After reading the April 19 letters by Emily Sachs and Andrew Maturen, I was moved to write. I am a 37-year-old woman who still remembers the pain of being teased at school. I now have two kids of my own and through them I see that nothing has changed.

How sad that in spite of all that has happened in the past few years, with violence exploding in our schools, it really does seem that we have learned little.

I've had conversations with friends many times where we discuss the permissiveness of our society today, and its possible ramifications on the behavior of our children. Sadly, these talks have been prompted by all the school shootings in the news.

The harm done by teasing must not be underestimated. It's like a drop of water in a pond--the rings represent all those it touches. One kid's teasing often prompts others to join in, and those in turn learn it's OK to tease others.

No one can be blamed but us as parents, for with children it must be drummed into their heads over and over and over that hurting another person's feelings is wrong. It may seem like nagging, but in this instance redundancy is necessary. Telling them once or twice is only forgotten.

Some parents need to learn to view their children realistically. Most parents don't really know what their kids are like away from them. I've seen many children behave in the sweetest way when adults are around, then turn into nasty little bullies when they think they're not being watched. I've seen kids as young as 7 or 8 who are well-versed in the art of manipulation--and the parents are totally unaware.

The Tribune's Bob Greene wrote a column on April 19, 1993, that talked about Curtis Taylor, a 14-year-old boy from Burlington, Iowa. Curtis was bullied for years before he finally took his own life. His father tried to help, but the school didn't do much, and the kids didn't stop. I've often thought that this column should be mandatory reading passed out by the PTA. All families and teachers should read it. All administrators should post it in their offices. And all classes, from the kindergartners to the high school seniors, should discuss it in class.

I wish there was some person of authority--some knowledgeable, experienced, respected, perhaps even famous person whom everyone looks up to (even the playground bullies and snobs, and the parents who obliviously say "not my kid")--who could find a solution, or a way to get the message across to us all. Yet no one could possibly carry more weight than the people most important in our children's lives--their parents.

Children must learn that teasing, harassing, bullying, whatever we call it--is wrong. We must not fail them in this.

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