Master Of The House

DRINKER 3 Come on you old pest DRINKER 2 Fetch a bottle of your best DRINKER 1 What's the nector of the day? THENARDIER Here, try this lot guaranteed to hit the spot or I'm not Thenardier! DRINKERS Gissa glass of rum! Land lord over here! THENARDIER (to himself) Right away you scum  (To customer) Right away M'sieur! DINER 1 God this place has gone to Hell! DINER 2 So you tell me every year! DRINKER 6 Mine host Thenardier was there so they say at the field of Waterloo DRINKER 7 Got there, it's true when the fight when the fight was all through DRINKER 1 But he knew just what to do!Crawling through the mud so I've heard it said picking through the pockets of the English dead! He made a tidy score from the spoils of war. THENARDIER My band of soaks my den of dissaloutes my dirty jokes my always pissed as newts my sons of whores spend their lives in my inn, homing pigeons homing in they fly through my doors and their moneys good as yours! DINER 1 Ain't got a clue what he put into this stew must of scrapped it off the street! DINER 2 God what a wine Chatueau Neuf de Turpintine must have pressed it with his feet! DRINKERS Land lord over here! Where's the bloody man? One more for the road? One more slug o' gin! Just one more or my old man is gonna do me in! THENARDIER Welcome M'sieur sit yourself down and meet the best innkeeper in town. As for the rest all of them crooks rooking their guests and cooking the books, seldom do you see honest men like me! A gent of good intent who's content to be, Master of the housr doling out the charm ready with a handshake and an open palm tells a saucy tale makes a little stir customers appreciate a bon-viveur. Glad to do a friend a favour doesn't cost me to be nice but nothing gets you nothing everything has got a little price! Master of the house keeper of the zoo reay to relieve 'em of a sou or two water in the wine making up the weight Pickin' up their knick knacks when they can't see straight! Everybody loves a landlord everybodys bosom friend I do what ever pleases Jesus won't I bleed 'em in the end! THENARDIER & CHORUS Master of he house quick to catch your eye never wants a passer by to pass 'im by servant to the poor butler to the great comforter philosopher and life long mate! Everbodys boon companion everybodys chaperon THENARDIER But lock up your valises Jesus won't I skin you too the bone! Welcome M'sieur lay down yer load unlace yer boats and rest from the road. This weighs a ton travels a curse but here we strive to lighten your purse! Here the goose is cook here the fat is fried and nothings over looked till I'm satisfied. Food beyond compare food beyond believe! Mix it in the mixer and pretend it's beef! Liver of a horse kidney of a cat filling up the sausages with this and that! Residents are more than welcome bridal suite is occupied reasonable prices plus a little extra on the side!Charge for the lice extra for the mice 2% for lookin' in the mirror twice! Here a little slice there a little cut 3% for sleeping with the window shut! When it comes to fixing prices there are lots of tricks he knows how it all increases all the bits and pieces Jesus it's amazing how it grows! THENARDIER & CHORUS Master of the house quick to catch your eye never wants a pacer by to pass him by servant to the poor butler to the great comforter philosipher and life long mate everybodys boon companion gives them everything his got THENARDIER Dirty bunch of geezers Jesus what a sorry little lot! MME. THENARDIER I used to dream that I would meet a prince but God Almighty have you seen what's happened since? Mater of the house? Isn't worth my spit! Comforter Philosipher and life long shit! Cunning little brain regular Voltaire thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there! What a creul trick of nature! Landing me with such a louse! God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard of the house! THENARDIER & CHORUS Master of the house! MME. THENARDIER Master and a half! THENARDIER & CHORUS Comforter philosopher MME. THENARDIER Dont make me laugh! THENARDIER & CHORUS Servant to the poor butler to the great! MME. THENARDIER Hypocrite and toady and inebriate! THENARDIER & CHORUS Everybody bless the landlord everybody bless his spouse! THENARDIER Evreybody raise a glass! MME. THENARDIER Raise it up the masters arse! ALL Everybody raise a glass to the master of the house!