ER quotes
I hope you end up with a possibly fatal illness one day, Kerry, so I can do absolutely nothing to help you!
You will get me to that church even if I have to climb on your back and ride you like a bloody Donkey
(During Benton’s interview, Elizabeth keeps rubbing her hands together because they itch. Romano asks her what’s wrong.)
Romano: Tell me you know what poison ivy looks like.
Elizabeth: ...Poison ivy.... is that in Wisconsin?
Romano: Ohh boy…
(The elevator opens to show Carter with about 30 people who he's giving a tour to.)
Carter: Don't ask.
Elizabeth: I won't. But it's the highlight of my day.
This is America and sometimes you have to kick some Ass.
Tell your chief of staff I expect him to treat each of my patients as if it were his mother, but without all the inappropriate touching!
Ladies, If I wanted to see a good cat fight I'd watch The View
who's watching the drugstore cowboy?
if wishes were horses, we'd all be knee-deep in crap.
who are you and why the hell are you talking to me?
There's no crying in the OR. That's what the ladies room is for.
They are going to be looking for a sacrificial lamb and I have to tell you, right now you are looking very wooly.
yo, I am Spartacus
Gosh, I haven't seen you in... oh well, who really cares
For anyone late for his/her shift, be advised that I am now in charge of this human cesspool. Say goodbye to the warm fuzzies of the Weaver era and hello to the age of efficiency and cost-effectiveness
Romano: Car vs. pedestrian...steel's gonna win every time.
Romano: This place is littered with masochists, just make sure he doesnt kill anyone.
Romano (to Mark) - exactly how much of your brain did they take out?
Romano (to Benton) - I’m not gonna jump you, you homophobe
(Patient who has nasty cut on head, looks at Romano)
Romano: who the hell are you looking at?
(sees some Mexicans come into the ER)
Romano: hey, hey hey, great news everyone!: Piñatas outside in the parking lot - andele, andele!!
(The power goes out.)
Wish I hadn't just made that incision.
Romano: Didn't think I had a mother, did you?
Haleh: Just trying to picture her.
Man: he was on his way to a show
Luka: what show?
Romano (to man): ignore him he’s foreign
Romano: The last four letters in American are I Can. (Luka looks lost) Let me put it this way: you cover, I owe you one, you don't, you're fired.
(To Luka): I’m checking out of the losers lounge try not to kill anyone lurch
Romano: You're scaring me, Peter, you're not your usual jolly self today. You haven't developed a drug addiction or a drinking problem like the rest of your misfit buddies in the ER, have you?
Peter: Nope.
Romano: Give it time
Benton: Dr. Romano, it's Peter. You called me Pete.
Romano: What, you telling me that no one in your whole life's called you Pete?
Benton: No.
Romano: Pete Benton, it sounds so natural you've gotta be kidding me.
Benton: It's Peter.
Romano: Wow.... Petey?
Benton: Peter.
Romano: You said you wanted Cardio-thorasic.
Peter: No, I said I was interested.
Romano: You missed your calling Peter, you should have been a lawyer.
Romano: your student, The martini Shaker, camped out in my office saying you refuse to put him on call
Lizzie: He has parkinsons
Romano: yeah hence the martini shaker reference, c'mon Lizzie work with me here.
Benton - what about you, got any kids?
Romano - not that they've been able to pin on me.
Mark, I can't believe that you think I'd keep tabs on anyone. You're late, Jerry.
I quit as acting chief of emergency medicine. Let somebody else ACT for a while!
Just because it's my suggestion doesn't by definition make it a bad idea,
(Responding to the power failure's knocking out of the phone she is trying to
use)
Kerry:Does anyone have a carrier pigeon?
(Complaining about her tardy staff) It's five after seven, is there some kind of natural disaster that I'm unaware of? An earthquake or half of Chicago's been swallowed up by a giant sinkhole?"
Kerry: Most interns send their samples without knowing what happens once they're there. Let's pretend we're a urine sample and find out.
Kerry: Carol!
Carol: Oh! You scared me.
Kerry: Yeah, I do that to a lot of people.
Dave: Hey, Chief, am I a yuppie?
Kerry: No, but you will be when you grow up.
Kerry: Dr.Malucci, if I don’t see you standing over a patient looking compassionate and engaged in the next 30 seconds, you’re gonna spend the rest of the week doing nothing but disenpaction and yeast infections.
