Sailor Who 3: The Return of the Senshi
A Fanfic by Epeeblade aka C. Pontoriero
Prologue
Sailor Dark Moon, formerly Sailor Green Lantern, formerly Sailor Oa, formerly Cathy
checked out the redecorated Dark Kingdom. “Needs more purple,” she commented.
Queen Calamity sighed, “Yes, it’s so hard to find good quality purple decorations. I sent
Zoicite and Kunzite out to find some. I figure they have the best chance of finding it.”
Cathy sat down in a semi-purple arm chair, “So, you said you could tell me what that is
all about?” she pointed to the Dark Crystal on her chest bow.
“You know of Queen Serenity of the Silver Millenium? I am her younger, forgotten
sister. Once they found me dabbling in the Dark Arts and they banished me to the Dark
Side of the Moon, where I set up my own Kingdom. The Dark Crystal preserved me
once Serenity activated the Silver Crystal after her kingdom was destroyed. Hmph, the
Silver Millenium didn’t last very long, did it?
“Anyway, I awoke only recently, bereft of my crystal, but not of my power. How
fortunate I am that my daughter not only found the crystal, but has returned to me.” At
this, she attempted to embrace Cathy.
“Uh, your daughter? Like, I look totally like my dad, I KNOW my parents.”
“Look, my dear, into the mirror. You are my daughter Catastrophe, reborn. While you
are Sailor Dark Moon, you look just like you did 2000 years ago.”
Cathy gasped as she saw what her reflection revealed –- a tall young woman with long
black hair tied up in odango and pigtails. Her eyes glimmered a bright purple. “Whoah,”
she whispered.
Calamity smiled
“Shouldn’t I be Sailor Dark Side of the Moon then?”
Cathy asked.
“Well if you insist, but it is rather a mouthful.”
“I guess,” Cathy pouted, “Can I have a personal servant?”
“Of course, my darling.” Calamity waved her hand, “Which would you prefer?”
Jadeite and Nephrite appeared before her.
“I’ll take the blond one!” Cathy squealed, “Oh, and oh, can I call him Smithers?”
“You may call him whatever you wish,” Calamity smiled with pride.
Jadeite looked to Nephrite with horror. Nephrite just grinned and teleported the hell out
of there.
Cathy turned to Jadeite and smiled. “Excellent Smithers.”
Chapter One: Where the story actually beings
Upon which plot is established and characters are introduced.
Café Rock
Cranford, New Jersey
“The situation is grim.” Sean the coffee guy stated to the eager group who sat in the tiny
rounded tables of the café. The Sailor Senshi, Soul Whip, Soul Warden, and Soul Man all
sat sipping various caffeine-based beverages. Near the door lounged one tiny black dog
and two cats.
“Ok, I just want to know one thing,” Jordan exclaimed, setting down his cappuccino with
a loud clink upon the marble table, “Who the hell are you and how do you know all about
us?”
George leaned over, “Um, didn’t he explain that earlier?”
“He was in the bathroom,” Ami supplied helpfully.
Sean cleared his throat, “My name is Sean, in this time period I am disguised as a coffee
guy. In reality, I am one of the wizards of the Silver Millennium. It was decreed that a
guardian would always watch over the Dark Crystal, to ensure that evil Queen Calamity
would never again touch its power.”
“Well, it looks like you failed then, loser,” Frank commented drily, sipping his expresso.
“I did not expect Queen Calamity’s daughter, Princess Catastrophe to be reborn in this
time period.” Sean sighed despairingly.
A voice came from the doorway, “Nor do you understand what has truly happened.”
The group turned to greet G’gory, Cathy’s guardian pet, who had spoken for the first
time. “What do you mean?” Sean asked.
G’gory sighed, “They really should tell you these things in wizard school. It goes back to
the days of the Silver Millennium.”
The group leaned back in their seats, attempting to get comfortable. Whenever the silver
Millenium was brought up, it was bound to be a long story.
“Young Princess Catastrophe, called Princess Cat for short, was taken from her mother at
a young age, and raised by the Guardians of the Universe on their planet, Oa. Just before
the invasion of Beryl and her dark forces, Queen Calamity decided it was a good time to
threaten her sister. After all, if her Dark Crystal could defeat Beryl, she would use it…
for a price.
“Queen Serenity knew that she could not fight a war on two fronts. That is why she hired
the five Sol Brothers…”
“Five?” Frank interrupted.
“Three down, two to go,” George shrugged.
“Anyway,” G’gory cleared her/his throat. “The Sol brothers traveled to Oa to escort the
young princess back to the moon, where she was to take control of the Dark Crystal and
defeat her own mother. However, Cat did not know that Calamity was her mother.”
“Of course not,” the three Soul brothers chimed in at once.
“As the five brothers and Sailor Oa fought against Calamity and her minions, Queen
Serenity was losing the battle against Beryl. Her daughter dead and her world shattered,
she used the Silver Crystal to send the souls of her loved ones to the future, to find some
form of happiness and eventually seal the evil ones away.”
