No Regret

You know those people who say they have no regrets? They say that there’s nothing in their life they would change, not a single thing.

My life is regret.

I regret going out with my sister that day, leaving my parents to be killed. I regret not being able to save Aya. I regret the person I have become. I regret the life I have chosen.

But, most of all, I regret never telling you.

I wish…I wish I could go back and change it…I wish I could go back and tell you, but it wouldn’t matter anyway would it? How could anyone possibly care about me? Now that I look back, you always seemed to like him, admire him, adore him. You never said it, but I could see it in those endlessly deep brown pools, where your emotions were most evident. I’m just seeing things, I would tell myself, though deep down I knew it was true. I knew I was losing you.

Well, you got what you wanted. I could say that I’m happy for you, but that would be a lie. I’m not happy for you. I regret I didn’t try and take you while I had the chance. I regret standing by as you fell more and more for Yohji, and not doing a thing about it. I regret never being kind to you, never telling you how truly wonderful you are.

How can a person have no regrets? How can a person be so smart, that they do everything right? So smart, that there isn’t one single thing that they wish they could have done differently…

You know those people who say they have no regrets?

I don’t believe them.

***

“Come on Yohji! I’m not waiting all night for you!”

I look up from my small bowl of ramen noodles to the see you standing next to the front doorway, a frown of impatience on your lips as you glance down at your watch. I notice you’re a little more nicely dressed than the usual t-shirt and jeans, but don’t care to ask why.

“YOOOHJI!” you howl, scurrying back up the stairs again. I contain a smirk as my plate rattles on the wooden table in time with your heavy footsteps. I sigh and prop my head on my hand, lazily flipping to the next page of an entertainment magazine Omi left behind. Letting out a soft breath, I blow gently on a limp steaming noodle as my eyes scan the dull articles.

“Can we ever be on time for anything!?” I hear your agitated voice float down from above as you and your lover plod downstairs.

“Have you ever heard of fashionably late?” Yohji says calmly to you as he reaches the kitchen, glancing at his reflection in the window and smoothing his hair down. I notice your eyes roaming up and down Yohji’s form appreciatively, lingering for a moment on his leather-clad ass. I feel myself wince and force myself to continue leafing through the magazine, trying to hide my pain, my regret.

“Come oooooon!” you whine, reminding me of a child on the brink of a temper tantrum.

“Hai, hai KenKen!” he says chuckling as he shrugs his long coat on, his hand fishing in one of the pockets as you yank open the door. A cold burst of air rushes in and causes me to tremble slightly.

“Ken?” Yohji says as he continues digging through his pocket. “You don’t have my keys do you?”

You turn around in the doorway, blinking in confusion. “What? No…” your eyes narrow slightly as they peer suspiciously at Yohji. “Why?”

“Anoooou…” he smiles nervously as he avoids your glare. “I’ll be back in a second!” he darts up the stairs before he receives a fresh round of shouting. I control a smile; half reading a movie review as I listen to you sigh exasperatedly and close the door.

“Aya!” I hear you squeak out as you turn in my direction, a hint of unease in your voice.

You’re so uncomfortable around me. Am I really that scary? True, I know that I’m not the most sociable person, but still…. It’s not like I have horns or anything…why must you be so afraid? If only you knew how I felt…

I look calmly up from another article consisting of celebrity hair tips (terribly interesting, I assure you) to see you gaping at me, an alarmed look in those coffee eyes. “I didn’t know you were here! Gosh you scared me!” you grin and walk over to the table, plopping down next to me in one of the small plastic chairs.

I stare at you uninterestedly, not knowing what to say. You squirm nervously under my gaze, your eyes refusing to make contact with mine. I roll my own and go back to Omi’s magazine

Silence.

“So, Ay-“

“Do you ever feel regret, Ken?” I blurt out, my eyes widening as you stare at me questioningly.

Why in the fuck did I say that?!

I look away quickly so you cannot see the reddish stain spreading on my cheeks, silently cursing myself for saying such a stupid thing.

“Yeah…yeah I do.”

My ear perks up at the somber sound in your voice and I turn back to see you gazing at me, a sad smile playing on your mouth.

“I regret that we never became friends.”

I can’t help my surprised expression and you grin at me, hesitantly leaning closer.

“I regret that we started out the way we did…But I was hoping that maybe…” You look up at me anxiously, chewing on your bottom lip. “...maybe we could try again…?”

I stare incredulously at him, my lips slightly parted.

“I…”

“Found ‘em!”

We both turn from the table to see Yohji dangling a pair of keys in his long fingers as he grins smugly at you. He saunters over and takes a seat diagonally from me.

