EPISODE EIGHT – SOMEBODY

INT. RED SWALLOW HQ

On a set of elevator doors is embossed a red swallow insignia. The doors open, and a tall thin man dressed in a royal blue dress coat exits. He enters a large office on the top floor and takes a seat at the desk. Another man, short and squat, follows him in carrying his briefcase and trench coat.

Courtenay: What should I do concerning the orders, Beaufort-sama?

Beaufort: I’m not sure that the information is entirely correct. There’s no point in risking any of our own men.

Courtenay: What are you saying? Outside agents? Would that be safe?

Beaufort: The man I have in mind is not the type who would kiss and tell. Not anymore, at least. You can trust me on that.

Beaufort turns to study the skyscraper filled view. The camera swoops down into the city.

INT. BLUE LAGOON

Valentine and Armside are at the bar, puffing on their cigarettes.

Armside: …But it got worse from there. I somehow managed to convince her that the debacle at the bowling alley was funny, but as I got her into the bedroom, this horrible racket started in the next room, Lydia playing her heavy metal records! That about killed it and Paris was convinced that Lydia was my daughter, which made her think I was actually married and gah…

Armside bangs his head down on the bar. Valentine sips his drink.

Valentine: Why’d you even take her bowling in the first place? Dinner and a movie, simple and classic.

Armside: Why do I even gotta have that kid in my apartment in the first place? Can’t you take her? You have like a hundred spare rooms.

Valentine: I already have one woman in my house and that’s hell enough, so no thank you.

Armside: Maybe Remington’ll take her.

Vahe enters the picture.

Vahe: Telephone for you, Valentine.

Valentine: Yeah?

Valentine takes the phone.

Valentine: Valentine here.

Elli (O.S.): I tried calling you guys on your cells, how come I couldn’t reach you?

Valentine: Matt turned his off because Lydia kept calling him begging him to buy her a Playbox X-Treme.

Armside: Yeah! Why do I have to buy it? Little sponging brat!

Elli (O.S.): And you?

Valentine: I turned mine off because Lydia kept calling begging me to buy her an X-Cube International. I don’t even know what the hell that is.

Elli: Well, get back here, soon please, there’s work to be done.

Valentine: It’s our day off and we’ve been drinking. Get Hagen or Cecil to take care of it.

Elli: Well, it was you who was specifically asked for. Someone named Beaufort.

Valentine: Beaufort?

TITLE CARD: SOMEBODY

INT. RED STAR OFFICE

Valentine and Armside stumble in.

Valentine: Where’s Elli?

Hagen: She’s not here; she left about half an hour ago. But she gave me this to give to you.

Hagen gives Valentine a file, which Valentine studies.

Armside: How do you know political nouveau riche like John Beaufort?

Valentine: He used to follow me around.

Hagen: He was a rookie KGB agent who graduated shortly before the collapse of the organisation.

Armside: How come you know that and I don’t?

Hagen: He was featured on the show one time. Following Mr. Valentine around.

Valentine: Are you the only one here, Hagen?

Hagen: Yep!

Valentine: We’re not in any kind of shape so you’ll have to drive us.

Hagen: You could always put the car in automatic.

Valentine: You want to come or not?

Hagen: Of course I do!

Armside: Wait… why are we going today? Why not wait till tomorrow?

Valentine: It could be too late tomorrow.

Armside: Why’re you even doing it?

Valentine: I’m just repaying a favour he did for me once. Grab your gear and we’ll go. We’ll take your Buick.

Armside: You’ve got to be joking!

Valentine: No one may drive my car but me.

Armside: I can’t be bothered with this man, I need sleep, and I’m going home.

Valentine: Back to Lydia?

INT. ARMSIDE’S CAR

Hagen drives, Valentine rides shotgun and Armside sits in the back, looking depressed.

Valentine: Head for Amihama.

Hagen: Where?

Valentine looks depressed.

EXT. AMIHAMA

The trio are at an abandoned harbour. The ground is covered by a thin sheet of snow.

Armside: I’m sleepy.

Hagen: Who’re we looking for again?

Valentine: I thought I told you to wait in the car?

Hagen: Come on, I won’t mess up again!

Valentine: Whatever.

They walk along in silence.

Hagen: Man, what’s with this place? It’s completely deserted. Why would anyone hide here?

Valentine: Have you been drinking too?

Hagen: I just mean it would surely be better to lose yourself in a crowd of people than in an abandoned harbour.

Armside: This isn’t just an abandoned harbour. All the land around here is owned by private companies. They use the docks to smuggle contraband… and I guess people too. The public aren’t exactly welcome here.

