| PART 20 Ever since Michael and I broke up, I’ve been going to the library instead of the cafeteria during lunch. Isabel stops me before I walk through the library’s door. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” I look at her and shake my head. “Please Liz. I just ….” “I have a test next period. I really need to study.” Isabel looks down and nods her head. I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. She has been nothing but a friend to me ever since she moved here. “Isabel, wait.” She slowly turns around. “Okay, lets talk. Just not here okay.” She smiles and nods. “Where do you want to go?” I look around, then grab her arm and lead her outside. We end up in the quad behind a big oak tree. This is where Maria and I used to come when we wanted to talk about something important without worrying about other people hearing us. I sit down and pat the ground for Isabel to join me. “So what do you want to talk about?” I ask her getting right to the point. “About this morning. I wasn’t lying for my brother. I .. I was ashamed…..” She stops in mid sentence. She looks as if she’s debating on how to continue. “Ashamed of what?” She closes her eyes and says, “I consider you a good friend, Liz, and I don’t want to do anything to hurt you.” I shake my head starting to get frustrated. “Just spit it out, Iz. What’s so bad that you can’t tell me?” I say trying to keep the irritation out of my voice. She takes a deep breath and looks up at me. “Tess has been coming by almost every day since you and Michael broke up. He …..” I stand up and say, “I don’t want to hear this. I don’t care what Michael does with his free time anymore.” Isabel stands up just as fast and says, “No wait. Just let me say what I have to. Please?!” I sigh and sit back down. “Go ahead, I’m all ears.” “He always kicks her out, but instead of worrying about your feelings I’ve been concerned with Tess’s. I don’t know why, but the way he’s been treating her frightens me sometimes,” she says. “He's not going to hurt her if that’s what you’re worried about.” Isabel looks at me with her head slightly tilted to the side. “How do you know that?” she asks. I shrug my shoulders and say, “I just know.” “He doesn’t want her, Liz. You’re the one he wants. He’s hurting, just as much if not more than you.” I look down finding my fingernails interesting all of a sudden. “Can I tell you something?” she asks. “Whatever." She softly giggles and abruptly stops. I glance up to figure out why. Her eyes have a far off look as she says, “My brother and his best friend Nick were almost inseparable. They did everything together, until Tess appeared. When Michael found out she had a crush on him, he was ecstatic. You see, my family has never given him the attention he deserved or wanted, and when he got it from her he did everything in his power to make her happy.” She pauses. “That’s great and all, but he’s told me all about this,” I reply, not really eager to hear about Michael’s first love. She glances and smiles at me. “I thought you were going to let me talk.” I give her a small smile and say, “I’m sorry. Please continue.” “At first I was happy for him, because he seemed genuinely happy. The only time I would see Michael smile was when he was around Nick. As their relationship progressed, I noticed Michael was starting to get stressed. He wasn’t happy, it was more like possessed. All he wanted to do was give Tess whatever she asked for so she’d continue giving him her attention. I know he never loved her, not that he ever told her that. But she’d use those words to get what she wanted from him. I think it’s because of her he doesn’t believe in love. She used him, badly. Nick caught on and tried to show Michael the whole picture, but he wouldn’t listen. By that time, Nick had his own girlfriend and was happy. He wished Michael would find someone like his girlfriend. If you ask me, the reason Nick didn’t interfere earlier was because he didn’t have anyone, and knowing Michael he would have insisted that he was just jealous.” Isabel stops talking and I look at her. “Why are you telling me all this, Iz? Michael made his choice,” I say sadly. She touches my hand and continues to say, “Nick and Michael argued and stopped talking for a couple of days, so he spent most of his time with Tess. Well, one day he caught Tess with some other guy. He was hurt, but he was angry more so. He stopped talking to everyone even me. I was getting worried about him and I decided to call Nick to see if he could cheer him up. Being the good friend that he was, he came over that same day. Michael’s pride almost got the best of him, but Nick convinced him to go out with him and have fun. You know, just the guys.” Her face becomes sad. She says, “The next thing I know is cops are knocking at my door escorting Michael. He was covered in blood, but what really scared me were his eyes. They were dead. There was no emotion in them whatsoever. He walked away from us. I tried to find out what happened, but he wouldn’t talk to me. I lost my brother that day. It was like he crawled up inside himself and closed himself off from everyone.” Oh God, that’s why he feels guilty. He thinks he wasn’t a good friend to Nick before he died. That explains a lot. That explains why he thinks he’s not supposed to be happy. Isabel interrupts my thoughts by saying, “Liz, when he came here to Roswell and met you, I slowly saw his eyes light up. He started to open up and smile. I’m afraid if you keep this up, I’m going to lose my brother again. I don’t want that. I want him happy and that’s what you do, make him happy. Right now, he hasn’t closed himself off to anyone yet because he’s determined to get you back in his life, but if you keep ignoring him he’s going to give up on himself. I don’t want to see that happen. Not again.” I don’t know what to say or what to think. What am I supposed to do? “Iz, I wish it were that simple, but it’s not,” I say. “Do you love him, Liz?” I look up at her in shock. How can she ask me that? I haven’t known Michael long enough to be in