“Hey Aya!” he smiles graciously at me. “How are you doing?”

Like he cares. I don’t bother to reply as I chew on another noodle.

He sighs and shakes his head. “Talkative as usual I see…” he rotates towards you, placing his hand at the nape of your neck, fingers playing with your dark hair. “Ready to go?”

You glance back at me, your eyes pleading for a response, but I say nothing, my own void of emotion once again. You take in a deep shaky breath and turn back to Yohji, planting a small kiss on his cheek.

“Yup.”

“Yosh!” he hops up and takes a hold of your hand, helping you up.

Such a gentleman…

I watch as the two of them head towards the door and I abruptly feel as though I’m losing something.

I will not regret this.

“Ken!” I cry out, jumping from my chair.

You freeze and turn around slowly, your eyes wide and questioning. Yohji turns as well, tilting his head in amusement at my strange behavior.

“Aa…I’d like that.” I say quietly, looking down at my hands. I slowly raise my eyes to see your expression soften, and a tiny smile appear on your face.

//I do not regret this.// I think as I observe your happy expression and Yohji’s confused one.

“I’m so glad…” You turns again to go but stop short, looking back at me. “Ne, Aya…how about you come out with us?”

Yohji’s jade eyes brighten at the question. “That’s a good idea! Come on Aya! You need to go out sometimes!” he says teasingly.

“I go out sometimes!” I retort, crossing my arms in front of my chest and glaring at him.

He snorts and rolls his eyes. “Missions and the grocery store don’t count! Live a little Aya!” he winks at me and I blush against my own will. Damn, no wonder all the girls fall for him…No wonder you fell for him…

“I-I don’t want to intrude…on you two...”

“We’re just going to a party! Not a romantic dinner!” you cry, stepping closer to me.

“Yeah! We’re doing that tomorrow!” chirps in Yohji, wrapping his arm around your waist as you turn a bright shade of red.

“Your car can only seat two people…” I say, not bothering to mention the fact that I have a car of my own.

“I’ll take my bike!” You say, pulling out a pair of keys.

They aren’t going to let me out of this are they? I sigh and pop another noodle into my mouth.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.” Yohji says, advancing towards me and taking a firm hold of my arm. “Let’s go! Ken you lead alright?”

“Okay! See you guys there!”

***

“You’re very lucky…”

“Eh?” Yohji glances over at me as he rounds another corner. “Oh, Aya! You were being so quiet I almost forgot you were there!” he turns down the radio a notch. “What did you say?”

“I said you’re very lucky.”

“Hmm? And why is that?” he asks as we pause at a red light.

“Ken.” I say simply, pointing ahead at you on your motorcycle, your foot tapping impatiently on the black pavement as you wait for the light to change.

“Ken…” Yohji’s finely polished mask melts away to reveal a gentle smile and sparkling jade eyes as he stares out the windshield at you. “Yes, yes I am very lucky. I am thankful for every second I spend with him. Without him my life is nothing. I love him with all my heart, and if he feels even a fraction of the way that I feel about him…. well…then I couldn’t ask for more. Not a single thing.”

He speaks with such genuineness that I don’t doubt a single word that drops from his lips.

“Yohji…”

I just realized something…Ken…you are very lucky too. I guess I never really thought he cared. I guess I thought you were another one of his toys.

I guess…I guess maybe I was wrong.

“Eh?” Yohji turns towards me, his face no longer loving, but slightly embarrassed. “Ara?” He blinks as he notices my dazed expression. “Am I getting too mushy for you? Gomen ne!” He says sniggering, throwing a wink in my direction. He sighs dramatically and shakes his head. “Gah, Ken is turning me into such a sap.”

We’re suddenly covered in a pale green light and Yohji hits the accelerator, lightly honking at Ken as he turns and gives us a small wave, his face covered in shadows but a large smile still evident.

“Be good to him, Yohji.”

“I wouldn’t think of being anything else.” He says, eyes on the road. “That is… unless he tries to take my cigarettes…”

“Yohji-” I start, my voice omnivous.

“I’m kidding! I ‘m kidding!” he says, laughing and giving me a friendly pat on the shoulder. “Lighten up, Aya! We’re going to a party!” He raises his eyebrows and grins. “I know there will be a lot of women who would just love to meet you…”

“I’m not interested in women.” I say before I can stop myself.

“OH REALLY??“ he cries, nearly driving onto the sidewalk. “Does the silent leader of Weiss swing that way?”

“Eh..erm..” Do I really want Yohji, of all people, to know this?