Romano: "You're the chief of emergency medicine, not the county's lesbian advocate."
Kerry: "That's where you're wrong, Robert, because I am both. I am the chief of emergency medicine and I am a lesbian, and if you pursue this matter any further I will take it to the county board of supervisors, the ACLU, the press, and anyone else who will listen, so I suggest you choose your battles very carefully!"
Corday: I'm going to ask you something. Are you concerned as much about Robert as I am? I mean this cant be good for his mental health. He seems broken.
Kerry: He's a cockroach. Who refuses to evolve and will out survive us all.
Severely burned lobster red dude: Can I get anything for my skin?
Weaver: yes, Sunblock.
Kerry: What are all those people doing out there?
Frank: Sick, I guess.
Kerry: Thank you for that astute and penetrating observation, Frank
Romano: We're not talking about me.
Kerry: Isn't that your favourite subject?
Weaver and the sound of her own voice: A love story.
Lily: Anyone seen Dr. Weaver?
Doug: Follow the trail of partially-digested residents.
(to crying baby): "Are you hurt or are you just mad at the world?"
(about Amanda Lee's letter to Mark): I think you inspired her to plagiarize
(referring to a soap opera character) "Ever since she got possessed, it's completely changed her personality
Mark: Remember when we were gonna change the world?
Doug: Nah, I was only in it for the money.
Mark: She stole A.W. Lee's transcript to get into medical school.
Doug: Why didn't I think of that?!
Benton: 1,2...
Doug: Buckle my shoes and kiss my ass.
Mark asks to see home movies of Doug
Mark: C'mon, it's my chance to see you in diapers.
Doug: Again?
Carol: "What are we going to do about Mark?"
Doug: "Put him on a plane, or have him killed."
Mark: How are [Kerry's med students] holding up?
Doug: Stick a fork in 'em, they've been Weavered.
(Carter talking to the parents of a boy is is *ahem* caught in his zipper)
Carter: I'm afraid that we're going to have to cut it off.
Mom and Dad: What?!
Carter: The zipper. I meant the zipper
Benton: "Course evaluation. Your assessment of your ER trauma rotation."
Carter: "What, I get to grade you?"
Benton: "Just get a form from Rolando and put it in Dr. Hick’s box."
Carter: "Is he joking?"
Doug: "Nope."
Carter: "Oh, there is a God
Carter: Dr. Weaver as Mrs. Clause? *laughs*
Weaver: Hold it Carter! Compazine and rectal suppositories for all the Santa’s
Carter - hey Maggie, got anything interesting?
Maggie D- Carol dropped a clock on weaver's head.
Carter - intentionally?
Carter: "I just feel privileged to be given the opportunity [to work with you]."
Vucelich: "Now that's what I call suction."
{Gant reminds Carter that he and Benton are supposed to be giving a slideshow later in the day.}
Carter: Are you serious? Benton’s slides were in the fire. They’re toast! Ohhh, why couldn’t I have been home at the time? I could have smoke inhalation, I could be breathing through a nice ET Tube...
Eliabeth: Could be an undercover agent I suppose.
Malik: Didn't look like the undercover type to me.
Carter: Isn't that the point?
Pratt: “I had to clamp his aorta with that big ass thing over there.
Carter: “If you don't know it's name you shouldn't be using it."
Luka: Can you take the hives in four?
Carter: I'm not on
Luka: Just one more patient..
Carter: No, I was never on..
Luka: What are you doing here?!
Carter: I have no idea...!
(Luka to Carter after Carter has staged a walkout)
Do you have a plan?
Carter: nope
(Kerry approach’s)
Luka: look a new recruit
Carter: shouldn’t she be waving a white flag?
Congratulations, Mr. Johnson, you are the lucky winner of a brand-new ventilator, at the cost of five thousand dollars a day, and as a bonus, your very own chest x-ray, perfect for decorating the small, sterile hospital room where you're going to be the rest of your brief, unconscious life.
Randi: I don't believe in divorce.
Greene: I always suspected you were an old-fashioned girl.
Randi: Don't believe in marriage either.
Mark: Call the attending, tell them you're Kerry Weaver. That usually scares someone down
Mark Greene: "Jerry, if this guy's here in the morning, why don't we get some shovels and bury him in the parking lot?"
Dr. Mark Greene: Hey Jerry, don't we have a 'Lost and now is ours' box?