love. I don’t even know what love is or even if there is a such thing. I shrug my shoulders. She touches my arm and says, “Can you at least talk to him? Just be his friend if you’re not ready for a relationship yet.” I shake my head trying to keep the tears at bay. “I can’t, I can’t…” I say in a shaky voice. Isabel hugs me and says, “I know it hurts, Liz, but the only reason it hurts is because you do love him. I know you don’t believe in it or know what it is, but what you’re feeling for my brother is love.” I cry on Isabel's shoulder. She continues to hug me rocking me back and forth until the bell rings. She gives me her compact and helps me fix my makeup and my blotchy eyes. She stands up and holds her hand out to help me up. “Do you promise to talk to him?” I nod and head for class. ********************************************************************** I’m at my locker feeling exhausted, glad the day is finally over. Liz won’t even look at me. Each day it keeps getting harder. I just wish she would talk to me. I slam my locker and see Tess standing there. I roll my eyes and say, “What do you want?” “I want to talk to you,” she replies. “I already told you I don’t want to have anything to do with you. Why can’t you accept the fact that I’m with Liz?” She chuckles. I turn to walk away, but she grabs my arm and says, “I’m sorry, but I thought you guys broke up.” I narrow my eyes at her and say, “Thanks to you and Maria.” She holds her hand up and says, “It was all Maria’s idea. I don’t know if you knew how bad she had it for you.” “So what? I’m supposed to fall for her because she starts rumors about us and hurts me and her best friend.” She laughs. “Hey your family is the one who moved to this hick town,” she says. “It doesn’t help that you went along with her to circulate those rumors. Now does it?” I reply. “Listen, Michael. Liz wasn’t good for you anyway. She’s changing you. I think we’re perfect together. Just give us another chance. We were great together then and I know we will be again,” she says as she puts her hand on my arm. I look at it and then at her. “I don’t want to have anything to do with you. Why can’t you get that through your head?” She moves closer to me and says, “But can’t you feel it, Michael, the chemistry, the energy between us? Why do you want to throw that away?” I move closer to her and say, “Sorry, I don’t feel a thing.” “When we kissed…” I cut her off by saying, “It was a mistake. Didn’t you notice it only happened that one time? It was because I don’t want you. That I don’t feel anything for you.” “I know you’re drawn to me, you’ve always been. If you weren’t then why did you kiss me?” “Because I had to prove to myself that there is nothing between us. If I want a solid relationship with Liz, I have to make sure I’m the person she believes I am. Liz gave me her trust with no questions asked. So, I had to make sure I wouldn’t hurt her,” I whisper. I don’t know why I’m telling her this, but that’s how I feel. Liz makes me believe I can do anything, but without her I’m back to the person I’ve always known and hated. I don’t want that. I want Liz to be proud of me. “What happened to you, Michael? You used to be this carefree guy who didn’t care about anyone else but yourself,” she states. I shrug my shoulders and say, “Just leave me and Liz alone. Okay? She doesn’t deserve what you and Maria are doing to her. She’s a better person than any one of us and I want her back in my life.” Tess looks down and I notice Max walk past me, looking past my shoulder and winking. My curiosity taking the best of me I turn around to see who he was winking at, and to my surprise I see Liz standing behind me. *********************************************************************** After my last class I decide this would be as good a time as any to talk to Michael. I’ll see if he wants to walk with me to my house, and since my parents are going away again there’ll be privacy for us to talk. I slowly walk in the direction of Michael’s locker afraid that maybe I might have lost him. When I get within 30 feet of his locker I notice he’s talking to someone. I stop short when I see that it’s Tess. I watch them for a while. I look down taking in a shaky breath. I glance at them one more time and they are inches apart. I turn to leave not wanting to see anymore, but I bump into someone. I look up to see who it is, and it’s Max. Great, he’s just going to dwell on my misery. I move to go around him, but he blocks me. “Just leave me alone, Max.” His only response is to grab my hand and pull me over towards Michael. I try to stand my ground. I don’t want to go over there, but his strength overpowers me and I’m eventually standing a few feet behind Michael. Tess gives Max a strange look, but I don’t bother to glance over at Max. Tess catches my eye and slyly smiles. She moves closer to Michael and brushes herself against him and whispers something. I narrow my eyes at her, and to my dismay, Michael moves closer. I unconsciously lean against Max unable to hold myself up anymore. My heart is hurting more now than it ever did. I feel Max steady me from behind and I bring my attention back to the couple in front of me. We aren’t that close to them, so I can’t hear what they are saying, but the look of smugness is wiped off of Tess’s face. I wonder what he’s saying to her. Max pushes me closer to them and I hear, “…….. and I want her back in my life.” Max leaves my side and before he retreats, he winks at me. I smile a thank you to him just as Michael turns around. He looks at me as if he’s in shock. I move closer, letting my body and heart lead me. I slowly wrap my arms around his neck and brush my lips across his. I feel his body relax and he pulls me closer and holds on to me with such force that I can hardly breathe. I don’t pull away because I miss the feeling of being in his arms, the scent of him. The way he runs his fingers through my hair. He keeps whispering, “Thank you,” over and over again in my ear. Before we disentangle ourselves he whispers, “This is where I belong.” |