“I remember that!” Usagi cried eagerly, raising her hand as if she were in class, “I
defeated Beryl and Empress Metallia all by myself!”
“Huh?” Frank inquired.
“Just smile and nod,” Goerge advised.
“Yes,” G’gory said, “And the soul brothers, Princess Cat and Queen Calamity all got
caught up in the Crytal’s power.”
“If what you say is true,” Luna interrupted, “How come Artemis and I were not
informed?”
G’gory looked at them, as if to say, “Cats!” “You were already sent to the future,
preserved in cryogenic sleep. I was sent from the planet Oa, only to encounter a dying
Serenity. When I discovered what had happened, I immediately sent myself to the future,
in case Sailor Oa should ever awaken.”
George thought for a moment, “But this Princess Cat, she was never evil was she?”
“Unless you count the time she poked me in the eye when I was two,” Frank said under
his breath.
“No, her current state is a result of her mother’s control over the Dark Crystal.”
“But why now?” Jordan asked, “If the Senshi fought this Beryl that long ago, why did it
take this long for Calamity to awaken?”
“It’s the third part of the trilogy?” Frank suggested hopefully.
George shook his head sadly, “Clearly, this all results from our trip to Japan last year.”
“You went to Japan?” Frank asked puzzled.
“We did that joke already, Frank,” Jordan sighed, “So what do we do now?”
“We must find her!” Sean entreated, “And somehow separate her from that crystal.”
“Easier said than done,” Frank leaned one elbow on the gray table.
***
Rose, Janene, Heather and Lisa walked the campus of the College of New Jersey looking
for love by daylight. Instead, they met their friend Cathy who greeted them with a smile
and a wave. “Hi guys,” she said, flashing a sinister smile.
“Hi,” they said in unison.
Cathy realized the following scene was pointless, but the title of this chapter was “upon
which plot is established and characters are introduced” so she could not help but
introduce her four Kappa friends.
Rose was tall with long black hair; her temper fiery and her heart true. Janene was
equally tall, with brown hair tied up in a ponytail; yet she was loyal and strong. Heather
was on the short side, with short blonde hair, and a perky personality to go with it. She
was the smart one. Lastly, Lisa smiled from the corner, she resembled Cathy the most,
being short, and Mediterranean looking. She was honest and fair.
“Ok, see you later!” they called as she walked past them down the pathway to
Townhouses 31 East. ”Oh, hi Craig,” she waved to the bipedal strawberry as he lumbered
by.
***
Jordan lounged in his room, watching anime and chilling. After the meeting with Sean
the coffee guy, he and George had returned to campus. The Senshi had gone back to
their hotel rooms, hoping to forestall their return to Japan until this current crisis was
over.
He sighed, no one had idea where to look for Sailor Dark Moon, Princess Apostrophe or
whatever the heck her name was.
He heard the perky voice of his neighbor Doug say loudly, “Hello Cathy.”
Jordan heard Doug’s cheery greeting and froze in his tracks. She was here?! As herself?
This couldn’t be good!
He ran to the phone and deftly dialed George’s number. If only Doug had not been so
foolish to let her in! But then, Doug had no idea of the destructive power of Sailor Dark
Moon.
“Hi Jordan,” he heard a familiar voice say from his doorway.
Mental note – close the door NEXT TIME!!! He growled at himself. C’mon George, pick
up the phone!”
She stepped in, closing the door behind her. “What’s wrong? Can it be you’re afraid of
little old me?”
“Of course not, um, oh,” he muttered.
“That’s OA,” she sighed, coming closer, “There’s something important I must tell you.
Something that’s been eating me for a long time,” she stepped even closer, almost 2 feet
from him.
“Um, yes?” he swallowed hard, as she reached forward, curling a strand of hair in her
fingers.
“I’m secretly in love with you.” She whispered.
“I’m going to have to call you back,” he said to George’s answering machine and hung
up.
She smiled charmingly, dark eyes seductive, half closed as she moved even closer,
tossing her long dark hair…
“No f**king way dude, I don’t believe that happened.” Frank frowned, crossing his arms
in disbelief.
“Perhaps you should tell us what REALLY happened.”
Jordan sighed, “Ok, so, like she’s in my room and…”
“So, Soul Whip, do you think your little group can defeat me?”
He backed away, dropping the phone to avoid her touch, “You bet we can.”
“Really? How can you do that without your powers?”
“Huh?”
“Sucker,” she grinned, raising her hand to reveal the Dark crystal, carefully hidden
behind her back. Jordan was surrounded by dark swirls of smoke, then fell over
unconscious. She placed the crystal in her pocket, “Excellent,” she whispered.
“Jordan!” George’s frantic voice came from the other side of the door.
“Blast it.” she raised her hand. “Dark Moon power, MAKE UP!”
She had just finished transforming as George sliced open the door with his sword.
“So, you’re Qui-Gon Jin all of a sudden?” she snarled, clutching her Dark Crystal Scepter
in one hand.
“These door are made of paper,” he snarled back. “Now get away from Jordan.”
“You can have him,” she chuckled, “After all, I have his power now.”
“Damn you! Soul Ward Sword, EXPLODE!” he shouted, shooting a bolt of energy at
her.
