Sunday Night

I find myself frozen place as one of Cole’s arms snakes it’s way around my stiff body, his hand coming to rest on my stomach, which is not feeling too hot right now. His eyes draw closer to me. They’re so clear looking, like one of those winter days that will be coming soon.. I find myself looking down at his lips, and I long for the contact. But I can’t..I can’t...Ken..

“I GOT IT JE-OOF!”

“Gah!”

I watch as Cole’s eyes widen and he’s lurched forward into the hard ground in front of me, followed by a small boy, whose tiny hands are wrapped protectively around a soccer ball.

“Gomen!” the child cries as he tries to climb off the mass of limbs, his cheeks growing red in embarrassment. Cole groans loudly, his voice slightly muffled due to it being face down in the dirt.

“Um...”

The little boy stares down at Cole, his little brown eyes filled with concern. He shuffles closer and attempts to comfort Cole by patting the top his head , his eyes widening in amazement at the strange texture of his victim’s hair underneath his chubby fingers. His gaze shifts over to me, and I burst out laughing. He blinks in confusion and begins to laugh too, his giggles making me suddenly feel so happy. Cole has one of those ‘I’m-going-to-kill-you-in-your-sleep’ looks plastered on his now dirt-covered face as he sits up. We both laugh even more.

“Reed! What are you doing?!” I turn to see a kid, probably only around eleven, his dark golden hair whipping around his anger-reddened face as he runs towards us. He whacks his brother. Not hard or anything...just hard enough to make him know he did something bad.

“Ya knock the guy over and ya laugh at ‘em?” he shouts, his freckled face growing even redder. “Ma would kill you!”

“He started it!” the younger boy cries as he points his finger at me. I’m silent for a moment, staring down the two little boys, and burst out laughing again. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this happy, my cheeks feeling almost pained from my unending smile.

“I’m so glad to see your concern for my well-being Yohji,” Cole says as he rolls his eyes, sarcasm dripping off his words. He turns over to the two quarreling children before us. “Oi, I’m okay. Just watch where you’re going next time okay?”

“Hai!!” They smile cheerfully and run off in the direction of the playground. The younger boy's still gripping the soccer ball as their giggles fade away softly, the distance between us growing larger. I hate kids. But in a way...I envy them. Ignorance is bliss.

“So....”

I look over at Cole, who is still wiping dirt off his face, though his blush is still quite apparent in the dim light.

This rates about a 9.4 on the awkward-o-meter...

I wonder if he regrets even trying...I feel ashamed for even thinking about doing it. I don’t know why though. It’s not like Ken and I are going out. Shit, I may as well be like ‘Oh! I can’t kiss you! I’m in love with Brad Pitt!’

And I wonder...what’s going to happen if I don’t get Ken?

Yeah, I’ve been saying that he’s probably with Aya, but I’ve still had this hope with me...A hope that won’t go away until I see something. And if I lose that hope..what’s going to happen to me? Will I never want to touch another human being again? Will I have countless numbers of pointless one night stands? With me pretending each night the body under me is Ken’s?

I don’t know...I really don’t know...

All I know is that my life will be ruined. I feel like I’m standing in a place that’s endlessly black, with a match as my only light source, the small wooden stick burning quickly away. It’s already gotten to the point where it’s painfully burning my fingers. But I can’t drop it, not yet...not just yet...

But I’m so close to... It scares me sometimes.

“Oi!” I feel a soft nudge on my backside and turn around to see Cole looming over me, having already stood up while I was thinking. I think too much. I really gotta stop doing that. I stand on my feet with a grunt, brushing leaves off my bottom as I rise. The sky has turned a brilliant orange, the shade making the cold air around me suddenly give off the appearance of being warmer. I turn my head towards Cole, only to be blinded by the sun setting between the buildings behind him.

It’s hard to catch a sunset in the city. You have to be at the perfect place at the perfect time, and even then, who knows? An eighteen-wheeler could park in front of you or something. I know that there aren’t many beautiful things to see in the city like rolling plains and waterfalls and all that crap, but if I had an opportunity to go out and be some farmer, I’d turn it down. Well, actually I’d ask them if they were fucking crazy first. Me as a farmer. I’m sure you can all see that.

You don’t need natural shit for something to be beautiful, just beauty. And the city is filled with it, you just have to look a little closer. At least that’s what I think anyway.

“Sugoi....” Cole whispers as he turns around to see what I was gazing at. “I haven’t seen a sunset like that in a while.”

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing...” I say, my voice drifting off on the last few words. His hair looks so amazing, like its been set on afire from the sun’s dying blaze. It makes me almost want to go and get out a bottle of peroxide for myself. Unable to resist, like a child in front of a small kitten, I watch as my hand raises and begins to stroke Cole’s hair. His eyes widen as he glances over at me, but after a moment he leans into the touch, gray eyes darkening to an almost a shade of black.

