"Lost Innocence"
My name is Eriol Hiiragizawa.
. . . At least, it used to be.
I don't know who I am anymore.
Moonlight showered down on a child, tangled in his bedsheets as he wrestled with a nightmare. His brows knitted together as his eyes squeezed even more tightly shut, a strangled sob resonating from his person as he rolled to the other side of his bed, kicking out at the shadows that plagued his dreams.
I am an only child, with only a workaholic mother.
I am neglected in a home full of everything.
. . . Everything except for love, that is.
Beads of sweat trickled from dark bangs, forming salty rivers on the child's youthful face. The rivers resembled the streaks of tears, but the child would not allow his nightmares the pleasure of seeing such reactions; tears were emotions, leaking from a mind that thought of kindness far too much.
The day I turned eight, my world was flipped upside down.
I began to have strange, chaotic dreams of a world I didn't know.
I began to lose the innocence that I clung to with all my heart.
No one would ever run to the child's side if he cried out. That fact lay within the child's subconscious mind, making its presence known whenever the boy opened his mouth to shout for help. Many of these choked shouts became soundless screams, although a few managed to transform into quiet sobs and moans.
A part of my mind screams out for an identity that is not me.
. . . A man of the past named Clow Reed. . .
I don't know what to do anymore.
The moonlight continued to rain upon the dark-haired boy from the large skylight, causing the sweat of dreams and trauma to glisten brilliantly and mystically. His movements remained troubled throughout the night, his only rest being the utter blackness of nothingness that overwhelmed him at the nightmare's end.
. . . I'm afraid for my sanity.
* * * * *
Dark rings wound around the boy's eyes as he adjusted his black robes, his eyes haunted by things unseen and unheard by the normal.
He was not normal. Not anymore.
He was not innocent. Not anymore.
He had seen things through his mind's eye that would baffle and frighten the normal. He had learned from these sights and become stronger because of it. He had lived through things through his mind's eye that would leave the normal mentally crippled and scarred for life. He had survived and become a better person because of it.
A better person. . .? Hardly.
The long, star-designed staff he held in his hands shone in the moonlight, almost as if its length gathered the rays and developed a glow for his use. Pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, the boy swung the staff experimentally.
Sun and Moon Guardians are needed. To match the powers that have taken place already. For the final testing.
For the part of me that is . . . Clow.
The golden patterns of Clow flared at his feet, swirling as his hair was lifted and blown by magical winds. A blue aura emanated from his person as he chanted words that one persona did not know -- words that one persona knew by heart. Before his impure eyes settled within the visage of a child, a four-legged form began to take shape. Eyes of jade appeared from the darkness, along with magnificent wings similar to those of an emerald butterfly.
Those eyes of jade blinked slowly, the darkness rolling forward as the blue aura died away into moonlight.
"You are my master." The words were said with undeniable truth.
The boy felt himself nod in confirmation. "I am Eriol. I am Clow. I am both, and yet . . . not truly either anymore." Like his creation, there was undeniable truth to his words. "From this moment on, you shall be Spinel Sun. My Sun Guardian."
Spinel Sun bowed his feline head in acknowledgment, his languid movements bringing him right in front of the child that was his master. He looked up at the boy with eyes that would never truly be innocent, that would never truly know naivety. Those jade eyes glimmered, staring at pools of dark blue that held such mystery and conflict that he could not help but comment.
"You look so sad, Master Eriol," he said quietly, almost in wonder. "Why is that?"
The simplicity of Spinel Sun's words triggered something within the child, and suddenly his glasses were foggy and his eyes filled with tears. He trembled horribly as his staff fell from his grip, knees buckling underneath him as weakness took over. Flailing hands found the neck of the newly-created Sun Guardian, clutching as if all life depended on that hold.
The winged panther remained silent as his master shuddered against him, feeling the tears dripping to seep into his ebony fur. He purred lowly for his child master, trying to serve as the guardian he had been created to be. Quiet sobs contrasted to his purr, which confused the beast. What reason did his creator have to begin crying? Had it been something he said? Should he apologize?
I am Eriol Hiiragizawa.
I am Clow Reed.
I am both, and yet . . . not truly either anymore.
. . . Who am I, then?
And the boy cried against his Sun Guardian, his sobs ringing throughout the night.
He cried for the confusion plaguing his mind.
He cried for the unknown future he knew he must face.
He cried for his shattered identity and lost innocence.
~ End ~