Every so often we think back and remember things that have happened to us, that have struck us or meant a lot. These are incidents or times that have been really special or just kind of change us as a person. I know that's really corny but its so true. There are instances where you know when you wake up the next morning you are going to be a very different person. That's kind of freaky, almost intimidating, that fate has that much control over your life and your personality but, like much of life, we have very little influence over this and all we can do is make the best of it and embrace the new person that we grow to become. There was this one thing that happened to my circle of friends, I don't know what makes me think of it every now and again, but when I do I get this very empowering feeling about who I am and my capabilities. It’s a horrible thing to think about but never the less, it is one of those strange moments that we can never seem to forget.

Skye and I met on a beach while arguing over who had the sorrier sand castle.

-Mine’s worse.

-No mine’s definitely worse.

-Mine looks like a pile of sand.

-Hey mine does too! I’m Skye.

-But mine is a worse pile of sand. I’m Emily.

And from there came nine more years of a continued amazing friendship. Our families met after I, being the social butterfly of a six year old that I was, had invited Skye to dinner at my house later to find that she was actually our next door neighbor on Block Island where we’ve vacationed together ever since. We are best friends, sisters, and inseparable when together. Although she lives in Connecticut we keep in touch through the wonderful invention of the instant messenger, regular phone calls, and our weekends together in the city. Skye and I have had adventures together, tons of laughs, and have been there for each other through some really great times and sadly some pretty bad ones.

Skye and her sister drove down to New York when my grandfather died, when I dislocated my knee and their whole family came down for my Bat Mitzvah. I surprised Skye with a visit when she was feeling down about her parents divorce, we were all there when her dad remarried, and I rehearsed with her for hours when she auditioned for acting school in the city this past month (by the way, she got in thanks to her amazing coach). We had our first experiences with boys together (as well as some other firsts), got stuck in a grotto, and got on the wrong bus in Italy and found our way home together from three towns over with no Italian whatsoever.

We’ve visited often at each other’s houses as well. Over time her brother and sister have become like mine and her friends and her older sister, Sarah’s, friends embraced me and welcomed me into their group. I introduced myself, very timid and shy being the new girl.

-Hi umm... uh... I’m Emily, Skye and Sarah’s friend from New York.

-Hi ohhh your sooo cute! How old are you? Oh don’t be shy, if you’re best friends with Skye and Sarah then your best friends with us. If you ever need anything we’re here.

I swear they said it just like that, very blunt, to the point. Skye is a year older then me and Sarah is four years older so maybe that can explain why her friends were so mature, so cool with me even though they barely even knew me. Either way, I just never got over how openly they accepted me. It was a great feeling and it meant a lot. I guess two of those girls that stuck out to me were Tye and Erin. Sarah was the closest to them and you could see the bond that they shared so clearly. I was always kind of jealous of their great friendship together. You could really see how much they appreciated each other and how unique and special they were.

On one of our many July Friday nights on Block Island, Skye and I sat on the jetty by the docks complaining that it was so boring, wishing that we were in New York or Connecticut with our group of friends. Although we enjoyed being together, Block Island is miniature there is no other word to describe it. There are like 8 restaurants and they don’t even have a traffic light, the night life isn’t exactly the most eventful especially for an eighth grader. We watched Sarah pull up in her car to the parking lot, with her overnight bag and big sweatshirt for the ferry ride back to Connecticut. It was her friend, Amanda’s, seventeenth birthday so she was going to go home for the weekend. We begged and promised we’d do anything for her; clean her room for a week (for me to promise to clean is serious), if she would take us with her.

-Please, this is unbearable. We won’t make it through the weekend by ourselves! My two brothers and your brother plus Skye and I make up the worst weekend ever in history!

-No.

-Please. If you take us with you, you don’t even have to tell anyone that I’m your sister. We’ll just tag along. No one will ever know.

-We’ll be your slaves for the rest of the trip and we don’t even have to go home to get stuff we can come with you right now.

-No.

-PLEASE!!!

-Bye girls. Have a fun weekend.

We could tell something was going on that weekend, something that she wasn’t telling us, something big and better than sand castles and sea gulls. I guess that’s why we wanted to go so badly. We really admired Sarah and all of her friends and have spent a lot of time around them. I guess that's why we have always had this constant yearning to be older, to act older. It has always been like that but I don’t think we ever got the idea that we are the age we are for a reason and no matter how hard we try there are things that we shouldn’t do because of our age. But we learned a lesson that weekend, one that we will never forget, one that has affected the rest of our lives.

