By Erin_Cale
Disclaimer: BtVS=not mine
Author's Note: Written while listening to: “Hello”
I’m not breathing. I can’t. There was a period of time when I did, a couple periods of time in fact. As I was growing up, I could breathe. My breath came a little faster when I was Chosen, a little harder when I met/fell in love with/had to kill Angel.
Then I died.
When I came back, I couldn’t seem to find the air. I was choking because I couldn't find anything to fill my lungs. When I used him, I got to breathe again. It wasn’t the same as before, when I could fill myself with much-needed oxygen, but he provided me with enough and it became a necessity; I just needed it- and him- to survive. After a while, I broke it off. All I was doing was using him. Even if it killed me, I couldn’t keep doing that. Then there was the whole thing with the bathroom. Just when I finally started to breathe on my own again, he had to go and try to- and then, of course, he went away, only to return with a soul. A soul! My breath, what of it there was, caught in my throat. What would happen now? His soul allowed me to see parts of him that I had never even considered. My breath came easier. I was happy just being near him. Of course, the First Evil had to pop up and split us apart permanently. So, after all my trials, in the end, I find myself without him, without my soul, without my breath.
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