Jokes
Who's there?
Pencil.
Pencil who?
Pencil fall down if you don't wear a belt.
Knock, knock.
Swimming trunks.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
One. But the light bulb has to WANT to change.
How many pschychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
I can't believe it's not butter
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow...
'Cause it's finger-lickin' good.
Why does Kentucky Fried Chicken never have toilet paper?
To prove to the raccoon that it could be done
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he kept losing the recipe.
Why couldn't the idiot make ice cubes?
She wanted to win the no-bell prize.
Why did the scientist put a knocker on her door?
Something that milks itself.
What do you get if you cross an octopus with a cow?
She had mittens.
What happened to the cat that swallowed a ball of yarn?
None--they can't reach. That's why they abduct people.
How many aliens does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
He couldn't find a date.
Why did the prune go out with the fig?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Tennessee?
...I thought she had Don King in a headlock.
Her armpits are so hairy...
100: One to mix the ingredients and 99 to peel the M&Ms.
How many idiots does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
What's a lightbulb?
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
You thought Taco Bell was a Mexican telephone company.
You are so stupid.....
Alone.
How do a moron's brain cells die?
Because the one-ones are too small and the three-threes are too big.
Why do ballerinas wear tutus?
Because you can always dig up an extra player.
Why is it good to play cards in a cemetery?
Because her coach was a pumpkin.
Why did Cinderella's team always lose?
You thought Taco Bell was a Mexican telephone company.
Whats the difference between a teacher and a train?
A frog in a blender.
What is red and green and goes 100 mph?
Bacon would go up.
What would happen if pigs could fly?
A puuuuuurrade
What do you call a bunch of cats marching down Main Street?
Shakespeare.
What do you call a nervous knight?
Count the people, then multiply by two.
How many I's are there in Mississippi?
No it doesn't!
LeAnn Rimes...
Shredded tweet.
What do you get when the canary goes through the lawn mower?
Hurt.
What do you get when you cross a porcupine and a cactus?
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