She held up her right hand, and suddenly Jordan’s whip appeared, snapping out to stop
the blast. “Amateur,” she mocked, using her Green Lantern ring to surround Soul Warden
in green bands of energy, trapping him in bonds. His sword clattered to the floor.
“You’re next,” she held out her Dark Moon Scepter, which glowed as it began to absorb
George’s energy.
Without warning, a blast of lightning knocked the scepter from her grasp.
“Wha?” she cried.
“Soul Force, at your service.” Cried a figure behind George. His fists were colored with
light as he charged up another bolt. She dived, grabbing her scepter with one hand and
blasting the window with her G.L. ring. “We’ll meet again, Soul Brothers!” she cried as
she leapt from the window, soaring on the winds.
George fell over as his bonds were released. “Who the hell? Oh, it’s you.”
“Thanks,” the figure grinned. He was thing, with thick black hair and matching goatee.
His thin sloped nose and pointed chin all helped to add to his sinister appearance. His
blood red GWAR shirt didn’t help any either.
“Jay, I didn’t know you were a Soul Brother.”
“Were you surprised? Now, don’t call me by my name, no one can recognize me while
I’m transformed.”
George stared at him. Jay looked like he always did. “O—kay,” he picked up his sword.
“Let’s check on Jordan.”
Jordan winced at the sharp pain in his forehead. “So that’s what a hangover feels like,” he
thought. He stared up at the two figures he didn’t recognize. “Who’re you guys?”
George looked at him in shock. “See,” Jay said. He stood and de-transformed. His
GWAR shirt became plain red, his black jeans faded to blue and his eyes seemed to
become smaller.
“Oh, you look totally different,” George said sarcastically, reverting to his civilian self as
well.
“George! Jay?”
“Without his powers, Jordan can’t recognize us as our Soul brother selves,” Jay
explained.
“Ok,” Frank interrupted, “So that explains how she took your powers Jordan. But I still
don’t know who the heck YOU are.” He pointed to Jay.
“That’s Jay,” George said.
“Well, duh,” Frank rolled his eyes, “I mean, Soul stuff.”
Jay responded, “I am Soul Force. On my way back to campus from Delaware, I met a
woman, who suddenly turned into a phoenix. She told me I had to achieve my destiny
and fight against the Darkness that was infesting our campus. Then she taught me how to
transform into my Soul Brother self.”
The other three Soul Brothers nodded, they too had met the strange women/phoenix
being whose origins shall be explained in an upcoming pre-quel.
“Now, all we need to do is find the fifth brother,” George mused.
“Fifth?”
“Think about it, five Sailor Senshi – gotta be five soul brothers,” Frank said, holding up
his hand each time for emphasis.
“Hello! There are 9 Senshi – 9 planets remember?” George protested.
“And only 1 sun,” Jordan mused.
“So?” Frank said irritably.
“So, we’re from Sol right? The sun! Why are there four of us? Or 5 as Frank is
suggesting?”
Frank smiled smugly.
Jay steeples his fingers in a spock-like manner, “I feel the significance of our numbers
may have nothing to do with such esoteric facts as the mystic number of the sun, or the
manifestation of the number 3 or multiples of it.”
The other 3 stared at him.
“If we four indeed are brothers from the past, then our number only limited by the
number of children our so-called mother bore.” He continued.
“I wonder if we have any sisters,” Frank mused.
“Ok, enough of that. We have to do something before she steals all of our powers.”
Jordan sighed.
“But what?” Frank asked.
“We have to come up with a plan.” George stated. Then the three of them stared intently
at Jay.
“What?”
“Come up with a plan!” Frank cried.
***
“Guys, can you believe it! They are having a sale in the lobby of our hotel! 90% off!”
Usagi gushed as she entered the hotel room she was sharing with her four friends.
“A sale on what? Souvenirs?” Rei asked, looking up from where she sat thumbing
through the phone book for Shinto temples.
“No, Rei! A whole bunch of stuff! Jewelry! Clothes! Makeup! Apparently some
department store is going out of business! You wanna go shop!” Usagi went to look for
her wallet, she needed her parent’s credit card, which she had conveniently managed to
take to America with her.
“Usagi, we are supposed to be searching for Sailor Dark Moon!” Luna criticized from the
windowsill. “Ami, Mina, and Lita are all out searching the city for clues!”
“Oh come on! This is my first time here! I have to shop a little!” Usagi began to wail.
“Oh, just go! We’ll be fine without you!” Rei snapped exasperated.
“Thank you Rei!” Usagi sang as she escaped from the hotel room.
Rei found a number and picked up the phone about to dial. She paused, “Luna, remember
when we were fighting the Dark Kingdom, and in the beginning they were trying to get
energy?”
“Yes?” Luna leaped from the sill and onto Rei’s bed.
“Didn’t they do stupid things like ridiculous sales at various stores to lure crowds of
people to one place?”
Luna’s eyes widened. “Usagi!”