Hagen: Are we safe here?

Valentine: This place is dead in winter. But I’ll tell you something, even when it’s busy, it’s quiet.

Hagen: How come you know all this and never interfered? Wasn’t that your job?

The silence is deafening.

Valentine: Let’s split up and search the warehouses.

Hagen: Who’re we looking for again?

Valentine: March “Magenta” Randell.

Hagen: And what’d he do?

Valentine: I don’t know.

Hagen: Huh?

Valentine: I don’t care.

Hagen: Oh. Huh. Ok.

They all walk in separate directions.

INT. WAREHOUSE

Valentine swaggers around looking behind things. He finds an old plate on a stand with a Shinryu (Blue Dragon) design on it and picks it up to examine. Suddenly though, he drops it, breaking it, to block an incoming punch. He kicks back and his mysterious assailant stumbles back.

Valentine: Who are you?

Tin: You can call me Tin. Who are you and what are you doing in my warehouse?

Valentine: I’m looking for someone, March Randell.

Tin: I’ve never heard of him. Who are you?

Valentine suddenly twists around and shoots the guy behind him who was aiming for a shot.

Tin: Snowy! Noooo!

Tin rushes forward, reaching for his pocket, but Valentine swings back round, kicking Tin against the bracket shelves, breaking all the plates including one with an Aerosmith design. Valentine brings his gun in line with Tin’s head.

Valentine: Where?

A small, thin guy goes scuttling past. Valentine fires at it but misses. Tin gets back up, and grabs Valentine’s gun arm. Valentine knees Tin in his… well, you know. Then he grips Tin’s left arm, ties it round his back and cracks it. Valentine lets Tin fall to the ground and gives chase to Randell.

EXT. AMIHAMA

Randell runs across the deserted harbour, Valentine gives chase but is losing ground. Randell thinks he’s clear, but Armside steps out from behind a building and fires, hitting Randell in the leg. Hagen appears behind him and floors him with a sock to the jaw (not a real sock, because that just wouldn’t hurt very much at all). Hagen looks up, grins and gives Valentine thumbs up, but is suddenly kicked aside. Valentine dashes up, he and Armside have their guns aimed at this woman dressed all in white.

BREAK

EXT. AMIHAMA

The woman in white stares down Valentine intently. He and Armside keep their guns trained on her.

Armside: Step down, ma’am.

She remains unmoving. Suddenly Valentine dashes forward, grabs her hands and pins them behind her back before she can respond. Armside runs around front.

White: You’re incredibly fast for someone who has drunk as much as you obviously have.

Valentine: You think a little alcohol would slow me down?

White: Not at all, Valentine.

Valentine: A fan of mine?

White: Who could not know of Marco Valentine? Successor and Master of the Jigenzan-Ittou school of weapon skill?

Valentine spins White to face him as though he were dancing with her.

Valentine: Hey now, how do you know about that?

White: You asked me if I was a fan, didn’t you? Yeah, I think you have style.

Valentine draws White back to him.

Valentine: Cut the crap, how do you know my father? Who told you?

White: Somebody who is really nobody… yet.

Valentine twirls White back away.

Valentine: I told you to stop that! Who are you?

White: Natasha White. A member of the Alpha Team of White Tiger.

Valentine: The syndicate? The one which was eradicated?

White: Not exactly. I’m here for Randell.

Valentine: You’re here for Randell? I’m here for Randell! You’re not taking my action!

White: What do you want from him?

Valentine: He’s a terrorist I was asked to collect and deliver to appropriate authorities. And you?

White: I’m here…

Valentine stares down White. White snaps free of Valentine’s grip.

White: I’m here to protect him from people like you!

White kicks out and Valentine dodges. Armside shoots twice but misses. White punches, but Valentine counters, hard.

Valentine: I hate having to injure women, but you’re forcing the issue here, eh?

Valentine launches a flurry of punches which White dodges. She doesn’t realise until Valentine is done that it was a manoeuvre to force her further away from Randell.

Valentine: Armside! Get him and get out of here!

Armside: Ok!

White runs forward and kicks out at Valentine but he rugby tackles her to the ground. Armside and Hagen pick up Randell and start to carry him away, but someone comes running round the corner, a baby faced guy with a lean build yet powerful presence. He runs up and kicks Hagen down.

Hagen: Ow! Why is it always me…

Armside draws his gun again, but gets punched before he can fire it. White uses Valentine’s distraction to push him off her and she runs to the man’s side.

Valentine: So who’re you then?

Prince: I am the Prince of the White Tiger.

