CLEO MAGAZINE INTERVIEW (1996)
Eric Bana. Full Frontal comedian, magazine junkie and Cleo's Bachelor of the year, talks to Paula McFadden about sexy women, sports cars, and swimming pools.
Have you always wanted to be a comedian?
Not at all. I desperately wanted to be a racing car driver or an actor. But somehow, I became a stand-up comedian instead. I was working as a barman in South Melbourne when one night, at the end of my shift, I decided to get up and try out a comedy routine. It was as simple as that.
That's quite a big leap. How did you get to that point?
It was pure curiosity. I'd always mucked around at school with impersonations: people would always say, "Do him!", "Do her!" etcetera. But I wanted to see if I could make strangers laugh. So I decided to give it a go.
Getting up on stage in front of a pub full of drunken hecklers would be most people's idea of hell. Weren't you a little nervous?
You can't allow yourself to be nervous when you perform a stand-up comedy routine. You have to have arrogance. Otherwise you'll fall flat on your face. Luckily, I was in a possession of some of that arrogance.
You've been with Full Frontal for three years now. What's next?
I'd like to do some straight stuff, some drama. I'd like to become an actor who easily slips between comic and dramatic roles. I'd like Paul Newman's life. Not only has he made it as a great actor but he gets to race cars after work.
So you'd still like to race cars?
Yeah, I love motor sports. One of my most sacred possessions is a 1974 Falcon coupe, like the one Mel Gibson drove in Mad Max. I've had it for 12 ears and although I ride my bike most of the time, nothing beats my car.
What else are you interested in?
Exercise. I love working out and being active. I jog, I go to the gym and I walk my dog. I'm also a magazine junkie. I love reading home-type magazines that feature really nice swimming pools.
Why swimming pools?
I could sit all day and look at photos of houses with beautiful swimming pools. Great pools aren't necessarily big, just special. When I build my own pool it will have little rock ledges, overhanging ferns and dark blue tiles that make it look 12-feet deep.
Is a swimming pool plus a house, marriage and kids on the agenda?
One day. I'm not in nearly as much of a hurry as I thought I would be. I'm fatalistic. I'm not overtly religious but I'm into karma and aura. When I was young, I was convinced that I would be married and have babies by the time I was 20. But I'm 27, still single and I think it's still a long way off.
Do you believe in everlasting love?
I believe in love at first sight but I don't believe that love on its own is enough to sustain a relationship. Couples can be madly in love but still at odds with each other. I think fidelity is a good thing and it's important. But I also believe that men and women are fundamentally very different and society spends too much time making out that we're the same. If a person gets married at a young age and manages to stay faithful to that one person for 40 or 50 years, it's highly commendable. Commendable because I believe that humans are serial monogamists and, while staying with one person forever can be wonderful, it's not necessarily natural.
Describe the perfect date.
The daggier the situation the better. I would much rather take her to breakfast than do the whole dinner/movie/coffee thing. There is too much expectation when you date at night. Not only is alcohol involved but there's the whole "walk to the door, go in for a nightcap, will-this-end-in-sex?" thing. I'd like to start with breakfast and let the rest come naturally. People tend to be more themselves in the daylight hours.
What is the greatest myth about men?
That all men prefer skinny women. It frustrates the hell out of me. I don't know who started the rumor but it's wrong. Women who are hippy, shapely and healthy are far sexier than starved girls with attitude. Perhaps it stems from media images. In women's magazines, models are generally skinny and pouty whereas in men's magazines the models are softer, curvier and rounder. They're not called men's magazines for nothing.
So, apart from curves, what qualities attract you to a woman?
Compatibility. That's the most important thing. We have to be a team. Secondly, I like a woman who understands and supports my performing but has her own high level of motivation and ambition. It also helps if she's sexy, athletic and spontaneous.
Humor is a very attractive quality. Do you think it's won you a few hearts?
I don't like to use humor as a weapon and I don't like people who expect or demand me to be humorous. But at the same time I know I can be piss-funny and work a room if, and when, I need to.
Do you listen to music when you make love?
I can't. I lost my virginity to Dragon and that kind of ruined the whole making-love-to-music gig for me. Now, I prefer silence.
What's the biggest misconception about you?
That I'm different because I'm on television. That I'm not a regular bloke. Recently, a prop girl from work spread a nasty story about me around the station. She said I was a wanker because she saw me talking on my mobile phone in public. Does that make every plumber or electrician a wanker too? That sort of narrow-minded, unfounded stuff bugs me. I don't like injustice.
When we bump into each other in 10 years, where would you like to be?
In Australia, working on another film, tinkering with my car, still enjoying making people laugh and...
Putting in a really great swimming pool?
Now, that would be genuinely cool.