“Come on, Aya... Hell, look at me! I 'swung' that way every once in a while, and now look at me and Ken. As far as I know, this is permanent. I'd certainly have no right to judge you, wouldn't want to anyway...”

He fades off and looks at me, expecting a reply, which I in turn refuse to give.

“You are aren’t you!? Aren’t you?!”

I remain silent, glaring at the dirty windshield.

“Ah ha! You are!”

“What?! How did you- I mean… How WOULD you..”

“HAH! I KNEW IT!” He cries, waggling a finger at me. “Well well well…in that case I know a lot of men who would REALLY like to meet you.” He says with a grin that practically radiates mischief.

Save me…

“Uh..I just remembered that Omi might need in and I moved the spare ke-“

“Omi’s spending the night at his friend’s house again.”

“Which friend?” I ask, already knowing who it is.

“I dunno…Nick? No…Niki…Miki?? I think there were two syllables…”

“Nagi.” I say flatly.

“Yeah, yeah! That’s it…Ah! Look Aya! We’re here!” My eyes follow the direction of his pointing finger to unexpectedly see an attractive white stone house. I wasn’t even aware that we had driven into the wealthy part of town…

“Oh.” I mutter, unable to hide the surprise in my voice as I observe lighted tennis courts to the side of the enormous building.

“Not what you expected, Aya?” Yohji asks me with a grin.

“Where’s the shack with all the drunk people passed out in the front yard?”

Yohji snickers. “Was that an attempt at a joke? I’m proud!” he cries, patting me on the back as he attempts to parallel park. “Oh no, here there are many more options on where you can pass out…I prefer the sauna.”

“Sauna…?”

“Peh! It’s straight enough!” Yohji cries as he turns off the car. “Ken’s probably waiting for us since he can fit that damn bike anywhere.”

As predicted, we see you sitting on the curb in front of the house, your bike squeezed in between two cars.

“Hey guys!” you call, waving us over. “Did you enjoy the ride with Yotan?” you ask me when I walk up.

“Hn.” I say, glaring at Yohji.

“I got to find out Aya’s sexual preference!” Yohji proclaims, beaming as I feel a couple fuses in my brain fizzle out and die.

“Oooh! Tell me!” You cry, smiling at me.

“Can I tell him, Aya?”

“No!”

“He’s one of us!”

“REALLY?” Ken gasps out, his voice unnaturally high.

“YOHJI!” I roar, using every ounce of will power in me to stop myself from throttling him.

“Don’t be upset Aya!” you say, eyes glittering. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed of. Just watch out…Yohji has a thing for playing matchmaker at parties,” you add.

“I do not!” Yohji huffs, his lower lip jutting out as he sulks.

“Oh poor baby, quit pouting at me!” You say, planting a light kiss on his lips. Yohji grins and takes your hand, eyes softening when you look back up at him.

I don’t know whether to smile or cry. The both of you fit so well together, but I still wish you were mine. I still envy what the both of you have. It still hurts.

But not as much.

Maybe…maybe someday it wont hurt at all…maybe someday I will be happy for you. Maybe someday I will have what the both of you have…maybe…

“Well…you ready Aya?” Yohji queries, bright green eyes darting between the large white doors of the entrance and me.

“I guess…I won’t know anyone…”

“Neither will I!” you cry mournfully. “Yohji has yet to introduce me to this group.” You glance over at your lover with a raised eyebrow. “Do they even know you are no longer single?”

“Eh? Well…”

“They don’t?!”

“It’s not like I really keep in good touch with these people!” he cries, raising his arms defensively at your angry glare. “They invite me to parties. I come. The end. I don’t even like them that much! But…!” he motions towards the house, as if it explains everything.

“But what?!” you interrupt. “ It’s a nice house yes, but I’ll be too busy beating off all the girls that throw themselves at you with a large stick to enjoy it!”

I snicker quietly as Yohji blinks down at you.

“Oh? Ken are you JEALOUS?!”

“What? No-…yes dammit I’m jealous! And don’t let it get to that big head of yours!” you say, thumping him lightly on the skull.

“Maa Maa…They’ll be too blinded by Aya’s hair anyway to notice me.” Yohji says grinning, his fingers rubbing the place he was attacked.

“Hey!” I say, my hands unconsciously moving up towards my mane.

“Aya your hair is fine.” You say, flashing me a comforting smile as you start up the sidewalk, Yohji and I quickly following. “…Yohji just wishes his was as beautiful as yours.” you add, glancing back to see Yohji stiffen.

