The MEHA understands that hockey is a new game to Middle-Earth. Therefore we have provided Middle Earth hockey fans with an extremely informal and unalphabetized glossary to the best of our limited ability. If there are any terms you find confusing, send a scathing email to sotto-voce@yahoo.com. There's a wonderful (and alphabetical) hockey glossary here.

Hockey Speak
Right Wing (RW): The forward on the right side. Center (C): The forward in the middle. Left Wing (LW): The forward on the left side.
Defence (D): The guy who's not a forward or a goalie. Goalie (G): The guy dressed like the kids from South Park with the cool mask. Crease: The blue area in front of the goalie. Not a euphamism for "buttcrack."
Offensive Zone: The bit with the other team's goalie. Neutral Zone: The bit in the middle Defensive Zone: The bit with your goalie.

Line: A group of three forwards: LW, C, RW. Not a drug reference.

 Red (Lamp) Light: When a goal is scored, a red light behind the goal is turned on to signify goal. Horn: When the home team score, a horn blows. Not necessarily the Horn of Gondor.
Point: A certain dot on the ice. See image here. Assist: Whoever passed the puck to whoever scored the goal. Up to two assists per goal. Period: There are three, 20-minute periods in a game, and five-minute overtime if necessary.
Slap Shot: When a player swings the stick back and then quickly forward, smacking the puck ahead. Wrist Shot: Used to shoot the puck off the blade of the stick with a flicking wrist motion. Penalty: The result of an infraction of the rules by a player or team official. Penalties usually result in the removal of the offender for a specific period of time, 2, 5 or 10 minutes or ejection from the game. If it's a player, he/she/it will have to sit in the Penalty Box or "Sin Bin" for a time-out.
Power Play: When a team has more players on the ice than the opposition due to one or more penalties against the opposing team (they're sitting in the penalty box.) Penalty Kill: When a team is shorthanded due to one or more of its members being in the penalty box. The main purpose of the penalty kill is to prevent the other team from scoring on their power play. (Thank you flyline88!) Save: When a goalie stops puck that would have otherwise gone into the goal. Goalies use a variety of equipment, a glove, blocker (like a rectangular shield strapped to one arm), stick, wide leg pads and various parts of their bodies.
Video Judge: The guy who looks at video replay to determine the call for disputed goals. A referee can ask that a goal be reviewed by the video judge before making a call.
Delay of Game penalty: When a player deliberately delays the game.
 Bench: Where the players sit when they're not on the ice. The coaches are there too. A Bench Minor can involve the players on the bench or the coaching staff.
Net: Another word for the goal. The goal is not fixed to the ice and can be dislodged or removed. Shutout: When a goalie allows no goals. Hattrick: When a player scores three goals in one game.
Zamboni: The vehicle used to prepare the ice before the game and between periods. It is named after Mr. Zamboni. I'm not joking. Slashing: When a player swings his stick at an opponent. NOT a fan-fiction reference...unless you REALLY want it to be. Boarding: Violently checking an opponent into the boards from behind.
Double Minor: When a player sits for a penalty twice. High Sticking: Carrying the stick above the shoulder to use against the opponent. Tripping: Exactly what it sounds like.
Three-on-three: The minimum number of players from each team on the ice at any time (excluding goalies). Roughing: Engaging in fighting or shoving. Fighting has its own 5-minute penalty. Unsportsmanlike Conduct: Exactly what it sounds like.
Glass and Boards: The walls of the rink. Wood boards make up the bottom half and plexiglass makes up the top. Match Penalty: Involves the suspension of a player for the balance of the game and the offender shall be ordered to the dressing room immediately. Clear the puck: Get it away from the Crease.
Garbage goal: A goal resulting from scrounging for rebounds or that gets somehow knocked in by the crowd of players in front of the net. Twisted Wrister: A wicked wrist shot as called by John Buccigross of NHL-2-Night on ESPN. Topshelf: A goal scored in the top half of the goal.
Chippy: Violent. Stick side: Goalies only. Whatever hand that holds the stick. That side. Glove side: Goalies only. Whatever hand is in the glove. That side.