Rei bolted out the door, not even waiting for Luna, who tried to keep up. “Oh no!” she
cried as she got to the lobby. Sailor Moon lay unconscious on the ground as a very
familiar general stood over her. “Jaedite? No!” She raised her star shaped pen wand into
the air and cried, “Mars Crystal Power! MAKE UP!”
“I won’t let you trick harmless tourists into buying your harsh products! In the name of
fire, I am Sailor Mars!” She cried as she was fully transformed.
“I know who you are.” The Dark Kingdom general smirked darkly. “But I think you
have no idea of my new powers!” he cried, letting forth a wave of dark energy at her.
Mars leapt avoiding the blast as she flipped in the air, settling upon a convenient couch.
“Burning Mandala!” She shouted calling forth rings of fire, which battered Jaedite and
bounced off harmlessly.
“Nothing is greater than the power of the Dark Crystal.” Jaedite smirked.
Mars readied one of her sacred scrolls, murmuring the ancient, evil banishing words.
“Evil Begone!” she finally shouted, thrusting forward to neutralize Jaedite’s darkness by
placing the tiny piece of paper upon his forehead.
But Jaedite was ready for her, just as she was about to place the scroll upon his forehead,
he held out his arm and blasted her back with the full force of his dark energy. Rei hit the
wall of the lobby and blacked out.
Chapter Two: The Plot thickens (or, in which some more stuff happens that is really quite
important to the rest of the story)
“Get away from her, you evil, bad thing!” Sailor Mercury cried at Jaedite, who towered
over the prone body of Rei.
He growled and flung a dark energy bolt at her, only to be struck in the side by Venus’s
love chain. He rolled on the ground, then leapt to his feet. “You’ll regret that brats.”
“I’m sure we will. Sparkling Wide PRESSURE!” Jupiter cried, blasting Jaedite with her
lightning attack.
“Argh!” Jaedite stood and let forth a barrage of dark energy that sent all the senshi flying
with girlish squeals. “You’ll pay for that!”
“Smithers.” A voice lectured tightly. “Do not kill them yet.”
Sailor Dark Moon had come onto the scene.
Jaedite turned and bowed for his mistress. SDM strode across the hotel lobby, and placed
a calming hand upon her servant’s shoulder. “We need not fight, scouts.”
“That’s senshi,” Jupiter growled.
“Of course. As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, we don’t have to fight. I
am offering you the opportunity to join with me.”
“Yeah right!” The 3 conscious senshi began to laugh, and Mars slowly shook herself
back into reality. “What?”
“Come now. Your princess is a clutzy crybaby. I am her cousin, with just as much right
to the Empire’s throne as she. Don’t you want to be on the winning side?”
“Hey,” Rei jumped up and balled her fists angrily, “We are on the winning side. Good
always wins over evil!”
“How naïve. How do you know you are on the side of good?” She mocked slowly
walking closer to Mars. “Rei, aren’t we friends?”
“I was friends with a girl named Cathy, whom you don’t even resemble anymore,” Rei
muttered thickly.
“Very well, we’ll play this your way,” Sailor Dark Moon cried angrily, revealing the
Dark Moon scepter, “Dark Side of the Moon Princess Power steal!” she exclaimed. Dark
energies began to swirl around the four girls, pulling energies of various colors from
them and returning the stolen energy to the Dark Crystal.
Rei, Mina, Lita and Ami fell to the ground, their Sailor uniforms dissipating into air.
“Just one more thing before I go, the silver crystal,” Sailor Dark Moon turned to the still
unconscious form of Sailor Moon. She reached out to grasp the heart shaped broach
around the girl’s bow.
Before her fingers could make contact, a sharp pointy rose came out of nowhere and
sliced across her hand.
Sailor Dark Moon drew back in surprise. “Tuxedo Mask,” she growled. “I wasn’t
expecting you. I’ll be back,” she told the sleeping form of Sailor Moon, “and then I’ll get
you, my pretty! And your little tuxedo wearing boyfriend too!”
She then disappeared in a strategic and green puff of smoke. Smithers, er, Jaedite started,
then joined her a few seconds later.
***
George found himself whistling a happy tune as he made his way down one of the many
paths on the campus of the college of NJ. He paused, realizing what he was doing, then
began to hum Metallica’s “Enter the Sandman” to diffuse all that positive energy.
“Help me! Aaaaaaahhh!” he heard a shrill female voice scream.
“What? Where are you?” he called, whipping his head around. Why did it suddenly seem
like he was the only person on campus? And it wasn’t even a Saturday!
“Over here! Hurry!”
He ran, leaping over a shallow ditch and dodging a low hanging branch. The voice was
coming from behind a few trees, ah there! A tall auburn haired man wearing an odd gray
uniform stood over a kneeling, dark haired girl. He had his hand out, dark energy
coalescing about his wrist.
“No! I’m a Soul Warden!” George shouted, feeling the waves of magic energy surround
him and transform him into his alter ego. “Leave her alone!” He whipped out his sword,
forming a neat stance between the two individuals.
“What? No fancy speech?” The red headed man growled, changing the direction of his
blast.
“Speeches are for girls!” George quipped dodging the blast, and diving at the individual.
