Susan Edwards Ph.D.
A Book Report by
Eric Swanson
When Men in Believe Love was a self-help/psychology book detailing the love life of the male sex. The author, Susan Edwards, is a psychologist and had interviewed hundreds of men for this book on their opinion of love. The book is filled with inspiring true stories of men coming to terms with the emotional aspect of love and how necessary it was in their life. The book covered men who do and do not believe in love, understanding the man who loves, the psychological windows in men’s mind and moving into love.
There are only two kinds of men, those that believe in love and those that do not believe in love. Those men that do believe in love experience a greater fulfillment in life. Those men understand the changes and benefits that take place when a man decides to love. When a man loves, we are not only limited or concerned with love for a woman, but love in the broader sense. Yes, it usually takes a woman to help the man realize love, but love in the general sense: of loving friends, family, work, play, and other such aspects of life. “Men who believe in love recognize loving as part of their identity and make a difference in the work around by acting on their love.” However, many men do not choose to love. These men do for many reasons choose to fake it or plainly shy away from it. Men are emotional beings just like women, but can easily turn their emotions off or to negative to resist an emotion they choose not to feel. “They may withdraw from the situation with which they associate fear.” Men who believe in love experience the full benefits and consequences of love. Men who do not believe in love choose not to fell those emotions and eventually fell isolated from society.
Understanding men who love is a mystery in of itself. Men sometimes believe in love, but hide it. “One might miss it altogether and conclude that love is absent.” However, many men choose love, but sometimes are afraid to show it or do not know how to express their love, so they remain silent. Sometimes the psychological events in their life causes a man to be silent. Sometimes negative events will cause a man who naturally believes in love, to stop believing. If this happens, “maintaining flexibility allows an individual to adapt to negative stressors.” as Dr. Edwards suggests. The flexibility will help a man to understand the negative event that caused his disbelief and work through it. Then again, in this world of violence and chaos, men tend to shut off their emotions due to the risk of their environment. “A man’s sense of inner safety can provide the base upon which he attempts to make the work a safer place.” If the man is able to do this “the desire to grow and change…reflects a personal choice, even if such has its roots in pain.” The man who loves has choices to move past its negative environment. Love is compared to a light bulb in a dark room. If one chooses to flip the switch, the light bulb will light the environment it surrounds. Understanding men who love and the usual negative events and environments that they come from help realize the hidden love men might have.
After understanding external circumstances of men who love, now we must understand the internal psychological windows into the mind of a man who loves. A man who loves is a man who has a belief system. “Men’s belief systems affect their behavior.” Their behavior and how they choose to express their love is based upon the different belief systems: if the man decides to use the scientific method, reliance on code of ethics, or a belief in parity. These three belief systems might sound strange, but are basically ways a person can understand and react to the environment he is in. This reaction is a “mirror for integrity in men who believe in love. They understand their own feelings, thoughts, and values and act on them in a consistent way.” These men who love understand their behavior is a direct reflection of them. These see themselves as a certain way and to express that way consistently to everyone. “Men who believe in love have managed to develop and retain healthy self-images in spite of negative experiences.” The internal images of themselves are healthy therefor they are free to express their love. The psychological windows into men can help us understand why men decide to love and how they will stick to it consistently.
Moving into love is a choice by men. Men do and can easily love. “Men who believe in love are true positives. “ For a man to move into love, he sometimes must fight personal trauma. “When men believe in love, they accept their emotional vulnerability and continue to pursue self-awareness.” Love can be found in men if they choose to and are willing to take the risk.
When Men Believe in Love was a very informative book that helped to explain the reasons men love or do not love, understanding men who do love, giving a detailed picture into the psychological window of a man’s mind in love, and helping men to move into love. The author Susan Edwards made the book very interesting, easy reading with all the personal stories from men who chose love. This book is highly recommended.
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Date this page was last updated: 12/06/2002