “Are you hurt?”

She somehow found her voice, suddenly very aware of her appearance at the moment. “No…well, actually, sir, I had a fall on my way here, but I’m looking for a friend of mine. He’s visiting a friend here, and he invited me to come meet them here this afternoon.”

“Well, I can help you find him.” The old man reached out and slipped an arm around her. “Lean on me. I’m enough of an old stick I should be able to support a skinny thing like you.”

Tory giggled, surprised at the genuine laughs startled out of her, and rested some of her weight on the old man. The pain in her leg lessened some, and she relaxed a bit. The old man walked with her, slowly, so she didn’t have to put too much weight on her injured leg. “What’s your friend’s name?”

“Um, Adam. Adam Larson, I think. We go to school together.”

“Oh, the singer fellow who’s been up here a few times these last couple weeks?”

Tory nodded. “Yes, that’s him. We go to a school for the arts.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Is that so. Do you sing, too, young lady, or do you have another specialty?”

“I act.”

“Ah.” The old man looked at her, face tilted up slightly to meet her eyes. “Yes, I could see that. You must be good.”

“Thank you. I think so.”

He laughed. “You have to be good, then! Only true performers have that sort of attitude!”

“It’s not attitude,” Tory answered back matter-of-factly, “it’s the truth. I’m the best at the school.”

“Well, miss, it’s good that you have that much confidence. Just be careful who you say things like that around. Here’s the cabin where your friend has been visiting.” The old man moved away from her and rubbed his shoulders. “Will he be able to help you back to where you came from?”

“I’m sure he will.” Tory looked at the man for a moment, then smiled, a genuine, slow smile that felt strange on her face after so long. “Thank you for your help, sir.”

“Any time, miss. Come back and see us sometime, if you’d like. I’ll be staying in the front most cabin with my wife and grandchildren.”

“I’ll be sure to do that, sir.” Tory waved at him, then turned and limped around to the other side of the cabin. The old man watched her for a moment, then turned and headed back towards his own place.

Tory peered in through the windows. “Adam?”

The cabin was dark. Tory frowned, ill humor returning. Where is he? Jeez, there’s nowhere to go around here, they’ve got to be nearby.

There was a faint noise from the trees to the northernmost side of the cabin. Tory titled her head, then sighed. I bet they’re doing all that misogynistic forestry stuff. Men. All right they have a right to leave the cabin when I’m late. And I have a right to storm over and gripe about falling on my ass on the way here.

Tory headed towards the sounds, grateful that the forest floor was mostly clear here with her aching limbs, and began searching for Adam and his friend, planning what to do when she found them. Five seconds later, when she spotted them, all those ideas fled her head in favor of her yelling out one word.

The taller of the pair currently locked into a far-more-than-friendly kiss pulled away as if the other were suddenly on fire, and whirled, eyes startled, hair a bit mussed from their interrupted activity. He stared at her, unable to recognize her for a moment. “…Tory!”

Tory just stared with her mouth half open, eyes just as surprised at her friend’s were. Adam ran a hand through his hair, then ran it back over again, trying to smooth it down. “Um…this is…Tory, this is my friend Ian. Um, I told you he was staying up here, uh, up here while we’d be on our retreat…”

Tory found her voice. “Adam, did I or did I not just see you and your…friend Ian trying to suck each other’s tonsils out?”

“Tactful, isn’t she,” said friend Ian commented with a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment in a low voice.

Adam’s face was a very interesting shade of yellowish pink. “Well, that is, um, yes?”

Tory crossed her arms, chewing at her lower lip. “All right…so I’m not hallucinating. And did you not tell me before we left that you were engaged?”

“I am!”

“He is,” Ian concurred.

“Then what is he doing exactly?” Tory asked shortly.

Ian narrowed his rather pretty dark eyes, and brushed his long bangs from his face. “Visiting his fiancé. What does it look like?”

Tory stared back into those dark eyes, the defiance and protectiveness within them, and felt all her emotion drain out of her. “Oh. Right.”

Ian’s black hair was streaked through with red, giving him a rather intimidating aura despite his small build. He frowned at her. “Yeah. Exactly. What did you think he was doing, playing tennis?”

The words skipped out of Tory’s mouth before she could stop them. It happened sometimes…she seemed to need to match everyone temper for temper, a trait she had never really understood or gotten under control except on stage. “Looked to me like it was closer to hockey.”