Armside: Talk about posers…

Valentine: You’re White Tigers, eh? Now it makes sense.

Prince: What does?

Valentine: You’ve become a secret terrorist group, aren’t you? That’s what you want with this guy.

Prince: Terrorist is a tag given to us by the authority we oppose. They fear us because we see through them. They are the terrorists. We are protectors of freedom.

Valentine: Whose freedom do you think you’re protecting by blowing up government buildings!?

Prince: It was nice meeting you, but I must take my leave. Don’t worry; I’ll leave you some playmates.

Prince raises his arm and slashes the air with it, and there’s an explosion. It’s much more smoke than flame, but when the smoke clears, Prince, White and Randell are gone. In their place are three guys dressed in colour coded pastel uniforms.

Red: Red.

Green: Green.

Blue: Blue.

These guys are like, armed to the teeth. Guns arms with Kalashnikovs, flamethrowers, lasers and Blue even has a mini rocket launcher.

Blue: You people, how sad you are. Nothing but puppets of the malevolent government will.

Green: How much money is your conscience worth? And how does it feel being stuffed in the pocket of a scumbag like Leslie Shadowhite?

Valentine: What? What the hell are you talking about? We’re in no one’s pocket! I live by my own will.

Red: Do we get to blow these suckers up yet?

Armside: Holy shit! Run!

Armside and Hagen run. Valentine fires a couple of shots but runs really freaking hard when Red, Green and Blue return fire. When Valentine exits the Harbour, Hagen has already started the car. He gets in and the car screeches away.

Green: Until we meet again…

INT. BLUE LAGOON

Valentine, Armside and Hagen are at the bar.

Hagen: So this is where you guys come drinking? It’s really cool!

Armside: Calm down dude, you’re not being cool.

Valentine: I never thought I’d see the day when Armside wasn’t the biggest dork in this bar.

Armside: Ya, good isn’t it?

The guys sit quietly and sip their drinks.

Hagen: So what was all that about?

Armside: I guess the Defence Department will find itself pretty busy from now on. It’s not our problem anymore though. Right?

Valentine seems lost in his own thoughts.

Armside: Right?

Valentine: Oh. Yeah, right.

Hagen: I gotta say though. When you faced down that woman, and then that faggy prince guy, it was like you had an aura around you, like a hero. Saving the world like you would when you were in the KGB.

Valentine smirks.

Valentine: That prince… There was something… Nah.

Hagen: Hey, mind if I ask you something?

Valentine: What?

Hagen: How come you quit a life of saving people, taking down evil men and syndicates, and the resultant adulation for the complete opposite? Helping them? I know the KGB turned out to be a rotten apple, but you were above all that. You could’ve saved it. You were the star of the show. What changed?

Valentine seems stunned into silence for a few moments, but then he bursts out laughing, and Armside joins in. Hagen laughs weakly and looks confused.

Valentine: Don’t worship me, kid. The truth would crush you.

Hagen: What do you mean?

Hagen’s cell phone starts ringing. He answers.

Hagen: Hello? (pause) Oh, hi. (pause) Yeah, he’s here.

Armside’s head jerks up.

Hagen: Can’t you call him on his own? (Pause) Why would he do that? Never mind, I’ll get him, hold on. (Hagen turns around) Armside, it’s for you, it’s Ly-…

Armside is gone, his chair has fallen over and the door of the bar is swinging.

Hagen: I guess he’s not here after all.

Remington enters.

Remington: Hi boys.

Hagen: Remington! I’ll buy you a drink!

Remington: Thanks, get me a Pepsi Maxswiney.

Hagen: It’s Sunday, I’ll get you a beer, come on!

Remington: Nah, that’s all right, I don’t drink alcohol. Marco, I went back to the office just now. Someone claiming to be John Beaufort sent a fax asking you to call him.

Valentine: Thanks.

Valentine gets up and exits.

EXT. BLUE LAGOON

Armside is smoking outside. Valentine comes out and joins him while speaking on the phone.

Valentine: Sorry I couldn’t come through for you. But I don’t want anything else to do with it.

Beaufort (V.O.): That’s ok. You won’t get have to get involved again.

INT. RED SWALLOW OFFICE

Beaufort and Courtenay are in the office as Beaufort puts down the phone.

Courtenay: What’s the news?

Beaufort: It looks like war…

END – REVEAL…

Episode 9 preview

Valentine: Another old associate turns up, this time though the outcome is deadly. I’m not talking about bullets and blades but the twisted dances played between a hapless alpha male and his drama queens. Next episode, Kings and Queens. It’s going to be a long night…