Slowly, the scene faded inward...inch by inch, the monotonous field of void, motionless black tearing away...breaking away, inch by glass-like inch, to reveal the cool, calming colors of what appeared to be a backstage set. The background was a gradient of pale, photostudio blue fading into edges of serenest black. The only prop in sight was a dark brown, wooden stool...but what was far more interesting was what rested upon it. The camera panned up the bottom of the stool, showing first a pair of black high heels...slid into by long, shapely legs, the smooth skin covered by nothing more than transparent-black pantyhose that ended quite obviously around a pair of luscious thighs. The woman wore an extra short skirt--at even the slighest seperation of those beautiful legs, an illegal amount of the woman would have been perfectly visible. Soaring up further, the camera worked its way up a tight, button-up white shirt...the buttons looking ready to pop off entirely at the whim of large, perky breasts, barely covered along the cleavage line by a man's black tie. Holding a clipboard in one slender hand, the continually panning camera would soon stop...resting its digital eye upon a pair of thick, black EMO-style glasses...and the gently smiling face of Nikki Minova, her raven-black hair pulled back into a professional bun.

Nikki Minova
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Nikki Minova. Tonight, we have a special treat for you Oblivion fans out there. I've been waiting for you...in my bedroom. Oh, boss, I love the co--...DAMMIT, Jess! Have you been screwing with my cue cards again?!"

An insane amount of rather adorable, girlish laughter could be heard off camera as Nikki threw a forcibly annoyed glare...but quickly regained her composure, as Jessica "Bunny" Roberts--obviously not on the scene as of yet--struggled to stifle her fiendish giggling.

Nikki Minova
"...Dammit. Agh. I'll just wing it. Anyway, I'm bringing you fans out at the big O a special treat--a rare, one-on-one interview with none other than...the Canadian Heartbreaker. Are you there, CH?"

The camera cut away, instead focusing on a fresh pair of legs...almost as nice as the last seen, though these were covered by thin, white tights. The camera panned up these delicious appendages, as it had done for Nikki's...showing off that the white tights were accented with red Canadian mapleleafs on the side, almost like the kind Lance Storm used to wear. The pants fit snuggly in all the right places, conforming like a second skin to every nook and cranny--and I do mean EVERY nook and cranny. If strong sexual content were allowed, I'd be going into much better detail here so uhhh...use your imagination. At any rate, the camera continued to draw up the young woman's body...scanning along a smooth, completely bare stomache, up to a pair of incredibly large breasts. The massive mounds were clad in nothing more than a white, sleeveless shirt that cut off mere inches beneath the female's noticeably erect nipples, showing off the bare bottom of her titanic rack. Continuing onward still, the camera would focus onto a pair of deep, azure orbs...the eyes of Jessica "Bunny" Roberts, putting on a sneer and the best Canadian accent should could force--which didn't say much. If one were to take a casual glance about, they'd notice that Jessica was placed basically in her living room, against one wall--but the lights were slightly dimmed to try and take attention away from the rather dull, obviously low-budget locale.

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"Yo, bish. Of course I'm here. I'm everywhere. I'm the Showstoppa. I'm the Canadian Cripp--I mean, the Hitma--I mean, the Canadian Heartbreaker, eh."

Nikki Minova
"Ummm...right. So CH...how do you feel about your match coming up on Immortality, against none other than Oblivion newcomer Jessica Roberts?"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"I'm gonna kick her ass, eh. And by kick her ass, I mean that I'm going to enter the ring, slowly, with lots of poses...and then I'm going to attack her until she feels weak enough to pin, and then I'm going to pin her, eh. And not just for a few seconds. I'm going to pin her for a three count, 'cuz that's how you win a match in professional wrestling, eh."

Nikki Minova
"...Do all Canadians talk like that?"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"Talk like what, eh? And by talk, I mean the manner of which I am speaking, which I can only assume is what you're asking about...eh."

Nikki Minova
"...Nevermind. Heartbreaker, what do you say to the allegations that your entire outlook on wrestling, including your personality and speaking style, is nothing more than ripped off bits and pieces of other Canadian wrestlers...plus Shawn Michaels, who ironically, most Canadians hate?"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"What the hell are you talking about, eh?"

Nikki Minova
"Oh, I thought you knew. See, prior to Bret Hart's shift to WCW, he was scheduled to have a match with Shawn Michaels. Naturally, being a hometown hero of sorts, Bret Hart was and still is hailed as quite the champion in Cana-"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"No, I mean the other part. ... Eh."

Nikki Minova
"OH! Well, your elongated explainations and weak use of larger-than-necessary words reaks entirely of Lance Storm. Your cocky attitude, though it doesn't fit at ALL with how you speak on a regular basis, is very remniscient of Bret Hart. The "Showstopper" is a name that used to be applied to Shawn Michaels, and your name as a whole sounds like a combination of Chris Benoit's nickname and that of, again, Mr. Michaels."

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"... I don't know what you're talking about with the name thing, eh."

Nikki Minova
"Canadian Crippler. Heartbreak Kid. Canadian. Heartbreak. Canadian Heartbreaker. Your name."

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"... My name's...uhhh...not the Canadian Heartbreaker, eh...?"

Nikki Minova
"... It's not? Then what is it?"

