I have to admit I've had a few bad jobs in my time, including being employed to clean out old chicken poop on a farm near Dawson Creek. But yesterday an amazing North Vancouver woman, Joan Klucha, gave me a glimpse of what it's like to do what must surely be the world's worst job -- working as a police dog decoy or "quarry."
Klucha, 39, did so because West Vancouver police are seeking a couple of people like her -- fearless, superbly fit folk willing to work for $8.50 an hour and let themselves be hunted down and chewed on by the likes of Sackett, a German shepherd weighing about 40 kilograms of quivering muscle.
Now, living as I do in doggy Deep Cove (with the scars to prove it), I thought I'd apply for this non-union, minimum-wage position. I just had a couple of reservations after being told that five-year-old Sackett has alligator jaws capable of exerting a force of 500 pounds per square inch.
So I asked West Van police spokesman Sgt. Bob Fontaine why the West Vancouver Police Department is seeking "experienced dog quarries . . . to assist in the continued development and training of the WVPD police dogs."
Fontaine explained: "I know we lost two [quarries] recently." Well, not exactly lost, he added: "One went on to bigger and better things. He decided he didn't want to be dog food, so he went to get an education." And the other? "I am not sure where he went," he said.
Fontaine, in fact, made the job sound so inviting I was almost prepared to ignore my boss's stern warning that, if torn limb from limb, I would not be covered by insurance. ("This is not your Christmas vacation plan," he noted.)
And that's when dog-handler Const. Jeff Newman stepped in to invite me to Ambleside Park to watch him, Sackett and Klucha at work.
Within seconds, Sackett had launched himself at Klucha and clamped his flying jaws onto her raised right arm. He took his time, however, savaging her metal-and-leather arm protector. Finally, Newman told his dog to cease and desist -- which he did, leaving Klucha bent over, gasping for air.
Newman noted there are a few unprotected humans who could take the pain of such a bite. And they're usually "high on cocaine and methamphetamine." Klucha herself admits she's a bit of an adrenaline junkie: "I enjoy the rush and the excitement of being chased, I guess, by a dog."
She insists, though, she's never had one "inappropriate" dog bite. "The injuries that I've had are because of my own fault," she said. They include a torn shoulder and calf, a dislocated hand and twisted ankle. In six years, she's spent eight weeks on crutches.
But, if you think quarries like Klucha have it rough, just imagine what the bad guys feel -- with Sackett tearing into their naked flesh. provletters@png.canwest.com
Voice mail: 604-605-2603.
E-mail: jferry@png.canwest.com
FAIR USE NOTICE: This page contains copyrighted material the use of which has not been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. NoNonsense English offers this material non-commercially for research and educational purposes. I believe this constitutes a fair use of any such copyrighted material as provided for in 17 U.S.C § 107. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond fair use, you must obtain permission from the copyright owner, i.e. the media service or newspaper which first published the article online and which is indicated at the top of the article unless otherwise specified.