I guess the first thing I can remember from that night was the phone call at 3:23 A.M. I was sleeping over at Skye’s house and heard the phone ring and her dad answer it. I happened to have looked at the clock at that exact moment and remembered the time ever since. It was Sarah’s best friend, Katie. We heard the sound of the phone falling to the floor and John, Skye’s dad, get up and pick it up. Something was really wrong, I could tell, all that was going through my mind was total confusion. He hung up and we heard him running around upstairs. Julie, Skye’s step mom, came downstairs and headed towards our room. We ducked under the covers and pretended to be asleep. She shook us awake and started talking in a very whispery somewhat comforting voice but you could tell that inside she was having a very typical Julie panic attack. She was freaking out but didn’t want us to know it. I wish she had just started to cry or something. I remember how fake I thought she was being.

-Who was on the phone? Was it my sister?

-No. It was Katie.

-What is Katie doing calling. Is everything okay?

-Everything has to be fine and anyway Sarah was supposed to be at Amanda’s house tonight.

-But Skye, Katie was there too. I’m not going to lie to you girls. Katie called to tell us that there was a car accident. It was Tye’s car and she was driving. Erin was taken to the hospital, they are still looking for Tye but no one knows if Sarah definitely got in the car. If she did they can’t find her either.

-Oh my god.

Julie told us she and John were going to take the four o’clock ferry back home and she told us that she had talked to my parents and that we could come. Then she went upstairs to get ready to leave.

I cannot tell you how unprepared I was to go through what started happening next. I had never had any real experience with the uncertainty of death or even the death of someone close to me who was so young. There was so much confusion and so little information. It was just unbelievably frightening. All I can say is how glad I was that Julie said that we could come, it was a relief. I wanted to know so badly what was going on or at least be there and feel like I was trying to find out instead of sitting hear in a different state feeling worthless.

Skye instantly started crying hysterically when Julie left. A flood of tears swept over the bedroom that had, only a couple of hours before, been filled with giggles and the smell of nail polish. I cried, I know I did, but kind of silent tears. I didn’t know what I was crying for I guess that was the problem. I felt like no one knows anything. There is nothing to cry about, yet. All I knew was that I had to be there for Skye. No matter what I was going through inside my mind, what she was feeling had to be ten times worse. She didn’t know whether she had a sister anymore.

I don’t really remember thinking things through or deciding whether or not to hug her, convulsing over what to say. I guess some motherly bone or instinct kicked in (yes, I know this is coming from someone who could never really be pictured as a mom) and I just tried to calm her down, let her know that everything was going to be okay. I tucked her back into bed, I packed her bag and stuff for me, and held her as we moved to the car and got ready to go. I don’t think we ever let go of each other from that point to maybe a day later. I just kept saying things to her. To me, silence is a killer. I can’t take it. I just kept saying over and over again that no matter what everything was going to be okay. I didn’t want to lie and say things that I wasn’t sure about but I just wanted to get her to fall asleep or something. I had no idea a person could cry so much so hard. But she did and I just tried to be there for her.

We got to the hospital at six o’clock to find Sarah’s entire group of friends in the lobby. Including Sarah. I cannot tell you how relieved I was, how relieved we all were to find that she was okay. We slowly began to get the details about what had happened.

-I went to Amanda’s house for her birthday party. Everyone was drinking. I knew that Erin had drank so I took away her keys and tried to get her to come back to Mom’s house with me but she wouldn’t and I needed to get back. Erin was supposed to go home with Tye anyway and when I had seen her earlier I thought she was sober so I figured Erin would be fine. I didn’t know that she had smoked before and I didn’t know that she had drunk later. Oh my god... this is all my fault. I can’t believe I could let this happen...

Her voice trailed away in her sobs and wails. She was still holding Erin’s keys in her shaking hands. Even though all of her friends were there, Sarah fell onto Skye’s lap and my lap. Skye didn’t know what to do. She just looked at me, looking for me to take some initiative. Sarah’s friends were off worrying about the police and her parents went to find out about the two girls. I finally felt like the older person, the person who, for some strange reason, knew exactly what she was doing.

-You couldn’t have known what was going to happen Sarah.

