Jokes
A mustachio.
What do you call a nut with facial hair?
Just one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hey, your man is open.
What did one fly say to the other fly?
Because chickens weren't invented yet.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
So the other one could drive.
Why did the Siamese twins go to England?
Because they have big fingers.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They all have phones.
Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
Ugly sheep.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
They take the psycho path.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
Boil the hell out of it.
How do you get holy water?
She says, "Daddy, I want a new apartment."
How does a spoiled rich girl change a lightbulb?
"Dam".
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
Polaroids.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Cell phones.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
A stick.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
Nacho Cheese.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Subordinate Clauses.
What do you call Santa's helpers?
Quatro sinko.
What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Spoiled milk.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A pachydermatologist
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
Write on, man!
What did the hippie say to the pencil?
Neither. They both burn shorter.
If you have a candle that is 1 inch wide and 2 inches tall, and another 1 inch tall and 2 inches wide, which burns longer?
"What duck?"
Famous last words:
Run like crazy...he has a grenade in his mouth.
What do you do if an idiot throws a pin at you?
...she wanted her money back because her doughnut had a hole in it.
She is so dumb...
Silver wear
If a gown is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?
Lost.
What do you call a leprechaun in France?
Squash.
What is Godzilla's favorite sport?
They're standing in a circle.
How can you tell that a firing squad is made up of stupid people?
Just one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
How many actors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
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