In mid swing, he heard the girl behind him shout:
“Dark Venus Power: MAKE UP!”
“Wha…” George swiveled around, trying to switch directions in mid air. He swiftly
corrected for the error in balance, and landed neatly on the ground.
“So speeches are for girls then? How about this speech! Dark Venus Love Me Chain
ENRAPTURE!” the girl cried.
George looked up, just enough to catch a glimpse of the dark haired girl, now suddenly in
a sailor fuku, with the colors of Sailor Venus, with an obsidian body suit instead of a
white one. The attack hit him square, and tossed him across the mini forest.
“Gak,” he muttered, spitting grass.
“Thank you Sailor Dark Venus. Now, allow me. Dark Side of the Moon Princess Power
STEAL!”
George gasped as he felt the energy suddenly drain from his body. He slid to the dirt and
passed out.
“Are all these Soul Brothers so pitifully easy to defeat?” Dark Venus asked haughtily.
Sailor Dark Moon smiled. “I hope so. Two down, two more to go.” It had been such a
clever idea. Serenity’s Sailor Senshi would never do for her, they were her closest friends
and advisors. The answer was obvious, give the guardian powers to her own closest
friends. Lisa was perfect as Sailor Dark Venus. Now, she merely needed to give out the
rest of the Scout powers. And capture the rest of the Soul Brothers’ powers. Soon no one
would be able to stand against her power. This was the perfect time to cackle evilly and
irrationally.
Wha ha ha ha hA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!
Chapter Three:
In which Queen Calamity’s evil plan is revealed and Sailor Dark Moon begins her
tortuous reign on campus while the powerless senshi try furtively to come up with a plan
“I think it’s time,” Queen Calamity said to the delightfully sparkling mirror in her throne
room, “to reveal the rest of my evil plan.” She moved away from her vanity, taking up a
small black object that lay handy upon the chair of her throne. Flipping it open, she
briskly dialed her daughter’s cell phone.
“Yes mother?” she heard the high pitched voice say.
“Catastrophe, darling, how are you? How many of the Soul brothers have you defeated?”
“Only 2, but don’t worry, I sent Dark Mars after Jason, and Dark Mercury after Frank.
Why do we need their power, mother? After all, isn’t the power of the Senshi enough?”
Calamity sighed into the phone, “You need their power to take the Silver Crystal. Once I
have that, then I can inaugurate myself as the ruler of the new Silver Millenium. We’ll
change the future, my dear. There will be no Neo Queen Serenity!” Calamity began to
cackle to herself.
“Um, ok. If you say so. What do I need to do?”
“Take the campus. We’ll need a place to make a stand, the fifth Soul brother has yet to
reveal himself, and he could prove the most dangerous of all.” I don’t need the brothers
restoring your fractured soul, she thought dangerously to herself.
“Ok. I shall meet you on the roof of the towers. They provide the perfect dark energy
from which to control the campus.”
“Very good dear. Talk to you later. Bye-e.” Calamity snapped the phone shut. Soon
Sailor Moon’s destiny would be destroyed and she would finally take the place of the
sister who had forced her off the throne!
***
Frank sat with the other Soul Brothers in the Ratskeller, drowning their sorrows into large
frothing cups of Mountain Dew. “Man, this sucks.” He spat out.
“You said it,” the other agreed together.
“I mean, we’re being beat by my sister, that is so lame!” he began his tirade as the true
Sailor Senshi entered the dark, seedy room that doubled as a bar after 8.
“Guys! We were looking all over for you!” Usagi cried, leading her little pack to their
table. “We have to talk to you!”
“There is no need, “ Jay began, “we already know of the dark deeds of Sailor Dark Moon
and how she has captured your powers and transferred them to the dark scouts who took
our powers, to use them for who know what dark purpose!”
George leveled an odd glance at him, “What, are you channeling Ben Raab all of a
sudden?”
The girls pulled up chairs around the table the brothers had chosen, each choosing careful
spots among the 4 men. Frank smiled when he saw that 3 of the girls happened to be right
next to him, “Who’s the soul brother who’s a sex machine to all the chics.”
The other brothers turned angrily at him, “FRANK!” they reprimanded.
“Damn straight,” he grinned.
The others realized what they had said, and sighed. “Ok, we have got to come up with
some sort of plan,” Jordan sighed, taking a huge swig of his foaming drink.
“But the only one who has any powers left is Sailor Moon,” Rei protested, “What can we
do against all that power?”
“Wait just a sec!” They heard a voice from the door way. They turned, to see Sean
framed in the light, carrying a tray with dozens of cappuccino cups. He carefully entered
the Rat, setting the tray down on their table. The cats and G’gory trailed in after him.
“Phew, that coffee was heavy. Enjoy guys.”
“Um, we were kinda hoping that you could be of some use to us, perhaps in lending your
wizardly powers or something,” Frank put in.
“What powers?”
“We thought you were a Wizard or something!” Jordan exclaimed.
“Ex-cuse me. Do Luna and Artemis have any super powers? I don’t think so! I just give
advice to the ones who do!”