-Yes I did! We get warned and the warnings are ignored. We think something so stupid can’t happen because we’re better then that. But look where we are now. Look at this. They didn’t deserve this, I don’t deserve this.

-Shhhhh. Its okay. I know. Don’t worry.

She just kept mumbling and rocking and crying from that point on. I cried too but the whole time I kept saying over and over again how glad we were that she was okay. I tried to comfort her and remind her that none of this was her fault. I kept trying to tell her that we’re here, no matter what happens we will always be here. Eventually, as the minutes slowly passed, all of Sarah’s friends ended up sitting on the floor next to Skye and Sarah and I. We all just held each other and they were all silent. All you could hear was crying, the paging of doctors, and what I was saying to Sarah. She finally fell asleep for a bit. I could not even begin to imagine, until much later in my life, what was going through Sarah’s head. She didn’t know if her two best friends in the whole world were alive. She felt responsible and she was terrified. Finally, what seemed like hours later, John and Julie came back.

-Tye is gone. She died instantly in the crash. I am so sorry. Erin is in really critical condition but Sarah, she wants to see you. Sarah wouldn’t let go of Skye or me. I wasn’t sure whether it was just because we had been holding on to each other all night or if it were because I was pretty sure if any of us had tried to walk by ourselves we would have collapsed. As we walked there a doctor came and met us. She warned us that Erin was in really bad condition. She was conscious but there was a chance that she wouldn’t make it through the rest of the day. It was a very touch and go situation. We fought with the doctors for all three of us to be allowed in and she finally agreed but when I walked in even I was at a loss for words. We just let Erin and Sarah have some last moments together. We just let them talk. I held her hand.

-Don’t cry over me. I did this to myself. This is my fault.

- No its mine I put you in the car...

-Stop. Never say that. Never believe that. Sarah, I just want you to know how much our friendship has meant to me, how much you mean to me...

-You’re not going to die from this. Be quiet.

-Sarah, wake up. You are such a bad liar. I will always be able to tell when you’re lying. I am dying from this. But you know what it’s going to be worth it.

-Don't’ say that.

-The three of you will never make the mistakes that Tye and I made. You will never do this. You will never put your friends through this, your families, each other. I know you wont.

At that point the nurse came in and said our time was up and that we had to leave. As we were walking out we hugged Erin and said goodbye for the last time. She grabbed my hand.

-I told you that we’d always be there for you. I always will. Thank you for being there for my friends, the nurse told me what you’ve been doing out there. Take care of them for me. I love them. Remind me in my next life that I owe you one.

I hugged her again and really let myself truly cry for the first time all night. I forgot how Erin could be so light hearted at the weirdest times. It made me sadder but when I went back outside I continued to be strong. I tried my best to do what Erin had asked me to.

I stayed in town for both funerals and long enough to get my two closest friends through one of the hardest times of their lives. I’ve never been the same since that weekend; I don’t think any of us have been. I think about all of this at very random times, one of which was my Bat Mitzvah. Skye and Sarah had written me these beautiful letters talking about all of the great things we’ve done together, the funny things, and finally Erin and Tye’s death. Skye’s letter struck me the most I guess because we’re closer.

-Emily I will never be able to say anything in words to express how much what you did that weekend meant to me. Not just how you helped me get through it but how helped my sister and our entire group of friends when we couldn’t really be there for them, especially Erin. I think we all learned who we can go to when we feel lousy, when we need some parentally advice and wisdom, who will always be there for me and I always need to be there for. Every time I think about it, I try to imagine how I would react if that had ever happened to you. I would not be able to live but for you I would persevere. You lived what Erin wanted that night and I hope that I do that for you. No matter where we go in life, no matter what happens, we will always be friends, we will always be connected, and we will always be sisters. I love you.

We are still friends and I will always feel a great connection to that group of people in Connecticut and them to me. Skye and Sarah overcame a really tough time and I helped them through it. It is a great feeling of accomplishment, greater then any win in sports or grade on a paper. Most importantly, it made me feel so good to hear Skye say that all to me, to know that she really appreciated it. I felt like the fear and the sadness and other horrible feelings going through my head that weekend were all worth it to read what she wrote and to learn a very important lesson. I saw, first hand, how some very stupid decisions can ruin and even end someone’s life. I will never ever forget what happened to me that weekend. I'm Erin said that she owes me for taking care of her friends but I owe her for part of my character.