Jokes
You see food, you eat it.
Did you hear about the new seafood diet?
She wore her New Jersey.
What did Delaware?
Their middle names.
What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common?
Bison
What did the mother buffalo say as she told her son goodbye?
...why can't we shoot them?
If it's tourist season....
Greece.
Where were the first French fries made?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
Why did the scarecrow get promotion?
Bean there done that.
Why didn't the kidney bean jump into the soup?
...he went to a rehab center because he thought that he was hooked on phonics.
He's so stupid...
All pants are half off.
Did you hear about the President's Day sale at JC Pennies?
A walk.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
They had only one pair of trunks.
Why did the twin elephants get thrown off the beach?
...when he walks in the woods, Bigfoot takes pictures of HIM.
He's so hairy...
"Help, I've fallen and I can't giddy-up."
What did the horse say when it tripped?
An idiot at a blinking light.
What goes VROOM...RRRT!....VROOM...RRRT!?
Salad Shooter!!
What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
Two suckers got licked.
Did you hear about the fight at the candy store?
The ceremony was bad, but the reception was terrific.
Did you hear about the television antennas that got married?
An extra-strength aspirin.
What is white, round and lifts weights?
A stick.
What's brown and sticky?
Hey, stupid, you don't bury survivors.
If there were a plane crash on the U.S./Canadian border, where would they bury the survivors?
A puuuuuurrade
What do you call a bunch of cats marching down Main Street?
He couldn't find a date.
Why did the prune go out with the fig?
He just hits paws.
What does a dog do if the phone rings while he's watching a movie?
Udder destruction!
Did you hear about the cow that jumped over the barbed-wire fence?
Because Janet lost control and Michael didn't see the man in the mirror.
Why did Michael and Janet Jackson get in a car accident?
Tell her a joke on Friday night.
How do you get an idiot to laugh on Monday morning?
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