“Ok, then talk,” George said, “We need a plan now.”
“Well, I don’t have a plan, but I do have some information. Sailor Dark Moon has taken
the towers, the Freshman Dorms. Between the two she hopes to build a dark gate into the
Dark Kingdom. We’ve got to stop her before she takes over the campus, then the world.”
“Easier said than done.” Rei sighed, picking up one of the cappuccino’s and taking a sip.
“Everyone, Artemis and I have thought of a plan, “ Luna declared, leaping up onto the
table.
“It’s about damn time,” Frank slammed down his cup of mountain dew.
Luna paused to lap up a drop that fell near her, which caused all her hair to stand on end
and her eyes to bulge out. “Awful stuff that, we could use it to defeat Sailor Dark Moon.”
“Luna,” Artemis cautioned, as he stepped up beside her. “This is what we do…”
pssst psst pssst
Chapter Four
The revelation of the fifth soul brother
“Do you think this is going to work?” Rei asked from her station next to Lita on the roof
of Green Hall.
“I sure hope so. I mean, if anyone has stronger powers that ours, they do. I’m sure they
can support Sailor Moon long enough for her to use the Crystal.” Lita peeked through her
set of binoculars to watch the action. “Look at that!”
The space between the two towers began to swell with an unholy purple light (hey, just
what does unholy purple look like anyway? I mean, is it dark purple or light purple, or
that ugly puke color…Excuse me, I am trying to tell a story here! …Um ok, sorry, go
on…) So, the dark light was filling the center, coalescing into the shape of a sinister gate
– the gate to the Dark (bumm bumm bumm) Kingdom . Ugly deformed youma wearing
thongs began to pour out of it. Sailor Dark Moon and her hench women stared satisfied at
the commotion the creatures were causing, taunting freshman, zapping the campus food,
deforming the geese..
Suddenly, from between a copse of trees, a bright yellow light ripped upwards and
towards the nearest youma.
Sailor Dark Moon quickly turned her attention to the tree. Was this the fifth soul brother?
“Who are you? Show yourselves!” She heard the strands of a strange melody and then
was startled to see two women emerge from the trees and stand back to back.
“Invited by a new age…Sailor Uranus!” One declared.
“Sailor Neptune!” The other chimed in.
“Let me guess, you are going to punish me.” Sailor Dark Moon laughed. Without
warning she was knocked off her feet by a strange force. She rolled on the ground,
looking up to see a tall woman with long green hair. “Pluto..?” she whispered, then
narrowed her eyes in anger, “Girls! Get them!”
The Dark Sailor Senshi sprang into action, shooting fierce bolts at the three new senshi,
who defended themselves just as quickly. Sailor Dark Moon settled herself against the
building, content to watch her minions battle.
Once again without warning she was knocked off her feet, this time by the most ugly,
intensely pure energy she had ever felt before. The Silver Crystal. She fell back,
bombarded by its bright rays. That had been their plan all along, distract her with the
Outer Senshi and use the Silver Crystal to ‘heal’ her? Well, it wouldn’t work, the Dark
Crystal was equally as powerful as its illuminescent twin. If she could only get a chance
to grasp it. “SMITHERS!” She cried angrily.
Jaedite appeared at her summons. “You command?” he delighted in asking, watching her
energy being twisted by the Silver Crystal.
“Get her, you fool!” Sailor Dark Moon gasped.
“As you wish.” Jaedite searched inside himself for the reserves of stolen power the
princess had given him. “soul ward sword, explode!” he whispered, hoping that was a
sufficiently powerful attack to knock Sailor Moon off of her feet.
“Hey! He’s using our lines!” George cried angrily from where he and the other Soul
Brothers had hidden.
“Let’s get him!” Frank shouted, rushing the slim, blond general-king. George, Jordan and
Jay followed suit.
Just as Sailor Moon fell to her knees, ceasing the ray of power she had been directing at
Sailor Dark Moon, the 4 brothers knocked Jaedite to his feet and sat on him, so he
couldn’t use any more of their nifty attack phrases.
“Hah! Now, you’re mine!” Upset she couldn’t think of anything more clever than that,
Sailor Dark Moon spun the Dark Sceptor at Sailor Moon, “Dark Side of the Moon
Princess Elimination!” she shouted, just as Sailor Moon held up her own scepter to
deflect the dark rays.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a blood red rose crashed into the ground, causing both
princesses to draw back in shock. “Tuxedo Mask!” They both squealed.
“Sailor Moon, Sailor Dark Moon, the two crystals must be kept separate, their power is of
such different natures that once they meet, a great explosion will result.”
“It’s like matter and anti-matter!” Jay put in.
“Lame, bro, lame,” Jordan chided.
“ANYway, as I was saying,” Tuxedo Mask gave them both dirty looks, “Sailor Dark
Moon, you must put the Crystal aside and give up your evil ways.”
“Hmm, let me think about it for a moment, ok, I’ve thought about it. No freaking way!”
she shouted, leveling a bolt at him.
“No! Mamo-chan!” Sailor Moon cried, running forth to protect her beloved from the
Crystal’s wrath. It hit her square in the chest and she fell to the ground, unconscious.