Well, here we are again.

“So how many bottles of hair spray do you use to fix this thing?” I say uneasily as an attempt to break the tension, my hand moving back into the warm pocket of my jacket.

He laughs. I really like his laugh.

*Cause it’s like Ken’s you moron.*

Ah..there’s my damn brain at work again. I guess it keeps me out of trouble...at least when I listen to it.

“Hairspray? Nah..just a few gallons of gel.” he says grinning. A strong breeze slams against us, and Cole wraps his arms around his bare shoulders, his lower lip trembling slightly.

“Cold?”

“No,” he says stubbornly as I watch the goose bumps spring up on his lightly tanned arms. “I’m fine.” Another blast of cold air reaches us and Cole lets out a small yelp, blushing in shame as he looks up at me. I laugh and shrug out of my jacket.

“Here.”

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. You’re one step away from becoming an icicle.”

“...”

“Come on.”

“....won’t you be cold?”

“Not as cold as I would be in a tank top.”

He smiles softly and takes my coat. It’s a little big for his small frame, but he looks adorable in it.

“Arigato...”

Gah....here we are again....

I can’t do this. Why can’t I do this?

*Because you’ll be pretending he’s Ken. And he doesn’t deserve that*

I gotta get away from this kid before I do something stupid.

“It’s getting dark,” I say as I point at the sky. “we should be heading back.”

Disappointment crosses his face for a moment, his lips sliding into a small pout.

“...All right.” His face suddenly takes on a brighter expression and he takes a hold of my hand, gently tugging me towards the entrance of the park. When we reach the street he grip does not loosen, and we head towards the apartment building. I blush, realizing anyone passing down the street must think we’re a couple. Ick, my hand’s getting all sweaty...

I wish he’d let go.

No I don’t.

Stop thinking Kudou...just stop.

I focus on listening to the loud clunking of Cole’s heavy footsteps against the concrete, the perfect contrast to the light tapping of my boots.

My thoughts once again drift to Ken again. My thoughts always drift to Ken if its quiet for more than two fucking seconds. I can’t believe I’ve fallen this hard. I’ve got one of the most gorgeous guys in the city about to throw himself at me and all I can think about it how cute Ken’s hair looked when it fell in his eyes. A tight feeling in my chest springs up, and I don’t know whether to scream, smile, or cry.

~Ken, where are you?~

“Well, looks like we’re here!”

My head jerks up to see that we have already reached the entrance of out apartment building. I shift my feet nervously, not knowing how bold this guy really is.

“Yohji, can I ask you something?” Cole says quietly as he tilts his head at me.

“Uh...sure...” I can feel my stomach twist into knots under his penetrating stare.

“You‘re seeing someone aren‘t you?”

Eep.

“Uh..well..no..” I look down at my feet. Jesus, look what Ken has reduced me too. The bumbling schoolgirl.

“Then why are you acting like you are?” His eyes narrow slightly as they darken.

“I’m not! I’m-I’m...”

Ohshitohshitohshit!

“....shy.” I finish lamely, refusing to meet his gaze.

“Yeah, right. I know your type Yohji. And you are far from shy.” He frowns. “So will you just tell me your taken so I can stop making a fool of myself?”

“But I’m not taken!” I roar in frustration.

“Then come upstairs.”

Oh...shit...

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Becauuuuuse...?”

“Because I’m an idiot who loves a guy who couldn’t possibly love some loser like me back! Because some fucking perfect ice cube redhead beat me to the punch!” I can feel my rage that has been held back for so long boiling to the surface. “So I’m sure they’re in there little happy home fucking like rabbits, but you know what?! I still love him! And I can’t do anything about it! And THAT’S why I can’t come upstairs.”

Cole blinks in astonishment at my little explosion, but his eyes seem to be elsewhere.

“Oh...I see.” he says quietly. Why do I feel like he’s about to laugh at me? That’s just what I need. Supreme humiliation on the steps of my apartment after I just poured my heart out to a random (fucking hot) guy who wants me to screw him.

“So..what’s the name of this person your so madly in love with?”

“Ken!” I frown at him. “Why does that even matter?”

Cole bites his lip and grins, his eyes never meeting mine. He seems to be staring beyond me off into space.

“Ken...so did you ever tell this ‘Ken’ you loved him?”

“No. Can we change the subject please?” I say, my stomach feeling worse as each moment passes by.

“Ken...brown hair and brown eyes, I guess?” He says rubbing his chin.

“How’d you guess?” I say in confusion.

He smirks at me. I watch in stunned silence as he lifts his arm and points.

“Because he’s standing right behind you.”

************ GAH! ::ducks knives:: Don't hurt me!! I'll have it done soon! I swear!! ::hides behind Nataku::

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