Carter: "I can't believe I was that stupid, sneaking off and drinking on call."
Mark: "I can. You're a medical student."
Patient: "I'll sue his ass"
Mark: "That's very American of you"
Mark: Here's what I don't get. Ding-dongs and Ho Ho's. Ding-dong, Ho Ho- Same food, different shape. How do they get away with that? Ding-dong/Ho Ho conspiracy.
{An elderly man with multiple organ failure goes into arrest (again). His son just doesn’t want him to die. Mark can’t find his will yet to see if he’s a DNR. This case is taking up all his time.}
Mark: So, Mr.Johnson’s is V-Tach.
Lydia: Paddles?
Mark: Why not.
Lydia: Charge?
Mark: You pick.
Lydia: 200?
Mark: 200 it is. Clear *shock* Next contestant. Do I hear 300?
Haleh: 300, sure.
Mark: 300 from the stunning woman in the floral scrubs. Clear *shock* I’ll see you 300, and raise you 360. Clear *shock*
Mark: Self-pity isn't one of my more attractive characteristics.
Doug: Don't sell yourself short. You're very good at it.
Kerry: how’s Pratt doing?
Mark: little eager. c*cky. should fit right in.
Kerry: think he'd wanna take on some extra shifts?
Mark: safe bet
Kerry: what about you?
Mark: me?
Kerry: how many shifts should I put you down for next month?
Mark: never let your work become your life Kerry. Live a little
A Patient: I have a hang nail and It's very painful
Mark :I have a brain tumour it's inoperable, I win.
Carter: Oh, Mark, I'm sorry. What are you gonna do?
Mark: Die, I guess.
Carter: Hey you guys just missed a good one. Sent a guy straight up to the OR. Perfed his intestines with a carrot.
Carol: A whole carrot?
Lucy: How did he swallow a whole carrot?
Carter: Didn't swallow.
Lucy: Oh, I get it.
Carol: Yeah...
Carter: Swallowed a carrot? Ah, that is a classic, Lucy.
Romano: i keep it my business to stay informed
Lucy: then you know she has a fever
Carol: Put this on (hands Lucy a mask)
Lucy: (puts mask on herself)
Carol: Not you Lucy, him!
Malucci: What's with Festus?
Carter: Maybe it's you calling her 'Festus'!
Malucci: Well...Never to her face
Malucci (To Kerry) Time really flies when your…..missing a colleague
(Dave is showing some new med students around, they walk into a trauma room…)
Dave: She's dead
Luka: I know
Dave: like blue dead
Malik: pulse ox 65
Dave: that’s because she’s dead.
Carol: he got off at 8, double date
Malucci: i'm on till 9, mighty fine
Kerry: Being a good doctor isn't just about great saves.
Dave: Oh what, I need to adopt your cheery attitude and sparkling bedside manner?
Mark: There are no small patients Carter...
Dave: What about dwarves?
What is this, Crazy Fat Guy Day?
Mark: "[Susan] and Morgenstern are going out. I can handle that. What bothers me is that she didn't tell me."
Carol: "If I were going out with Morgenstern, I wouldn't tell anybody."
Carol: Yosh, give me a hand
Yosh: What do we got
Carol: Heavy boxes!
Carol: a jar of milk? oh god, malucci!
Benton: We wrok 36 hours on, eighteen off, which is 90 hours a week, fifty-two weeks a year, and for that we are paid $23,739 before taxes, and we also have to make the coffee?
Carol: My heart is breaking
Carter: I met you on my first day I think
Carol: my last or so I thought
Abby to Maggie: welcome to the outside of the disease
Abby, in the rain with Maggie: "But it was exciting for us, though, because we never knew what to expect. Would you bring home some loser you picked up in a bar, or maybe you'd just run down our street, naked, screaming your head off?"
Abby: Weaver the Gayest straight woman since Janet Reno
Patient: Are you really a good nurse?
Abby: I'm technically proficiant despite certain attitude issues.
Abby: Guy in exam 2 with scrotal swelling, pretty safe bet
Susan: He's pushing 300lbs
Abby: thats a big scrotum
Pratt is sorting through fingertips:
Abby: Pratt is having trouble fingering it out
*disgusted looks*
Abby: what??? that was funny!!
Pratt: whats going on?
Abby: ask Norma ray?( Signals to carter)
Carter: did the gang go out again last night?