“Oh, witty. She’s funny, Adam.” Ian crossed his arms. “You didn’t mention your friends were funny. Or that you hadn’t told them we were engaged.”

“Oh, he told me he was engaged.” Tory reached up and picked a leaf out of her tangled hair. “He just failed to mention to whom.”

“I see.” Ian shifted his weight to the other leg and absently blew at his bangs again without uncrossing his arms. “Well, now you know. It’s me.”

Tory nodded curtly. “I guess I do know now.”

After a moment, both brunettes turned to Adam with identical angry expressions on their faces. “You’re secret girlfriend of the last two years is him?” Tory demanded at the same time Ian snapped, “You told me everyone knew! How come you didn’t tell your friends yet, Adam?”

Adam didn’t look at either of them for a moment, eyes dark in the shadows. Finally, he sighed. “Tory, I’m sorry. I told you I didn’t think anyone would approve of…well…”

“Your boyfriend?” Tory asked drolly.

“Where’d you pick this winner?” Ian snapped.

“Oh, shove it for a second, you, it has nothing to do with the fact you’re male. I’m always like this, all right?”

Adam’s lips quirked for a moment. “She’s not lying.”

Ian sighed and looked at the sky, clearly annoyed, but more embarrassed than anything. “Fine, Adam. If you say so.”

Adam’s smile fell, and he looked at Tory. “Yes. I didn’t think anyone would approve. Especially…well, after the incident with Lucas, you remember-”

“Yes.” Tory cut him off, telling herself sternly to not let her earlier fear overwhelm her again. “So?”

“So I didn’t tell you that this mystery date wasn’t a girl. I just let you all assume.” Adam’s eyes were pleading. “YOu understand why, don’t you?”

Tory looked away and hoped she came off as more aloof and peeved than frightened at the surge of jealously and understanding that washed over her. “Yeah, right, I get it. So this Ian guy is your boyfriend.”

“Fiancé,” Ian corrected.

“Love of my life,” Adam amended quietly, eyes purposefully not looking at either of them again.

Tory’s chest tightened, and she told herself to stop. “All right. I’m not mad. I don’t disapprove. I’m not going to throw you to the wolves. Happy?”

Adam nodded solemnly, and looked pleadingly at Ian. “YOu understand?”

Ian’s gaze softened, and Tory felt her heart clench again with longing, envy, and loneliness. I could wish…but it’s their closeness. Not mine.

“I understand,” the brunette answered quietly. “You just told me that they knew.”

“We didn’t.”

Adam’s voice was sharper now. “Tory, shut up for a second, all right?”

She did, too distressed by her churning emotions to do otherwise. It was a measure of his concern that Adam didn’t even notice her out-of-character response. “Ian, I’m sorry. I was going to tell them. After graduation, though. When I was sure most of the class wouldn’t find out.”

“And her?” Ian glanced at Tory, but this time there was no hardness in his eyes. They were nervous, curious, uncertain…but not angry. Tory flashed a faint smile at him, an automatic actor’s response, to reassure and put others at ease no matter what you felt at the time. He seemed to relax…the dance went on, no matter who the players were.

“Tory’s a good person. I told her I was engaged, and I was hoping she’d help with the ceremony, but…”

Ian shrugged. “If she doesn’t mind and you want her to, I don’t care.”

A ceremony…Tory’s gut clenched, and she rapidly cut in. “Um, actually, I’d rather not.”

Adam turned to her, confused. “Tory? Why not?”

Because I might no be around to see it as things stand already. Tory quickly put a shy, uncomfortable look on her face, and let her eyes flick like she wanted to look anywhere but at either boy. “It’s just…I don’t know, I’m kind of a killjoy at these things, and I don’t think your little fiancé there much likes me.”

“Right now, the little fiancé is definitely tending towards dislike,” Ian muttered testily.

Adam looked disappointed. “Oh…well, you’ll think about it, won’t you?”

Tory wanted to say no. She wanted to yell that it was all wrong and they made her sick and everything that she was supposed to say regardless of how she really felt. Still, the words kept popping into her head

and she couldn’t do it. It would’ve been harder than acting the part of the typical studio attendees.

“I’ll think about it, sure,” she said quietly, and smiled, only half concealing the terrified tears of loneliness that suddenly threatened again. “I’m glad for you two, Adam, I really am.”

She flashed a weak smile at them, reassuring. I just hate you both for being so much braver and so much happier than I’ll ever have the courage to be. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop hating you for that.

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