Jokes
The organist.
Who played for the Knicks, Celtics, Devils, Jets, Giants, Rangers and Nets?
Give peas a chance!
What did John Lennon's mother say to John?
They are both purple, except for the rabbit.
What do a rabbit and a grape have in common?
Because they're long enough already!
Why aren't farmers growing bananas any longer?
She broke the family tree!
your mother is so fat,
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Put him in a round room and tell him to find the corner.
How do you confuse an idiot?
To hold cows together.
What is the No. 1 use for cowhide?
You don't see one everyday.
What's so unusual about an invisible man?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
What should you do if an idiot throws a grenade at you?
Boil the hell out of it.
How do you make holy water?
...you'd owe me change.
If I gave you a penny for intelligence...
So far they have recovered 300 bodies.
A two-seat car crashed in an idiots' cemetery.
"I'm board."
What did one piece of wood say to the other?
Bob.
What do you call a no-legged dog in the ocean?
Because he has a left ear, a right ear and a final frontier.
Why can Captain Kirk hear so well?
Swimming trunks.
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
In a Pigloo!!!
Where do hogs live in Antarctica?
A spatula's degree.
What do you call a diploma in cooking?
"Cynthia, will I marry you?"
What did the man say to his psychic girlfriend?
He kilt himself!
What did the Scotsman do when he couldn't find a pair of pants?
When she walks by the bathroom, the toilet flushes by itself.
Your mama is so ugly........
The place where they cut down all the trees and then name the streets after them.
Definition of suburbia:
Phantom of the Oprah.
Who wears a mask and hosts a talk show?
Where you left it.
Where do you find a turtle without any legs?
I'll tell you tomorrow.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
...he took the Pepsi Challenge and chose Jif.
He's so dumb...
...does it become kitty litter?
If you throw a cat out of a car...
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