Pulling the goalie: If a team is down by two or fewer goals late in the game, the goalie may be called back to the bench to be replaced by a skater (usually a forward) leaving the net empty. Atlanta Thrashers: An NHL expansion team that sucks. Well, except for Ilya Kovalchuk and Dany Heatly. My brother says I only like Ilya Kovalchuk becuase of the "chuk" part. Chuuuuuuuk.... Double-Shifted: Forwards play in shifts which last around two minutes. The Caribou forwards play a lot more shifts because there's only two lines. Double shifting a player means putting him out there for about four minutes at a time.
Shake 'n Bake: A lot of quick moves that fakes out the goalie...I think. "Wanna go?": The words that start pretty much every hockey fight. Toe-Pick: Figure skates have them. Hockey skates don't.
Puckbunny: Hockey groupie Too Many Men on the Ice: Just what it sounds like. This is a 2-minute penalty. I don't know how they decide who goes in the box. Own Goal: Scoring on your own team's goalie. V. embarrassing.
Al MacInnis: St. Louis Blue whose slapshot has broken the hand of many a goalie. MacInnis consistantly wins the "hardest shot" contest during the Super Skills competition. Won the Stanley Cup with Calgary. Ray Borque: Retired Boston Bruin who consistantly won the "most accurate shot" contest during the Super Skills competition. Won the Stanley Cup with some other team. Bubbles really enjoys saying, "BorqueBorqueBorqueBorque..." She thinks it makes her sound like the Cadbury Bunny. Head full of steam: I keep hearing this phrase during hockey games. It makes them sound like they have no brains. It means charging forward at full speed.
Yeep!: When I first started watching hockey, I heard the players yelling a lot. I thought they were yelling "Yeep! Yeep! Yeep!" This is quite the odd cheer. Then I realized it was a French-Canadian yelling "Vite! Vite! Vite!" (Quick! Quick Quick!) I felt dumb. Open Ice: Empty space on the ice without players. Knocking off the Goal: The goal is not securely fastened into the ice and floor so that when players crash into it, they won't get hurt. If a goal is knocked loose, play immediately stops, therefore a goal cannot be scored after a goal (the metal thing with the net) is loose.
Waived off: When a referee decides a disputed goal isn't a goal. Blood: When a player hits an opposing player in an illegal way, he/she gets a penalty. When the victim bleeds, the penalty gets doubled. The rule about not being able to skate with blood on your jersey is a real NHL rule. Swinging for the fences: Baseball term (sorry). When a batter swings the bat hard trying to hit a homerun.
Body check: Hitting someone with your body. Red Line: See image here. Screen: Players positioned in front of the goaltender in order to obscure his view of the puck.
Interference: Impeding the progress of another player who does not have the puck. Passing Lane: Open space between defenders perfect for passing to a teammate. Breakout Pass: A pass that breaks a team out of the defensive zone and toward their offensive zone.
Barn: Yup, arenas are referred to as "barns." Hairspray: It's a long running joke in the NHL that referee Kerry Fraser (scroll down) doesn't need a helmet because he shellacks his coiffure every game. Pucks have been known to bounce off his hair with no noticible effect...to the hair, that is. The pucks sometimes get dented, though. Gordie Howe Hattrick: A goal, an assist and a fight. Gordie Howe is one of the best hockey players ever. His nickname is Mr. Hockey. 'Nuff said.
Clank: The sound of the puck hitting the goalpost. Music to a goalie's ears when the puck stays out. Icing: "Icing is called when a player behind the red line in his/her end of the rink shoots a puck past the goal line in his/her offensive zone when both teams are playing at even strength." (NHL for Dummies) Offensive zone: The half of the rink containing your opponent's goalie.

Faceoff: "The method of starting play at the beginning of a period or of restarting after play has been stopped for any reason. Two opposing players stand a stick-length apart with their stick blades flat on the ice and a referee or linesman drops the puck between them. Other players must remain outside the faceoff circle or at least 15 feet away if the faceoff is at a spot that's not in a circle."
--From here.

 Patrick Roy: Arguably the best goalie ever. Played for and won Stanley Cups with the Montreal Canadiens and the Colorado Avalanche. Hated by Detroit Redwings' fans, "Patty Waaaaaaah" as he was known was involved in two lovely goalie fights with the Wings' netminders. He was a tad batshit. He's now retired, and there's no one to hate. Five Hole: The space between the goalie's legs. There's actually official terminology for this, which is another reason I love this game.

Some terms adapted from Hockey for Dummies by John Davidson and NHL.com