| The
Story So Far:
You meet two men on the road who are equipped with broadswords. One wears a crown, the other is pushing a wheelbarrow. "Hi," says the man with the crown. "I'm King Richard the Lion-Hearted, and this is King Henry the Eighth." "Nice to meet you," you say to King Richard. Then you nod to the other man. "And you too, your highness." King Richard shakes his head. "No, no. That's not King Henry the Eighth." He gestures to the wheelbarrow. "That's King Henry the Eighth." The wheelbarrow is carrying a disembodied human leg. About the time you get over that, the leg wiggles its toes at you in greeting. "See, we only have an eighth of him," says the other man. "That's why we call him King Henry the Eighth." "It appears to still be alive," you observe. "How can this be?" "It was a tragic accident," says the other fully-assembled man, "with a very powerful magical firecracker. We were assured by the wizard who sold it to us that it was enchanted so that it could neither kill nor injure the one who lit its fuse. However, it did blow King Henry -- the aforesaid lighter of the fuse -- into pieces which were sent sky high and scattered across the Seven Realms. If the other pieces are in as good a shape as this one, then in a sense King Henry wasn't harmed by the firecracker -- only terribly inconvenienced." "Oh." You stare at the talker for a moment and ask. "And who are you?" The man breathes deep and straightens up. "I," he says, striking his chest, "am Sir Irving the Explainer." "And please don't get him started," King Richard says. "I would fathom that you are a knight," says Sir Irving. "You look like you've just come out of the Forest of Death and Blueberries. You're probably on a quest to acquire a magic stone which will save your kingdom. Doubtless you've been charged to find a castle and battle a dragon as well." You raise your eyebrows and open your mouth wide. "How -- how did you know?" Sir Irving shrugs. "You just have that look about you." "And also," King Richard says, "Magic Stone Quests are getting increasingly common these days. The orcs invade, and the first thing people think is, 'Let's get a magic stone! A magic stone will solve all our problems!'" "Uh, yeah," you say, thinking about how that's the way it went back in your kingdom. "No one ever thinks, 'Hey, why don't we just fight the orcs? They're not that hard to fight. They're basically dumb animals, you give them a sword and half the time they disembowel themselves when they try to eat it.'" "Uh, yeah . . . . " "But does anyone listen to what I say? Noooooo! Twenty years in the king business, and they let me go and declare a parliamentary democracy, and now I've got my resume in a hundred places, and all I hear during interviews is, 'Sorry, we don't need a fighting king just now. But do you have any quest-for-magic-stone experience?'" "Okay . . . ." you say. "And so what are you doing now?" "We," replies Sir Irving, "are on a quest to find the other seven-eighths of King Henry and reassemble him. It will be a noble quest, a gallant quest, a quest of daring and challenge and -- " King Richard snags his arm and points that-away. "And we have to get going too, so don't talk our ears off." Wincing, he looks down at the wheelbarrow and says, "Sorry, Henry. That just slipped out." The leg shrugs. Richard turns to you and gives you a salute and says, "Fare-the-well, fair knight -- until we meet again!" It's a small web site, so that very well could happen! |