“Now, there’s a switch,” Frank commented.
“Enough from the peanut gallery,” Dark Moon growled. “Now, Tuxy, what are you
gonna do, throw a rose at me?”
“You know,” a deep voice intoned from the shadows of the towers, “now would be a
great time for a Deus Ex Machina, such as myself to enter the scene.”
Sailor Dark Moon had learned her lesson, she was even going to ask who this stranger
was, she just turned and blasted him with her scepter. He leapt out of the way, twirling in
the sky and landing after a nice triple loop. “Sorry, wrong answer. SOUL FORGE
HAMMER STRIKE!” A glowing red hammer appeared above him and revolved toward
her with frightening speed.
She jumped out of the way, spun and pointed her scepter, “Idiot. Dark Side of the Moon
Princess Power STEAL!” she cried, using her scepter to suck up all of the new soul
brother’s energy.
The four brothers sitting on Jaedite moaned. “You were so useless!” Frank called.
“And now for the Outers,” Dark Moon once again spun, facing the still battling senshi
and called forth her power. Sailors Neptune, Uranus and Pluto fell to the ground,
unconscious. Now, she turned towards the still prone soul brothers.
“I think now would be a good time to RUN!” Jay cried, the first to jump up and head for
the hills. The others followed suit, screaming.
Sailor Dark Moon smiled to herself, resisting the urge to cackle.
Chapter Five
Upon which the identity of the fifth soul brother is discussed and made fun of and the true
hero revealed
“Tom? You’re the fifth soul brother?” Frank spat out incredulously.
“You were expecting maybe Darth Vador?”
Jay rolled his eyes, “Ok, enough of that, we’ve still got to figure a way to stop Sailor
Dark Moon.”
“And NONE of us have our powers, just great,” Jordan growled.
Just then, Sean, the coffee guy/silver millenium wizard entered the scene. “The only way
to stop Sailor Dark Moon is to make her turn from her evil ways.”
“Just how are we supposed to do that?” the brothers asked simultaneously.
“We need…” Mina began, pointing pointedly.
“…a plan!” Rei finished.
The group huddled together, whispering various ideas at each other.
“I got it,” Jordan insisted, “We’ll show her really sad anime, until she breaks down in
tears!” He surreptitiously held up copies of Tokyo Babylon and Vision of Escaflowne
behind his back. “Better yet, we’ll show them to her dubbed, so she’ll really sob!”
“Dude, that is so lame.” Frank criticized, “But then, knowing my sister, that just might
work!”
“Ah hem,” a new voice entered the scene, interrupting the 8 Sailor Senshi, Five Souls
brothers, Three talking guardian animals, one Tuxedo Mask and one wizardly coffee guy.
“I believe I may be able to help you.”
Jordan took one look at the new visitor and groaned. “If you say that you’re Tuxedo
Chris, or Flannel Mask, I swear to god, I’m going to slug you.”
Chris smiled brightly, “Not at all. I’m merely the ‘Bright Red Flannel Knight.’”
Everyone fell over with a groan.
“Kidding, kidding. Anyway, what’s the problem?”
Frank pointed one finger in the direction of the swirling dark energy between the two
towers.
“I see.” Chris raised an eyebrow, taking a moment to clean his glasses. “Ok, I’ll be right
back.” He started walking towards the buildings.
“Who the heck is that?” Rei asked the Soul Brothers, puzzled.
“The hero of the piece,” George muttered under his breath.
“That’s Cathy’s best friend, Chris,” Jordan told her.
Frank rolled his eyes. “You realize, everything depends on Chris saving the day?”
“We’re doomed,” Jordan intoned.
***
Chris came upon Cathy sitting upon the roof of one of the towers, leaning her head upon
her arms, which rested upon her folded up legs. “So,” he said.
“So,” she answered.
“Don’t you think this evil thing is going to get real boring soon?”
“I guess.” She answered dully.
“I mean, after you take over the world, what is there left to do?”
“I dunno.” She shrugged.
“Real talkative today, aren’t you?”
“Well, EX-CUSE me! I’m just pondering the dark gate in the center of these towers and
one slip up on my part, the entire thing will collapse, releasing evil, poisonous youma
into the campus!”
“Isn’t that what you want?” Chris asked.
“Not really. All I really want to do is kick ass and chew bubblegum.”
Chris groaned.
“Sorry, had to say it, at least once!”
“So, are you ready to stop being evil now?”
“Sure, I guess.” She shrugged.
“Wanna go play Riven!”
“Dude! Awesome!” With those words, the dark crystal fell from the brooch on her breast,
becoming cracked and cloudy. Sailor Dark Moon stepped back, her costume slowly
shredding and disappearing from her body. “What…? What happened?” she asked,
staring at Chris, “How did I get here?” He caught her as she fell, passing out from the
exhaustion.
“NOOOOOOO!” A dark voice intoned from inside the dark gate. “I will have my
revenge!”
The Senshi and Brothers on the ground gasped at the gate, which began to pulsate.
Shapes of dark youma began to appear in the light.