Abby: its not a gang it’s a club
Carter: not another stage diving incident I hope
Abby: first rule of girls club is you don’t talk about girls club
Carter: you’re not going to tell me what you did?
Abby: The usual, prank calls, pillow fights, lesbian experimentation
Susan:(after finding Luka in a compromising position) is this kind of thing normal in Croatia?
Abby: oh yeah they call it alternative medicine
Abby: I was hall moniter for a day in 6th grade, they fired me for selling passes to the other kids.
Weaver: well I’m sure you have matured since then
Abby: Not that much
Abby( To Jodie) What seems to be the....
Jodie pukes loudly
Abby: problem?
Abby: You Never Compliment me like that
Susan: Like What?
Abby: "Nice Assesment"
Susan: Yes i do
Abby: No you don't
Susan: I don't?
Abby:No
Susan: ... I give you my time which is the highest form of a compliment.
Yep, almost midnight. Let the screaming begin!
Crazy man walking around repeating: hey how are ya hey how are ya?
Susan: I’m groovy
Pratt: He could be dead
Abby: Or wanna be
Susan (giggling) Happy Abby always looking on the bright side!!
Susan: Kovac, you're late.
Luka: Blame my alarm clock.
Susan: Oh yeah? What's her name?
Chen: Kovac is sleeping.
Susan: With who?!
Susan: I think you may have got the wrong impression today, in exam 4......when you were looking for Carter...
Kovac: You mean with the flight nurse?
Susan: CHUCK. And technically, we're married.
Kovac: Oh so it's technically ok to *boff* your husband in the hospital?
Susan: We were'nt *boffing* we were talking!
Kovac: Good night Susan.
Susan: It's still not the same as a patient's mother....
Kovac: Hey, at least I used an empty room......
Susan: All these patients could be my next victim
Susan: Screw it i'll take the swollen scrotom
Patient: Are you married?
Susan: No, I'm a doctor.
Susan (To Luka): Ok what I’m trying to say is when you’re waiting for a persons results its not necessary to boff that patients mother in the storage closet.
Chen: Kovac is sleeping
Susan: with who?
Mrs. Benton, regarding Carter: I think his people owned our people.
Carter: So, do you ever get used to just 3 hours of sleep a night?
Benton: Anything more than 3 hours and I'm sluggish.
(Peter's lawyer offers him a plain tie to wear in court.)
Peter:That is the whitest tie I have ever seen.
Lawyer:It's blue...
Benton:All they want to know if is you killed anybody.
Carter:What'd you tell them?
Benton:Just med students.
Peter: hey jackie, you think he looks like me?
Jackie: i hope not. he's got enough problems
{To a fresh group of interns}
Dr. Melvoin: You are wedges. The wedge is the most primitive tool known to man. That is you. You think you know what you're doing, believe me, you don't. Breakfast with your Senior Surgical Resident Dr. Benton will begin in 15 minutes. Dr. Benton is an intern's worst nightmare. He's smarter than you, he never eats, he never sleeps and he reads every medical journal no matter how obscure. He is the Antichrist. Beelzebub. Lucifer. A devourer of wedges. You will go to sleep at night wishing plague and pestilence on his unborn children and you will wake up every morning praying for his approval. You won't get it. Welcome to hell, ladies and gentlemen.
Carter: Dr. Benton, I think there's more to patient care than just cutting them open.
Benton: That's what nurses are for
Luka: Have you ever been to the circus?
Little Girl: No...
Luka: You have now
Luka: Cu-tie pie
.
Carol: That's "Cutie Pie"
Luka: Oh, thank you.
Luka: There was cartoon I once saw in a magazine. A little man is sitting in a room with two doors. One door says "Do Not Enter" and the other says "Do Not Exit". So he just sits there, holding his hat
Luka: I’ll do anything, mow your lawn, watch Ella
Pratt: This guy's a corpse, and whatever you guys do with corpses I don't need to see.
Pratt: and women don't know what the hell they want. am I right? I'm right, right? They all want commitment till you give it to them, then they want their freedom. So naturally you oblige, then they accuse you of trying to be with somebody else. I'm telling you, you can't win.
Carter: Women can be hard to figure out sometimes.
Pratt: Sometimes?! You know who's got it all figured out I think? Homosexuals.