“Shouldn’t you be looking for that stick KenKen?” Yohji grumbles as we reach the doorway, sticking his tongue out at you. You stick yours back at him, your eyes squeezed shut.

“No dirty stuff in front of me please.”

Both of you spin around towards me, eyes wide and blinking.

I tilt my head at the both of you and for added effect…I smile.

“Who are you and what have you done with Aya?” Yohji asks, pointing at me with narrowed eyes.

“He made a …a…joke…” you say, eyes still large.

“He made one in the car too…”

“Two jokes?!”

“I know!”

You both glance at each other, suspicion in your eyes as you turn back to me.

“What?” I say, glaring.

“Never mind, it’s him.” Yohji says, nodding with a knowing smile.

“Yep. Nobody could copy that glare.” You say as you press the doorbell and then scoot closer to Yohji, wringing your hands nervously.

Here goes nothing…

***

Look at him. He’s so fucking hot! And tonight…tonight he’s going to be mine. Tonight I’m going to see what he looks like underneath all those damn layers of clothes. Tonight I’m going to see those sharp blue eyes filled with passion.

If I can just get him out of this room…

“Braaaaadleeeey…” I call, stepping into the office or Mr. Tight-Ass himself. I watch with a smirk as he leafs through a large pile of paperwork, trying his best to ignore me as he hums quietly along with the classical music that pours out of his small (but of course, expensive) stereo placed in the back of the dim room. I saunter over towards him, taking a seat on the corner of his large wooden desk and smirk.

He’s still ignoring me.

I move even closer to the sexy American, my mouth mere centimeters away from his ear. I blow into it and watch with satisfaction as he trembles slightly, his mouth twitching faintly.

“Braaaaaad…” I coo with sugary sweetness.

No reaction.

Aw, fuck it. I lean forward and sloppily lick his ear.

“CHRIST!” Crawford yelps, leaping out of his seat and wiping at his ear with disgust as his chair rolls back, colliding violently with the wall.

“Hi,” I say, beaming at the flustered man as I shift my weight and cross my legs. The sharp corner of a desk isn’t exactly the most comfortable place to be sitting…

He glares at me from behind thin layers of glass. “What do you want?” he says quietly as he attempts to compose himself, smoothing down his dark hair and straightening his simple tie.

“You promised to come with me.” I say, pouting.

“Come with you where?” he asks with a suspicious look as several pornographic scenes flash through his mind.

“In my mouth.” I say, tracing a finger across my lips as I see a light blush stain his cheeks. I sigh with exasperation and whack him on the head. “To the party, Brad. Geez, don’t be such a hentai.”

He fumes silently but says nothing, knowing not to argue with me because it’s pretty pointless to argue with a telepath when you know they’re right.

“I’m not going to your stupid party.” He mutters, rolling his seat back towards his desk.

“NANI?” I cry, hopping of the desk and onto the soft carpet. “You promised!”

“So you would leave me alone and let me get back to work!” he shouts, his mouth turning into a snarl.

“You’re so sexy when your pissed, Brad.” I say as I stroll over to him, placing a flat palm on his chest.

“Don’t. Call. Me. That.” He growls, fingers wrapping tightly around my wrist.

“So very sexy…” I whisper as I lift my free hand to stroke his cheek, brushing his comment away. His mouth opens to say something else but I skim my fingers across his lips lightly, just as I had done to my own moments before. He takes in a sharp breath of air and gawks at me, eyes confused and fearful as the smooth mask is for only a moment, pulled away from his face.

// Fuck! What in God’s name is he doing? Punch him! Punch him! Why is my arm not moving? MOVE DAMN YOU! Oh God, he isn’t thinking of what I *think* he’s thinking is he? Okay, maybe he is. Kick him in the balls! Why am I not kicking him in the balls? I WANT TO KICK HIM IN THE BALLS! //

“Now, now, Brad…you know you wouldn’t want to do that.” I say with a wicked grin, tossing my head lightly to move my jagged bangs out of my laughing eyes.

I watch with amusement as he flushes up to his ears. “Will you quit pestering me if I go?” he says quietly, his glasses slipping down his nose to reveal uncertain eyes.

I leer at him. “Of course…” I say, batting my eyelashes. “…that is…only if you want me to…” I say, stroking his lips one last time before I grab his arm.

“Lets just get this over with.” He grumbles as I lead him out the door.

What am I getting myself into?

"The time of your life, baby," I reply smoothly, throwing a wink over my shoulder.

“Yeah, whatever.” He mumbles, scooting out the front door into the dim hallway.

Tonight will be the night. Oh yes, tonight will be the night.

***

TBC??? ^.^;;

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