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04/14/03

1 hr. 33 mins.
Starring: Cuba Gooding, Jr., Horatio Sanz, Roselyn Sanchez, Vivica A. Fox, Victoria Silvstedt, Lin Shaye, Will Farrell, Richard Roundtree, Roger Moore
Directed by: Mort Nathan

Rating: * ½ stars (out of 4 stars)

Is it really going out on the limb by observing that co-writer/director Mort Nathan’s monotonous romantic comedy Boat Trip is enough to make a starfish seasick? For those of you fascinated by the generic sexcapades of a couple of horny buddies looking to score some cheap titillating encounters aboard an active cruise ship that unexpectedly hosts an onslaught of gay men then this wise-cracking watery spectacle is up your alley. Boat Trip is nothing more than a poor man’s millennium-based Some Like It Hot set afloat to the sitcom contrivances of something as nostalgically flimsy as an hour-long Love Boat rerun. Desperately cheesy and trite in concept, Nathan’s dismal narrative is relentlessly hokey and insulting. This vacuous vehicle wants to wrap its hilarity around the stigmatized frenzy of homophobia while holding on to its smutty sense of humor. As a gross-out comedy, Boat Trip is nothing but a faceless and flippant footnote that soon shall pass once the novelty of its nonsensical impact passes the audience’s short-term digestive system.

There’s one thing that’s consistent and sad to note-the continued cinematic downfall of the Oscar-winning Cuba Gooding, Jr. who insists on appearing in pointless and trivial tripe that’s beneath his creative on-screen capabilities. The energetic muscle-toned actor that spawned a delightful nationwide catchphrase “Show me the money” a few years ago thanks to his award-winning antics in Jerry Macguire now toils in the obscurity of a string of forgettable films (Rat Race? Instinct? Chill Factor? Pearl Harbor? Snow Dogs? etc.). This revelation would even make thespian outcast Pauly Shore grimace with noted disapproval. It’s a crying shame to see Gooding, Jr. or any of the witless supporting cast stuck in a clichéd and carousing campy flick that’s woefully idiotic and interminable to acknowledge with any consideration. Maybe the filmmakers are counting on the expected disdain from a majority of responsible critics and finicky moviegoers who will dismiss this crap immediately therefore hoping to motivate an untapped and sympathetic subversive crowd into accepting this so-called renegade comedy as an innocuous and mindless piece of rowdy entertainment? Whatever the counterproductive strategy behind the marketing of this wavy misguided eyesore, Boat Trip sinks to a whole new level of half-heartedness and disarming absurdity. This is mere comical patchwork that struggles to stay afloat due to its ability to embrace tastelessness as its pseudo-hysterical badge of honor.

The painful premise involves computer programmer Jerry (Gooding, Jr.) and his fellow womanizing pal Nick (Horatio Sanz from television’s Saturday Night Live playing the usual out-of-control roly-poly sidekick) finding a way to enjoy their favorite diversion-being surrounding by the busty babes. After being dumped by his long-time girlfriend (Vivica A. Fox), Jerry is in need of rebounding from his terminated relationship. And so the beefy-built Nick comes up with the idea to have them go on a luxury cruise where they’ll surrounded by hoards of beautiful women as they explore the high seas. After all, what better way to soften the blow of a recent broken heart than to act upon your lusty libido, right?

So the two leading lunkheads decide to pursue their ideal boat trip. However, they run into trouble when they insult a feisty travel agent (the ubiquitous and predictably unstable Will Farrell) and manage to offend him by referring to his private parts in demeaning fashion. Fed up with the dimwitted duo, the agent decides to fix their wagon by booking them on a gay-themed cruise ship. And so both Jerry and Nick must masquerade as gay guys if they are going to take advantage of the get-away pleasure trip they went through the trouble of obtaining in the first place.

Naturally, the twosome is repulsed by the fact that they are stuck on a ship with effeminate males therefore destroying all hope of utilizing their hormone-driven tendencies on the lovely ladies. And true to form, the movie engages in the overindulgent mode of presenting exaggerated gay stereotypes that play into the Neanderthal mindset of the hapless pair. But eventually the tandem start to lighten up a bit and realize that despite these swishy men and their sexual orientation these guys share other interests that the straight Jerry and Nick also have in common. For the sake of this “sudden acceptance”, Jerry decides to enter a drag queen talent show and actually has some fun doing so.

The movie awkwardly finds a way to make sure that Jerry and Nick get their fair share of heterosexual heat from the opposite sex. First, there conveniently happens to be a gorgeous female dance instructor named Gabriella (Roselyn Sanchez) on board that captures the immediate fancy of a smitten Jerry. If Jerry is to stay in the good graces of his object of affection, he must maintain the role of a homosexual if he’s to keep her close within his emotional range. Meanwhile, the portly Nick hits the jackpot when the cruise ship rescues a bunch of stranded Swedish tanners led by the brickhouse former Playmate of the Year Victoria Silvstedt. The well-endowed women play around with fat-faced Nick’s sexual fantasies until he shows them physically that he’s more than just a massive fleshy sight gag thanks to his creative sexual prowess.

Boat Trip proceeds along swimmingly with the prototypical redundant sophomoric laughs that would be sure to bore the likes of a horny high school boy looking to cop a frivolous thrill by peeking into a keyhole of the adjacent girls’ locker room. There are arbitrary inane and stagy comic moments that remain so myopic and tiresome in forethought: the abundance of leather-clad items, twitchy penis references, ghastly overdone double entendre inferences, unimaginative breast drooling, and annoyingly flamboyant protagonists that perpetuate a sense of discomfort and dismay. Nathan feels that resorting to this kind of desperate delirium makes this punishing and scattershot flick a riotous outing worth the knee-slapping reaction it’s trying to squeeze out of its indiscriminate audience. Believe it or not, a comedy can be both crude and clever if presented with the right irreverent touch. In the case of Nathan’s petulant project, this whole dour experience is just plain empty-headed and obnoxious.

Although there are a minimum of legitimate chuckles that can be derived from this rancid fable, Boat Trip still doesn’t have much redeeming quality outside of the fact that it is yet another soon-to-be dismissed notch in the sea of sluggish gross-out comedies vying for the mantle of insignificant and scabrous cinema. This whole affair is a waste of time and to say that this synthetic display is colossally dumb would definitely be an understatement. When the film gets its hilarious jollies out of portraying legendary ladies man in the form of ex-James Bond cad Roger Moore as a “light-in-the-loafers” gentleman who utters some foolish and risqué dialogue in a “wink wink” gesture, you know that this exasperating showcase is fishing for some urgent smirks.

For this particular Boat Trip, one might have to consider abandoning this ship of fools-and be quick about it in the process!