{Carter gives him a look}
No I'm serious just listen to me, look, there's 2 guys living together, toilet seat's always up, channel's always on ESPN, you can drink beers in the bed and leave your cloths on the floor. I'm telling ya, gay cats got it good!
Carter: Why are you telling me this?
Pratt: I have no idea....!
Carol: On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me....uhhh....
(All the other ER docs enter surprisingly and start singing. )
Doug: 12 tone deaf doctors.
Greene: 11 lords a lording.
Susan: 10 drummers drumming.
Carter: 9 something something.
Lydia: 8 maids a milking.
Malik: 7 swans a swatting.
Harper: 6 geese a gagging.
Everyone: 5 golden rings! 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree!
Jerry:I am not a clerk, I am an Emergency Service Coordinator.
Jerry:Ah, twinkies!
Mark:You're not gonna eat that.
Jerry:Why not? They have a shelf life of seven years.... 1993, I'm in the zone!
Jerry Markovic: So you say you're sick, you're broke, you're unemployed and uninsured. Yea, sure, come on over.
Randi:Elizabeth, this letter came down for you from Dr. Romano's office... He's a weird little dude, isn't he?
Haleh: I've known Mark Green since he was a wet-behind-the-ears med student. He had the most beautiful curly blond hair, and so polite... All I had to do was ask, and he would be cleaning the bedpans, and changing the sheets, and... he was the best scut-puppy I ever had.
Randi: Doctor Greene, they sent this down from surgery. Can I keep it? (holds up a knife)
Mark: Uh, cops will probably want to keep it.
Carol (watching an irate Benton leave the lobby): "What was all that about?
Randi: Dr. Personality? Who knows?
Carol: Why are you under the sheet?
Patient: Because I've been dead for the past 2 days.
Carol: But you're still suffering from persistant headaches?
Patient: Oh boy, am I ever.
Carol: And what brought on these headaches?
Patient: Death.
***
Carol: How you doing Mr. Conley? Still dead?
Patient: Oh yeah, very. But my head feels much better, though.
Carol: That's good.
Carol: Are you gonna report that [money] to the I.R.S.?
Jerry (haughtily): I'm assuming that's a rhetorical question.
Doug:Who ever said Doug Ross wasn't organized!
(nurses all raise their hands)
Carol:I did!
Jerry:Sorry I'm late. There was traffic.
Randi:You take the El!
Carter: No, I keep my love life out of the work place, thank you.
Jerry: Since when?
Doug: Randi... you meet a guy for the first time, what do you do?
Randi: "Run a credit check
Frank: Regretting asking Kerry in on Halloween, its the biggest holiday for her kind.
Pratt: Lesbians?
Frank: Wiccans, shes probably riding that crutch around like a broom.
Romano to Gallant: You come with me now
Malik: to Jerry: Romano’s got a new bitch huh?
Kerry (To Susan) You're doing a good job clearing patients today
Jerry: yeah its easy when you're just killing em
Abby:You look any harder her ass will explose.
Jerry: Oh I'll put that fire out.
Helah: The guy in exam 1 just grabbed my boob
Abby: Whats his status?
Helah: Hes gonna die if he tries that again, thats his status
Abby: is this some kind of med student hazing thing? or do you guys just hate me?
Haleh: you're younger than us, prettier than us, and skinnier than us
Lydia: we hate you
Abby: thanks for the cander. you know, i never thought i'd get into med school. i was just looking for a change
Haleh: you really want to shut up before one of us hits you
Malik: Carter's loaded?
Jerry: Yep.
Malik: Like, millions?
Jerry: Tens of millions.
Malik: Guy could give everyone here a mil and never miss it.
Jerry: Wish I'd been nicer to him.
(after hearing about Kerry Weaver being an ER attending)
Chuny: Oh man, it's gonna be a long year.
Lily: It's forever.
ER couples
Carol: What were you thinking? What could you possibly have been thinking would happen tonight? That you would come to my doorstep at midnight drunk -- and I would find that as some sort of grand gesture of love? Is that what you were thinking? That you can just show up? And I'll invite you back in my life, in my bed? Is that what you imagined would happen tonight?
Doug: I don't know.
Carol: You have no right to even think about doing this!
Doug: I'm sorry.
Carol: Do you think that you love me? Huh? For how long, Doug? How long -- 'til you start wondering if there isn't someone better in the next room or the next bar? How long 'til that little voice in your head starts reminding you of all the infinite 22-year-olds you could be screwing tomorrow -- or the next day, or the next? I will not let you do this to me again.
