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A
mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat
crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.
Mother
mouse barked fiercely, «Woof, woof, woof !» The cat was so terrified that it
ran for its life.
Mother
mouse turned to her babies and said, «Now, do you understand the value of a
foreign language ?»
A not necessarily well-prepared student
sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper.
The question directed:
«Give four advantages of breast milk.»
What to write ? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever
came into his head, hoping for the best:...
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer.
Again, what to write ? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He
scowled, then sighed again... Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and
triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:...
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
He received an A.
Highway to Heaven
A minister dies
and is waiting in
line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a
loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses the first guy: «Who are you, so that I may know
whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?»
«I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City,» he
replies.
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi
driver, «Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.»
The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
It’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, «I am Joseph
Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.»
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, «Take
this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.»
«Just a minute,» says the minister. «That man was a taxi
driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be ?»
«Up here, we work by results,» says Saint Peter. «While you preached,
people slept; while he drove, people prayed.»
*
* *
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What did one eye say to the other?
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Between you and me, something smells.
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Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
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He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What is white when it’s dirty and black when it’s
clean?
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A blackboard.
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Which months have twenty-eight days?
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All of them.
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