You're in a dark tunnel, all by yourself.  You bump into a pipe.  It's jutting out of the roof, and is so wide you can barely wrap your hand around it. 

Then you hear noises -- wind, rain, trees, footsteps.  The sounds are coming through the pipe, from the darkness above your head. 

A voice speaks, "Well, here we are outside the castle." 

"You mean the castle that knight was looking for, the one with the caves underneath, and a dragon guarding a magic stone upon which the fate of the knight's kingdom depends." 

"Yes, Irv."  The sigh is audible even though a hundred feet of earth must separate you from the speaker.  "That's the castle I meant." 

"And by 'that knight,' I meant the knight who has encountered poisonous blueberries, trolls, monsters, a volcano, and was on the way to this very castle, where undoubtedly even more incredible experiences are waiting to be encountered." 

"Yes, Irv."  Another sigh.  "I knew exactly which knight you were referring to." 

"Well . . . I suppose by now that particular knight has figured out how to get into the caves underneath the castle, and is possibly down there right now, perhaps reviewing everything that's happened, and contemplating what lies ahead, whatever that might be." 

"Something about having to find a golden arrow to shoot the dragon, I imagine." 

"I would wager that a golden arrow must be found with which to shoot the dra -- oh, you said that.  How did you know that, Rich?" 

"Well, Irv.  Maybe I haven't done a magic stone quest, but I keep up in my reading during those long nights alone in motel rooms while I'm on Crusade.  Now, the kind of high-class dragon they use to guard magic stones can only be killed by a golden arrow.  Not silver, not iron, not brass.  Gold.  Gold is the only element found in nature that will penetrate a dragon's heart.  Enriched plutonium works too, but is not found in nature and is difficult to synthesize given our current level of technology." 

"So gold it is -- arrowise, that is." 

"And one thing I've noticed about golden arrows is that they're always being copped.  You leave that much gold laying around, it's going to get copped.  So if they had the arrow prominently displayed -- say, in a display case -- it's not theree now. It's been copped." 

"But wouldn't it be extremely difficult to purloin a golden arrow from a castle like this one?  I'm thinking, ghosts and security guards, that sort of thing.  Consequently, wouldn't it be likely that the thief would ultimately have to abandon his prize somewhere else on the castle grounds?  And thus it would be thenceforth possible for yonder knight to perchance acquire said golden arrow of which we speak, methinks, and whilst nay that whatsoever verily forsooth -- " 

There's a noise like the flat of a broadsword smacking the side of a tree. 

"Gadzooks -- I mean, Wow . . . thanks, Rich, I needed that." 

"Not to mention.  It's the costume, sometimes we just get caught up in the pageantry of it all." 

"Well, what I meant to say, the thief would have to leave the arrow somewhere within the castle grounds.  So the knight -- " 

"And we've been over which knight that is." 

"Yes, we have.  So, given that the hypothetical thief would not be able to remove the arrow from the vicinity of the castle, the knight will be able to find the arrow and slay the dragon and proceed with the quest." 

"I agree with your take on the situation, Irv.  However, it does no good for either of us to know that.  And sadly, there is no way for us to relay the information to the knight, except perhaps through a ridiculous plot contrivance that has no place in a great mythic epic such as ours." 

"Harry Potter is always coincidentally overhearing conversations that cover all the important plot points." 

"Irv, no more about Harry Potter.  I mean it this time." 

"I just hope that knight can find the way through those caves below.  Local legend has it that the interconnecting tunnels are enchanted, and one can wander forever if one doesn't watch out!" 

"Say, what's that smell?" 

"You mean the stench of raw sewage that's coming from this venting pipe outlet that happens to be within six inches of your face and mine?" 

"No, I mean your breath.  It smells like tapioca pudding!  You were in the castle kitchen just now, weren't you -- and you had tapioca pudding!" 

"I was not in the castle, and I did not have tapioca pudding." 

"Well, how do you explain the smell of tapioca on your breath?" 

"You're imagining it." 

"I am not imagining it." 

"It must have been that leaf from the Angel's Breath plant that I was chewing." 

"You were not chewing a leaf, it was not a leaf from an Angel's Breath plant, and there is no such thing as an Angel's Breath plant." 

"Then the phenomenon defies explanation.  Zounds, Rich!  Does there have to be an explanation for everything?  Can't you accept that in life there are certain great mysteries beyond human understanding?" 

"Oh, ho ho!  The Miracle of Saint Tapioca!  The Causing of the Knight's Breath to Smell of Pudding!  I'm sure the Monks of the Tapiocan Order will devote an entire month illuminating the manuscript for that one!  I'd like to see the stained glass window for that one!  I'd like to hear the canticles and ballads for that one!  I'd like -- " 

"Okay!  Okay!  So I was in the kitchen and had tapioca pudding.  So what?" 

"Well, let's go inside and we'll both have some." 

"What about King Henry the Nine Tenths?" 

"Leave him here.  He doesn't have his nose yet, so he won't mind the smell from the vent." 

"What about that knight?  If the rumors about the caves that I learned from the townspeople are even remotely true, that knight is in incredible danger of losing  mind and sanity.  Doesn't the Code of Chivalry decree that we must immediately come to the aid of a fellow knight on a quest?" 

"Who's going to know?  Besides, the cause is hopeless, the knight is doomed, the tapioca awaits.  Now, let's go quest ourselves some pudding!" 

"Okay, but I just hope that the knight realizes that when in darkness one must draw a map, and that the arrow points into the storm, and that if one wishes to turn the tables one must go along for the ride, and most importantly of all, that you must always -- " 

The voices move off, and you are left in the darkness and silence of the mysterious caves, all alone by yourself with no one around to talk to or even communicate with.  Not that those two would be of much help even if they were down here with you. 

Continue with the Quest . . . .