Tag: He's still in love with you.
Carol: Doug? He's a little kid. He always wants what he can't have.
Susan: why do nurses wear colors and doctors wear white?
Carol: because doctors are pure and good
Doug: does that include me?
Carol: no
Carol: all those times my mother tried to teach me russian
Doug: all those times your mother yelled at me in russian
Carol: you deserved it
(talking about Doug)Lydia: He's unbelievable.
Carol: You wonder why I slept with him on the first date.
Lydia: Really? First date?
Carol: Yeah, he rang the doorbell, the next thing I knew we were on the kitchen floor.
Lydia: Kitchen floor? I gotta start dating again!
Carol: You know what I don't get. How do I care so much for a hot-tempered, pig-headed Heathen?
Doug: I prefer Pagan (they kiss)
Carol: Heathen.
Carol: I'm so sorry.
Luka: For what?"
Carol: I have to go find out.
Luka: Find out what?"
Carol: If he's still in love with me...because...I'm still in love with him. I am. I've been in love with him since I'm was 23 years old. He's...he's everything to me, he's my life, I feel complete when I'm with him and I feel empty when we're apart. And...he's the father of my children. And he's my soul mate.
Susan to Mark: I'm loving this semi-foul mood of yours.
(Mark is trying to get Susan to calm down and get in the helicopter even though she is afraid of flying.)
Mark: Deep breath... let it out slowly.
Susan: OK (pause) My knees won’t move.
(Mark is trying to get Susan to look out the helicopter window.)
Mark: Susan, you should look at this.... Susan, what are you doing?
Susan: I’m hyperventalaiting, leave me alone.
Susan: (shouting from the train as it pulls away)I do love you
Mark: what?
Susan I love you. Bye.
Susan: (while plastering Carter's leg when he's asleep) Why are we doing this?
Mark: Because putting his hand in a bucket of water would be juvenile
Romano Well, there's no way to say this but flat out, so here goes. Lizzie, our relationship has not moved in a direction I would have liked. Now partly, that's because I have trouble communicating these types of feelings, but the fact is...I find you very attractive
Romano: Not a very good picture of you, though.
Elizabeth: Well, we can't all have your devastating good looks, now can we?
Romano: Trying to raise the dead, Lizzie? Go directly to the morgue, do not pass go, do not collect $200!
Elizabeth - Robert, this is a dog.
Romano - correction Lizzie, this is my dog.
Romano - I couldn't do it, work with family.
Elizabeth - Robert, you can't work with anyone.
Corday: I've found a way to limit my Romano exposure
Benton: Oh yeah, what's that? Garlic?
Speaking to Peter about Romano.
Elizabeth: He's a horrible little turd, isn't he?
Elizabeth complains when Romano asks her to show a reporter around.
Romano: Look at you, look at me. Who would you rather spend an hour with?
Elizabeth: You have a point.
Romano: Lizzie
Elizabeth: Uh can we talk later
Romano: thought you might want this.
Romano gives Lizzie Her wedding ring which she had earlier dropped down a drain.
Romano: I love you Lizzie
Elizabeth: you're Woozy
Elizabeth: Stop being such a nervous Nelly!
Mark: Ok one, don't call me Nelly.
Mark: I'm not wearing a kilt.
Elizabeth: You'd look reeaaaallly good in a kilt.
[on finding Mark at the batting cage] So this is what American males do to vent their anger and frustrations.
Mark: Figured a Romano-Weaver double homicide was overkill
You know what? I'm really very flattered. It's just that I'm, uh... I mean... gosh, you're such a beautiful woman. You're... you're so beautiful. But I'm... I... I'm straight... I mean, I don't... I'm straight. Oh, God. Oh, my God. I don't know... I don't know what's...
[starts laughing, then stops abruptly]
I mean, I'm sorry... I just... I don't... I feel very...
[exhales]
I'm... You know what?... I... I just... I mean, I... I guess I never even really considered this.
Kim: This is why we cant be friends (kisses Kerry on the lips and walks out)
Abby: You watch me when we make love,
Luka: You’re beautiful
Luka: [playing on a Playstation] Come on, we can hunt zombies together!
Abby: Couldn't we just, reason with them?