“There’s only one chance!” Sailor Moon cried, “I’ve got to seal the gate before those evil
things get out!”
“Sailor Moon! You can’t do it alone!” Rei cried in anguish.
“Don’t worry, she won’t.” Sean announced, “The power of the Dark Crystal has been
broken. You should all have your powers back.”
“How the heck do you know that?” Frank criticized.
“Don’t ask questions when we have a transformation sequence to go through!” Jordan
interrupted.
The Soul Brothers raised their talismans into the air: “I am a…”
SOUL MAN!
SOUL WHIP!
SOUL FORCE!
SOUL WARDEN!
SOUL FORCE!
As the light enveloped them, the girls each held up their respective power sticks.
MARS
MERCURY
JUPITER
VENUS
URANUS
NEPTUNE
PLUTO
…..CRYSTAL POWER MAKE UP!
“I am Sailor Moon! And in the name of goodness and purity, and for the MOON, I will
seal you away!” Sailor Moon cried, opening up her broach to release the power of the
Silver Crystal. The Sailor Scouts gathered around her, forming some sort of shield as the
blinding white light began to strike the dark gate.
The Soul brothers, with nothing to do, really, just stood back and watched the girls glow
with power.
Chapter 5 The Ending
Or something that was written before the majority of this story.
“Moon Cosmic POWER!” Sailor Moon cried, holding aloft the Silver Crystal, as it’s
healing rays washed over the crowd in addition to the Dark Forces converging between
the twin towers.
“You know,” Frank said thoughtfully, gazing at the moon princess in all her glory,
“There comes a time when you face the toughest of fights.”
“Yeah, It’s like Searching for a sign, lost in the darkest of nights.” George echoed.
“The wind blows so cold, standing alone, before the battle’s begun, but deep in your soul,
the future unfolds, as bright as the rays of the sun.” Jason mused aloud.
The five brothers turned to each other. “You’ve got to believe, in the power of love.”
“Whoah, that was weird.” Jordan shook his hair out of his eyes, then sighed, and pulled it
away from his face like a pair of drapes.
The White light had overcome the dark, and what had been the Dark Gate of the evil
Dark Kingdom had succumbed to the edifying brilliance, fading to become a simple
dining hall once more.
Sailor Moon fell to her knees, exhausted after using her crystal, with her friends around
her to support her.
“Um, hey guys,”
The all whipped around in shock at hearing Cathy’s voice. She stepped back, “Um, I’m
not evil anymore.”
“No, and here’s all that’s left of the Dark Crystal.” Chris stepped forward, placing the
charred piece of glass on the floor.
“It kind of looks like a light bulb fixture,” Frank mused, bringing his foot down to crush
the remainder of the crystal.
“We are so glad you are all right.” Sailor Moon smiled warmly, still basking in the glow
of being the moon princess.
“Well, I’m never going to do anything like this again. Who knew the price for writing
bad fanfiction was so high?” Cathy mused aloud. “Anyway. Thanks for coming out here,
and um, trying to kill me and stuff, it was really groovy of you.”
“Ok, what have you been smoking?” Frank asked, grasping her by the shoulder.
“Does it really matter?” Tuxedo mask popped into the picture, “When everything turns
out all right in the end, when the forces of good win out over evil, when the planet power
is returned to the appropriate senshi….”
“Oh crap! I forgot about the Dark Senshi!” Cathy whirled around, only to see her former
henchmen lying unconscious on the grass. “Hopefully, they won’t remember any of this!”
“That would be good,” Chris said, moving to put one arm around her. Just as they made
physical contact, a tiny hole appeared in the sky above them, and a tiny figure dropped
out of it, thumping both Cathy and Chris on the head.
She turned out to be a tiny girl, with a head of lavender hair, holding a floating balloon
that looked strangely like G’gory. “I’m Chibi-Cathy,” she announced.
Cathy promptly passed out.
Epiloque or The end to all this silliness
The Senshi had returned home to Japan, off to fight the next crisis, leaving the Soul
Brothers and Sailor Oa to figure out the presence of Chibi-Cathy and what that might
mean for the future. Had Queen Calamity somehow achieved her goal? Had she done
something that changed the future irrevocably?
After everyone had left the front of the towers, leaving the once tainted place in peace, a
hand slowly rose out of the earth, notable by it’s brightly painted purple fingernails and
the amethyst that glowed upon it’s ring finger. The hand grasped the pile of shards that
once was the Dark Crystal, slowly pulling them underneath the earth.
And anyone walking by would later swear they heard a dark cackle.
Authors notes:
Ugh, it’s finally done. This whole series was long past due! I so can’t believe it took me
so long!
It’s a very childish self-insertion piece, and I’m glad it’s done with. However, I’m rather
satisfied at the number of inside jokes I’ve managed to put in there. Will there be a
sequel? Who the heck knows… I have other self-insertion to write…more often involving
the Sandman these days. If however, I write a self-insertion Tokyo Babylon piece,
somebody please shoot me.
As always, Sailor Moon, Green Lantern, etc all belong to other people, please don’t sue
me! Thanks?
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