The "Canadian Heartbreaker" began to mumble, lowering her head so that her gently curled strands of golden blonde spilled over her beautiful face...her voice seeming to drift off into further and further dragged words along each dull syllable.

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"My name's...uhhhh....the Ontario...Bacon...shaker... ........ eh."

Nikki Minova
".... The Ontario Baconshaker? Is that anything like Canadian Bacon...?"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"NO. That would be unoriginal. And I am totally original. I am all about creativity, because my peeps are original people. Posers would never follow the Canadian He-...erm. Eh. The Ontario Baconshaker, I mean."

Nikki Minova
"... Did you just say "peeps?" Like Christian?"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"...NO. I didn't, eh. 'Cuz...I'm original. Totally original, eh. Like Justin Sane."

Nikki Minova
"... But...Justin Sane sounds like Justin Credible, of the old ECW. Justin Sane's also the name of that one guy in that one band...I think it was Anti-Flag?"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"SHUT UP. I'm original, and so is Justin Credible."

Nikki Minova
"Sane."

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"JUSTIN SANE. THAT'S WHAT I SAID."

Nikki Minova
"...."

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"...Eh."

Nikki Minova
"I don't even think you're really a Canadian. I think you're just pretending so everyone will think you're a good wrestler...since that's the stereotype. All Canadian wrestlers are great technical wrestlers. All Mexican wrestlers are high flyers. All Asian wrestlers are insane. All Samoan wrestlers are the Rock or related to him."

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"That's not even a question, eh!"

Nikki Minova
"...Alright, fine. I guess I'll move on to ask about your finisher. See, it's a superkick...just like Shawn Michaels does. And it's called the Bittersweet Ending...which sounds a little like Sweet Chin Musi--"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"COULD WE PLEASE...MOVE AWAY...FROM THE SUBJECT OF ME RIPPING PEOPLE OFF, EH?!?!"

Nikki Minova
"...I was going to ask if it was a standing sidekick, or if it was a step-through variety. Maybe a spinning superkick? But okay. Moving on...why DO they call you the Showstoppa, exactly?"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"Because they cut to a commercial every time I start to wrestle."

Nikki Minova
"... Uh huh. I see...and uhhh...one last question. Any last words before Jessica makes you more aerodynamic by TEARING YOU A NEW ASSHOLE?"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"Uhh...yeah, eh. Come Immortality, I'm gonna take some names and kick some ass...because...because...I'm Canadian. Eh. Yeah. And Canadians are awesome wrestlers. We're like the French, but cooler. And Bunny's just an American, and everybody knows Americans suck. So...yeah. Come Immortality, it'll be a BITTERSWEET ENDING...WHERE I WON'T BE WEARING ANY PANTS. ... Nikki, YOU WHORE. You switched my cue cards!"

The camera, as per normal, cut back to Nikki...who abruptly fell entirely off her stool, and out of the view of the camera. Her voice boomed out, her statements blurred together by a nearly constant stream of almost maniacal laughter.

Nikki Minova
"AAAAAAAHAHAHA...I GOT YOU BACK, BITCH. YOU ALWAYS WRITE ON MY CUE CARDS! YOU ALWAYS SWITCH THEM AROUND AND GIVE ME LINES FROM PORNO FLICKS, BUT THIS TIME, I R TEH WINNAR! YOU LOSE! AHAHAHAHAHA...YOU NEVER SAW IT COMING, IT WAS LIKE A FUGGEN' DIAMOND CUTTER!"

Nikki continued to laugh as slowly, Jessica stepped into the view of the camera...into the exact scene that Nikki had just rolled out of, still dressed more or less like a stereotypical Canadian wrestler. Jessica placed her slender hands along her shapely hips, glaring down silently at the still-laughing Nikki for a few moments...before Nikki's laughter suddenly stopped.

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"...I hope you're not wearing tight underwear, Nikki."

Nikki Minova
"... No. Please. Not that...not the..."

As Nikki spoke, she quickly pulled herself to her feet and began to run toward the camera...but it was too late. Jessica rushed up behind her, slipping one arm roughly around her waist, the opposing hand reaching down the back of Nikki's skirt...and hooking onto her underwear. As Jessica jerked up on a thin, black thong, Nikki squeeled, her hand swinging up and knocking the camera entirely off its post. It tumbled backwards, landing upside down and facing the opposite direction with a rather dull thud. Nikki could still be heard squeeling in the background as Jessica apparently tightened the force of the wedgie.

Nikki Minova
"OH SWEET MICROWAVABLE JESUS!"

Jessica "Canadian Heartbreaker" Roberts
"You shouldn't have worn a thong today, you dirty slut."

Nikki Minova
"OH GOD, SHE'S TWISTING IT...THAT'S NOT EVEN RIGHT...! HELP ME...HELP MEEEEEEEEEEE..."

Slowly, the scene began to fade away...the dull, drab colors of what appeared to be the rest of Jessica's living room slowly morphing back to the even more monotone black that it had began as. Inch by inch, pixel by pixel the view tore away...the edges of upside down furniture blurring together, fading, disappearing, until eventually all that was left was a field of a single color...a color of no color at all. However, a single sound pierced the digitized darkness...the last heard of Nikki Minova--at least, for this promo.

Nikki Minova
"OH, GOD, IT'S IN MY EYES--"

... Fin.