Abby: Hey heres an idea, maybe you should try fighting for the nurses instead of with them
Luka: Maybe you should sow some Swastikas on that costume, you could be a naughty Nazi Nurse
Abby: You totally Suck
Luka: Hey thats creating a hostile work enviroment
Luka: So your like a Slutty nurse, a whore?
Abby: (in nurses outfit for halloween) Ok i get it, maybe i should have worn the schoolgirl outfit you got me
Luka (To Susan, Frank and a few others standing near by) Shes making a joke!
Luka: I was thinking about the Bishop.
Abby: Making love with me makes you think of a priest with Lupus?
Luka: do you have an insect up your anus?
Abby: its bug up my ass, if your gonna insult me at least get it right
Lucy and Carter are searching for a patient's father. They are currently in a meat packing plant.
Carter: I didn't see you leading. (Lucy leads)
(Carter walks in the other direction)
Lucy: Hey! Where are you going? You said I could lead!
Carter: I didn't say I'd follow you!
Carter: OK kids, party's over. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.
Lucy: What's up? Was the party too loud?
Carter: No, the furniture was too on fire.
Lucy (to carter) - We sound like my grandparents. They've been married fifty-six years. Still having great sex too.
Carter: (with a dislocated shoulder.) Lucy, stick your foot in my pit.
Lucy: What pit?
Carter: My armpit!
.
Carter: Did we go over shoulder reductions?
Lucy: No.
Carter: We should have gone over that.
Lucy: You did one that day you weren't talking to me.
Carter: Lucy’s Dead isn’t she?
Abby: Also, I told her I dumped you.
Carter: You dumped me?
Abby: Yeah.
Carter: Well did she believe you?
Abby: Of course she did, why wouldn’t she?
Carter: It’s just...you would never dump me.
Abby: I would dump you like a bad habit.
Carter: (self-assuredly) You wouldn’t dump me.
Abby: I would dump you. (they start to walk off down the hall)
Carter: I would totally dump you first.
Abby: Uh, no. I would dump you.
Carter: (trying not to sound too serious) No. Now you’re talking crazy.
Carter using his cell phone...
Abby: what are you doing?
Carter: calling my lawyer
Abby: what are they gonna arrest us for? aquatic mischief?
Carter: I hope your this funny in handcuffs
Abby: oh I am
Abby and Carter are at Carter's Grandpa's funeral. Abby notices that the birdbath is broken.
Abby: You're going to have some dirty birds.
Carter: Grandpa liked to drive the power lawn mower around.
Abby: Into the birdbath?
Carter: Not on purpose... he was having a fatal MI at the time.
Abby: *laughs* I'm sorry.
Carter: Gotta die somehow. Not a bad way to go. Sunny day.... out on the mower *they both start to laugh* Don't, don't laugh.
Abby: Then stop it!
Abby: just give me a boost
Carter: ok but I have a bad back
Abby: what are you implying? just bend over
Carter: you could at least by me dinner first
Carter: You could get a tattoo.
Abby: I could get 'Carter'.
Carter: Yeah.
Abby: 'Sucks'.
Carter: How much longer do you have that uniform for? (referring to "naught" nurse halloween costume)
Abby: Tommorrow at noon , why?
Carter: thought maybe i could talk you into giving me a sponge bath
Abby: Whats in it for me?
Carter: Oh i'll give you a bone you nasty naughty little nurse
Abby: its just Eric, he was the only constant thing in my life, the only thing i could ever really count on
Carter: Thats not true any more
Abby: Promise? cos i really need something to hang onto right now
Carter: I'm not going anywhere
BR<>
Carter: (to Abby) You know, you might have saved my life. If you hadn't stopped me when you did, I might be dead now
Carter is making shadow puppets behind a curtain as Abby watches the group at the admit disk through the blinds...
Carter: There! That's a wolf! That looks like a wolf doesn't it?
Abby: [turns and glances at the shadow puppet] A wolf with leprosy maybe.
.
Carter “Oh no they’re Luka's cookies, (Looking at Abby)I would never touch Luka's cookies."
“I spend 23 hours a day wondering whether we’re wrong for each other, wondering whether we’ve got the energy we need to get through everything we seem to get into whether the baggage we both bring would sink a small ship. On the 24th hour I realise I’ve been thinking about her for 23 hours. I come back to there’s something about her that I cant stay away from, something that makes me want to………. love her.”
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