Jokes
Head 'n' Shoulders
What does Jeffrey Dahmer keep in his bathroom?
Because Noah always sat on the deck.
Why didn't they play cards on Noah's Ark?
Because they all have telephones.
How come there are so many Smiths in the phone book?
Why, is one missing?
Have you taken a bath today?
Either peanut butter that never forgets or an elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and peanut butter?
...he tried to put his M&Ms in alphabetical order.
He's so stupid...
Cornflakes.
What do you get when you cross a snowstorm with a cornfield?
When you exhale your teeth duck
Your breath is so bad...
...to be ambidextrous.
I'd give my right arm...
...then why do banks have branches?
If money doesn't grow on trees...
A puddle.
What do you call Frosty the Snowman in May?
His horse was named Friday.
A guy rode into town on Friday, stayed 3 days and left on Friday. How did he do it?
...he has to stand on a chair to raise his IQ.
He's so stupid...
She has to sneak up on a glass of water
Your momma is so ugly...
She passed by YMCA and said, "Look son! They misspelled Macy's!
Your momma is so stupid...
The Nobel Prize-winner--the idiot had to stop and ask for directions.
A Nobel Prize-winner and an idiot jumped off a bridge at the same time. Who reached the bottom first?
"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty."
What does a 500-pound mouse say?
A Thanksgiving bird that buries its head in the potatoes.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with an ostrich?
It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
Why did the gum cross the road?
Worseminton.
What do badminton losers play?
You don't know?
What do you call a person who answers a question with another question?
Joe.
Joe's mom had four sons. Three were named Penny, Nickel and Dime. What was the fourth son's name?
Mother: "Flush it first!"
Child: "Mommy, Mommy, can I lick the bowl clean?"
...the horse on his polo shirt is real.
He's so fat...
Phil.
What do you call a no-legged dog at the bottom of a hole?
Pickle Me Elmo.
What do you call a Muppet in a jar?
On its fingers.
How does an alien count to 23?
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