We here at Eyes of Stone know what our fans want, know what our fans need, and today, ladies...YOU CAN GET IT ALL FOR JUST FIVE PAYMENTS OF $25.99!

     It's called The Backstreet Train, and it includes AJ, Brian, Howie, Kevin, and Nick, all for yourself. And because we know what you want, it comes equipped with everything you need. Here's a lowdown of the technical aspect of The Backstreet Train.

     The Backstreet Train first starts off with sweet, sexy Howard. It begins with some light petting, or a lot, if that's what you want. Just ask Howie and he'll give it to you, baby. However, DON'T call him a Troll. Otherwise no more Backstreet Train for you courtesy of Ash!

     The Backstreet Train then moves onto to sweet, lovely Brian. Because Brian is "religious" and is "engaged", you won't get much from him. Just some simulated sex. Hey, it'll get you in the mood. Don't whine.

     Stuck right in the middle is the ghettofabulous Bootylicious. Otherwise known as Twinkie, Nickolas, Nickers, or Ghetto Ass. In fact, that is the basis of this part of the Train...his ass. You get to spank that big, wobbly ass of his until your hand falls off! Whoo-hoo! Who's your mama, Nick?! *cough* A-hem. *muttering under breath* Must remain calm and business-like...

     Before we get to the finale, we move onto to Kevin. Aww yeah. No diggity. In Kevin, you will find what Kristin is now experiencing every day of her life from now...hard, furious sex. You knew it was coming. Be prepared to scream and cry a lot. It may hurt the first few times. But Kevin is not like his speech...he is not slow.

     Here we are, at the last stop of the Backstreet Train. But don't worry...you'll get your money's worth from Alex alone! With Alex, you will experience wild monkey-like sex in the likes you've never seen before. Make sure to stock up on condoms or birth control. With him, you'll be going at it a lot. And if you complain...that's right...Ash will take her pipe and bust your kneecaps.

     Don't delay a second longer! You know you want your own Backstreet Train! With five payments of $25.99, you will own your own BACKSTREET TRAIN! BUY TODAY!

DISCLAIMAH: This is not for real. We promise. As much as we wish it was, it wasn't. Don't send us your money. If you do, we'll send it back, even though we're all po' and really don't want to because we need the money. But we're ninja, so we'll send it back. This is all for the humor, and is a product of Ash's sick and twisted mind. Yeah, she needs help. Remember...DON'T SEND US YOUR MONEY!