Pull up a chair, boys and girls, because I want to tell you a Bible story. I promise it won't be lame...
A long, long time ago there was a king named Ahaz. King Ahaz was in big trouble. He was in the middle of a war, and getting attacked by two armies on two different fronts. His people were dying, his land was being invaded, and it looked like he might lose his throne.
In desperation, King Ahaz asked to speak to the local soothsayer, or "prophet", Isaiah. "Bring me Isaiah!" His servants ran out to find the soothsayer, and they brought him before the great king.
"Isaiah," said the king, "I'm in big trouble here. People say you know the future. Tell me...when am I going to bring peace to my country and smite my enemies?" ("Smite" was a popular word back then.) The king was clearly very rattled, and the tension was obvious on his face.
"Well, King Ahaz," began Isaiah, "I know a young woman. She's will become pregnant and give birth to a son. His parents will name him Immanuel."
The king had a look of confusion on his face. "Isaiah, what the hell does that have to do with my war? I swear to the god of Abraham, you better start making sense."
Isaiah stuttered, "Uh, well you see, your majesty, uh, before Immanuel knows right from wrong, um, the war will be over." A smile of relief appeared on Isaiah's face. The king ordered him to leave.
The king sat in silence, considering what he had been told. He figured Isaiah was probably talking about his own wife... "Wait a minute," the king thought to himself, "he just predicted that his own wife will bear him a son! And he just told me the name he had already picked out! Between conception, pregnancy, all the way up to his bar mitzvah, I'm looking at up to 20 years here! What kind of vague Psychic Friend prediction was that?"
"Oh well," the king thought, "he's a quack." Then, after thinking over Isaiah's "predictions" again, the king became very angry. "He didn't even say who was going to win! Isaiaiaiaiaiaiah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
To be fair to Isaiah, he does indeed claim that the king will win the war. The Bible, however, does not say what happened in the war or when it was finished. Of course, that account was written by Isaiah (Isaiah Ch 7). The Bible in another place indicates that the king did in fact lose the war (II Chronicles 28), but these types of contradictions are commonplace.
Fast-forward a few hundred years. The writer of the book of Matthew, trying to support the notion that the Old Testament prophesized Jesus, writes Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us (Matthew 1:22-23).
Christians cite this all the time as proof that Jesus was prophesized. Just one problem. Isaiah said "a young woman", and said nothing about a virgin (This is a fact; the writer of Matthew made a translational error or deliberately lied). Plus, let's not forget that the prophecy of Isaiah, if we can really call it that, had nothing to do with a messiah, it was about King Ahaz, in the near future, during a war. This quote from Isaiah is mangled and taken completely out of context.
If Isaiah can be butchered in this way to insert prophecy, then the Bible can be used to show any world event as "biblically predicted". Say a hurricane hits the eastern coast of the United States, as one does just about every year. I can say,"See, it was predicted in the Bible: I am going to bring a hurricane on the land to destroy...(Gen 6:17)" The problem is, that is a complete misrepresentation of the verse, which says I am going to bring floodwaters on the earth to destroy all life under the heavens, every creature that has the breath of life in it. Everything on earth will perish. You know, Noah and the Flood....
Pat Robertson does this kind of crap on TV all the time, particularly when it comes to end-of-the-world scare tactics. He runs through his spiel, quoting Bible verses left and right. I've actually looked some of them up and--sure enough--the context is completely wrong. He takes verses from all over and strings them together to form his own sentences and paragraphs. Aaarrrggghh. (By the way, does that horse's ass ever stop grinning like an idiot?)
(Correction: It has come to my attention that Pat Robertson is not the televangelist I was thinking of, but rather Jack Van Impe. Robertson is the horse's ass who grins like an idiot, though. Never let it be said that I don't own up to my mistakes.)
Here's the news: If you want to claim that your "holy" text is perfect, infallible, and divine, then you have to be open to criticism. Outrageous claims require outrageous proof, and I can tell you that inserting prophecy into old scripture really cheapens the message. Christianity started off doing it (in the first chapter of the New Testament), so I suppose it is no surprise that it is still going on. 'Tis a shame, really.
Final Thought: When was Jesus ever called "Immanuel" by anyone?